The Valor Vogue

 “Darling, that sort of accusation makes you sound more suspicious than Kowalski ever has.” 

“Well that’s certainly not why he married her, if you catch my drift.” 

“Valued Readers, this update will be short as my nerves are shot. I am afraid that the worst has come to pass, and violence has found itself welcomed into the bosom of our very homes. An explosion at approximately 2 PM this afternoon shook our courthouse, and toppled what are surely priceless artifacts and accoutrements across its hallowed halls. Casualties and injuries are still being counted, however my sources tell me that the banquet location was changed just hours before everyone was scheduled to enjoy the first course! Hopefully this fortuitous change of plans kept everyone safe.   I hope that all of you, dear Readers, are safe, and have learned a valuable lesson! That lesson being, Gladys Walden ALWAYS knows the news. Keep your little noses clean, and keep your ears to the ground. Remember, all sources are confidential, all gossip is fair game.” 

“An affair requires more than one interested party. 

“Inquisitive Readers of The V.V. have been demanding my take on the current situation, and so we are pleased to announce this special bulletin updating our loyal cohort. As you all know, it has become evident that Ralphio Kowalski will remain mayor, even as the last few uncounted votes trickle in. Unrest in the streets has reached full on protests as some citizens claim that the election was manipulated by unseen forces. However, none of this terrible decorum displayed by the masses compares to the horrifying information my top secret sources brought to me this evening. It would appear that the NYPD has reason to believe that some sort of bomb or weapon may be concealed within the courthouse at this very moment! I know that all of you, dear Readers, are as shocked and titillated as I am! With hundreds of people on both sides of the election gathered on the steps, and the banquet for the mayor and his campaign donors scheduled this evening, we can only hope that New York’s finest will keep us all safe once again.” 

“As a general rule, New York has nothing to do with it, darling.” 

“Rigged is such an ugly word, my darling! Didn’t your mother ever tell you it was impolite to ask such personal questions?” 

“Well, all manners aside…I think it’s unfair to speculate on such things. However, I will add that there is a lot to be said for the word….calculated.” 

“My, my, my! Someone thinks they are quite the little reporter, don’t they!” 

“Fall from where exactly? I haven’t seen them on any ledges or rooftops lately! Implying anything else is simply more than a proper woman like myself would know. And you’d do well to remember that. As for Mr. Genovese, of course we send him all the well wishes in the world! At the same time....we do hope to see more from his son in the future.” 

“Good evening darling readers. We bring you this second special installment of The V.V. to update you on further developments this election day. My special sources tell me that Ralphio Kowalski has pulled ahead not only in the polls, but in the votes tallied so far. The people in the streets have grown more restless, and police are suggesting that innocent bystanders return to their homes as soon as possible. Of course several of our more notable figures have disappeared from the public eye this evening, ostensibly for their own safety, wherever they are, we hope they’re safe. Stay tuned, dear readers, and we’ll continue to bring you all the news.” 

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. In this special breaking-edition of The V.V. we’re absolutely horrified to report that the protests are escalating as members of the Genovese family have appeared to publicly cast their votes. It would appear that some protesters have lobbed crumpled up newspapers (certainly not our fine publication!) at the more notable members of the family. One can only hope that the police intervene and bring these ruffians to heel! Surely, we can all agree that no matter our political inclination we must remain civil. Please stay tuned for more updates coming from yours truly.”