Untitled

You didn’t acknowledge Azriel’s arrival an hour later. The mattress dipped under his weight as he settled in on his side of the bed. An all too familiar floral scent lingering on him made your stomach twist. The weight of his arm around you feels entirely wrong, “I’m sorry, love.” He murmurs into your hair. That was it? That’s all he had to offer? A non descript apology? You push his arm off of you before grabbing your pillow and starting for the door. “Where are you going?” He asks. “Couch.” You answer, your tone annoyed and laced with anger. He lets out a sigh, “it couldn’t be helped.” He says as if it should absolve him of your anger. You don’t dignify that with a response before closing the door behind you.

You barely slept making you sluggish during your training with Cassian the next morning. “Maybe we should call it a day.” Cassian suggests as your frustration rises, anger replaces focus. “I’m fine.” You state, already preparing for another round of sparring. “One more round. You’d better be focused and ready to train. If not, I'm calling it quits for today.” Cassian relents. “Fine. Let’s do this.” You say in agreement. You manage five minutes before Cassian has you pinned and tells you that you’re done. You’re ready to argue when you notice a shadow lingering close by. Your eyes leave Cassian as you find Azriel leaning against the wall nearby.

Cassian doesn’t bother with an excuse as he leaves the two of you alone. You hesitate for just a moment before trying to follow Cassian’s exit. A shadow on your arm stops you as you glare at it’s owner. “We should talk.” Azriel says. His words only fuel your anger as if it’s an obligation more than a want. “What do I have to do for you to forgive me? I already apologized last night, what more do you want?” He asks. You can’t help but scoff at his mention of his basic apology from last night. His jaw ticks at your offending reaction as if he has a right to be angry after any of this. The idea of him being angry in this situation has every pent up moment rushes to the surface.

“It's something I plan on conquering at some point.” You admit, still not sure when or how though. You had recently begun talking to Azriel about it and asked for his help. “You know what they say, there's no time like the present.” Cassian says with a smirk. Before you can brace yourself you're in his arms as the cliffside rushes pass you in a blur as you plummet towards the ground. Your fingers dig into Cassian’s leathers in a death grip as tears stain your cheeks. Unable to draw a breath as fear grips your chest, rendering you silent. Mere moments after plummeting the cliffside slows enough for you to make out details, at least if your eyes weren't shut tight. 

Your body is tense as the overwhelming fear paralyzes you in Cassian's hold. Your heart is debating on beating out of your chest or ceasing all together. Your sobs racking your body as Cassian tells you to open your eyes. You can't. For a brief moment you feel the cooling touch of familiar shadows before his voice cuts through the fear. A voice promising violence as it demands Cassian lands. You shrink further into yourself, still clinging to Cassian, afraid of being dropped. It isn't until you're gently pulled from Cassian that you realize your back in the training grounds. 

“It's okay. I've got you.” Azriel's voice is soft as it pulls you from your panic. “You're safe. I promise.” He continues as he carries you towards the house. The air around you is heavy with tension. Azriel carries you inside, passing the kitchen and living room, down the hallway to your shared bedroom. He settles in on the bed, holding you close. You curl into him as you start to calm down, your chest loosening with the soothing beat of his heart. His hands tracing calming patterns along your back as your tears dry. He strokes your hair as the adrenaline wears off, leaving you exhausted. 

It isn't long before you're asleep, your body needs to recover. Azriel carefully moves you from his lap, pulling the blankets over your sleeping form. “Rest, my love. I promise you're safe.” He whispers before pressing a kiss to your temple, letting his head rest briefly against yours. As he steps away from your room his composure shifts. His features harden as anger replaces the calm. It isn't long before he's barrelling towards Cassian who's talking to Nesta in the kitchen. Cassian doesn't have time to try to brace himself as Azriel grabs his leathers and pins him to the wall.

“What the fuck were you thinking?! Do you realize what you've done?!” Azriel says, siphons glowing with his rage. “I'm sorry. I didn't know she'd react like that.” Cassian apologizes. “How else would she react?! She literally told you she was terrified of heights!!” Azriel continues. “She also said she wanted to conquer that fear! Besides, how is it different from when you taught Feyre to fly?!” Cassian argues. “Feyre isn't afraid of heights and has wings!! I swear to cauldron if you so much as think about doing anything like that again I'll make sure it's the last time.” Azriel promises before releasing Cassian.

