varlaine

Daddy issues?

autism thing where i have to watch youtubers i generally agree with react to every drama or apology ever (multiple sources) because someone can make the worst, most manipulative and dishonest apology video, and i will watch it and go "yeah okay :3"

Sometimes i can't help but wonder, how it would be like if i was neurotypical. How would i be different comparing to how i am now and how would my life be different? Since autism is a huge part of me and impacts my everyday life.... i just wonder sometimes. I actually think about this a lot.

“It’s my birthday and all I can think about is killing myself”

“I am used to be alone. However, it weighs heavy sometimes.”

“Being suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling ever”

“I laugh when I talk about fucked up stuff that happened to me because showing emotion makes me want to tear my skin off”

“Seeing my scars fade makes my brain think I need to do it again.”

“I could be doing “fine” but as soon as a small inconvenience happens, I am right back at the suicidal tendencies because I realise how much life sucks and how useless I am.”

“I do not like who I am. There is nothing good about me anymore. I am sick of wasting my time. I am worn out, I am really tired.”