black q u e e n

“Really? I wouldn’t never miss the land if I was in the water all the time. I wouldn’t been able to have time to miss the land.” she admitted with a chuckle. “Need any help getting settled?”

“I think we all miss the things we don’t or can’t have.” Vanessa told the other woman as she held onto her hair to keep it from covering her face due to the wind. “Since we live on land, we miss the sea. If we lived in the sea, we’d miss the land. It seems to be like that for other things, so I’d assume it would be like that on this issue too.” She smiled. “No, I’m alright thank you. But you’re welcome to join me, if you’d like.”

“I think it would be practical to take rudimentary law classes for sure. We all need a basis so we can properly know our rights,” she replied with an enthusiastic nod. “Ripley,” she said, offering Vanessa her hand.

“Right? It seems only fair. Instead of taking care of eggs as if they were our children on econ classes, I think it would be useful to know our rights, too.” Vanessa agreed before taking the woman’s hand and giving it a light shake. “Nice to meet you Ripley. You want a drink?”

“Well, I’m not currently experiencing any legal trouble so I’d hazard a guess that might night is going a little better than yours,” he watched as she downed her tequila shot in one singular motion. “You want another one of those? I’ll join you,” he offered, he could use the company, he decided fairly quickly.

“I could use an actual drink.” Vanessa told the man offering her a tequila shot. She usually drink more tequila when she was with her girl friends, but seeing as she’d had a really annoying and exhausting meeting earlier that evening, she could use another drink that didn’t involve tequila. “How about you buy me a vodka cranberry instead?” Still she smiled at the man. It shouldn’t be too much more expensive than her tequila shot, because she normally asked for the expensive one anyway. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere--have we met before?”

“Oh it’s quite alright. Nothing special though,” Priscilla answered as her lips curled into the slightest smirk of amusement as she considered the first comments. “I think I’ve come to like just how much confusion television shows can cause about my profession. I mean some people deserve to feel conflicted about us, you know? It keeps them in check.”

Great, another lawyer. Still, Vanessa knew it wasn’t this woman’s fault that her lawyers were giving her a headache, so she tried to be as nice as possible as a reminder that not all lawyers were the same. “I see.” Nessa replied with a small smile. “I think that should be directed to all of the other professions too, right?”

Hari grimaced at the thought but then slapped the air with enthusiasm. “Why not? One more round,” he ordered to the bar staff. Perhaps, he could get something going with her marketing since he had a chance. “Now that sounds more CEO-like. Cool, calm, collected,” his voice was soft and serene, but then switched to a more joking tone. “Until some fancy schmancy smarty pants lawyers tap into her head.” Hari couldn’t imagine so explicitly complimenting her leadership abilities — a masculinity thing. He downed what was left of his whiskey and tapped the table. “A night always starts with innocent phrases like that. But we’re professionals, aren’t we? Maybe even better than lawyers ever could be.”  

She didn’t think much of it--drinking with someone who did some works here and there with her marketing team. It wasn’t like she was harassing him into doing something with her or anything of sorts. Vee didn’t think much about what he had said about her CEO skills... people tended to do that: to act as if CEOs weren’t human enough to have layers. She was used to it, so she brushed it off like she normally did. “Yeah, well... we’re definitely professionals. And I know how to hold my liquor, so you don’t have to worry about things getting out of hand.” Not that she needed to give him any explanations, but she figured she could either way. “Lawyers are necessary evil, I suppose.” Nessa then ordered herself a dry martini and asked the bartender to put it on Hari’s tap since he said he’d buy her a drink. If anything, she had money to pay for her drinks. “I hope you’ve been well, Hari. Haven’t seen you around lately.”

“Nah – I don’t believe that for a second,” Jay laughed. He’d found it easy to make Vanessa laugh and, thankfully, it hadn’t seemed forced on her end. She didn’t take herself too seriously, which probably would’ve been an easy thing to do, seeing as she ran her own company. While he enjoyed a good serious conversation, Jay also wanted to balance that out with fun and good-natured teasing. He noticed the smile on her lips as their hands brushed against each other and was pleased when she slipped her hand into his. As to be expected from the founder of a skincare company, her hand was soft as a feather against his. Though manual labor wasn’t much a part of his job, he did have to frequently wash his hands at work, which had always led to dryness. He used lotion, of course, but was very aware of the fact that his hands were nowhere near as soft as Vanessa’s.