He could feel you had woken up which is why he left Cassian. He found you in the bathroom, attempting to clean yourself up.” You had let your hair down as you patted your face with a cool cloth to help the puffiness from crying. He lingered in the doorway watching you for another moment before grabbing one of his shirts and a pair of boxer briefs for you to get comfortable in. “Thank you.” You say quietly when he helps you out of your training leathers. He helps you back to bed, settling in beside you. 

You stopped when you noticed his breathing had evened out, and his body had finally relaxed. You gently stroked his hair, trying to keep him asleep. Your eyes found Azriel's, warmth spreading through you at the unguarded admiration he was giving you. Azriel forgot he was staring until Rhys’ hand on his shoulder pulled him back to the moment. “She's good with him.” Rhys says, watching his son sleeping peacefully. “She is.” Azriel agrees, his eyes still on you as the soft lullaby your humming drifts across the room.

“Careful or she'll want one of her own.” Rhys teases but there's truth in his words. “I'll give her as many as she wants.” Azriel says without hesitation. He doesn't try to deny that he's imagined it himself. Everytime he witnesses a quiet moment between you and Nyx he's imagined it. He's patient though, waiting for you to decide you're ready without him feeling like he's pressuring you into it. “You might not have to wait much longer.” Rhys says with a grin before walking towards you.

You let Rhys pick up Nyx, making sure not to wake him. He stirs but doesn't wake as Rhys carries him towards his room. It isn't long before Azriel's standing beside you. “You're good with him. Better than most of us.” Azriel says as he sits beside you. “He makes it easy.” You say, letting Azriel hold you close to him. “Rhys says if I'm not careful you'll want your own.” Azriel says with a grin. “And what if I did?” You ask. You've been ready to have this conversation for a while now. “I'll give you as many as you want, love.” He says, the truth behind his words making the bond glow. 

You want to take him up on his offer to wait, but you think better of it, knowing it needs to be done. You gesture at him to come in, watching as he closes the door behind him. You turn your back towards him before your fingers shakily fumble with the buttons on your shirt. You hear him getting situated behind you. You take a steadying breath before slipping your shirt off your shoulders. You lower it just enough for your bandaged back to be accessible for him. You can't stop the tears that line your eyes.

Mor was always the one to do this for you, the only one to see besides Madja. You feel the gentle tug of the bandages as Cassian carefully removes them. The sharp intake of his breath causes the first tear to trail silently down your cheek. “I'm sorry. I'll be quick.” He says, voice soft but full of emotion. You fight the urge to pull the shirt back up as your composure starts to crack. You feel the cold balm against your skin where your wings used to be. You blink away your tears as your body starts to tremble.

Why did it have to be him? You question repeatedly. The cruelty of fate seems to know no bounds when it comes to you. After years of being in love with him you had longed for his gentle touch, never imagining it would be under these circumstances. His gentle touch gives you goosebumps before vanishing. Moments later you feel the fresh gauze being placed over your torn skin before he secures the bandages on top of it. He gently pulls the back of your shirt up, the kind gesture twisted into something cruel by your mind.

Your mind convinces you it's because he's disgusted by you. Thinking you less of an Illyrian because your wings were gone. All the insecurities you've been fighting are flooding your mind. Your eyes unfocused and distant as you shrink into yourself. The words inside your head shatter your composure, allowing tears to track freely down your cheeks. Everything seemingly overwhelming and burdensome as your breath quickens. A warm touch on your cheek pulling you back to the moment.

You wipe at it frantically, stopping when you realize it's Cassian. His thumb gently wipes away your tears. “Come back to me.” His voice coos softly, filtering through your thoughts. He gives a small, reassuring smile, “there's my beautiful girl.” He says, voice warm and calm. You hold on to his words, allowing them to anchor you, even if you don't believe them. “Did I hurt you?” He asks, his voice full of concern. You shake your head. A glass of water appears on your nightstand. “Drink this, you'll feel better.” He says holding the glass out for you.