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you were miserable when you walked into your dorm on your third year of college
you made sure to get there early so you got first choice on which bed you wanted. to your horror, your new roommate was already unpacking on the good bed with the window
her decor was less than pleasant, she dressed like a 15 year old boy, and she reeked of pot. great
ellie, you found out
you liked the name, despite yourself. loved it even
you never told her that name was on that secret note on your phone of future baby names
as you got to know ellie, you erased that name from your secret list
ellie was⊠irritating
she constantly had strangers stopping at your dorm to sell them weed, which annoyed you to no end
âcanât you just go to their place?â you snapped one day when her sale distracted you from your flow of studying
âi donât even have to leave my dorm to get paid, you expect me to go work for it when i donât have to?â she replied, secretly loving the attention she got from you, even when you were annoyed at her
you had no rude reply, just a deep sigh, anticipating a long year
october
you felt your blood start to boil on a night out with your friends
you met them all out at the bar, greeting them with hugs
laughter breaks out as youâre greeting them all âgirl, you reek!â
you freeze âwhat? i literally just showeredââ
ânoâ not that. weed. your dealer roommate is rubbing off on you, huh?â your friends continue to giggle, not realizing that you still donât smoke, still never have
her scent is just so strong and vile, itâs imbedded into your clean clothes now, and youâre starting to become nose blind to it
the thought terrifies you, how many times have i gone out smelling like weed and didnât notice?
fuck
you burst through the door of your dorm late that night, drunk⊠and angry, not your proudest moment
âwe need to talkâ you slur, pointing a finger at your roommate whose already in bed, video game controller in her hand
ellie sits up and grins, you already want to roll your eyes âyes, princess?â she teases, actually pausing her game for you
you stand at the edge of the bed, your angry pointed finger finds its way to her chest âyou. i went out tonight and my friends laughed at me because i smelled like you!â
ellie just laughs, which pisses you off even more âoh, câmon. i smell great, itâs prada, very expensive by the wayâ
unfortunately, the faint, lingering smell of her cologne every morning was totally dreamy
âyouâre not funnyâ you whine âIâm serious. Iâve been way too kind and way too patient with you, if you light another joint in this room Iâm reporting youâ
ellie is still laughing
âyouâre gonna tell on me?â she fake pouts
you sit, more of a drunken stumble, on the edge of her bed âforget itâ
ellie drops her infuriating grin, a little flustered by how close you are, and the fact that youâre on her bed for the first time ever
âhey. listen, iâm sorry. i mean itâ she says, in a warm tone of voice youâve never heard before
âi donât want sorry, i want you to fix itâ you whine
ellie canât help herself as she brushes your hair out of your face and places it gently behind your ear
your face heats up, she notices, she tells herself itâs the alcohol
âi wonât smoke in here. i shouldnât have been doing it anyways, youâre rightâ she says, youâre shocked by how easygoing sheâs being
âgoodâ you say, getting up from her bed and walking to your dresser to get your pajamas
you never realize since you always have your back turned, but ellie always watches when you change
sheâs started to memorize all your bra and underwear combinations, secretly having her favorites
she adores you, and you have no clue
âdrink some water before bed, youâre wastedâ ellie reminds you
you roll your eyes
november
after a month of no drama, you walk into your dorm after class to ellie smoking out the window again
âellie!â you shout
she grins âi kinda like when you yell at meâ
âyouâre a freakâ you joke, smiling âput that out, nowâ
ellie groans âcâmon, iâm going to dinaâs apartment for friendsgiving and i want to be as hungry as possibleâ
you immediately forget about the joint, just feeling a wave of loneliness
âshe lives off campus? like, her own apartment?â you ask, jealous that she has the space to actually cook and host her friends
âyeahâ itâs so coolâ sheâ wait! do you want to come?â
you hesitate âi couldnât just like⊠intrudeâ
âtrust me! theyâll like you a lot, dina is so cool, and smart and pretty and stuffâ ellie rambles, stoned and happy
âyou in love with her or something?â you joke, a strange hint of jealously in your tone
ellie laughs, âi was before we became friends, sheâs dating jesse, heâs pretty awesome too, heâ fuck, Iâm rambling, i would love if you came with me tonightâ
âyouâre sure?â
âpositiveâ
âcan we stop at the liquor store on the way? I donât want to show up empty handedâ
âof courseâ
the night passes in a blur of amazing food, friendship, good music and wine
ellie was right about her friends, they were lovely, and great cooks
you walked back to the dorms together, the november air was biting at you, but you had enough wine in your system to not care
âthank you for inviting me, reallyâ
âanytimeâ she says, trying to play it cool
âi really like your friendsâ
âthey really like you too, i can tellâ ellieâs cheeks are red at this point, partially from the cold, partially from your presence tonight
âi feel like iâve been such an ass to you, and you didnât deserve itâ you confess
âeh, youâre just stuck up, but you pull it off because youâre so prettyâ she jokes
âpretty?â
âdo you really need me to tell you that? you definitely already knowâ
âi just didnât think you thought thatâ
âi donât know if youâve realized this after living with me for three months but⊠iâm not fucking blindâ
you canât wipe the stupid smile off your face
december
you slam your laptop shut in a fit of frustration
it catches ellieâs attention immediately, enough for her to put her book down
âyou gonna explain or do i have to ask?â she says, nonchalantly
you groan âdo you wanna go get shitfaced?â
ellie laughs, âwell yeah, but can we talk about why youâre angry first?â
you get up from your bed, pacing angry circles around the room âhow the fuck am i supposed to focus during these three weeks between holidays? twelve paged essay! twelve! due at midnight! youâve gotta be fucking kidding me!â
ellie cracks a smile âhow about a walk and some fresh air instead of getting wasted?â
you throw your arms up in frustration âi donât want to go for a walk! i want to go home! and hug my mom! and watch a christmas movie! Iâm tired and Iâm frustrated and every semester i feel more and more stupid andââ your voice cracks, tears flood your eyes
ellie drops her grin immediately âchill, câmereâ she says, opening her arms to you from her bed
normally youâd hesitate, but itâs been too long since youâve had a real hug
you lie on top of her in her bed like itâs natural, her arms wrap around you comfortingly as you dig your face into the crook of her neck
that stupid prada cologne lingers on her bare skin, it makes your stomach feel funny
this is entirely foreign to both of you, but fuck, it feels good
âshhhh, i got you⊠breatheâ she whispers in your ear as her hands start to rub your back
you count the seconds of each breath in your head as you try to relax, ellie can feel your body soften in her arms
âthatâs it, good girlâ she praises softly
that funny feeling in your stomach turns to pure heat, you try desperately to ignore it
ignore ignore ignore
âIâll write your essay for you if you smoke a joint with meâ she offers smugly
âseriously?â you mumble into her neck, the heat of it makes her shiver
âdead seriousâ
youâve known for months that she was unusually smart, but you never wanted to take advantage of that
âfineâ
âfuck yeahâ
you climb off of her, youâre both secretly disappointed at the loss of contact
âdo we have to go shiver on a park bench outside or can we smoke in here?â she teases
âjust open the windowâ you say, defeated
she does as sheâs told, the air is crisp and cold and somehow really refreshing. you pull one of her blankets over your lap
you watch closely as she lights the joint, you canât take your eyes off the way her lips wrap around it, or the way her hands grip the lighter
youâve been far too curious lately about ellieâs lips, ellieâs hands, ellieâs bodyâ
she blows out a cloud of smoke effortlessly âhereâ she says, passing it to you
âi donât know howâ you admit
âgod, youâre such a princessâ she teases âjust be gentle with it. breathe in just a little, bring it deep into your chest, hold it for a second and breathe out. donât try and do too muchâ she says, leaning back on her pillows to watch
youâre suddenly nervous, and feeling horribly awkward
you do exactly as instructed, feeling a burn as you inhale, you cough a bit as you exhale
âvery goodâ she praises ânow do that againâ
you hate the way your stomach feels when she speaks like that, itâs making your imagination run wild
you pass the joint back and forth âtil it burns out
you do feel way more relaxed now, but you had no idea that being stoned would make it horribly difficult to look at her
the curve of her perfect little button nose, those green eyes that always look like theyâre hiding something, her soft porcelain skinâ
âwhat are you looking at?â she asks, grinning
ânothingâ you almost choke on the word
ânothing?â
âyeahâ
âI look at you sometimes tooâ ellie admits
shit. shit shit shit shit shit
âyou do?â
ellie leans forward to close the window âyou cold?â
âyouâre changing the subjectâ
âwell, the subject is making me nervousâ she blushes
you smirk âi didnât know you even got nervous, youâre so fearlessâ
âand youâre so coldâ she says, reaching out to you again, her hands slide over your goosebump covered arms âcome lie down with meâ she says, lifting the blanket sheâs under
âcan i tell you a secret?â you ask as you get comfortable beside her
âmhmâ she hums, her hands finding their home on your skin again as she faces you in bed
âremember when i said i hated your spider-man blanket?â you say, trying not to laugh, but the weed is making it really hard to keep a straight face
âi remember it everyday, and it crushes my soul every timeâ she frowns dramatically at you
âi actually think itâs really cuteâ you admit
ellie giggles, full on schoolgirl-in-love giggle âfuck yesâ she says triumphantly
âi think youâre really cuteâ you say, the confession slips out way too easy
ellie has to remind herself to speak confidently when she finally confesses âcan i kiss you or are we gonna keep cuddling in my bed pretending this is normal?â
you nod, almost too quickly
you expect her to just crash her lips onto yours, but she doesnât, she leans in painfully slow, starting with a slow kiss to your forehead
then your cheek
your other cheek
your nose
then finally, her lips press against yours so gently
you inhale sharply at the contact, grabbing onto her shirt, trying to remind yourself that this is real and itâs happening
ellieâs hand slides over your waist, pulling you flush against her, sheâs so damn warm
you deepen the kiss, wanting more of her, the taste is addictive
until she laughs
âwhatâs so funny?â you ask, breathlessly
âthe fact that i finally have you in my bed, and now i have a 12 page essay to write before midnightâ
.đ„ Ę Ëđ. âI'm crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered" â (Love and Other Disasters) đâč
It didn't take long for the emptiness in your body to settle. At first, anger was the only thing that stirred. Frustration and confusion blending in a mix of red and white throughout your mind as you cried into your pillow. Then, the sadness overwhelmed any feeling of hostility that remainedâand you were left hopeless.Â
Youâd have to save face around your brother and his other friends, while Ellie twiddled her fingers and looked you up and down like some kind of trophy. There were times when you noticed the downturn of her eyebrows whenever you were around, or the slight pout that would appear upon her lips when you refused to acknowledge her.Â
But then her gaze would shift to Cat, and suddenly you felt stupid for believing she wanted to keep up with you. You and your emotions, your blatant inexperience, and your naivety to the fact that your profound adoration had gone completely unrequited.Â
Cat would wink, or send her a kiss through the air that made your blood boil. All the while your bed had felt the intimacy, and your diary has seen the struggle. Those four walls that you had barely recognized as your own at the beginning of summer had bore witness to some of the ugliest, most unconventional parts of you. But also some of the softest.Â
It was a harsh duel to fight, the comparison of love and laughter to the nights spent crying over deceit, and the prolonged stretches of loneliness.Â
Of course you didn't face it alone, you fell into the arms of your friends with a little less reluctance than you had expected yourself to. You allowed Callie to pepper loving kisses to your head as you sobbed into arms about how unfair life could get, and threw yourself into more plans than you ever had before.Â
So even though you had tanked romantically, your social life had blossomed into something greater than ever before. You crammed more people into your bedroom than ever before, and forced yourself away from your brother, putting yourself at an awkward distance that he didn't seem to notice.Â
Your new friends, and apparently your lovers number one public enemies, had made themselves comfortable in your space, and truth be told, you quite liked it that way. You consumed so much Jennifer Garner and Amanda Seyfried content that you caught yourself acting like them.Â
You let the sun hit your shoulders, and drove Abbyâs car all the way to the beach without worrying about how stupid you looked with the wind blowing through your hair. You listened to real good music, selecting your own playlist without second thought. You danced like nobody was watching and sung like nobody was listening.Â
Of course, the blues still appeared in the late nights you spent alone. The blaring alarm of jealousy still sounded whenever Cat was around. Because who were you if not in love? Would you ever truly be over it?Â
You still sulk in the bath with a book in your hand, and cry to Callie when the rest of the group is gone. And sometimes, when the world gets quiet, and the stars scatter across the night sky, you picture her in your arms.Â
Over the course of a week, you dream of her green irises, and whisper her name beneath your breath as you sink into the sheets of your bed. You curse her for leaving, and yourself for letting her go.Â
You spent the days pushing down the pressure in your chest while your friends argued over twister positions, and the nights feeling out every second of agony until you fell asleep.Â
One week. You went seven and a half days without speaking to Ellie. It wasnât long enough to push her out of your mind, or even refocus on the people right in front of you. But, it was long enough to accept it.Â
Every time she would walk by, or when someone would mutter her name in the next room, you were sent through a spiral of grief and anxiety. Your ears would perk up like a dog at the sound of her laugh cascading down the stairs, and sweat would quickly coat your palms whenever you ended up in the same room.Â
It wasnât fair, the control she had over you. The way she had you crying in the shower over miniscule interactions, hot water running down your back as you sit there and wonder: what could you have done differently? Why you?Â
Ellieâs unaffectedness was a trigger in itself, her nonchalant attitude, and the way that she would walk through your house, shoulder held high, sporting a large smile like nothing had happened between you.Â
Youâre currently sitting on the couch, the latest episode of some trashy reality TV burning into your eyes as you dig into a plate of pasta. The house is recently empty, your friends having left just an hour prior, not without a fight of course. Callie was reluctant to leave you, fearing the worst, whatever it mightâve been. You told them you were sure, and that you wanted to be alone, so they departed.Â
Your brother hadnât been home all day, he left early in the morning with a text that said Going to beach, wont be home till tomorrow, love you. in true brother fashion.Â
You spent the day quietly relaxing and relishing in the laughter that bounced between your friends. The few of you went from the pool to the living room and then back to the pool in a matter of hours. Abby and Callie teaming up to throw Paris into the water, and Jack on the grill made for a perfect day. Well, almost perfect.Â
They took care of you, helping you navigate the process of your almost-break up with an undeniable softness. Eventually, Callie would press a kiss to your temple, and the group would leave you to your own devices.Â
And then there was the silence.Â
It gets better by the day. Today, you didnât have the urge to text her, or call her, or storm over to her house and demand she take you back. Instead. You spent the night stirring in a little less turmoil than usual, with a face mask and your beloved diary.Â
You huff as your eyes switch between the TV and the blank page in your lap. There was still an underlying frustration that showed up whenever you opened the diary, your last one was still missing, out in the wild with your deepest, most embarrassing moments and feelings. You cringe at the thought of it.
You drag your pen across the paper slowly, you had already drained yourself of every single detail of your current situation, the last few pages were messy with notes and doodles alike, and your hand was strained from the constant stress.Â
You bite down on your lip, scribbling over the first line on the page. You let the book fall shut, and harshly shove it onto the coffee table. You throw your legs off the couch and gather up your empty bowl.Â
It takes under a minute for you to throw the dish into the sink, wash it out, and place it gently back in the cabinet. You walk back over to the couch and turn off the tv before walking up the stairs.Â
The upstairs welcomes you with an empty chill, the windows on either side of the hallway are open, allowing the small gusts of wind to push the drapes into the room. You quickly rush over to shut the window closest to your bedroom before slipping into the bathroom to remove your facemask.Â
You quickly clean up, brushing your teeth and washing your face with curated perfection. It doesnât take long for you to finish up and step out of the bathroom, flipping off the light as you exit.Â
Youâre already in pajamas, a simple tank top and matching shorts to hopefully help you withstand the heat. Thereâs a dim, yellow light illuminating the space of your bedroom, your tv is already on, projecting some random show that you donât even remember putting on.Â
You sigh as you shut the door, reaching down to grab an armful of laundry that had been forgotten on your floor. You toss the clothes into the basket and continue tidying up. You organize a few things on your vanity, slide some books back into the shelf, and put your bed back together.Â
When you finally fall onto your bed, bouncing slightly as you land, you feel calm. Your room is clean, and your conscience is clear. You pick up your phone, scooting back on your butt to rest against your pillows. You swipe up on your lockscreen, opening the device and immediately opening your preferred doomscrolling app.
You hadn't been sleeping well since your altercation with Ellie, usually spending the nights scrolling through your phone and just waiting. You don't know exactly what you were waiting for, a text? A call? But the doom that follows solitude eats at you anyways.Â
You scroll through aimlessly, barely paying attention to the contents of each video. Thereâs a few that get a chuckle out of you, some edits that you find intriguing, but nothing that really stops you in your tracks.Â
Youâre barely an hour into your scroll session when there's a gentle tap on your window, barely audible above the volume of your phone. You pause the video for a few seconds, your eyebrows raised in confusion. When the sound fails to repeat itself, you unpause the video and forget about it.Â
About five seconds go by before the sound occurs once again. A gentle, single tap on the glass of your closed window. You click the button on the side of your phone, letting the screen dim to black before you sit up on your knees and pull the curtains open.Â
What youâre faced with when you open the curtains isn't at all what you expect it to be, maybe your brother playing a dumb trick, or your best friend trying to get your attention in the most unconventional way, but the scene outside your window was far from either of those things.Â
Ellie stands on the grass beside your house, her hand full of tiny pebbles as she aims for your window. Once she notices you, she drops her hand, letting the rock she was about to throw fall to the ground.Â
Your reaction is visceral, your heart dropping at the sight. You feel it through your body, like a heatwave it washes over you. You were calm, maybe not completely but you were on the way there. The anxiety that built from seeing her, and at the rate it rose, you could feel it in your heart.Â
A large grin creeps up onto her face, and she quickly raises her arm once again to wave up at you. You slowly raise your own hand, still sort of in shock, and slowly wave back. Thereâs something resting at her feet, a poster board it looks like.Â
She puts two hands out, mouthing the words âwaitâ through the air before she leans over and grabs both sides of the board. She lifts it above her head, and smiles awkwardly as she lets your eyes dance over the letters.Â
Iâm sorry. Can we talk? Scribbled onto the white background in pink marker, she doodled a few happy faces in the corners and added stickers to the edges of the poster.Â
Your eyes widen at the gesture, as if this moment couldnât get any more unpredictable. You quickly reach for the lock on your window, flicking it open so you can quickly push your window open. You almost fall out with the speed in which you had shoved it open.