She had a lot to say in response to his question, which was a good sign. Had she not been interested in him or conversation, the answer would’ve been a fairly simple one. He liked that she elaborated and allowed him to try to see things from her perspective. He didn’t interrupt her as she spoke. He’d once asked his sister what mistake most men made on dates with her, and she’d complained of not being able to finish her thoughts before her date felt the need to chime in. Since then, he’d tried to keep his thoughts to himself until after the woman speaking was finished. It was a small effort on his part, but hopefully one that made a difference.

It was interesting that she’d commented on having casual sex to remedy loneliness – Jay had never found it to help. He’d had plenty of casual sex, but never in an attempt to fill a void. Casual sex, for Jay, had simply been about having a good time. There was a thrill that came with no-strings-attached that he’d enjoyed, but he’d always been sure to balance such flings out with serious relationships, too. Casual sex when lonely, he’d found, had only made him lonelier. As much as he was sure he’d enjoy casual sex with Vanessa, he was almost glad that they hadn’t had sex as of yet – it was a sign as to what they were about currently, which was getting to know each other as two people interested in a possible relationship. He’d nodded along with her words, agreeing for the most part. “I think I got tired of the hard-to-get game when I was twenty-two,” he laughed.

There was a bit of a pause between Vanessa’s question and Jay’s answer. “To be fair, my mom met all my high school girlfriends,” he teased first before pursing his lips in thought. “Actually, I took my last serious girlfriend home to mama. My family loved her. Her family… Well, let’s just say I’d wish that there’d been a ‘my family’s pretty racist’ disclosure from the beginning.” Jay paused again and sighed. “So I was pretty heartbroken about that. Didn’t do much serious dating for a little while after that fell apart. I like to think we were… fairly serious.”

When it came to her romantic relationships (or attempts of), Vanessa had never had a race issue. Those usually happened at work... Sometimes people didn’t want to do business with a woman, even less with a black woman, so she couldn’t say that she understood what had happened with Jacob. She could only feel for him. Feelings were complicated and whenever people mixed those with race, good things didn’t come out of it. She gave his hand a light squeeze before bringing it up and planting a soft kiss on its back, then dropping their hands down to their side again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” By the tone of his voice, she couldn’t really tell if he was still heartbroken over the break up, but anyone who’d ever had to deal with racist people was either angry or heartbroken so yeah... she understood. And then he confirmed that he was, indeed, heartbroken over it and all that Vanessa could do was nod. She didn’t have a heartbroken experience to share and even if she did, she didn’t want to share it and make it sound like she was trying to make things about her.

As they walked by the beach, she wondered if she should ask if he still had feelings for his ex. Not because she was jealous or insecure, but Vee didn’t date much and she definitely didn’t want to start something with someone who was still hooked on someone else. By the things Jacob was saying, he didn’t sound like someone who would play games with her, but still, she kind of wanted to know. “And you think you’re ready to go back into the dating world?” Well--it seemed obvious, since he was on a date with her, so Vanessa edited her phrase. “I mean... do you still have feelings for her? Because sometimes people go on dates to try and maybe fill the gap that the other person has left.” She said with a light shrug of her shoulders as her eyes searched for his gaze in the dim light coming from the pier and the moonlight. “You wouldn’t be the first person to do it, much less the last.” But she needed to know whether to invest on him or just keep things casual.

Nessa averted her eyes away from his for a moment there, watching the starts for a second before she looked down at their feet pushing the cold sand away as they walked. She particularly enjoyed this... the feeling of digging her toes into the sand and letting it run down her feet. “What would you say if I wanted to kiss you?”

“You should! It feels really good, especially on your feet,” Kaira said with a giggle. “I haven’t took a dip in the water yet, but I’m going to after I relax for a while, and maybe stick my whole body in,” she said with a chuckle as she sat down and dropped her sandals next to her. “And it is a nice day to come to the beach-I would come all the time, but that would make me miss land so much.”

“I’m planning on it.” Vanessa replied with a soft smile. “I just need to get settled first.” Nessa nodded as the other woman spoke. “I practically grew up on the beach, so I’m the opposite... I miss the water more than I miss the land.”

“I only have dealings with divorce lawyers, so I guess I am just as clueless,” Ripley said with a shrug. All she knew was that her lawyer had been a good one and still checked in with her once and a while. “It’s been fairly well. I’d ask how yours has been, but it’s obvious that it’s not been great.”

“I feel like we should’ve been taught how to defend ourselves from lawyers in school. I mean... we have econ classes, so why now law 101, right?” Vanessa replied with some humor in her voice. She tried her best not to let things suck all of her energy hence why she sometimes needed to head to a bar after work and have a drink or two. “Well.. it hasn’t been the greatest, but believe me... I’ve had worse. I’m Vanessa, by the way. You are?”

