pure-ego.

I’m still with my punk friend and it’s beautiful and very nice and I’ll stay for a while. We have lots of fun and I feel free and like I could make some experience that I missed out on. It’s basically the feeling of permanent vacation here. Also I slept with him and even though I insisted on using a condom we (both) fucked up and he kinda came (not inside me but still) and I was really pissed for a second but honestly I both came really fast and we both agreed. Whatever it will be fine.

Went for a 45 min walk through the village, everyone’s staring at me. That’s been happening in every village from France to Portugal, it was better in Spain but still, people literally took pictures of me on several occasions.

Steel cube with red plexi stick going through; cups open to one or two (opposite) sides. Note to self. Might need to make? At least make drawing and/or prototype.

I arrived at my friends place in Portugal and it’s really nice and I’m glad to see her but she wants to do a thousand things and this and that and visit here and there and I thought I could leave my car for the weekend, wash my hair, go to a party, do some grocery shopping, go for a hike or swim.. but it seems like she wants to drive to Lisbon, go to a party and then she wants me to drive to house of a friend’s friend and then she wants to stay with me in the car.. I don’t know. I already miss my routines. And even though I don’t really want to go to marocco alone I also don’t want to share my space and change my routines for anyone if that makes sense. My dream would be to find people or one person who wants to join with their own car.

I haven’t slept well and I dreamed of my alarm going off and of a construction side and now I have to get up and make coffee before it gets hot. I’m very unsure about my spot for today but there isn’t really a good alternative so I guess I have to go there.

I miss moving my body so much, I’ve noticed that Italians and Spanish village people don’t like walking and take the car everywhere, even if it’s a 10 minute walk and my ass hurts from sitting around and I get bored from sitting around for like five days. My day at home usually starts with a 10-20 minute workout, cycling to my studio walking around there, cycle somewhere else, go for a walk, and so on, I’m on my bike for at least one hour each day (and I like to go faaaast) and walk around and work out everyday and I don’t know how to include that into my day here as I’m sitting in my car for 5 hours and then I need to pack my car in den morning and don’t have a proper shower and it’s veeeery hot.. I dreamed of going for a run, that’s insane, I need a plan on how to move my body.

After not doing anything all morning I feel a little better. Might go down to my friends house now because it’s cool there and I’m dying in the heat of my car even though I kinda just want to lay around and read all day..

It did indeed start. I’m laying on my bed, 9.30am, 30 degrees already, getting pushy messages about my priorities from people that I don’t know how to react to. All I want to do is be alone and cry and do nothing all day but my friends want to take me to the river again which is nice but they have 4 dogs and they smell so bad that I felt like throwing up in the car yesterday. They laughed and said ‘welcome to life with animals’ and they’re right, I’m not used to that.

Okay so I kinda hope for my period to start today, not because I want to actually deal with it, but I want to be done with it asap.

Got up to put up the net, open one window and a mini skylight. Still dying.

It’s so hot in my car and even though I’m on save private land I can’t open my doors or windows because of the mosquitoes. They’ve been eating me alive for three days now. Could set up my mosquito net but I have period cramps (supposed to come in a week, hope this is not going on for another week, fuck my life, I hate these dumb ovaries) and I don’t want to move at all.

The friend that I’m staying with is not doing well and we were supposed to pick up a new fan belt today and she said I could just take her car but there’s no numbers on the gear lever and I’m so scared to drive that car.

Turns out (according to the workshop manual of my engine) I don’t have a timing belt but a timing chain, that’s amazing, saves money and nerves. I’ll trust the manual. Now I just want one or two replacement v-belts in case this one rips again. But it has been tightened by a professional, so I guess it should be okay. I hope. Kind of pray even. But he gave me a big metal rod just in case I have to tighten it again.