âWhat the fuck are you doing, Ellie?!â You shout out at her. She drops the sign to chest level, speed walking as close to the window as she can. You can't reach her from the second floor, but part of her looks determined enough to climb.Â
Finally, you hear her voice.Â
âBabe! Please let me inâI wanna talk!â You look her up and down, absolutely no sign of sarcasm. Ellie Williams was outside your window with a poster and an unmatched amount of dedication.Â
It's hard to hold back your smirk at her desperate pleas. She was truly a mess, running a hand through her auburn hair as she looks up at you with her hopeful green eyes. You had missed the forest of her eyes so deeply, no matter how many times you had explored, you couldnât be without them.Â
You playfully roll your eyes at her, but on the inside youâre practically decomposing at the thought of denying her.Â
âI need to hear you say it.â You say, resting your chin on your hand.Â
âIâm sorryâIâm so fucking sorry I know I messed upâbad. But I want to fix it, I want to fix it so badly. If youâll let me?â Sheâs yelling. At the top of her lungs. Outside of your house. Thereâs a high chance that your brother could be home, she doesn't know that heâs gone, and she's still outside yelling.Â
A different kind of heat creeps up your neck, youâre completely and utterly charmed by her, you have no choice but to say yes.Â
âCome fix it then!â You shout down, letting your lips break into a smile. Ellie does the same, a large toothy grin appearing on her face as she reaches for the wall, attempting to Flynn rider her way to you.Â
âThrough the door! What the hell!â You laugh, letting your head fall onto your arms that rest in the window sill.Â
Ellie quickly nods, grabbing her sign and running towards the front door. You quickly follow suit, practically jumping off the bed and racing down the stairs. You almost eat shit twice going down the stairs, and have to steady yourself when you go flying into the front door.Â
You pull it open eagerly, your lips still pulled into an uncontrollable smile. When the door swings open, Ellie is standing there, a mirrored large grin on her face, holding the sign over her chest.Â
The two of you stand there awkwardly for a moment, taking each other in. âYouâre at my house.â You point out, one hand still resting on the door.Â
âThat I am.â She follows up, nodding subtly as she speaks.Â
âCome! In!â You laugh, stepping out of her way. She quickly steps inside, dropping the poster onto the ground and pulling you into a strong hug.Â
You immediately sink into her, resting your head on her shoulder. You had missed her embrace so much that this didn't even feel real yet. And you had only been without it for a week. You don't know how you went so many years without it.Â
You speak first: âI missed youâŠâ you whisper into her shoulder. She nods, bringing a hand up to the back of your head.Â
She gently sways left and right, holding you as close as possible. âI missed you too, Iâm so sorry.â She whispers back. She carefully places two hands on your head, pulling you away from her shoulder, youâre about to whine, but she quickly presses a kiss to your forehead.Â
You were sure your best friend would damn you to hell for how quickly you were letting her back in, but maybe Callie didn't have to know yet.Â
You look up at her, not wasting a second before you place your lips back on hers in a hot and intense kiss. She accepts gratefully, sliding her hands down to your waist. Neither of you care that the front door is still open, or that she hadn't really explained her reasoning behind coming here yet.Â
Your mouths dance together in a type of passion that you hadn't yet felt before. She kicked the door shut with a heavy foot, turning you and pushing you against the cold surface. Her lips break away for a quick moment, a string of spit connecting you.Â
âIs he home?â She whispers. Her voice laced with desperation.Â
âNo.â You respond, and before you can do or say anything more, she's attaching her lips to yours once again.Â
You hold back a whine when her thumb slashes across your waistband, tickling the skin beneath the fabric of your shorts. You almost beg her to slip her hand beneath it, but figure it's better that you don't.Â
For a moment, you stop kissing, and let her pull away.Â
âWhat about Cat?â You ask. When the words come out of your mouth you expect to be faced with disappointment, to end up kicking Ellie out, or yelling at her for not actually fixing things. or maybe evenâ
âI donât want her. I want you. I told her that I was done with her.â She reassures, pulling her hands off your body. Your shoulders relax at the words, a small smile working its way up onto your lips.Â
Ellie leans over to untie your shoes, and you turn around to unlock the door. âSo that means we can be public?â You presume, letting the lock shut with a harsh click before you turn back around to her.Â
She doesnât respond right away, pulling her second foot out of her sneaker before rising back up to your level. âWell, I haven't talked to your brother, and I don't wanna go too fast.â You quickly roll your eyes, crossing your arms as you lean back against the door.Â
âSeriously, Ellieââ You start, letting your head hit the door. You pushed out a huff, fighting the urge to start an argument with her.Â
âListen! I just wanna do things right this time, so if that's what you want, weâll get there, but itâll take time.â She pleads, grabbing you by the chin. She places a soft kiss on your lips, âI don't want your brother to ruin this.â It makes sense, nobody could know if he would approve or not, and by letting the dust settle, and allowing Ellie to speak with him, it only increases your chances of success.Â
âYeah, I get it, sorryâŠâ You reply, sighing as you let her settle her soft lips on your mouth. You kiss her back, wrapping your arms around her neck.
âDonât be sorry, baby. Câmon, let's go upstairs.â She lets go of your chin, wrapping her arms around your waist. Before you can accept, she's hoisting you up, and ordering you to wrap your legs around her.Â
âYou have no idea how much Iâve missed you.â Her voice is low as she kisses you, carrying you to the stairs to bring the two of you up to your room.Â
âTrust me, I missed you more.â You whisper back, pressing your lips to her nose. She shakes her head, giving you a warning look.Â
âDo you really wanna have this fight with me?â She asks, carefully turning the corner to your bedroom.Â
You look her in the eyes, bringing a hand to her face as she slowly opens the door. âOh I do.â You bite back.Â
The night fades into a gentle harmony, with the two of you giggling beneath the sheets as you get lost in each other.Â
Eventually, you fall asleep against her chest, letting the quiet hum of her voice lull you into tranquility.Â
You don't wake up until the clock says pm on it the next day, pulling yourself out of her arms at 12:30 on the dot. Itâs quite a fight to get out of bed, Ellie pulls you back into her embrace many times, planting fat, sleepy kisses all over your face while you complain about her morning breath.Â
She whines as she stretches, her t-shirt riding up as she arches off the bed. You playfully tickle the sides of her torso as she yawns, causing her to jerk forward.Â
âHey!â She shouts with a laugh, reaching for your hands as you continue your assault on her skin. She giggles, grabbing at your wrists and pining them above your head.Â
She uses one hand to hold your hands down, while the other reaches down to your own torso, fingers working over the same spot as you had on her. You laugh, kicking at her stomach and legs in a futile attempt at pushing her off of you.Â
âEllie!â You cry out in laughter, throwing your head back as you thrash beneath her. Sheâs right above you, smiling loudly as she terrorizes you.Â
âOkayâokay.â She pulls her hands off your arms, and presses a gentle kiss to your lips before sitting up. You sit up on the other side of the bed, your head at the foot. You lightly kick her in the stomach before getting off the bed.Â
âEvil.â She calls you, shaking her head back and forth in faux-disbelief. You shoot her a shit eating grin, sticking your tongue out as you reach for the robe hanging from your closed bedroom door.Â
âOh please.â You stick your arms into the thick sleeves of the robe, tying the rope around your waist as Ellie stares you down from the bed. She flips you off, biting down on her lip as she stands up.Â
âIâm gonna go find something to eat, are you hungry?â She asks, wrapping an arm around your waist. She presses a chaste kiss to your cheek before pulling away and reaching for the doorknob.Â
âMaybeâŠWhatever youâre eating works. Iâm not too hungry yet.â You smile up at her. She nods in response, throwing you a thumbs up as she tugs the door open.Â
âIâll let you know if anyoneâs home, Iâll just tell them I slept in your brother's room.â You nod, and lean in for one more risky kiss.Â
Ellie giggles against your lips before pulling away and finally leaving your room. You smile to yourself after she pulls the door shut, picking up your phone to check your notifications.Â
Thereâs a few texts from the group chat, Jack (of all trades) inquiring about a hangout for tonight, a few from your brother, telling you heâs on his way home with some friends, and a few emails reminding you to re-register for school.Â
Nothing out of the ordinary, besides maybe the fact that your brother was already awake. You shove your phone into one of the large pockets of your robe before leaving your room and making your way to the bathroom.Â
It doesnât take more than ten minutes for you to freshen up, copying the same routine you followed last night, brushing your teeth, washing your face, and dealing with your hair.Â
Once finally satisfied, you smile to yourself. Thereâs a streak of giddyness that races up your spine as you look in the mirror, you have to force the grin off of your face before you step out.Â
You take a deep breath as you pull the bathroom door shut behind you. The floor is cooler beneath your feet now, someone must have opened a window within the few short minutes of you being behind a closed door.Â
You tiptoe down the stairs with a tiny smile on your face. You quietly reach into the pocket of your robe, pulling out your phone. Thereâs two texts from Ellie on your home screen, Everyoneâs here. Is the first, and the second reads the words They're all hungover.Â
You chuckle down at the device before sending back a quick lol. The message hasnât even gone through by the time you're downstairs, but you click your phone off and slip it back into your pocket anyway.Â
When you reach the main floor, your friends and sibling alike are resting on any surface visible. Your brother groans as his best friend hands him a bottle of water and laughs in his face. Dina is pushing bacon around a sizzling pan as Jesse practically kneels before the coffee pot.Â
You turn into the kitchen, smiling at Ellie as you enter. The group greets you, a few people throwing up lazy waves from the living room. Thereâs one person in particular who doesn't utter a word to you, the black haired woman resting on one of your stools. Sheâs positioned right across from Ellie, quietly giggling at whatever was said before you arrived.Â
You smile, peaking over Dinaâs shoulder at the progress on the cooking meat. âGood morning to you too.â She snarks jokingly, winking over her shoulder at you as you wrap your arms around her from behind.
âIâm so hungry.â You groan into her, letting your head fall against the back of her shoulder.Â
Your brother lifts his head, removing the cold, dripping rag from his forehead. âYouâre always hungry.â He says, not even breaking a smile. You flip him off before grabbing an ice cube from his drink to launch at his face.Â
Ellie chuckles, leaning against the counter as the rest of the people around you guys wither away. You stand beside her, waiting for anyone else to acknowledge you.Â
She places a delicate hand on your shoulder, leaning in to whisper into your ear. âWhy don't you go sit down? Iâll bring you some coffee.â She proposes, looking into your eyes with a suspicious amount of certainty.Â
You nod, âSure. Thanks, Els.â You smile. And you catch yourself almost going in for a quick peck. You practically float out of the kitchen, your head spinning at the thought of such a forward gesture.Â
You plop down onto the couch right at the corner, tucking your legs up under your robe to keep you warm. You pull out your phone, opening it up to the group chat and the flood of texts from your friends.Â
Jack (of all trades): Im eager to drink, someone throw a party.Â
Cals: You do it, you have the biggest house
Jack (of all trades): I always do it bitch
You: My brother is having people over tonight
You: like more than usual
Cals: OKAY! and im ready
You: yes! you guys can come!
You: 10pm
Jack (of all trades): fuck yes
You smile down at your phone as you begin typing out your next text. Youâre interrupted by the sight of two hands appearing at your eye level, a cup of steaming liquid being held within them.Â
âHere you go.â She smiles at you, letting the cup transition from hand to hand gracefully. Your skin touches as she hands it to you, and your heart beat picks up immediately.Â
âThank you!â You smile up at her. She plops down beside you, resting her arms on the back of the couch.Â
Youâre mid sip of the coffee, perfectly dressed up to your exact liking when Cat stands up from her seat. Nobodyâs paying attention to the two of you, engaging in mindless conversation as you sip on your coffee. Nobody except her.Â
An agitating snarl interrupts your moments of peace. âAwe, that was cute. You gonna write about it in your diary?â For a moment, the words don't register as anything other than irritating, but it's when you replay the sentence in your head that your face flushes hot with embarrassment.Â
Your head shoots up from your drink, Catâs across from you, kicking her feet up as nonchalantly as possible.Â
âWhat?â You ask, voice laced with fear. Â
âYou heard me. You gonna add that to your little book of poems? Maybe plan out your love confession?â She smirks, looking between you and Ellie. At this point, your brother's head is lifting from the table, and Dina is peeking at the group of you from over the counter.Â
Itâs when you look over at Ellie for yourself that everything clicks. Her face is flushed white, her eyes widening in cats direction. Thereâs a disgusted look on her mouth, but it's her body language that gives her away.Â
âTell her, Ellie!â Cat gestures in your direction.Â
Ellie swallows, and now every single pair of eyes in the room is on you.Â
âTell me what? What is she talking about?â You push, your eyebrows furrowed as you dig at her. Ellie pulls her arm off the couch, turning to you.Â
The room has gone eerily silent, so much so that you can hear the sound of your own heart pounding against your chest, and the red hot shame running down your body.Â
âI don't know what sheâs talking about. Sheâs just being a bitch.â She persists, looking in the other girl's direction as she annunciates the final word. Your eyes don't leave Ellie, even when Cat snorts and Dina questions whatâs going on from the other room.Â
âSheâs lying.â Your eyes drift. âWeâve had your diary this entire time, we read it together when we found it.â She laughs, âShe thought it was really funny.â She shakes her head up and down, jutting out her lip condescendingly.Â
Your brother looks over at you guys, a singular eyebrow raised. Even Jesse has tuned in to hear the drama now.Â
You don't know what to say, the news crashes into you like a train. Your mind is racing at full speed, anger and disappointment running through your veins. You canât tell if you should've seen this coming, or if it was the most ultimate betrayal youâve ever felt.Â
Ellie is in front of you, as silent as can be, while the girl on your side is destroying any trust for her that youâve ever had. You walked into this, like a lamb to the slaughter.Â
You felt her warmth, and now the cold betrayal that was to come after. She had read words you couldnât even say, while leading you blindly into the fantasy of love. She thought it was funny.Â
You could choose to believe Cat, who had no reason to tell you the truth, or Ellie, who had every reason to lie to you. The malice of both reactions makes your stomach churn. To steal your one prized possession and go through it like you were some made up character with no feelings was something sinister and awfully selfish. And to laugh in your face about it was simply just cruel.Â
âEllie, did you do that?â Your brother asks. His voice sounds foreign, and it reminds you that there's an entire room of people sitting around you, viewing your humiliation like cable television.Â
This is possibly the worst situation fro someone to be put in, and itâs being broadcasted to everyone you know.Â
The sound of Cats voice is reduced to an agitating hum as she recites different lines and passages from your diary. You can't even chalk yourself up to defend yourself to her, or to call her all the names you had been burning to label her as. All you can do is stare at Ellie, your eyes washing over with tears as you wait for her to respond, to tell you itâs not true.Â
You sigh, nodding once in finality before standing up, but not before slamming the cup down on the coffee table, letting it spill all over your hands as you do so. You quickly exit the room, climbing up the stairs as quickly as possible. You hear Ellie calling out for you, and the sound of Dina heckling Cat for her absurd behaviour.Â
You rush into your room, slamming the door behind you as you begin to gasp for air. Ellie had your dairy this entire time, while she slept in your bed, while she touched you and held you and pretended like it was all real, like you were hers.Â
Thereâs a string of snot tickling your upper lip, you rub it away with the sleeve of your robe. You pull out your phone, racing for Callieâs contact. Your hands are sticky and shaking as you tap on your phone screen, bottom lip quivering as you press the device to your ear.Â
She answers on the second ring, her voice cheerful and inquisitive on the other line. Thereâs overlapping voices coming from downstairs as you take a deep breath.Â
âAre you okay? Did something happen?â Your best friend asks. She didn't even have to hear your voice to know, just the sound of your disgruntled, shaky, breaths.Â
âIââ It takes you a minute to get the words out. âEllie has had my fucking dairy this entire time, and she read itâwith Cat.â You groan, your voice is wet and trembling, but youâre not quite sobbing.Â
You can hear her gasp into the phone, a series of dehumanizing insults following suit. âI canât believe that bitch. What the fuck!â She yells. You donât know what to say next, you canât even bring yourself to express the debilitating anger that was running through your body.
âFuck.â You whisper, letting your head fall back against your door with a loud thud. Thereâs voices all around you, Callie comforting you through the phone, and Dina and your brother shouting downstairs. Itâs all too much.Â
âHow did you even find out?!âÂ
âCat told me! In the living room! In front of my brother.â You explain. âShe said they read it together and laughed.â Callie practically screams into her phone, the sound causing you to instinctively pull the phone away from your ear.
âWhat the fuck. How dare they?! Is she okay? What theâOh my god?!â You can hear her stomping through the house, huffing and puffing through the phone as she picks up her keys.Â
âDonât come here. You canât.â You explain, sticking your finger into your ear to drown out the rest of the noise. âEveryone is still here.â Your voice is hushed, the phone pressed against your ear as you speak.Â
âKay, wellâŠâ She pauses for a moment, humming under her breath as she thinks. âIâm coming to get you. Iâll wait outside, okay?â
You dig your teeth into the flesh of your bottom lip, tugging anxiously at the skin that has already been bitten into a number of times this week.Â
âAre you good with that?â She asks.Â
âYeah.â You reply, because you know that whatever you answer with won't matter to her.Â
âIâm on the way, text you when I get there? Or do you want me to stay on the phone?â To be frank, you arenât sure youâre able to handle her being on the phone until she gets here. You can already imagine whatâs going to be said when youâre together, and that conversation can wait until itâs time comes.