Hari was always down for a good time with shots. But, it was a bad sign when they were downed with the ferocity and intensity that Vanessa had just done. He widened his eyes and turned, putting his whiskey down. It took him a moment. “You’re getting worked up by a tv show?” He exclaimed, astonished. “I kind of like lawyers, smart as hell.” He paused. 

“I’m just winding down as usual.” He gestured his head towards the shot glass. “Always up to make the night better.”  

“No!” Vanessa couldn’t help but to laugh at Hari’s question. Maybe she shouldn’t have started her complaint by immediately bringing up The Good Wife. “No... I’m getting worked up over real-life lawyers, but I’d been binge watching the show, so that’s why I made the connection. I don’t think I could ever get worked up over fictional characters. It takes a lot for real people to even get me like that...” She explained, waving her hand as she shook her head. “They really are smart. Too easy to manipulate others, so that’s good for them.” Nessa noticed him motioning towards her shot glass and cocked her head to the side. “Are you planning on buying me a drink or--? I mean, I wouldn’t say no to that. A drink is a drink.”

Four months. That’s how long it had been since Jay had taken a woman out on a nice, formal date. He’d had coffees and drinks, but it had been a little while since he’d sat down for a dinner date with someone. He’d dressed in slacks and a tucked in button-down shirt, as he’d picked a nicer restaurant but hadn’t wanted to wear a jacket. It was warm enough that it would’ve been a nuisance, and he didn’t want to be sweating. He reminded himself, however, as he’d gone through his closet that his date was a CEO and that – though he seemed to have made a good enough impression the first time they’d met – he needed to continue to impress. 

Thankfully, Jay had beaten Vanessa to the restaurant, so he’d stood and waited for her near the door. He was surprised to acknowledge that he felt… nervous? When she’d approached him, Jacob had wondered briefly whether she were out of his league. He had no reason to worry – he was just as polished, just as educated, just as well-spoken as she was. He’d reminded himself of that as he’d hugged her in greeting.

Dinner had been easy – there had been no awkward lull in conversation and no foot-in-mouth moments, which he was thankful for. And Vanessa was… damn. She was smart and funny and real. Real in that she had opinions that she voiced before he could voice his own – a sure sign that she didn’t care to try to align herself with him. It either worked or it didn’t, and they agreed or they didn’t. On top of those things, she was beautiful.

“Yeah? Must be goin’ on dates with boring ass dudes, then,” he teased. Jay’s shoes were in his right hand, and his left hand was close enough to Vanessa’s that he let his thumb brush against her hand. “So you got a mama that calls you every so often askin’ if you found you a man and when you gonna start havin’ babies,” he began, referring to a previous conversation. As he spoke, he hooked his pinkie finger around hers. “You workin’ a lot or just can’t find the dude? Like, I know we both can’t get on Facebook without seein’ all our high school homies gettin’ married and havin’ babies. So why you still single and livin’ it up?”

“Maybe...” Vanessa replied with a minor, innocent shrug as she allowed a soft smirk to appear on her lips. It was a nice night out. The breeze by the sea was cool enough to make her shiver from time to time, but not cold enough to make her wish she would’ve brought a jacket. It was good... it kept her awake and alert (not that Jacob was boring to make her sleepy, though). “Or maybe I’m just hard to amuse.” She wasn’t, but it was an idea Vanessa often joked about. She was as easy as it got to amuse, however, it was keeping her interested the whole catch and the main reason why she was still single. Her dark hues caught sight of their hands when they casually brushed against one another and Vanessa didn’t even bother hiding the light smile that tugged on the corner of her lips. It was such a gentle, yet simple movement and it still made her think it was sweet. It matched the evening.

As Jacob referred to their previous conversation, and she was reminded that earlier that week her mother had called to tell her something about one of her older brothers and ended up asking if Nessa was seeing someone, Vanessa looked up to try and catch his gaze. It almost made her laugh, how her mother was worried about something that wasn’t even a priority in her daughter’s life. She had bills to pay, a company to run, problems to solve, products to test... there wasn’t much time left for dating. Their pinky fingers hooked to one another, which encouraged Vee to actually go ahead and slide her hand under his and link their fingers. She’d never been known for being subtle anyway and besides, she actually wanted the ‘walking on the beach holding hands’ scenario, so she went ahead and made it happen. “The problem is that dating isn’t a priority for me.” She told him, unafraid of making him feel like she wasn’t enjoying this, because she was, so Vanessa’s pause between one thought and another was actually brief. “I just find it easier to resort to casual sex when I’m having a lonely moment.”