âNo, noâŠItâs okay, just text me when you get here.â You run your free hand down your face, sighing into the skin.Â
âHmmâŠokay.â You wince at her complete unwillingness. âAlright then. Iâll see you soon.â She reluctantly abides, wishing you good luck and reminding you that she loves you before hanging up the phone.Â
You push a gentle gust of air through your lips, mimicking an exhale of frustration as your lips softly reverberate the noise. You stare into the vast familiarity of your bedroom, but you aren't really looking. Youâre focusing on the beating in your chest as your eyes gloss over.Â
Thereâs a little part of your brain yelling at you, the part that has never been good at giving you grace screams about how overdramatic youâre being, about how much this doesn't matter. Sure, it would be easier to forget about this, to accept it and move onâbut your feelings won't move out of the way.Â
You try to reconcile with the thought of forgiving and forgetting, but that wasn't you. A girl who forgives and forgets wouldn't have had that diary in the first place. Thereâs a high possibility that she wouldn't have gotten involved with Ellie Williams in the first place.Â
You push yourself off the door, the sound of voices has faded into a tense silence. You werenât sure if they had left, or just quieted down for the sake of de-escalation. Whatever it was, you were in no position to find out.Â
You plush your robe off of your shoulders, tossing it carelessly into your sheets as you try not to think of the hours spent beneath them. You undress quickly, slipping into more public appropriate clothing. Shorts and a tanktop would have to work for now.Â
You don't bother sitting down at your vanity, you had barely enough energy to walk out to the car, nevermind put on makeup. You accept the fact, and drop back down on the floor.Â
You sit cross crossed with your back pressed against your bed frame, your phone in your lap as you scroll through your notifications. A few texts from the group chat with different drink requests that remind you of the night ahead, and a single text from Ellie that you quickly delete from your home screen.Â
Like clockwork, another message pops up on your screen. Itâs Callie, saving you from your own head once again.Â
Cals: Iâm heree
Another one comes in before you can finish reading.
Cals: nobodyâs in the front, good sign ?Â
You raise an eyebrow, standing up and grabbing your purse as you creep towards the door knob.Â
You: coming
You: and idk, mightâve left to get drinks or something
You tiptoe down the hallway, then down the stairs as you listen for any commotion that may come with your brother's reckless peers. But when you reach the living room, thereâs only two people left. Jesse is resting on the couch facing away from you as he calmly converses with another friend.Â
You donât say anything as you grab your shoes, promising to yourself that you would put them on in Callieâs car. You bolt out the door without looking back at the two of them, pulling it shut behind you.Â
Her car is parked on the street, facing away from traffic. Sheâs still in the driverâs seat, looking down at what you assume is her phone. Just as youâre approaching the passenger side door, she looks up. She smiles sympathetically, reaching over and shoving the door into your direction.Â
You thank her with a smile, and accept her arms as they wrap around your body.Â
âMy baby, how are you?â She coos, pouting as she pulls you into her. You pat her overlapping arms, leaning into her ever-so-slightly as she places fat, wet kisses on the side of your face.Â
âIâm okayâŠâ But it doesn't sound anything close to convincing. She pulls her arms away from you, turning the car back on while shooting you a look. The classic I know youâre fucking lying to me, bitch look that she had mastered in the years of your friendship.Â
There had been a few cases where she would let your emotional suppression slide, not wanting to upset you further in your moments of inner turmoil. This time, you could not be so lucky.Â
âYouâre lying. Nobody is okay after finding out their girlfriend and number one public enemy read their diary together. And laughed.â She throws up two quotation marks with her manicured fingers, her bangles jingling as she moves her arm. You watch her face progress into more and more frustration as she paraphrases your version of events.Â
âSheâs not my girlfriend.â You deadpan, rolling your eyes as the car begins to move. Callie shakes her own head, looking over to you.Â
âYo, seatbelt.â She gestures to the still dangling belt with her head. You nod, reaching back and pulling the strap over your chest. When it clicks in place Callie turns her head back to the road.Â
âItâs just likeâI feel like such an idiot.â You sigh, letting your head fall back against the leather of the seat.Â
Callie nods, humming under her breath as she turns. âWhat I donât understand is whyâŠlike what do they gain from that?â She throws one up one of her hands, rolling her eyes as she speaks.Â
âWhen me and her werenât talking last week I was so upset. But now Iâm just mad!â You pull one of your legs up from the ground, shaking your head as you tuck it under your other. You broke your promise of shoving your shoes onto your feet once you had settled because all your mind can focus on is the boiling point that your emotions were reaching.Â
âLikeâyou fucking took my diary and read it with your little side piece while also leading me on? Like okay, what do you gain from that?â You throw your hands up.Â
âWhatâs her deal with Cat? Are they like fucking? Or?â Callie asks. You sigh, the entire previous night flashing before your eyes. You haven't told Callie yet, partly because itâs so recent, and also because you were scared of her reaction.Â
âWho fucking knows, dude. She told me sheâs not, like last night, and then this happens? Itâs bullshit.â Your friend nods in support, looking behind her to check for any other cars. You start speaking again as she switches lanes.Â
âBut I do want to believe herâŠâ Your voice trails off at the end as you push your head in the direction of the window. You huff, focusing on the low speed of traffic. The calmness of the very few cars on the road.Â
âWhat if it was all a lie? And Catâs mad because Ellie âchoseâ you?ââYo! Can this asshole stop?!â You smirk at her throwing her hand out of the car, cussing loudly at the car cutting her own vehicle off.Â
She continues, âBut I dunno, how did she react? Did she confirm or deny? What did she say?âÂ
âLiterally nothing. She just sat there looking fucking stupid.â You explain.Â
Callie grimaces, looking over at you before reaching for the ac. She turns the air up by a few notches before shaking her head. âSaying nothing says a lotâŠâÂ
You only nod, letting the words sink in as your eyes count the houses that you pass by. You try to guess whatâs going on inside each one, assigning lives to each front door. You canât help but wonder if youâll ever make your way back here.Â
âI don't really wanna think about it anymore.â You whisper into the passing wind. The two of you both know youâre not quite telling the truth. You didn't want to talk about it anymore, but you would spend the rest of your life thinking about it if the circumstances allowed it.Â
Callie nods, opening her phone and connecting the Bluetooth. She hands it to you without another word, and turns the volume of her stereo almost all the way up.Â
You select a random song, not caring for whatever may play. You spend the rest of the drive staring out the window.Â
When you arrive, she attempts to peel into today's events, you waste no time stopping her. She wants you to talk about it, but you canât even think about it without feeling nauseous.Â
The afternoon quickly settles into a calm ambiance. You both silently promise not to bring it up again, while the feeling of dread and impending doom looms over you. You play Mario kart, gossip about people you only sort of know, and eat like your lives depend on it. Itâs good, youâre content.Â
The hours go by painfully fast. With the plethora of tasks that Callie had you doing to take your mind off of Ellie, you had blinked and it was 9 o'clock.Â
Now, you are sitting in front of her mirror, criss-crossed on the floor as you apply the finishing touches to your mascara. The rest of your friend group is piling in, Jack and Paris sitting on Callieâs bed as they laugh over dumb inside jokes.Â
There were still a few missing, others who wanted to get ready in the comfort of their own homes. But no matter how many people were talking at you, your mind still couldnât slow down.Â
Callie wraps a curling wand around a chunk of her hair, purring about how the waves will make her highlights pop. You chuckle, reaching for a few of the locks in the back.Â
âYou missed a spot.â You point out, reaching for a thick section behind her ear. âHere, gimme the curlerââ you reach for the wand, meeting her eyes in the mirror as she holds it out for you.Â
âI haven't done the back yet.â She states, turning her head all the way to the side. You nod, taking the hot rod from her hand and adjusting her head.Â
âSo, what's going on at yours?â Jack asks. His question, although too specific to be for anyone else, just kind of dissipates into the room. Thereâs an awkward silence for a moment, your hands in Callieâs hair as the other two stare down at you. Â
 When you finally realise that the inquiry is directed at you, you look up at them. âOhâwho, me?â You ask, âNothing much, people mostly just come there to sleep.â You joke.Â
Youâre not stupid, you know heâs prying for information on the Ellie situation. You guess that Callie mightâve briefed them before they arrived, considering theyâve been walking on eggshells with you since they walked through the door.Â
âEverythingâs chill, honestly.â You smile up at them, humming as you pull the rod away form Callieâs head, reaching for another small piece and repeating the gesture.Â
They nod, almost in unison, accepting your answer as worthy enough to suffice. You silently thank god that they wouldn't be prying further.Â
The group falls into comforting conversation as you make your way around the crown of your friends head. It doesn't take long before others are filling in, Declan, Sam, and eventually Abby all pile into the room, cracking jokes and passing out greetings as they enter.Â
They greet you and Callie from above, chuckling at the position you were in to get the last curl in place. Callieâs quick to reach for Declanâs vape, and immediately start harping on them about their tardiness.Â
Abby smiles down at you, waving as a cloud fo smoke leaves her mouth. You stick your tongue out of the corner of your mouth before turning your attention back to Callie.Â
âWhen are we dipping?â Declan asks, pushing Parisâs head to the side with much more force that you imagine he intended. He slides in next to her on the bed, laughing to himself as she calls him a jackass.Â
âRight away. Sheâs finishing my hair and then we will depart.â Callie points in their direction as she speaks.Â
Sam is quick to respond, a boyish giggle falling from his lips as he looks up from his phone. âNobody says departâ He laughs. Declan nods in agreement.
Callie flips the duo off. âYouâre a faggot.â She throws at Sam. At this point, youâve dropped the last curl. Callie stands, groaning as she reaches for the bottle of hairspray on her vanity. Â
âInteresting.â Sam responds, jokingly stroking his chin.
âSuper. Letâs go.â She grabs her purse, beckoning you all up from your spots.Â
âCan she say that?â One of them whispers from behind you, earning a laugh from the entire group.Â
Abby leans over, offering her hand to help you up from the floor. You accept, smiling as you take it. Her hands are warm, calloused like Ellieâs, but with their own subtle softness at the palms.Â
âThanks.â You whisper, tugging down your skirt. She smiles, revealing a row of pearly enamel. Itâs comforting in a way that you canât quite explain.Â
She nods before walking out in front of you.Â
The group ends up separating into two cars. You, Paris, and Callie get comfortable in Callieâs vehicle. The others cram into Abbyâs while Jack screams about how glad he is that he isn't a designated driver.Â
Abby shoots you an exaggerated pout as she pulls the drivers side door open. You chuckle, waving her off as you step into Callieâs car.Â
âGonna miss you!â One of the boys shouts from the car. The three of you laugh, rolling your eyes at their energy.Â
Callie leans over you, âWeâre going to the same place!â She shouts out the window, earning her a middle finger from Declan.Â
She snorts before glancing behind her. She pulls out the driveway first, waiting up a few feet for the other vehicle to make it onto the road.Â
For everyone else, the drive was lively and excitement-building. But you couldnât quite say the same. You tried to entertain the conversation, but it was hard to keep up with Callieâs booming singing of the unreleased Morning Dew (donk) while you were trapped in a never ending cycle of doom.Â
You forced out laughs as she meandered on about her current boy toy, a boy who looked mysteriously similar to Jude Bellingham and was over the legal drinking age. And laughed as Paris called her a hoe.Â
You could tell your best friend was aware of the internal agitation that was interrupting your ability to exist, she always was. And with your emotional upheaval from earlier that day, surely it was no secret.Â
âBitch! Lift your spirits!â Callie yells, pushing her hand into your shoulder. Your other friend yells too, pushing herself up from the backseat.Â
As Parisâs head floats through the open sunroof, Callie continues to press you.Â
âEverythingâs gonna be good. Fuck her, and fuck Cat!â She leaves her warm palm against your shoulder. âYou have to say it!â She looks over at you, smiling as she takes a left turn.Â
Paris even pulls herself back into the car, yelling the words into your ears before going back up. âFuck Cat!â She shouts out of the sunroof.Â
You clap a hand over your mouth, eyes widening. You can't keep yourself from laughing, turning slightly in your seat to grab at her legs.Â
âParis! Out of the sunroof?!â You shout, an unwavering laugh interrupting your words. She slaps your hands away, falling back into her seat.Â
Callie snorts, rolling down her window and shoving her head into the cold nighttime air. âFuck Cat!â She screams. You slap her arm, reaching to pull her back into the car. Suddenly, the vehicle swerves on the empty road, causing the three of you to go still in your seats. Your eyes widen, a second of silence filling the car before you eventually snort, pulling on Callieâs arm until her head is back in the car.Â
âOkayâŠno more reckless driving. Lock in.â Paris lays her hands flat on the console between you and Callie, chuckling as she speaks. The both of you agree, nodding as you stifle your animated teenage giggles.Â
The rest of the drive holds what you can only describe as good energy. It wasn't exactly the shared sparks of excitement, or anything remotely close to it. But your anxiety had shrunken into something a tad bit more manageable.Â
When you arrive, the lawn is already being used as storage for the overflowing groups of strangers that hadn't made their way inside yet. The porch is lined with bottles and cans galore, a half full bottle of pink whitney is on the steps, no cap in sight and lipstick marks around the neck.Â
âThese people have no chill. Why is everyone an alcoholic?â Your friend jokes, following you up the steps. The rest of the group are right behind you, laughing and joking within their own small circle.Â
You squeeze through a clump of people upholding the line, a bong being passed between partygoers who are clearly lacking in the self awareness department. Callie looks at you, a small smirk on her face as she glances back to the people with the bong.Â
âPeople are dumb.â You roll your eyes, holding the door open for the rest of your friends to push their way into the entryway.Â
Callie stands beside you, nodding her head. âIâll say.â The two of you chuckle, standing silently for a few extra moments as the last of your friends pile in.Â
âIâm ready to drink!â Callie announces to your friends, her booming voice catching everyoneâs attention immediately.Â
Jack jerks his thumb in her direction, âDriving, by the way.â He announces. Chuckles reverberate through the circle at his comment. Callie slaps his arm.Â
âYeah, me too.â You nod, glancing over each side of you for anyone you may find familiar. You sigh at the sight of your home, groups of strangers taking shots and passing joints between them as loud music violates your eardrums.Â
Your anxiety slowly creeps back up on you as you step into the kitchen. The amount of people in your home was bordering on suffocating. And the thought of having to face your brother or any of his friends was causing the hairs on your arms to stand up.Â
You try to combat it with deep breaths as your friends start to take up the kitchen, strangers falling out of the back door into the backyard. Eventually, a small glass is shoved into your hands, clear liquid spilling from the top as your friend knocks her glass against yours.Â
You take the shot. And then another.Â
It doesn't take long before youâre aimlessly mixing different things together, pouring whatever you could wrap your sticky fingers around into a red solo cup. Youâre conscious of the choices youâre making, you know your limits! Is what you told yourself as the liquid spilling from the Malibu bottle in your hand slaps against your cup.Â
The bottle is quickly snatched by Paris, who promptly fills her own cup with the coconut flavoured rum. Her tongue peeks out of the corner of her mouth before she leaves you in the kitchen to join the party.Â
You cringe as you take a fat gulp of your drink, swiping the remnants of alcohol off of your mouth with the back of your hand. When you look up from your cup, Abbyâs is looking down at you, an eyebrow raised in amusement.Â
âJesus.â She laughs, leaning over to peer into the red plastic in your hand.Â
âI know. Itâs bad.â You reply, raising it to your lips once again. She grimaces as you take another sip, shaking her head.Â
âYouâre brave.â She acknowledges, mindlessly copying your previous actions.Â
You nod. Youâre not really. Not even close, but it feels good to hear, so you let it happen. âWhatâs in yours?â You gesture to her drink.Â
She holds the cup up to her face, swallowing her sip. âSomething watermelon, itâs not very good though.â She shrugs, offering it out to you. You accept, bringing the cup to your lips.Â
The second the liquid hits your lips youâre pulling the cup away. You reluctantly swallow as Abby takes the cup back. âJesus Christ. Thatâsâstrong.â You grimace.Â
The blonde nods. âI know. Sour as fuck.âÂ
âDid you cut it with anything? Water? Coke?â You inquire, peering into the cup to investigate.Â
âSprite.â She admits. You look up at her, a half fake disgusted look on your face. She bares teeth as she laughs at your reaction.Â
âThatâs so wrong.â You joke, your face shifting from slightly disgusted to absolutely mortified. The both of you know itâs humorous, your laughs mixing into a harmonious rhythm.Â
Usually, this would be when you squeezed out of the conversation and retreated back to your best friend. But right now, you had no intention of leaving Abbyâs side. You had grown fonder of her in the recent weeks, the two of you naturally clicked upon introduction.Â
âThatâs so fucked. Sprite is nasty.â You announce between giggles. Abbys nods along, accepting the teasing with a smile. She chuckles, running a hand over her face.Â
You lift your head to take another sip of your drink, your eyes widening as you bring the cup back to your lips. The alcohol had started hitting. Suddenly, the liquor in your cup didn't taste as bad as before, and your stomach was hot with intoxication.Â
âYou tipsy?â Abby inquires. You didn't want to admit it yet, but whatever you mixed together just a few minutes ago was probably not best for human consumption.Â
âNah, not yet.â You promise before taking another sip of your drink. You can feel yourself walking the line between sober and tipsy, and force another gulp down your throat before placing the empty cup down on the counter.Â
âHey, Iâm gonna pee! Iâll be right back!â You announce. Abby nods and shoots you a civil thumbs up, turning around to search for the rest of your group.Â
You quickly scurry off into the crowd, the sticky air clinging to the skin cells of your arms as you make your way to the staircase. You bump into a couple dudes swaying into each other, chanting the lyrics to the bass-boosted version of Right Now by partynextdoor. Ironic, considering you were the party next door. Â
You have to slide in between two girls' conversation in order to actually get up the stairs, trying not to roll your eyes at the fact that they are standing opposite each other on a single staircase. Some bitches really have no sense of awareness!Â
You huff, shaking your head as you finally climb that final step. The second floor is practically vacant compared to the kitchen and living room. Thereâs maybe four people up here, a small stream of smoke flowing out from the crack in your brother's door as people travel in and out.
You chuckle and shake your head, reminding yourself to slip in there for a hit of whatever was being passed around. Thankfully, thereâs no line for the bathroom. In fact, the door is wide open, inviting you in with open arms.Â
The room is hot and confined. But nonetheless solitude. You slide in and close the door behind you, pulling your phone out. Thereâs nothing new, zero notifications besides Pinterest letting you know they found some more bullshit for you to save.Â
You kiss your teeth, practically tossing the device onto the counter. It doesn't take long for you to finish your business, standing up and carrying yourself to the sink. You almost stutter as you step, the cup of bullshit clearly starting to take effect.Â
You quickly wash up, looking down as the suds of soap begin to appear on your hands. You focus on them, and the way your hands feel like static after rubbing them together for too long.Â
You pick your phone up again, and pretend that youâre not hoping for some kind of human interaction. A text from your mother would suffice, or even a snap, even though you absolutely despise that app. But of course, there's nothing.Â
You put your phone back and look into the mirror. For a minute you kind of just stand there. Silently analyzing every pore and hair out of place. You wonder how the random partygoers would rate you out of ten, and rank yourself lower than you actually believe in order to keep yourself humble.Â
You sigh, tugging on the doorknob. You step into the hallway with one thing on your mind. Okay, maybe two. But a joint to settle your nerves was your number one priority. Why be just drunk when you can be even more inebriated than legal?Â
Except your idea is tainted when you reach your brother's room. The door is shut, a gentle hue soaking the floor in front of your feet from beneath and two voices floating through the door. One of them sounds angry, while you can't really place the tone of the other.Â
You take a step closer, gently pressing an ear to the door. You steady it with your hands, careful not to make a sound. As soon as your skin meets the cold wood, and the music is drowned out by cuss words and harsh hushes, you recognize the voices.Â
Ellie and Cat, having what seems to be a massive argument. Theyâre only protected by your brother's door, and maybe the liquid courage sinking into their veins as they go back and forth.Â
You silently suck your breath in, closing your eyes as you try to really focus on the words that are being thrown around. Before, it was just mumbles of nonsense and aggravated groans.Â
âSheâs your best friend's sister! Youâre so fucking weird for that.â Is the first sentence that youâre able to make out. And it catches you off guard. You expected it to have something to do with you, sure. But to hear it was different.Â
âItâs not really that weird, Cat. I don't know what to tell you.â Ellie responds. And even though it's nothing special, it makes your heart flutter. Just a little.
âWhy her? Sheâs not your type at all!â Cat yells. You feel like you should pull away, and make your walk back down to the kitchen. For your sake and theirs.Â
Because if youâre being honest. You are scared of Ellieâs response.Â
âAs opposed to? You?â Ellie chuckles. âI don't have a type, hop off.âÂ
Cat scoffs. Itâs loud enough for you to hear through the door, so you can only imagine how miserable it is for Ellie to be in there with her, alone. Cat begins to speak again, calling you a few offhand names while her voice strugg;es to keep up with her.Â
âSheâs weird. And clearly delusional if she thinksââÂ
âOh my god, Cat. Shut up.â Ellie is quick to interrupt her, but she continues to speak. Her words get more and more malicious as she proceeds.Â
You pull your ear off of the door, deciding that if you were going to keep listening, you would need another drink. Part of you wishes Ellie wouldâve said a little more. But the other side of your brain, the more radical side, realizes that you wouldn't know what to do if that bitch was pressing you either.
The stairs are wobbling as you step down them. You bring your hands to the walls beside you, steadying yourself as you move down them. Cats' words continue to replay in your head as you walk over to the drink table. Weird, delusional, ugly.Â
She didn't actually call you the last one, but your brain found it logical that she would think that, even if nobody else did.Â
You pick up a bottle of vodka and a brand new red cup to fill it with. You pour just until the indent before taking the shot, and then repeat. Itâs methodical, an action that youâve grown quite good at since youâve come home.Â
Your eyes search the room for your friends, taking another shot of vodka when you fail to locate any of them. You grimace at the taste, shaking your head at the tingle in your tongue.Â
Your throat is hot when you look up, your stomach sinking to your feet when youâre faced with no other than Cat. Storming towards the kitchen, black miniskirt riding up her tattooed legs.Â
âFuckâ you whisper to yourself, slamming the cup down on the table. There was no way she wasnât heading directly for you, Ellie not on her trail as she pushed through innocent dancers without even so much as an apology.Â
âAre you good?â She asks as she approaches. Ellie was already gone, maybe lost in the crowd, or the overwhelming embarrassment she was feeling from the disaster she had caused.Â
You almost choke as you speak. âAm I?â You reply. You try to feign nonchalance, to maybe get her off your ass. But in reality, your face is hot with shame, your fingers trembling at your side.Â
âYeah, you!â She picks at you. Sheâs so obviously trying to pick a fight that its laughable. You look down at your cup, pouring another shot.Â
You expect her to leave, but of course, it was Cat. And the universe just simply wasn't that kind. âYâknowâYouâre really pathetic.â She inches closer.Â
Thereâs people looking up at you now, curious eyes lifting from their phones, or their partners, or whatever the fuck they were doing.Â
âIn case you didn't know, me and Ellie have been seeing each other all summer.â She shoots at you. You had already figured as such, but the confirmation did sting a little. Your anxiety is building by the second, your eyes glossing over as you stare down at your cup. Where the fuck is Callie?
You raise the cup to your lips, still ignoring the girl. âAre you gonna say anything?! Or whatâ She slaps the clip out of your hand, causing the small bit of liquid to fall onto your chest, painting your top dark.
You look up at her, âBitch! Youâre dumb!â Is all you can muster, your eyebrows crossed as you you look her up and down. Her face falters for a moment, before returning to its naturally bitchy state. She lookâs smug, unmoved as she digs into you a little further. Part of you wishes you could raise your first to her face, maybe that would make you feel better.
Thereâs phones out now, flashes on as they try to pick up on the words you guys are saying over the music. People are mumbling from all sides of you, a few people laughing leisurely with their groups as they silently cheer for you to scrap.
âYeah, well. Youâre dumber for thinking that Ellie loves you.â Is the final blow. You aren't sure whether to swing or to sob, but before you can react, someoneâs pushing her away from you, a string of cuss words leaving their mouth as they shove her towards the exit.Â
It takes you a moment to register whatâs going on. Callieâs hands are on your shoulders, a wide smile on her face as she applauds you for whatever the fuck just happened. Dinaâs the one yelling at Cat, telling her to leave, and that they already told her they don't wanna see her again.Â
âDid she just cuss you out?!â Callie inquires, looking down at your shirt. âYour shirt! Oh my god, what the fuck is her problem!â The brunette rolls her eyes, glancing in the direction of the front door.Â
Now that sheâs gone, everyone is staring at you, they heard the words that came out of her mouth. The humiliation, the fact that she wasn't even wrong. It was all too much.Â
âCâmon let's go.â Callie whispers, removing her hands from your shoulders. She wraps her hand in yours, reaching for a seltzer off the counter.Â
When you look up, your brotherâs eyes are staring right back at you. Heâs surrounded by Dina and Ellie, all three of them giving you a different look. Him absolutely furious while Dina pityâs you from afar. You don't even spare Ellie a glance.Â
Youâll be gone soon, you remind yourself, squeezing Callieâs hand as she drags you upstairs. Summer was nearing its end, and if it came on this note, youâre not sure when you would return. Â
ââââ # 3.9k â àšà§ best friend! ellie, obsessive!loser! els, popular! reader, newly gay reader, smut, soft & attentive sex, squirting, foreplay, els calls the reader baby cutely during it, dom! els & sub! reader.
ellie didnât know why she had followed him to the party that night. she didnât know why she did a lot of things, actually. that was just the kind of person she wasâdoing things on the whim without thinking of the consequences. she hardly had anyway, because she never got caught. most of the time.
in this instance, she truly thought what she was doing was right. she knew it was poor judgement. knew it was ridiculous and that she was overstepping boundaries that had been clearly laid out on the foundationâin a matter of fact way. it was the only way you ever operated anyway.
ellie knew that. well enough that it was almost excruciating. so, thatâs what brought her here. tailing hisâyour boyfriendâsâcar as he drove through downtown. for the past few months, she had this stupid inkling that burned deep in her chest. that he wasnât who he said he was, or that he was doing something behind your back.
you werenât necessarily naive, no. you were actually far too perceptive for your own good. except this perception came with a cost. it made you clingyâemotional, needy. it made you believe that you could fix whatever was wrong instead of realizing that some people just donât fucking change.
ellie hated this about you. maybe hate was a strong word, because truly she never hated anything about you. it just ticked her off that time and time again you put your whole heart into a relationship just for the man to go and fuck it up. sticking his dick in places it didnât belong or sweet talking pretty girls at clubs.
you really knew how to chose them, she had thought. you didnât have the best dating record, and in fact, she doesnât think she could ever remember you being with someone who was actually decent. but alas, it didnât matter anymore, because here she was; following your boyfriend to unveil yet another fucked up man you had convinced yourself you could change.
when his car turned into the parking lot of a well known strip club in the area, that was enough to confirm her suspicions. concealing her truck behind a bush, she rolled down her window and whipped out her phone. ellie discreetly took photos as your boyfriend greeted a thickly curved woman and kissed her on the cheek.
âbastard,â she muttered beneath her breath before spitting on the ground. like she was spitting on his shoes or on him in general. which, she could never do; because one, she was pretty scrawny and would probably get beaten up, and two, she cared about her teeth. âi hope sheâs great in the sack you asshole.â
ellie threw her phone into the passenger seat before putting her truck in drive and b-lining it towards your house. sheâd be damned if she told you over the phone. at least she had more respect for you than he did. she always did, though. always kept you in mind.
that was just the kind of friend she was.
yeah, friend.
who the fuck was she even kidding? what friend goes out of their way to tail someoneâs boyfriend to prove that their cheating? sure, maybe someone who was actually a good friend, but ellie wasnât doing this because she wanted to be a really good fucking friend.
no, she was doing this because she was so fucking utterly head over heels in love with you. so stupidly so that it was almost laughable. the fact that you hadnât even noticed at this point just proved her right in the fact that you claimed to be perceptive but were actually just delusional.
and now, she was biting the inside of her cheek. wondering how youâd take the news this time. would you cry? would you get angry and curse him out? would you end up in her arms again after she told you? she hoped so.
maybe thatâs why she did this. exposed your boyfriends for the bastards that they are; because she knew at the end of the day, it would lead to you in her armsâcuddled up to her chest, and her fingers in your hair.
her warmth, her scent. her body around yours.
just her.
ellie was fucking delusional, too. damn, you werenât the only one. but at least she could recognize her delusion. it was like the universe was laughing at her. what a comical experience. a loser lesbian being in love with her straight best friend? jesus, it was like a stupid ass rom com that turned doomed yuri.
âfuck,â she muttered to herself, fingers tapping against the rim of the wheel. this was a bad idea, she knew that. it only fueled the desire to have you even more. a sick and twisted desire to envelope you whole and make sure nobody else could touch you.
was this some sort of sick obsession?
if it was, she didnât even care. hell, she even liked it. the idea of nobody else being able to lay a hand on your pretty body. it was like giving alcohol to an alcoholic or blood to a vampire. either way, ellie was screwed.
screening herself.
this wouldnât end good if she kept going like this, sheâd tell herself. youâd find out eventually.
but, she was in your drive way before she even knew it. she knew the way to your house like the back of her hand, and she let herself inside without so much as knocking. your parents knew her, were comfortable with her, and told her that she didnât even need to knock anymore.
it was.. intimate. in a way that made her want to take advantage of it.
her raps on your door came quickly. she let herself in before you could call for the door to open, and when your eyes met herâs, you knew something was wrong. you had grown to be able to decipher those green huesâin a way that you thought you could, but in actuality, it was only whatever she was allowing you to see.
standing from your desk, you wrapped a jacket around your form. bare legs exposed, hair pulled out of face, and tank top riding up your stomach. ellie swallowed thickly, shutting the door behind her and simply pulling out her phone. she held itâthe evidence, and in that moment, you knew what it was completely.
a soft sigh fell from your lips. âdonât tell meââ she cut you off with a scoff.
âso you knew he had a reputation of doing this and you still decided to go out with him?â she questioned, her lips pursing in annoyance.
your eyes left herâs out of embarrassment. âdonât say it like that. he was nice and he payed a lot of attention to meââ again, she cut you off with a scoff that she covered up with a snort.
âare you crazy? everyone pays attention to you, angelââ ellie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. she tilted her head. âyouâre like.. crazy fuckinâ popular at school and youâre dating him because he gives you attention? thatâs bullshit and you know it.â
silence fell between you two. it wasnât awkward, but it held a weight that made her words hit deeper than they usually did. your hands dug into the sleeves of your jacket, shame filling your expression to which ellie immediately let her features soften. âlook, iâm not tryna lecture or anything, iâm not your parents,â she muttered, taking a few tentative steps towards you.
âiâm just saying, you keep choosing these guys when you know exactly how itâs going to end. why?â
the question she always asked: why? why did you do this? hell if you knew. was it insecurity?
you never really ever felt anything for real for these guys you dated. just the overwhelming urge to fix them and be tended to in a way that mimicked a father figure. your lips pursed in thought, unsure how to answer her. âi donât know.â
ellie let out a breath before sitting down onto the edge of your mattress. she stared at you for a long moment before lifting her hand and beckoning you towards her.
âcâmere.â she said, using her fingers to gesture.
reluctantly, you stalked towards her sitting figure. you stepped between her thighs, and her hands came to rest on your hips like they always did when she was trying to comfort you. a familiar bloom of warmth ignited in your chest as her hands finally touched you.
your cheeks reddened slightly, but you did your best to hide it as you looked awayâas if you were still embarrassed. âi just want you to stop choosing people who hurt you,â she said gently, trying to be softer towards you. her fingers rubbed circles against the fabric of your pajama shorts.
âit hurts me to see you sad.â
finally, you looked down at her face. she was staring up at you, chin tilted so that she could see you. you liked seeing her in this angle. eyes peering up into yours, and hands on your hips. again, you didnât know where to place this feelingâit radiated from your chest, to the pad of your tongue, and down to the space between your thighs.
not quite an ache, but more like desperation.
ellie said your name, snapping you out of your gaze. her fingers trialed down to your thighs, pinching to get your attention. âare you even listening?â she questioned, raising a brow.
âwhatâ? did you say something else?â
âi said you deserve better than this.â
âwhat is better?â
the girl hesitated on her words. god, she wanted to just yell: me, you idiot! though, she didnât. âsomeone who loves you for who you are and doesnât need to go get pleasure and attention from someone else,â she explained, tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip. her green hues shines in contrast to the sun outside your window. âsomeone who looks at you and only you.â
her words were making you warmer.. making the weird tingly feelings worse. so, just like every time that she had to comfort you through heartbreak, you sank into her. this time though, it wasnât because you were actually upset. it was because you were craving the intimacy in the way she held you.
sinking to your knees, you wrapped your arms around her neck and crawled into her lap. ellie tensed for a half a second before grabbing your waist and helping you get comfortable.
âgunna cling to me all night again?â
âis that a bad thing?â
ânah,â she murmured, smiling to herself. ânot at all, angel.â
bringing you further into her embrace, ellie laid back against your bed; the silk sheets welcomed her warmly like they did every night. here you were, limbs tangled together and cheek pressed against her chest. you could hear her heartbeat. it was sort of erratic.
you glanced up at her face, eyes finding the outline of her nose. âyouâre nervous.â you said. it wasnât a question, it was a statement and that caught ellie off guard. she shivered at the sudden view you had on her, trying to control the growing flush on her cheeks.
she coughed, tugging you back into her.
âno, mâ not.â she lied.
âyou are.â
âiâm not.â
âyou are.â
âiâm notâ!â
âels,â you said her name firmly, bringing your hand up to rest against her chest beside your head. âi can hear your heartbeat. itâs fast.. and youâre suddenly really warm,â your lips curved into a whisper of a smile. âi know you. i know how you react when youâre sudden nervous.â
ellie shuddered beneath the way your fingers dusted over her skin. yeah, she was nervous. she always was when she held you close, but you had never noticed before. so what was making you suddenly hyper aware to her emotions? her hand came to rest on the back your head, making sure you couldnât look up and see the red on her cheeks.
her lips pursed. âyeah, am i, then?â she murmured, trying to play it off nonchalantly like normal. but ellie was far from nonchalant. far far far from it.
âyou like holding me.â
your words were becoming bolder. she noticed it, too. like you were egging on the obsession she had with you. feeding her crumbs that kept her wanting more. it was maddening, and it made her want to pin you to your bed and take what she really wanted. to show you exactly what you deserved.
ellie nodded slowly, â i do.â
âi like when you hold me, too,â you admitted, voice soft like honey. it was smooth in the way you said itâyour usual matter of fact tone. âmakes me feel safe. like nobody can hurt me when iâm in your arms.â
she sighed, her lips ghosting against the top of your head. âyouâre right, nobody can,â she answered, tone hardening. âwonât let anything happen to you.â
a flush filled your face and suddenly, you were cuddling as close as possible. your nose brushed against ellieâs neck, legs tangling with herâs, and hands coming to grab fistfuls of her shirt.
âstay with me all night,â you pleaded, voice needy. she could never resist that, thatâs for sure. âjust want you, els. only you.â
only her? good god, you were making it too hard not to feel a million different emotions at once. lust, need, jealousy, want, confusionâgreed.
ellieâs fingers tangled into your strands, rubbing circles against your scalp before trailing the tips down your spine. when you shivered and arched into her, she bit back a groan. she wanted to map your body out so desperately bad. âyouâre making this difficult.â she muttered.