A light chuckle escaped her lips as she looked away for a moment. The sound of the waves crashing by the shore was so calming it tempted her to want to sit down on the sand and ruin her little black dress--but Nessa didn’t give into temptation. “Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to get your number and I wanted to go out with you. I don’t mind going out on dates and I’m definitely not afraid of commitment or relationships, but I also get bored easily. I need someone to keep me interested, you know? Like--I understand that it’s not anyone’s job to keep me interested. But I want to be with someone who’s going to add to my life, not subtract. I want someone who’s passionate, not necessarily about the same things I am. I mean, people should have their differences, but I just want to feel that passion.” Once again, she let out a sigh, allowing herself a brief pause before she continued talking. “I’m tired of going out with men who act like boys who like playing games." 

The next words started forming in her brain and although she felt like they would probably send Jay running to the hills, but because she liked him, she felt like those things needed to be said early on rather than letting him think something else entirely about her. “I’m not a mother... I don’t have the patience to deal with men who act like little boys, unafraid of committing to something or to someone.” As she explained, Nessa began waving her other hand, bringing her shoes and clutch along with it. “What I’m saying is... I’m 31. I’m independent, I talk a lot, I’m very opinionated--which you’ve probably noticed by now, I’m way too intense and unapologetic which I blame it on my Zodiac sign, I’m too old to play games of ‘don’t show your emotions’, ‘don’t act too interested or they might leave’, ‘you have to act jealous or they’ll think you’re not interested’... that’s exhausting. It’s not the day-by-day struggles, or the real-life problems, it’s the games and people being afraid of letting themselves feel and lean onto someone, welcoming them fully into their lives. That’s probably why I’m still single...” She offered him a smile, letting out a light chuckle. “So, before you never call me again because of all what I just said on a first date, and even though I love talking about me, why haven’t you taken a girl home to introduce to your mama? Why are you still single?

Listening to Vanessa speak, she wanted to object. Her words turned her stomach. Magdalena had always been a hopeless romantic. She loved the idea of the princess being rescued by the prince. She loved the idea of the princess rescuing herself even more, but she had always dreamed of the perfect prince. She’d had her entire wedding planned down to the most minute detail by the time she was ten years old and had designed and sewn her first wedding dress when she was twelve years old. Granted, it had been awful and the majority of the details of her “perfect” wedding had since changed, but the idea remained the same: Magdalena wanted to fall hopelessly in love and she wanted to live happily ever after. It might’ve seemed naive and childish to some people, but Magdalena had been a firsthand witness to her parents’ marriage. It was by no means perfect – she’d learned early on that perfect was a myth – but they’d been married for nearly thirty years and they still looked at each other with love in their eyes. She wanted that for herself. She wanted her daughter to grow up in a household where love was commonplace and freely given. Even after all she’d gone through, she still believed that it was possible. Still, she could see where her friend was coming from. She’d held on to her anger for so long that she wasn’t quite sure she knew who she was without it and that scared her. 

“I just…” Magdalena ran a hand through her hair agitatedly. She was confused. “She loves him. She’s so angelic. She can’t even remember a world where he wasn’t around. She draws pictures for him nearly every week and it breaks my heart.” Magdalena was continually surprised that Cara existed in the world. She’d brought light to Magdalena’s life and consistently reminded her to appreciate everything life gave her. The idea that her daughter would one day grow up and know that her mother was too angry to allow her to have a relationship with her father terrified her, but the idea of swallowing her pride and moving on from her anger terrified her as well. “Fine,” she finally said sighing deeply. “I’m going to have to do this, aren’t I?” 

Vanessa wasn’t a parent... she didn’t know if the whole ‘tough love’ had ever worked on kids because her parent’s didn’t use that method on her, but she also knew how Magdalena had always dreamed about a perfect wedding, so much different from her parents’ marriage. It was hard not to project one’s feelings and desires, however, it was also hard for Vanessa not to be open about her opinions and her points of view, especially when she knew the person who had come to her asking for her opinion. Sometimes people needed to get a little shaken up in order to wake up, and maybe that was what Maggie needed, maybe it wasn’t. At least Vanessa could say that she’d spoken her mind about this.

It was a delicate issue, she understood that. Cara had a father she adored and Magdalena was torn between letting her child enjoy her father or letting her feelings speak louder. “I’m afraid so, babe.” Nessa leaned closer, reaching for Magdalena’s hand and giving it a light squeeze. “You know that if I could, I’d be right there with you--God knows Graham is scared shitless of me anyway. But you’re the only one who really knows how you’re feeling about all of this. About Cara, about Graham, your parents... You need to sit down with him and have a straight conversation about it. About everything.”