âhow?â
âyou canât be this dense.â
âmâ not dense, els,â you answered thickly, body growing warmer. âjust wanna hear you finally say it.â
finally?
had you noticed all along?
âsay what?â
âhow much you want me.â
ellieâs breath stuttered, and her fingers stilled. slowly, ever so slowly, she leaned back enough to glance down at you. her cheeks were on fire, but the way you were looking up at her was dangerous. it made her want to do things she knew she couldnât. made her want to completely ruin you to the point where you couldnât think of no other person again.
youâd be infected with her. absolutely consumedâencapsulated with her scent, warmth, taste. every part of her would be apart of you.
she leaned down, nose brushing against yours. her green hues peered into your eyes, âdo you know what youâre asking me to admit?â she muttered, gaze dropping to your lips. you shivered beneath her.
âi do.â
âwhy?â
the question made you want to whine. you were tired of her beating around the bush. this time only confirmed her feelings for you. every time you got a boyfriend, albeit they were awful, she always found a way to prove how god awful they were to you. she wasnât just looking out for you and protecting you, she was trying to take you away from them.
to make you hers even if it wasnât in the way she truly desires and god had you finally noticed it. âbecause iâm tired of pretending i donât want you just as bad as you want me,â you replied, tongue darting out to wet your bottom lip. âand iâm tired of hearing you tell me iâll do better and find someone else when all i want is youââ
yeah, she had heard enough.
her lips landed on yours in a sloppy kiss of desire, pent up need, and desperation to claim you wholly. ellie groaned into your mouth, hands finding your hips as she guided you onto your back. your arms immediately slotted around her neck, grasping at her short auburn strands like they were anchors.
âfucking hell,â she muttered more to herself than to you. âyou taste so fucking sweet.â
your cheeks burned at her admission, thighs moving to wrap around her waist. you brought her close enough to where her jeans were brushing against the fabric of your shorts. shit, it was too good. you could feel the heat coming from your cunt already, and you knew fully well that your underwear was soaked.
coated in a sticky liquid just for her.
âwanna know what else you taste like,â ellie pulled away from your lips to trail them down your jaw and neck. you let her, relenting to her every move like you were simply her doll and she was using your body to her own satisfaction. âyour pussy taste as good as your lips?â she questioned, glancing up at you through hooded eyes.
you couldnât even answer her. your stomach coiled tight as that annoying heat began to infiltrate your pelvis. âanswer me, baby,â she urged, her fingers coming up to grasp your throat. you winced, eyes opening and find her face. âdonât make me ask twice, okay?â
ây-yes, els,â you murmured, bottom lip trembling as your thighs quaked around her. âmy pussy.. tastes even better than my lips. you should try it.â
ellie groaned, and suddenly she was yanking off your shorts. tugging them down your thighs and discarding them, she cupped your cunt in her hand and rubbed the sore spot beneath the fabric. you arched, eyes widening and gasp leaving quicker than it ever had before.
the way she was touching you should be illegal. you had never been touched like thisânot with care, or hunger. a hunger to take care of you and satisfy your needs as much as her own. you may want to be used like her toy, but ellie was more concerned with watching you fall apart by her ministrations rather than feeling good herself.
god, she just wanted to touch you. pleasure you. love you. have you need her beyond anything else.
âyeah? you like that?â she asked, and you nodded quickly, recalling her words.
breathing stammered, you still replied. âyes, fuck! yes, els, i love it so muchââ your head lolled back against the pillow, âfuck, iâm so wet.â
she chuckled to herself, using her thumb to rub over the sensitive bundle of nerves beneath the cotton.
âgood girl,â she praised you quietly. âdoing just as i asked. good girls get what they want, yeah? you gunna continue being good for me?â
ây-yes!â you pleaded, bucking up into her palm as your body saught more friction. âpleaseâoh god..â
ellie sighed, thighs pressing together as she made her way down your body. slowly discarding your clothes until you were completely bare beneath her. she took a moment to admire the way your body lookedâall flushed and plaint for her. because of her. it made her stomach churn with a burning passion. a sensation far beyond anything else she had ever experienced.
sure, ellie had slept with a handful of girls before, but this was nothing like what she had before. it was all out of lust and need. this.. this was out of devastating and dangerous love. a love that transcended boundaries between friendship and relationship.
she licked her lips before slotting her head between your legs. your pussy glowed in her eyes, beaming up at her with an ache that she could practically physically feel. she watched your juices flow down your cunt, meeting the slickness of your ass. her mouth watered, pupils blowing wide in hunger. she wanted to take this slow. eat you out like you were her first meal in ages and she was a starving woman.
her fingers came up to slide between your folds, soaking up your wetness and coating it over your clit. your hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more from her. âfuck,â she muttered, eyes growing dizzy. it was like sheâs was seeing stars.
âyouâre so fucking pretty, baby.â she complimented you, coming down to press kisses to your bikini line. her tongue darted out to wet the skin as she trailed it down to your clit. sucking softly, you moaned loudly. âsuch a pretty pussy. all mine, now, yeah? gunna worship this pussy every fucking day.â
your hands twisted into her hair as you grasped at the short auburn strands. âfuck! els.. do-donât tease me..â you whimpered, pouting your bottom lip. her eyes came to meet yours as she slid her tongue between folds, letting you buck against her mouth as you sought solace in her mouth.
âmm.. but itâs so fun.â
âplease!â
âawh baby,â she hummed, using two fingers to stretch you out. you gasped, back arching as she began to pump the digits in and out of your pussy. she used her tongue to continue playing with your clit to overstimulate you and fuck was it working. your head was growing hotter as your eyes blew wide and pupils dilated.
thighs trembling, breathing rigid, and head lolling to the side. it was excruciating the way she was fucking youâbecause all she was doing was using her tongue and fingers and yet you were folding like an omelet under pressure. âyou like that you naughty girl?â she murmured, sucking your clit again.
ânever been fucked like this before, huh?â
ânever had a girl make you forget your own name?â
âis this why you could never finish with guysââ
you moaned, tugging her strands harder. âels, fuck! holy shit!â her words were making you spasm. the way she said those things. men unable to fuck you as good as her. shit, she was fucking right. you had never been touched like this, and you had never been given pleasure as good as this.
she was fucking you in a way that you couldnât even comprehend.
âwhat a good girl.â ellie leaned back from your pussy, glancing down at the way you squeezed around her fingers. âlook at you, squeezing my fingers. youâre really worked up, yeah?â
another frustrated grunt left your lips as you met her eyes. âoh godââ you huffed, grabbing at the sheets when your hands fell from her head. âiâm gunnaâshit, oh fuck..â
it didnât take long for you to squirt all over her hand. it coated her fingers in sweet sweet warm liquid that made her let out a satisfied sigh. she licked her lips before bringing her fingers to her mouth and sucking off your juices.
âyou do taste good down here, too.â
your cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the wetness that seeped into the mattress beneath you. your hips stuttered, and you immediately rolled onto your side to hide your face from her view. ellie chuckled, crawling up behind you and wrapping her arms around your waist. she buried her face into your neck and coated the skin in kisses.
when you whined, she could only smile. âaw câmon, you looked so cute when you finished.â she cooed, rubbing your hip in a soothing manner.
âyouâre just saying that.â
ânah, i mean it, princess.â
peeking out from behind your fingers, you looked over your shoulder and at her face. âwas this you claiming me? because now iâm covered in hickeys and your sweat.â ellie debated on your question as if she wasnât sure, and when you noticed the sarcastic look in her eye, you hit her with a plushie.
âiâm kidding!â she defended herself, giggling softly before gently tugging you back into her grasp. âof course itâs me claiming you, dummy. youâre mine now.â she whispered, bringing her voice down to a mere growl.
ellie nipped at your ear, soothing it with a lick. âand iâm gunna show you exactly what itâs like to be taken care of, in every single way.â
julsâ note this has been sitting in my drafts for like two weeks & i completely forgot about it until i went through my doc earlier today đ so, here you guys go!
could you write smut about mean jackson ellie who bullies reader ever since she arrived to town (when both were 15 maybe). and theyâre both 18-19 now, still hating each other but they shared a kiss and ellie ignores reader for a week or two and she has to apologise memorably. idkkk do your thingđ
ââââ àšà§ secretly my admirer ⥠ÛȘ àŁȘ ÖŽ 𧎠jackson! ellie x reader. ellie is a little out of character, mean & shy! ellie, femme! reader, reader is definitely more confident in this story & isnât afraid to speak up for herself, some smut at the end, enemies to lovers to trope.
juls note i love love jackson / cannon ellie, and i hope this one shot will get me out of my writing funk lol
itâs true. everyone has seen itâyou and Ellie simply do not get along. you never have. ever since she showed up in Jackson five years ago, you two have been at odds. sheâs constantly picked on you and laughed at the way you dressed compared to other kids your age. always calling you a stuck up and prissy princess.
youâre not. or at least, you donât believe that you are. at least, not stuck upâyou may be a little prissy when people annoy you, but thatâs because you know how to handle yourself. youâre not a princess who just sits back and cries when someone makes fun of you.
no, you yell back insults and thatâs exactly what got you and Ellie on bad terms. she made fun of your frilly pink skirts and socks with bows, and you made fun of her dinosaur books and t-shirts that had lame jokes on them.
it was safe to say that the two you absolutely despised one another. whenever the other was within 100 yards, youâd both sense it and your moods would immediately sour. every time you got a glance of the auburn hair youâd grown to hate, youâd immediately dread the remarks sheâd make beneath her breath to her friends.
thatâs how it lasted for a good solid three years. name calling under your breaths, sneaking death glances across the stables, and never interacting when paired on patrol unless in dire situations. there was only one time where you had thought of Ellie anything other than an annoying brat.
and that was when she saved you from a clicker during both of yours first group patrol. you remember it well because itâs the only time youâve ever come in contact with infected before. you only volunteered for patrol because Ellie thought you couldnât do it. that you were too stuck up and high on your horse.
you had to prove her wrong, of course. you quickly learned how to use a small pistol, whereas the other girl had known how to for years.
it annoyed you to no end how she gloated about taking down infected at just fourteen.
so, you ended up in her group for your first patrol, and with your shitty luck, got yourself into a situation that required her assistance. in more ways than oneâsaving you, and patching your precious hands up.
her words, not yours. though it sounded slightly more teasing than annoyed now.
she had been your enemy for the last three years and at 17 she was teasing you instead of rolling her eyes and scoffing at your existence. it confused you at first, but then you just believed it was another on of her clever tactics to get beneath your skin.
after that patrol, you no longer swore under your breath when she was near. instead, you simply ignored her all together. you couldnât exactly hate her now that she had saved your life, but you could definitely ignore her. and thatâs exactly what you did. anytime she was around, youâd find a different route.
anytime she had stable duty with Maria, you would find another job to do that didnât involve being around her for several hours. thatâs pretty much how the next year or so went on. Ellie didnât bother you much then. instead, sheâd glance at you and then look away when she saw you noticed her stares.
you could no longer read those green eyes that used to pierce into your soul with annoyance anymore. they were.. shaky when she looked at you now; like she didnât want you to know she had been staring or that she had been caught doing something wrong.
it wasnât until she got her first girlfriend that you noticed a very big change in Ellie. she had begun dating a girl you knew named Cat. she was a tattoo artist and had done many tattoos on your friends, including you. she was the one who gave you your small tattoo on your lower back.
and it seemed like she had begun tattooing Ellie also. one day she showed up to the tipsy bison with a stencil fern and moth tattoo on her forearm to cover the chemical burn she got after moving the Jackson.
when she caught you observing it from afar, she sneered and rolls her eyes. this was the first time in a year she had been blatantly rude to you for no reason. you two had been keeping your distance lately and now she was being mean ever since she got a girlfriend.
did coming out gay mean she needed to be a prick? you didnât think so. you simply rolled your eyes back and walked away. you two didnât stay around one another long enough to fight after that. Ellie was too busy spending time with her new girlfriend anyway.
she was hardly around her friends anymoreâboth Dina and Jesse had grown close to you during that time. you three bonded and began smoking and drinking together while Ellie played dumb and stayed with Cat more often than not. she didnât want to be around you anyway.
for whatever reason, ever since the day she saved you from that infected, she had seen you in a different light. your eyes were scared, your body shaky, and your hands scraped from falling on concrete. it stirred up this almost protective instinct that made it hard for her to ignore.
she didnât exactly dislike you from the beginning. sure, she found you stuck up, but she didnât think you were annoying until you started fighting back. she didnât think you had it in you really, and was surprised when you made fun of her dinosaur books and her t-shirts.
at 17, Ellie didnât know what liking girls meant. but she knew that whatever feelings she had for you, they were hard to manage and she didnât like the way they felt. when she met Cat, it really solidified exactly what she felt for you because sure, Cat made her all clammy and nervous but youâ
you stopped her world. and you didnât even know it. when she started dating Cat, it was purely out of denial for her feelings towards you. it almost made her angry, even. when she saw you looking at her, it made her blood boil. not in a way where she hated your guts, no, she could never.
but in the way she was denying herself of you. she was meaner towards you to cover up whatever thoughts grew at night inside of her brain. the images that would pop up of her lips on your skin and what she didnât dare to think of; her hands on your thighs and her fingers sliding up the lengths of your frilly pink skirts.
it was hard. too hard to manage.
eventually she broke it off with Cat. she couldnât keep dreaming about you every night and having to kiss another woman. it wasnât.. it didnât feel right. Ellie couldnât just keep thinking about your lips when she was kissing someone else. thatâs fucked up and even she knew that.
but what the fuck was she supposed to do now? you two had five years of rivalry beneath your belts, and now that you were both 19, the fuck was she supposed to do? just come out and admit sheâs liked you since 17? tell you that sheâs fantasized about your lips on hers and the way your body would feel beneath her skin?
no, she canât do that. sheâs too.. nervous, too shy, too mean. thatâs what everyone in town thinks, anyway. she knew you thought it too. why wouldnât you? all sheâs ever done is give you sneers and glances that made you roll your eyes and look away.
now, she canât even face you.
she has no choice though. because now sheâs stuck staring at you while you dance with a random girl across the fucking room. a glass of whatever alcohol she could get her hands on is in her palm, swirling as she taps her fingers against it.
Jesse stands at her side, sipping his drink slowly, eyes darting between your laughing figure and his friend. âwhy donât you just talk to her?â he questioned quietly, testing the waters. Ellie could be explosive sometimes.
âtalk to her?â she muttered, eyes never leaving you. âyou think sheâd actually want to talk to me? i told her to fuck off when all she did was ask me a simple question two weeks ago. iâm notâ fuck, iâm not good at this shit.â
he nods understandably. âwell, you are known to be pretty awkward.â
âawkward? that wasnât awkward, i was just being a dick because i was nervous sheâd catch on to my feelings.â Ellie admitted, biting her bottom lip.
Jesse shifts, âwould it be bad if she did?â
thereâs a moment of silence where she just stares as the girl twirls you around. your frilly pink dress swirls around your thighs; the same ones she used to make fun of back then, and the same ones she had come to admirer the past few years. the ones she wishes she was twirling you in right now.
her eyes look down at her drink finally.
âshe doesnât like me like that,â her tone is quiet, almost defeated. ânot after the shit weâve been through.â
her friend tilts his head, âyou were kids. i doubt sheâs holding a grudge against youââ
âdo you know her?â Ellie scoffs with a laugh, her lip turning up at the corner as if sheâs happy she knows every part of your personality. âof course she is. i bet sheâd be happy to see me covered in mud and getting tomatoes thrown at me.â
Jesse snorted, âyouâre ridiculous.â almost as if perfect timing, Dina popped up with another drink in her hand, her bubbly smile present on her face. she laughed a little, staggering to her boyfriend and wrapping her arm around his.
âwhatâre you two talking about?â she asked. her eyes meet Ellieâs, but before the girl can interject and stop Jesse from spewing whatever she had told him in confidence, he starts speaking. âEllieâs chickening out about asking you know who to dance.â
Dinaâs eyebrows raise. âoh really?â she wiggles them, âalright then, iâll do a favor! youâll owe me after this!â
Ellieâs entire posture immediately stiffens, her hold on the glass suddenly becoming excruciatingly strong. she reached out with a soft and squeakyââno please donât!â but Dinaâs already on her way towards you.
She brushes her hand against your back and all Ellie can do is watch with a face full of red flush. her freckles darken beneath the red hue, her eyes trying to find any other place she could look at. she hears your voice, sweet and soft, as you glance towards her and then back at Dina.
you raise a brow, almost unsure if you had even heard her right. âEllie wants to dance with you,â she explains, giggling softly from the alcohol in her system. your lips purse and you cross your arms, leaning on your hip.
âEllie wants to dance with me?â you mutter, titling your head. âis this another one of her jokes?â
Dina shakes her head, âno, not at all! quite the opposite, actually!â when she can see that youâre not all that convinced, she wipes the smile off her face and grabs your hand. she squeezes it soft before looking you in the eye.
âi get you and Ellie arenât on the best of terms, but just give her a chance, please!â
you debate for a moment. fuck, Dinaâs whining is always too convincing. plus, your people pleaser side is showing as your head starts nodding before you even agree. she squeals happily, waving towards Ellie; who is looking anywhere but you.
she tries to play it off nonchalantly, and it almost makes you snicker beneath your breath. setting down her drink, she wipes her clammy hands against her jeans and saunters over with her eyes trained on her chuck taylor converse.
Dina leaves you both alone, standing in the middle of the dance floor as others from Jackson twirl and laugh around you. she stands here for a moment, rocking on the balls of her feet like sheâs debating on what to say. she looked nervous. this was the first time you had ever seen her nervous.
you could see the remnants of a flush on her cheeks and it makes your heart thump oddly in your chest. you swallow hastily, wanting to get this over withâbut thereâs a part of you that also somewhat likes the way sheâs close to you.
âare you going to just stand there or dance with me, Ellie?â your voice rang in her ears. the way you say her name makes her ears perk up and it causes a sudden flutter in her stomach.
fuck, she hated how much of an effect you had on her.
her fingers out stretched slowly, awkwardly. you sighed, rolling your eyes and grabbing her hand quickly. pulling her towards you, you settled her hands against your hips and wrapped yours around her neck. you two were close nowâcloser than you ever had been.
well, except for when she had saved you from that infected and held you close when you were shaking. that was the last time she had been close. this was.. different though. you were in a state of fight or flight, you were indifferent. she wasnât acting like the Ellie you knew.
she was being awkward. looking away quickly and speaking softly. not like the Ellie who had cussed you out two days ago. you pursed your lips, âso. is this your grand plan to pull a prank on me or something?â your voice was whisper-like.
Ellieâs eyes widened. her hands stiffened on your waist. you could feel it physically. she was being so different, unlike herself in a way that was completely throwing you off guard. was this just an act to get you to feel sympathy for her? she licked her lips nervously.
âmâ not pulling any pranks on you.â she replied softly.
you raised a brow. âyouâre not?â
âno.â
another breathy exhale. âso you just wanted to dance with me of all people? not cat orââ Ellie sighed at the mention of her ex girlfriend and suddenly she was stepping even closer. her chest was damn near against your own, your arms loosening as they slackened against her shoulders.
âyes, i wantâ well, i just.. fuck, iâm not good at this shit.â
âwhat shit?â
âemotions or whatever.â her face fell as she glanced away, trying to revive whatever nonchalant attitude she had left. you found yourself reeling at her behavior. it was almost.. adorable. she wasnât able to even look you in the eye.
you relaxed slowly, letting yourself succumb to the nature of being around an entirely different side of Ellie. one you had never seen except once when she saved you: soft eyes, concern, gentle touches, and strong armsâones that acted as if they would protect you no matter what.
your eyes found herâs when she finally looked back. it was the first time you had ever genuinely tried to look at her in any other way except annoyance. âwhat emotions?â you question. Ellie tenses a little, overwhelmed with the eye contact. you two had never been like this before.
this was vastly different. she was short circuiting. her brain was hardwired to never show any sort of emotions that could get her hurt and yet here you were again, pulling them out like she was made of ball of yarn. she was wrapped around a finger she had hated before and now yearned to be pulled by.
her lips parted as if she was about to speak, but she didnât know what to say. how could she confess her feelings to you after you two had been nearly rivals for the past five years? or well, one sided for the past three.
âEllie.â you say her name softly. itâs not full of frustration or annoyance from her attitude. itâs.. so different. it makes her heart jump. her eyes widen and her lips finally part enough for her to be able to speak.
she stammers. âthe ones i have for you.â
âfor me?â you tilt your head to the side. your face was inches from her own, and she could feel your breath against her skin. she shivered, nodding in reply. âare they.. good? bad?â
Ellie swallows thickly. âgâgood.â her cheeks grow warmer, a red hue suddenly painting the skin beneath her freckles. she blinks quickly a few times, like sheâs trying to physically stop the flush.
your lips turn up slightly. after five years of being somewhat mortal enemies, this was the first time you had ever seen Ellie flush like this. not even when she was around cat would she get this redâeven Dina and Jesse would tell you about how she didnât really have much interest in the girl.
had she been hiding this all this time? was that why she was so mean to you? she didnât know how to express her emotions and was scared of getting hurt? it changed the entire way you viewed her now. you could almost understand why she had been the way she was.
as a kid, you couldnât blame her for being mean because well, thatâs what kids do. as a teenager, you hated her for being so mean and constantly teasing or insulting you. now, you could see that it was all just a coping mechanism. she didnât know how to be niceâor nice in a way that wouldnât get her hurt. your eyes fell to her lips and then back up to her green hues.
âElsââ you start, but she cuts you off.
her eyes glance around rapidly, almost nervous. âyou donât have to feel the same, you know. like, iâm not saying this because i want you to feel bad. i get it if you hate me or whateverâyou know, for being a dick for the past five years?â she speaks almost breathlessly.
âmâ not gunna like pressure you into liking me. mâ not like thatââ you cut her off, your fingers grazing the nape of her neck near the small bun at the back of her head. she swallows the air in her throat, looking at you. she stiffens, the sudden change in your demeanor throwing her off as much as herâs had done to you.
you smile slightly, âsâ okay,â you whisper. âi think i get it now.âyour words made her heart beat quicker. you understood her? how could you possibly understand her babbling?
had you two unknowingly become to understand every part of one another even from far away? if so, Ellie found that fucking romantic. she relaxes slowly, her fingers wiggling as they attempt to re-articulate and hold your waist tighter.
âyou get it?â she asks.
you nod. âyes, Els. i get it.â
Els. that sweet nickname. nobody else ever really called her that. maybe Dina when sheâs tipsy, but nobody else.
coming from you, it sounds heavenly.
like an angel whispering into her ear.
her cheeks warm again. she doesnât attempt to stop the flush this time, she lets it happen. now, her eyes arenât leaving your face. sheâs staring at you; trying to memorize the features she had come to admire from afar. she traces your nose and up to your eyebrows, taking in the way your lips turn up in a smile towards her.
it felt nice to see you smile. especially at her. nobody smiled at her. Dina and Jesse did, sure, they were her friends. everyone else though? they hated her guts. she was mean, rebellious, always back talked, and fought for what she believed in. you? she had grouped you in with them once, but recently? fuck, you were smiling at her.
so soft and cutely.
the music slowed around you both, other couples and friends dancing with one another as the town drank together. your footsteps moved swiftly like this was second nature for you, and Ellie sloppily followed in suit. when sheâd step on your toes and breathlessly apologize nervously, youâd giggle and shake your head.
it almost felt surreal. were you really dancing with Ellie right now? was this happening? you wanted to ask her to pinch you to make sure you werenât dreaming.
because if you were, this would be a dream that you never wanted to wake up from.
the girl who always seemed to hate you from afar was finally being nice and dancing with you. it was such a nice feeling.
when the slowest part of the song came and just instruments filled the space, you glanced up into her eyes. of course she was already looking down at you, lips curved up in a half smile she rarely wore. your heart beat skipped, stomach flipped, and muscles tensed as if you were sensing a real change within your body.
a good change.
suddenly, you werenât thinking about anything elseânot even the people around you. instead, you were leaning up on your tippy toes, breath mingling with her own. Ellieâs eyes widened, but she didnât move. her fingers grasped your clothes tightly, feeling the way your lips slowly brushed against her own.
you were kissing her.
or attempting to.
when she finally snapped out of her panicked daze, Ellie pressed the palm of her hand to the small of your back. she pulled you forward, chest pressing against yours as she sealed her lips with your own. they were soft and sweet, tasting like cigarettes, liquor, and honey.
so much different than her demeanor. she was clearly sweeter on the inside.
your fingers dove into the soft strands of her hair, scratching her nape gently as you kissed her. Ellie felt like she was melting, and she didnât even register the odd glances from others in the room. Dina snickered as she side hugged Jesse and bumped their glasses together in celebration.
the kiss was like fireworks going off. it was slow, passionate; spilling unspoken feelings into one another. it was pleasing and warm, hot and needyâEllieâs tongue lapping at your lips as if she clearly needed more. you wanted to give it to her.
a gruntâa cough pulled you from the sweetness that was Ellieâs lips. pulling back, your eyes met with Seth. he was standing beside you in the slightly less crowded room, holding an empty liquor glass. Ellieâs hands tightened on your waist, the sudden sweet smile that was on her face was wiped completely away.
instead, she held her usual annoyed expression. her green eyes met Sethâs, âthis is a family event.â he said in a snarky tone, grey eyebrows furrowing.
your cheeks warmed, embarrassed that everyone had just seen your kiss. you werenât embarrassed about kissing Ellie, but about the fact that such a private moment had been public. sending your unease, Ellie slipped her hand into your own and laced your fingers together. she rolled her eyes and turned on her heel.
âsorry.â you murmured, grabbing her arm to follow her. his eyes found yours and they narrowed, glancing between the two of you. as your footsteps creaked against the wooden floorboards, he grumbled again. âremember next time thereâs kids around!â
usually, you tried not to start conflict. however, even if you had been on good terms with Seth before, his sudden attitude towards both you and Ellie was really rubbing you the wrong way. your hand tightened in Ellieâs grip, and you looked back at the older man with furrowed brows. it was clear you were getting angry, and Ellie could see it too.
âyouâre not setting a great example.â you replied, shaking your head.
Seth scoffed, âoh, just what this town needs. another loud mouth dâ.â before he could even get the word out, Ellie had whipped around. her expression was a lot deadlier than before, and you could feel the way she had begun to draw near the older man.
âwhat the fuck did you just say?â she said, pointing her finger towards him. you grabbed her arm tighter, pressing the palm of your hand to her chest. âEllieâ donât, itâs not worth itââ you attempted to ease the situation, everyoneâs eyes now on the commotion in the middle of the dance floor.
suddenly, a brush past your back pushes you into Ellieâs frame. Joelâs hands come in contact with Seth as he steps into the three of you, âheyâ! get the hell out of here.â he threatens, stepping in front of you both. your eyes follow the three, but Ellieâs no longer focused on you.
her smile is gone. once Joel stepped in, she seemed to have lost all sense of happiness. her eyebrows furrow, her lips curl forward, and her hand that had been in yours curled into a fist.
âget your hands off meââ Seth fires back.
as if sensing the commotion, Maria intervenes. âhey! enough.â she steps between the two men, Tommy grabbing Sethâs arm to lead him outside as Maria beckons Joel to back off. the two scoff at one another, the older man turning around to walk outside.
when Joel faces you both, you smile softly. he meets your gaze and nods, but youâre unable to thank him. âyou alright, kiddoâ?â heâs cut off by Ellieâs immediate anger. she throws her arms out, disregarding your presence. you take a step back, eyes widening at her sudden frustration.
âwhat is wrong with you?â she questions, eyes wild.
Joel breaths deeply, âhe had no rightââ
âand you do?â
thereâs a moment of silence where he simply stares at her. his hazel eyes squint as an expression of sadness coats his features. your heart drops at the way she responds. âi donât need your fucking help, Joel.â
the crowd murmurs behind you, and when his eyes flicker to yours, all you can see is immense guilt and shame. you donât know whatâs hiding beneath those two, but the way Ellie speaks to him doesnât sit right with you. if anything, Joel has always been the person you saw her with the most when you were both young.
whyâ? you shook your head. this wasnât the time. when Joel turned to go, Ellie shrunk back, her eyes finding yours. you frowned, taking a tentative step towards her. âEls, are you okay?â you whisper, fingers brushing against the tattoo mark on her arm.
she flinched, unable to look you in the eye. your stomach dropped. no, please donât go back to how you were before. was all you could think. she pulled her arm from your grasp, murmuring an apology beneath her breath. her footsteps were quick as she ran out of the tipsy bison.
she left you standing there. alone, at the attention of everyoneâs eyes. did you want to blame her? yes. could you? no.
Dina and Jesse attempted to soothe the situation over. Jesse offered you a drink while Dina chased down Ellie to wherever she had went. right now, you were slightly embarrassed by the outburst between the two. not even to mention the fact that she had just left abruptly.
it didnât stop there. no, Ellie ignored your existence for two weeks on end. any time the two of you were in the same space again, she would b-line it in a different direction. she avoided patrols with you, avoided working in the same space, and would even avoid eye contact if you two happened to make it.
it bothered you. did she regret the kiss or was it just about what happened with Joel? it bugged you endlessly, and no matter how much you confided in Jesse or Dina, they both wouldnât really open up about what was going on with Ellie.
by the end of two weeks, Ellie had eventually come around enough to where she wasnât avoiding you. but now, you were avoiding her. you werenât upset about what happened at the dance, no, you were upset that she had completely vanished like nothing happened.
like the kiss didnât mean anything.
âfuck, i donât know what to do.â she groaned, leaning back in her chair. Dina, sat on the couch, puffed from the joint before handing it to her boyfriend. âabout what?â
Ellie sighed, ây/n. i just.. literally left her there after we kissed and iâve beenâfuck, just avoiding her.â throwing her hands out as if to exaggerate the situation, Jesse spoke.
âyou could just talk to her.â
âsheâs probably pissed at me.â
âsheâs not.â
Ellie rolled her eyes. âhow do you know so much about her?â her voice was laced with annoyance. maybe it was because someone else was telling her about what you would or wouldnât be annoyed about. she should know. she should know everything about you.
âsheâs my friend, thatâs how,â Jesse laughed, shaking his head. ây/nâs not mad at you, she told me already. sheâs just.. yeah, you fuckinâ dipped every-time she was around. of course sheâd overthink it.â
she sank into her chair. âwhat do i do?â her lips curled downward as she began to bite on her fingernails. she didnât want to go back to how you two were before. she had finally gotten to touch you and kiss you and now she was back at square one.
she didnât want that. never again. Dina opened her eyes sleepily, holding the blunt between her fingers.
âjust apologize dumbass.â her words were blunt. pretty much everything Dina said was blunt when she was serious or annoyed.
Ellie glanced her way and drew in a quick breath. âhow? she probably wonât want to see me.â
âshe will. sheâs literally just been waiting for an explanation the past two weeks,â Jesse replied, shaking his head. âyouâve just been too much of a pussy to actually talk to her.â
the girlâs eyes widened, âheyâ!â
âheâs not wrong.â Dina said, shrugging. âyouâve been avoiding her because of Joel. she didnât do anything, there was no reason to avoid her and be a dick.â
Ellie frowned. âno need to be mean about.â Jesse laughed, âyouâre such big baby.â
âheyâ!â
going silent, Ellie decided that she had to rip the band-aid off one way or the other. so, she pulled on her green jacket and laced up her chuck taylorâs before heading towards your house. it wasnât far. you two lived in the same neighborhood, a couple houses down. she always saw you when she passed, too.
sometimes sheâd just stop to admire you through your window. it should have creeped her out the way she watched you when you werenât looking, but it didnât. she enjoyed it too much.
standing at your front door, Ellie hesitated. she wasnât good at things like this, but for your sake, sheâd try to be. sheâd be anything if it meant having you back. her knuckles rapped at the door twice before it opened.
dressed in a simple tank top and shorts, you glanced up at the auburn haired girl. your eyes widened, disbelief that she was actually standing at your front door. before you could speak, she was already babbling.
âiâm so sorry,â was the first thing she said. her cheeks were red, embarrassed. âi didnât mean to leave you all alone. there was just so much going on, and i had to get out of thereâfuck, i really was embarrassed that that happened in front of you. you know, with Joel? you didnât need to see thatââ she took a breath, and you tried to speak but she didnât allow it.
her lips pursed. âitâs not your fault. i donâi donât fuck, i donât regret the kiss at all. i loved it, even. is that weird? to love a kiss? sorry, i just.. y/n, i only avoided you because i was embarrassed about what happened and i didnât want you to see me differentlyââ
you kissed her.
stopping her mid sentence, you stepped out onto your porch barefoot, wrapped your arms around her neck and kissed her. her lips were slightly chapped from how much she had been biting on them. she short circuited.
her hands clenched, her body tensed, and her eyes widened. when she saw you werenât pulling away, she relaxed. this was good. you were kissing her. you werenât yelling, you werenât angry. you were initiating it further.
grabbing your hips, she backed you inside of your home, shutting the door with her foot. her lips moved against yours as if suddenly remembering the way they had felt two weeks ago. she had made time to map them out. your fingers grasped her hair, tugging at the small bun.
âitâs okayââ you gasped between kisses. âElsââ another short breath. âi understandââ Ellie groaned against your mouth, backing you against the nearest wall. her hands slipped down to your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh she had yearned to feel for so long.
pulling back slightly, she looked at you. âshut up,â she whispered. âmâ gunna make it up to you. show you how much i really meant that kiss.â
âi know you meant itââ
kissing you again, she pushed her knee between your legs. âgunna show you.â she murmured, peppering kisses down your jaw and to the side of your neck. you sighed, closing your eyes and grasping her jacket.
âmissed you so much.â she said, pulling your hips before picking you up. a giggle escaped your lips, and she began carrying you up the staircase to your bedroom. âEllieâ!â
her lips curled upward, âmâ finally getting you all to myself,â she pinched the back of your thigh before putting you down onto your bed. âand youâre gunna see just how much iâve craved you for the past two years.â
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pretty girls who get so close riding you that they freeze up completely. hips going still. face crumpling. "i'm gonna cum i don't want to cum yet i'm not doneâ"
hands finding their hips. starting to move them slowly.
"keep going."
"i can'tâ i'm too close i'm gonnaâ"
"i know." moving their hips faster. not slower. "keep going anyway."
a devastated sound. hips moving despite themselves now, chasing and fighting it at the same time. "pleaseâ please i'm right there pleaseâ"
reaching down between us. thumb finding their clit.
the whimper they let out at the contact.
"noâ no no no please that's too much please i'm gonna cum pleaseâ"
not stopping. working slow circles while their hips keep moving. feeling them get impossibly closer. feeling them try to still themselves and moving them again.
"you're not done." i remind them. "keep riding."
"i can't i can't i can'tâ" crying tears now. hips moving frantically despite every protest. body completely overriding everything their mouth is saying. âplease let me cum please iâve been so good pleaseââ
"not yet." thumb still moving. steady. "you said you weren't done. so finish what you started."
a sob. hips working desperately. thighs shaking with the effort of taking all of it while i keep rubbing slow deliberate circles and refuse to give them what they're begging for.
"pleaseâ" barely a word anymore. "please please i can't hold it pleaseâ"
watching them fall apart trying to hold on. watching them lose every single battle with their own body while i stay completely unbothered underneath them.
âYouâre Naive If You Think He Just Wants To Be Your Friendâ
Jealous!E
synopsis: Ellie finally reaches her breaking point. When someone mistakes your kindness for interest at a college party, you donât think much of it, but Ellie does. What follows is a tense drive home, painful silence. Jealousy turns into honesty, honesty turns into something neither of you can pretend this is âjust friendshipâ anymore.
warnings: friends-to-lovers, mutual pining, jealousy, emotional confrontation, explicit sexual content, consensual intimacy, dirty talk, possessive behavior (within a consensual relationship), praise, hickeys/light biting, strong language, alcohol/college party setting
The party was louder than either of you expected.
Not that Ellie would ever admit that.
She stood beside you in the middle of the crowded college apartment, shoulder brushing yours every few seconds as people moved around you. The music was too loud, the lights were too dim, and someone had already spilled something sticky on the floor.
Ellie looked completely at home.
Of course she did.
She leaned against the kitchen counter, nursing a drink she had barely touched, watching the chaos around her with that familiar amused expression.
You, on the other hand, were trying very hard not to look overwhelmed.
âYou know,â Ellie said, glancing down at you with a small smirk, âfor someone who claims she hates parties, youâre not doing terribly.â
You looked at her, slightly offended but mostly amused by the observation. âIâm standing here.â
âExactly.â She nodded seriously, like she had just made a groundbreaking point. âUsually youâd be hiding somewhere with a textbook.â
You rolled your eyes, but you couldnât stop the small smile that appeared. âI donât bring textbooks to parties.â
Ellie raised an eyebrow, pretending to be suspicious. âNot even secretly?â
You laughed quietly. And that was the problem. Everyone else noticed things like that. The way Ellie always found a reason to stand close to you.
The way she remembered your drink order. The way she looked for you first whenever she entered a room. The way you automatically looked for her when something funny happened.
Everyone assumed. Your friends assumed. Ellieâs friends assumed. Even strangers sometimes assumed. That you were together. Except you werenât. Not officially.
And neither of you had ever been brave enough to ask what exactly was happening between you. So instead, you existed in this strange space where Ellie acted like she belonged beside you and you acted like you didnât notice.
âYou want another drink?â Ellieâs voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up.
âIâm okay.â
She studied your expression for a second, like she was checking if you actually meant it. Then she nodded. âIâm getting one anyway.â
You frowned. âWhy?â
âBecause I want one.â
âThatâs not an answer.â
Ellie grinned. âItâs an Ellie answer.â You shook your head, watching as she walked toward the kitchen.
You didnât realize how much you relied on her presence until she wasnât right beside you anymore. Not because you couldnât handle yourself. You could. You were just used to having Ellie there.
A few minutes passed. You were checking your phone when someone approached. âHey.â
You looked up. A guy you vaguely recognized from one of your classes stood there, smiling. You searched your memory for his name. You failed.âHi.â
He laughed softly. âSorry, I know you probably donât remember me.â
You immediately felt bad. Because he sounded embarrassed. âIâm sorry.â
He waved a hand. âNo, no. Itâs fine. Weâve only talked like twice.â
You relaxed slightly. âOh.â
âYeah. Same lecture.â
You nodded. That explained it. He seemed friendly enough. âSo, how are you liking the class?â
You smiled politely. âItâs okay. The professor is a little difficult.â
That made him laugh. âThe understatement of the year.â
You laughed too. And because you were laughing, because the conversation was easy enough, you didnât notice how close he moved. Or how he angled himself so people passing by couldnât interrupt.
Or how his hand briefly touched your elbow when he laughed. Small things. Things you didnât register. Because you werenât expecting anything. He was just being nice after all.
âSo what do you do outside of suffering through that class?â
You smiled. âMostly study.â
He smiled back. âThat tracks.â
You tilted your head. âWhat does that mean?â
He shrugged. âYou just seem like someone whoâs responsible.â
You laughed awkwardly. âI guess.â
âYou know, Iâm surprised I havenât seen you at more parties.â
You looked around. âIâm not really a party person.â
âI can tell.â You werenât sure if that was an insult. His smile suggested it wasnât. âYou should come out more.â Before you could respond, he leaned slightly closer. âActually, you should give me your number. We could study sometime.â
You blinked. Study? That made sense. You opened your mouth to answer. Then you felt it. A familiar presence beside you.
Ellie.
She appeared like she had been there the entire time. She stepped between you and him just enough to create space, handing you your drink.
âHere.â
You looked at her. âThanks.â Her eyes flicked toward you. Then toward him. Her expression was unreadable. At least to anyone who didnât know her. You knew Ellie. You knew when she was joking. You knew when she was annoyed. And right now?
She was trying very hard not to show something.
âYou good?â You asked quietly, slightly concerned. Ellie looked at you for a second. The fact that you were genuinely asking almost made her frustration worse. Because you had no idea.
âNo, yeah.â Her answer was quick. Too quick.
âIâm fine.â You accepted it because Ellie was Ellie.
Sometimes she was just in a mood. She placed one hand lightly against your lower back. Not enough for anyone else to notice. Just enough that you felt it. A grounding touch. A reminder that she was there.
The guy looked between you both. âSoâŠâ
His smile returned, but Ellie noticed the hesitation.
She noticed everything. âYou were saying?â
His eyes moved toward her. âI was just talking to her.â
Ellie nodded. âYeah.â Short. Flat.
The guy looked confused. âOkay.â The silence stretched. You looked at Ellie again. She seemed tense. But you couldnât figure out why. You assumed she was tired. Or maybe the party was annoying her.
âYou want to go somewhere quieter?â The guy looked at you, smiling. âWe could actually talk.â
And there it was. The moment Ellie stopped pretending. Because she heard what you didnât. She saw what you didnât. The way his eyes lingered. The way he ignored the fact that Ellie was standing right there. The way he looked at you like he had already decided something. Ellieâs jaw tightened. Her hand on your back stilled. You looked between them, confused by the sudden shift.
âEllie?â
She didnât answer immediately. She was trying.
Trying to be reasonable. Trying not to let jealousy make her look ridiculous. But then she looked at you. At your confused expression. At the way you still genuinely believed this was harmless. And something in her snapped. Her voice was calm. Too calm. âMaybe you should back off a little.â
The guy laughed. Not because he found it funny. More because he seemed surprised. Like he genuinely couldnât believe Ellie was serious. âWhat?â His smile faltered slightly as he looked at her. Ellie didnât move. Didnât blink.
The noise of the party continued around them, people laughing and talking, music shaking the walls, but somehow the space between the three of them felt completely separate from everything else.
âI said back off.â Her voice was quieter this time. That somehow made it worse. There was no joke behind it. No playful attitude. No sarcasm. Just Ellie.
You immediately felt the tension shift. Your stomach tightened. Because this wasnât the Ellie who teased you about your planners or stole your snacks or made you laugh when you were stressed.
This was a side of her you rarely saw. The side that appeared when she decided something mattered.
âEllieââ You stepped forward slightly, hoping to soften whatever was happening. You werenât angry. You were confused. You didnât understand why this had become a confrontation. But Ellie stopped you before you could say anything else.
âNo.â The word was immediate. Firm. Her eyes never left him. Not even for a second. You went quiet. Because Ellie wasnât dismissing you. Not exactly. It was more like she was asking you to trust her for a moment.
The guy looked between you both. âSeriously?â
Ellieâs expression didnât change. Your eyebrows pulled together. You looked at her. Then at him.
âWhat?â You sounded genuinely confused. Because you were. You werenât pretending. You really didnât understand. âWeâre just talking.â
The words came out softer than you intended. You werenât defending him. You were trying to understand. Ellie finally looked at you for a brief second. And that almost hurt more.
Because there was something in her expression.
Frustration. Concern. Something you couldnât name. Then she looked back at him. Ellie let out a quiet, humorless laugh. âJesus.â She shook her head slightly. Not at you. Not exactly. More like at the entire situation.
âSeriously?â The guy raised his hands slightly. âOkay, I donât know what your problem is.â Ellie didnât answer. Because she didnât trust herself to. Instead, she reached for your wrist. Gently. Carefully. The contrast almost surprised you. Her voice had been sharp. Her posture tense.
But her hand was gentle. She guided you one step behind her. Not dragging. Not forcing. Just creating space. And only then did she finally look him directly in the eye. âI think sheâs done talking.â
The finality in her voice made the guy pause. You stood behind her, still trying to piece everything together. Because from where you were standing, the situation made no sense.
But from where Ellie was standingâŠShe looked like someone who had been watching a storm approach long before you noticed the clouds.
For a few seconds, neither of you moved.
The guy seemed to realize he had lost whatever argument he thought he was having. Not because Ellie had raised her voice. Not because she had made a scene. Because she hadnât.
That was the unsettling part.
Ellie simply stood there with her hand still around your wrist, her expression unreadable, like she had already made up her mind. The guy looked away first. âWhatever.â
The word was quieter than before. Ellie didnât respond. She didnât need to. She just turned slightly toward you. âCome on.â
You looked at her. There was no anger directed at you. Not yet. Just a wall. A distance you werenât used to. And somehow that made you more nervous than if she had snapped immediately.
âEllieâŠâ Your voice was softer. Almost careful. She didnât answer. She simply started walking. You hesitated for half a second before apologizing to the guy and following her.
Because even though you didnât understand what had happened, even though part of you wanted to stay and explain yourself, something about Ellieâs silence told you this wasnât the time.
The walk outside was quiet. The music faded behind you. The cold air hit your face immediately, sobering you slightly. The parking lot was almost empty compared to the apartment.
A few cars. A few distant voices. The sound of your footsteps beside hers. Ellie walked ahead. Not far.
Just enough. You watched her shoulders. Usually, Ellie filled silence. She hated it. She would make a joke. Say something sarcastic. Point out something ridiculous. Anything to avoid sitting in a quiet moment.
But now? Nothing. You swallowed.
âEllie.â No response. You tried again. âIâm sorry.â
She stopped walking. For a second, you thought she might turn around. She didnât. The silence stretched. âI donât know what I did wrong.â
That made her pause. Only slightly. But you noticed.
Because you always noticed Ellie. She finally looked back. And the expression on her face made your chest tighten. Not anger. Not exactly. Something more complicated. âYou didnât.â
You frowned. âThen why are you acting like this?â
Ellie looked away. Because she didnât have an answer that didnât expose too much.
She didnât want to admit that seeing someone else stand too close to you had made something ugly twist inside her. She didnât want to admit that it wasnât just annoyance. That it was fear. That she knew exactly what kind of person that guy was because she had seen it before.
She didnât want to admit that watching you smile politely while someone slowly crossed every line you didnât notice had made her feel helpless.
So instead, she walked to the car. Unlocked it.
The lights flashed. You followed behind her. Still confused. Still trying. Ellie opened the passenger door for you. You blinked. That was almost normal. Almost. Except her expression wasnât. âEllieââ
She didnât let you finish. She just waited. You climbed in. The second you were inside, she closed the door. A little harder than necessary. Not enough to scare you. Just enough to show she was holding something back.
Then she walked around the front of the car and got into the driverâs seat. The door shut. The engine started. And then⊠Nothing. No lecture. No explanation. No sarcastic comment. No âyou shouldâve seen his face.â
Nothing.
The silence filled every corner of the car. You looked over at her. Ellie stared straight ahead, hands resting on the steering wheel. Her jaw was tight.
The streetlights passed over her face as she drove.
You had never seen her this quiet. Not when she was annoyed. Not when she was stressed.
Not even when she was upset. This was different.
You shifted slightly in your seat.
âEllie.â
Nothing. You looked down at your hands. You werenât used to not knowing what someone was thinking. Especially not her.
Because Ellie usually wore everything on her face.
Except now. Now she was locked away. The drive continued. The party disappeared behind you.
The streets became quieter. And Ellie said absolutely nothing. Which, somehow, was the loudest thing she could have done.
The drive is silent. Painfully silent. The kind of silence that feels heavier than an argument.
The kind where every small movement feels too loud. The music stays off. Usually Ellie always has something playing. A song she likes. Something random she found. Something she claims is ânot that deepâ despite the fact that she knows every lyric.
But now there is only the quiet hum of the engine.
Streetlights slide across the windshield in long golden streaks, painting brief flashes of light across Ellieâs face before disappearing again. Your hands stay folded in your lap. Not because youâre nervous.
At least, thatâs what you tell yourself.
Mostly because you donât know what else to do with them. You glance over. Ellieâs grip on the steering wheel is tight enough that her knuckles have turned pale.
That alone tells you something is wrong. Ellie is not someone who holds things in. She explodes.
She jokes. She argues. She makes everything impossible to ignore. But this? This quiet version of her? You donât know how to handle it.
âYou okay?â The question comes out carefully. Almost hesitant.
You hate that. You hate feeling like you have to be careful around her. The question hangs between you. For a second, you think she might answer.
But she doesnât.
The only response is the soft sound of the car moving over the road. You look away. Maybe she didnât hear. Or maybe sheâs choosing not to.
Neither option feels good.
You wait another minute. Maybe she just needs time. Maybe sheâll say something when sheâs ready. But the silence keeps stretching. And eventually, you canât stand it anymore.
âIâm sorry if Iââ You stop yourself. Because you donât even know what youâre apologizing for.
For talking to someone? For not noticing something Ellie noticed? For making her upset? Still nothing. Your chest tightens slightly. Then Ellie moves. Without looking away from the road, her hand leaves the steering wheel. You immediately notice.
Her fingers brush against your leg before her hand settles on your thigh. Firm. Grounding.
The gesture catches you completely off guard.
Because it doesnât match the distance sheâs been creating. She isnât looking at you. She isnât saying anything. But sheâs touching you like sheâs reminding herself that youâre there.
That youâre okay. That youâre still beside her.
Her fingers tighten once. Not enough to hurt. Just enough to stop your leg from bouncing. You hadnât even realized you were doing that. You look down at her hand. Then back at her face.
The gesture confuses you more than it comforts you. Because you donât understand how Ellie can seem so angry and still be so gentle.
âEllieâŠâ
Your voice is quieter now. A little more uncertain.
She doesnât respond. Her eyes stay fixed on the road. The passing lights reflect in them, but you canât read her expression.
âCan you please say something?â
Your voice cracks slightly at the end. Not from crying. Just frustration. You donât like not knowing.
You donât like feeling like thereâs a problem you canât solve. Ellieâs thumb shifts slightly against your leg. Another small squeeze. Almost automatic.
Almost like sheâs trying to answer without words.
But it isnât enough. You swallow.
âI honestly donât understand why youâre upset.â The words leave your mouth before you can rethink them. And the second they do, Ellieâs expression changes. Barely. But you notice. Her jaw tightens.
Her shoulders rise slightly. Then she closes her eyes. Just for a second. Like sheâs forcing herself to breathe. Like sheâs counting to ten.
Because if she speaks too quickly, she knows exactly what will come out. And she doesnât know if sheâs angry enough to say it. Or vulnerable enough to admit why.
âHeâs just friendly.â The words leave your mouth quietly. Not defensive. Not argumentative.
Just honest. Because that is genuinely what you believe.
You turn slightly in your seat, trying to catch Ellieâs expression, trying to understand the invisible thing she seems to be seeing.
But instead of answering, Ellie laughs. Just once.
A short, humorless sound. Not amused. Not surprised. Almost like she canât believe you still donât understand. You look away. The sound settles uncomfortably in your chest.
Because you know Ellie.
You know the difference between her real laugh and the ones she uses when sheâs trying to hide something. And that wasnât a real laugh. A few seconds pass. The silence returns.
You watch the streetlights blur past the window, trying to figure out what to say without making things worse. You hate this. You hate feeling like youâre missing something. Like everyone else knows a rule you never learned.
Eventually, the question slips out.
âAre you mad at me?â The moment you ask it, you regret it. Because you donât want the answer. Ellieâs fingers tighten slightly against your thigh. Not enough to hurt. Just enough that you notice. Sheâs distant. Quiet. Frustrated.
But she hasnât moved away from you. She exhales slowly through her nose. Like sheâs trying to pull herself back before she says something she canât take back.
âIâm not mad at you.â The words are immediate.
But her voice isnât. Thereâs something underneath them. Something strained. Something that makes you frown. Because she doesnât sound convinced.
You shift slightly toward her.
âThen what is this?â The question is softer than before. Less frustrated. More confused. Ellieâs jaw tightens. Her grip on the steering wheel gets harder.
For a moment, she says nothing. The silence stretches long enough that you think she might ignore the question again.
âHe wasnât interested in your fucking major.â The bluntness catches you off guard. You blink. The car goes quiet again. Ellie shakes her head slightly, almost like sheâs frustrated with herself for even having to explain it.
She looks out the window for a second. The passing lights reflect across her face. When she looks back at the road, her expression is still tense. But now you can see it more clearly. It isnât just anger.
Itâs disappointment. Not in you. Something else.
âHe wasnât asking about your classes because he cared about your classes.â Her voice stays low. Controlled. But every word feels like it has been sitting there for a while.
You open your mouth. Then stop. Because you donât know what to say. Ellie notices. Her thumb moves slightly against your leg.
Then her hand squeezes again. This time harder.
Not enough to hurt. Enough to pull your attention back to her. Enough to make sure youâre listening.
âEllsâŠâ Your voice is quieter now. She finally glances at you. And for a second, all the frustration disappears. Thereâs something else there. Something much harder for her to admit.
âYou really donât see it, do you?â The question isnât mocking. It isnât teasing. The next few minutes pass in a blur of quiet tension.
The conversation feels like it is sitting between you both, unfinished and heavy. You can feel Ellie trying to hold something back. You just donât know what.
And then, suddenlyâ
The car jerks. Your stomach drops.
Ellie pulls over far more abruptly than you expected, the tires shifting against the road as she brings the car to a stop. You gasp instinctively, one hand flying out to grip the door handle. For a second, neither of you moves. The engine hums. The world outside keeps going. But inside the car, everything feels frozen.
She leans back slightly and runs a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. The frustration on her face is obvious now. Not the kind where sheâs angry at you.
The kind where sheâs angry because she doesnât know how to explain something without revealing too much.
You watch her carefully. You have seen Ellie irritated. You have seen her sarcastic. You have seen her reckless and impulsive and impossible to predict.
But this? This is different. Sheâs quiet. Focused. Almost painfully controlled. Finally, she looks back at you.
âGet on my lap.â The words are firm. Not a suggestion. Not a joke. You blink. For a second, you wonder if you heard her correctly. Because Ellie says a lot of things. Usually things that make no sense. Usually things she laughs about five seconds later. But she doesnât laugh now. She just looks at you. You hesitate.
âEllie, what are youââ The question dies halfway through. Because then you meet her eyes. And you understand why she stopped talking. Thereâs no anger there anymore. Not really. The sharpness is gone. Whatâs left is something heavier.
Something intense.
Like she has been holding onto a storm for too long and sheâs finally letting herself admit it exists. Youâve never seen Ellie like this. Not angry. Not exactly. Just overwhelmed. Like she needs something she canât put into words. She gestures toward herself, impatient but not unkind.
Your heartbeat picks up slightly. Not because youâre afraid. Because this is unfamiliar. Ellie is usually impossible to pin down. A mess of jokes, sarcasm, and half-finished thoughts. But right now sheâs certain. Thereâs no hesitation in her. No pretending. No hiding behind humor.
You search her face for some sign that sheâs joking.
There isnât one.
âI said get on.â Her voice is lower this time. Still firm. But beneath it, you hear something else. A need for reassurance. A need to know you trust her. And somehow, that makes your confusion soften. Because this isnât Ellie trying to win an argument.
This is Ellie, for once, admitting that something got under her skin. That something scared her.
You take a breath. Then slowly you move closer. You move carefully. Not because Ellie is forcing you.
Because, for the first time since youâve known her, Ellie looks like someone who is trying very hard not to fall apart. You settle closer, watching her face the entire time. Waiting for the joke. The teasing comment. Anything that would make this feel like the Ellie you know. But it doesnât come.
Her hands find your hips almost immediately, steadying you. Not possessive. Not careless. Just grounding. Like she needs the reminder that youâre actually here. That you chose to come closer.
For a moment, neither of you says anything. The silence feels different now. Less like an argument. More like both of you are standing on the edge of something neither of you knows how to name.
Ellie looks away briefly. Her jaw tightens. Then she looks back at you.
âListen to me.â Her voice is low. Serious. You immediately become more attentive. Because Ellie rarely sounds like this. âIf you donât want to be here, you tell me.â
The firmness in her voice catches you off guard. Not because itâs harsh. Because she means it. You search her face. She isnât trying to pressure you. Sheâs making sure.
âI mean it.â Her hands loosen slightly, giving you space even while she keeps you close. âYou can say no.â
Something about that makes your chest tighten. Because Ellie, for all her confidence, is actually asking. Not assuming. Not deciding. Asking. You nod slowly. âI know.â
But Ellie doesnât look satisfied yet. Not because she doubts you. Because she needs you to understand.
âTrust me.â The words are quieter. Almost vulnerable. And that is what gets you. Because Ellie Williams does not ask for things easily. She demands. She jokes. She pretends she doesnât care. But trust? That is different.
You look at her. Really look at her. The tension is still there. The frustration. The jealousy. The emotions she clearly isnât ready to admit out loud. But underneath all of it is something much simpler.
She cares. A lot.
âI do.â The answer comes before you can overthink it. Ellie goes still. Just for a second. Like she wasnât expecting you to say it so easily. Her expression softens. Only slightly. But you notice. You always notice.
âYou have no idea what you do to me, do you?â The question is almost whispered. Your heart stutters.
Because there it is. A crack. Not a confession. Not yet. But a glimpse. You donât know what to say. So you donât. You just stay there. And for once, Ellie doesnât need to fill the silence.
Her hands stay steady. Her breathing slowly evens out. The storm inside her hasnât disappeared.
But somehow, with you there, it feels less impossible for her to handle. And maybe thatâs what she needed all along. Not to win. Not to prove a point.
Just to know that when she finally stopped pretending she was fine⊠You were still there.
Ellieâs hands remained on your hips. Steady. Warm.
Not pulling you closer. Not letting you drift away either. She looked at you for a long moment, her breathing uneven, like every sentence had to fight its way past everything she was trying to keep under control.
âYou really donât get it.â It wasnât an accusation.
If anything, she sounded tired. Your brows knitted together. âThen tell me.â
She let out a slow breath, her gaze dropping briefly before finding yours again.
âI walked back to youâŠâ Her jaw tightened. âAnd he was looking at you like heâd already decided he had a fucking chance.â
You stayed quiet. She shook her head.
âAnd you were justâŠâ A small, disbelieving laugh escaped her. âSmiling at him.â
âI was being polite.â
âI know.â The answer came so quickly it caught you off guard. âI know you were.â Her thumbs absentmindedly brushed against the fabric at your sides.
Her eyes searched yours, almost pleading for you to understand. The car fell quiet again. You watched her carefully. She looked almost embarrassed by what she was about to admit.
âI hated watching him look at you.â Another pause. âI hated watching him think he could have you.â
Your heartbeat stumbled. Ellie laughed under her breath, shaking her head at herself.
âI kept standing there thinkingâŠâ She rubbed a hand over her face. ââŠthat I wanted him to stop looking at you like that.â She met your eyes again. âI wanted him to know.â Her voice was barely above a whisper now. âThat you werenât his to flirt with.â
The words settled heavily between you. She didnât look away. âI canât keep pretending this is casual.â
There it was. Not a joke. Not a sarcastic comment.
Just the truth. âI like you so fucking much.â You felt your chest tighten. âSo much that it scared me tonight.â
Silence stretched between you, but it no longer felt hostile. It felt fragile. Ellieâs grip loosened slightly on your hips, giving you room to move if you wanted to.
You held her gaze. She continued before you could answer. Her thumbs brushed your sides once, gentle now.
âI want to know that if I kiss youâŠâ She paused, choosing her words with unusual care. ââŠor if I hold you right here, hold you down until you ask me to stopâŠor beg me to keep going âŠâ Her expression softened. ââŠitâs because you want that too.â
The intensity in her eyes hadnât disappeared. Neither had the fire youâd seen since the party. But now you understood what it really was. Not anger. Not possessiveness. The answer came before you could overthink it. You nodded. Once. Immediately. Ellie searched your face one last time, as if giving you every opportunity to change your mind.
Something inside her seemed to give way.
The tension sheâd been carrying all evening, the jealousy, the fear, the helplessness of watching someone else stand too close to you, finally cracked.
Her hand rose to your cheek. Before you could register, she closed the distance between you.
Her lips met yours with weeks of unspoken feelings behind them. It wasnât a careful first kiss. It wasnât practiced or perfect. It was honest.
You felt the shaky breath she let out against your lips, like sheâd been holding it since the party, maybe even longer.
Your hands found her shoulders instinctively, steadying both of you. Ellie held you as though she was afraid youâd disappear if she let go.
And then, she let it all out. Her jealousy flared, hot and wild, and she ground you against her lap with rough little rolls of her hips. Instinctively a noise escaped you. Ellieâs breathing turned ragged the second she heard your whimper like a spark to her gasoline.
Her lips found your neck, nipping, sucking, a possessive mark blooming just above your collarbone. Every movement was sharp with frustration.
"Fuck," she muttered between kisses, "he wanted you all over him."
Her hands squeezed tight at your thighs suddenly before sliding up under the hem of your shirt.
Ellieâs fingers traced your bare skin, rough and impatient, her touch burning with pent-up jealousy. She kissed you again, harder this time, a messy collision of teeth and tongue that tasted like beer and desperation.*
She didnât want sweet. She wanted claiming.
One hand fisted in your hair while the other pulled at the waistband of your jeans, tugging just enough to make you gasp. Her hips kept rocking up against yours in sharp little thrusts, frustrated energy turned into something hotter, needier.
Breathe, she thought distantly, but all she cared about was wiping that dumbass from every inch of your memory.
Ellieâs lips stayed locked on your neck, sucking hard, leaving a mark that would definitely show tomorrow. Her teeth grazed the tender skin just once, a warning bite, before she pulled back slightly, her dark eyes locking onto yours. Her breath was uneven. Heavy.
She gave you that look, the one that said she was barely holding it together, and if you didnât stop her right now⊠thereâd be no turning back. A beat of silence. Then softer than before, almost a whisper against your lips: "Last chance."
But even as she said it⊠her hands were already moving again, fingers hooking into the waistband of your pants again with quiet urgency.
âI-lâ you stutter but desperately nod as she rolls her hips up once more. The second that whimper slipped out, soft, helpless, hers, Ellie snapped.
No more waiting. No more chances.
She crashed her mouth onto yours again, kissing you like she was starving for it. One hand stayed tangled in your hair while the other slid down to unbutton your jeans with frantic fingers, shaky from want.
Her hips rolled up hard against yours again, a deliberate grind, and this time she moaned into the kiss low and deep, losing herself completely in how good you felt on top of her.
The cool air hit your skin the second her fingers popped the button, then immediately, Ellieâs warm palm slid down over your stomach, sending a shiver through you. She didnât waste time.
Her hands were quick now, impatient and sure, and she yanked at the zipper of your jeans with zero hesitation. The sound was loud in the quiet car. When they came undone completely, she wasted no breath. Her lips left yours just to trail kisses down your jaw⊠then neck⊠then collarboneâŠ
But her hands?
They were already sliding under fabric, fingers skimming along sensitive skin below waistbands, as if memorizing every inch on their way lower.
Ellieâs breath hitched, audible, rough, as her fingers glided through your folds. She didnât expect you to be this wet.
The groan that escaped Ellie was low, primal, almost a growl, her eyes flickered with something feral as she felt how soaked you were through your underwear.
She just stared for half a second, her breath hitching, and then her thumb brushed over the damp fabric again⊠slowly this time⊠testing. A shudder ran through her.
Fuck. You wanted her. Not him. Not anyone else. Just her.
Ellie held your gaze for one long second, green eyes locked with yours, both of you breathing fast. There was fire in her stare: jealousy still burning, but now mixed with something hungrier.
Then, without breaking eye contact, she pushed your thighs further to the side. The movement opened you up more for her.
Her fingers slid right back where they were before, but this time lower, bolder, and when she finally touched there, pressing gently against that sensitive bundle of nerves?
She didnât look away. No smirk. No teasing words. Just intense focus and a slow circle of her fingertip that made your whole body jerk.
She absolutely loved that reaction. Loved how you responded to just one little circle. And she chuckled. Low. Quiet. Smug. Sheâd just won something precious without even trying hard yet.
Her eyes stayed locked on yours, dark with desire, amusement dancing in them. Just... possessive and pleased as hell.
Then she did it again, a slow, deliberate rub right over your clit, and watched every tiny flinch it pulled from your face.
Ellie noticed the second your gaze wavered, when your eyelids fluttered shut, when you looked down at her hands or to the side like you couldnât handle how intense this was. Her voice came out low. Firm. Not angry, but commanding.
"Hey." And instantly, your eyes snapped back. She cupped your jaw with her free hand and tilted it up slightly, forcing eye contact again.
"Eyes on me, baby" she murmured, softer now, but still unyielding. "Don't look away." The demand hung between you. Raw intimacy layered over pleasure and jealousy alike.
And then⊠without breaking that stare⊠she pressed two fingers gently against your entrance.
Ellie saw the furrow between your brows, the quiet, breathless anticipation and it killed her. You were waiting. For what? Her touch? A kiss? Something deeper? She held that gaze like a dare.
Then, slowly, deliberately, she slid one finger inside.
Just an inch at first. Testing. Feeling you clench around her instinctively from surprise and heat and want all tangled together. Her lips parted slightly, not kissing you yet, but watching every micro-expression on your face. Your mouth softened. Your breathing hitched
And still⊠she didnât look away. The second she pushed all the way in, knuckle-deep, smooth and sure, Ellieâs breath caught.
A real gasp. Not teasing. Not smug.
You were tight. So tight. Warm and pulsing around her finger, maybe because it was her, finally giving you what stupid guy never could.
Her eyes fluttered shut for half a second, the sensation overwhelming, but she snapped them back open instantly, remembering her own rule.
And there it was again that quiet chuckle escaping her lips. This time softer, more dazed than cocky.
Then she curled that finger slightly inside you⊠just to feel how much your body gripped tighter in response. The curl of her finger drew a soft, involuntary sound from you, maybe a whimper, maybe just air escaping your lips, and Ellie felt it everywhere.
Her pulse jumped.
She did it again. A slow, deliberate curl, gentle but deep, and this time she added the faintest grind of her palm against your clit with her thumb.
Her breathing had gone uneven now. Chest rising and falling faster than before. The heat between you wasnât just about sex anymore, it was something heavier: jealousy turned into intimacy⊠possession turned tender.
Still staring into your eyes⊠She leaned forward and kissed you, softly at first. The kiss broke just as Ellie leaned back, her lips still close to yours, and she spoke, voice low and rough with jealousy barely contained.
"Bet hecouldnât make you this wet," she muttered, "or touch you like this." Then, without warning, she picked up the pace. Her finger pumped harder. Faster. Curling deep inside while her thumb circled your clit in quick, relentless strokes.
No more teasing slowness.
Now it was all urgency, a frenzied rhythm meant to overwhelm you, prove a point. Judging by how fast your breath turned shaky⊠it was working. Yes. She was better at making you feel good than anyone else.
Ellieâs jaw clenched as she kept up the relentless pace, her finger plunging deep, her thumb grinding in sharp circles, and with every thrust, she locked eyes with you like a challenge.
"You were so fucking close to him," she accused between breaths. Her voice was tight, not quite yelling, but edged with that raw jealousy again. Possessive. Hurt.
And still⊠still⊠she didnât slow down.
If anything, she got rougher when your nails dug into her shoulders for balance. The pressure only fueled her. It was proof you were affected by this too.
She leaned forward suddenly and bit your lower lip, a quick sting of punishment-turned-kissâbefore diving back into watching how your face twisted from the intensity. The sudden buck of your hips against her palm, desperate, instinctive, sent a jolt straight through Ellieâs body.
God. She almost moaned.
It slipped out, a quiet, breathy noise from the back of her throat. Not quite a sound sheâd ever admit to making⊠but it happened.
And then came that chuckle again, the smug one, but softer now. Affectionate beneath the jealousy. Because you were losing control for her. Only her. Right here in this car with no audience but the dark outside and their racing hearts.
She loved it.
So instead of slowing down?
She pressed harder with her hand, finger driving deeper while thumb rubbed faster, and leaned in to kiss you mid-buckle. Ellie held your gaze like a brand, unyielding, intense, as she kept finger-fucking you with steady, punishing rhythm. Her eyes were dark green pools of jealousy and heat⊠and she wasnât done.
"Heâll never touch you like this," she said lowly, voice rough with emotion, not accusing anymore, but stating it as fact. "Heâll never get to see that beautiful fucking face..."
Her thumb pressed harder on your clit right after that. A tease. A punishment. She wanted the contrast: the man who had casual access to her girl⊠versus her, actually owning every moan, every shiver.
âFuck.â The second your hips stuttered, losing rhythm, losing control, Ellieâs breath hitched.
Then came the moans.
Soft at first, then louder as pleasure overwhelmed you, and fuck, it was music to her. Her chest swelled with something fierce: pride. Possession. Triumph.
âEllieâŠoh god.â Sheâd done this. She was making you fall apart right on top of her lap while she glared into your soul like a jealous goddess claiming whatâs hers.
The teasing stopped for a heartbeat, no more talk about the guy, as she focused entirely on the way your body trembled around her fingers⊠how wet and tight and desperate you were gettingâŠ
And without breaking eye contact, the stretch of a second finger made Ellieâs pulse spike, she felt you clench around both, tight and hot, and she didnât hesitate.
She started pumping hard. Fast. No teasing now.
Just raw, relentless fucking with her fingers, curling them on every thrust like she was trying to reach something deep inside you that only she could touch.
Your head dropped onto her shoulder, a heavy surrender, and your hips stuttered wildly against her hand, chasing the friction desperately.
Ellie bit down gently on your neck in response, a silent mark, to claim even more space while watching (and feeling) how close you were gettingâŠ
Her own breathing turned ragged⊠but not from effort.
The second she felt your body tensing, right on the edge, Ellie yanked hard on your hair. Not painful. Not cruel. But firm. Possessive. Commanding.
Your head snapped up, eyes flying open as you were forced to look at her again, your lips parted, cheeks flushed, breath coming in shaky gasps. She wanted to see it all: the moment you shattered⊠while staring into her eyes.
Her fingers never stopped, they kept moving fast and deep, but now with even more intensity behind each thrust, like she could push you over just by sheer willpower alone.
That intense gaze locked onto yours. Ellieâs voice dropped, low, filthy, vibrating against your ear, as she finally let go of all restraint.
"Look at you," she whispered, "so close⊠falling apart on my fingers. Only mine." Her words came fast between breaths, each one a spark to your nerves. "Youâre gonna cum for me like this? Huh? All because Iâm touching you right?"
She curled her fingers deeper with every thrust now, hitting that sweet spot inside you while her thumb pressed hard on your clit. And when another loud moan tore from your lips? She smirked, and leaned in to bite down gently on the shell of your ear. "Cum for me, pretty girl."
Ellie felt your body coil tight, every muscle tensing, breath hitching, and she knew. You were right there. So close. Her voice turned more commanding.
"Yeah⊠thatâs it. Let go," she breathed against your ear, "Iâve got you."
She didnât slow down, not one bit, but matched her filthy talk with the rhythm: relentless fingers fucking into you, thumb working in perfect circles like sheâd been studying how to make you cum for weeks.
And when another wave of moans spilled from your lips, louder this time, she kissed the corner of your mouth briefly before whispering: "Thatâs itâŠFucking cum on my hand."
The command hit you like lightning. And just like that, you shattered.
Your back arched slightly, your thighs squeezed around her hand, and a choked cry escaped as the orgasm ripped through you. Wave after wave of intense pleasure surged, hot and dizzying, and all while Ellie kept her fingers moving through it, riding out every pulse with quiet satisfaction.
She watched your face, the way your eyes fluttered shut for a second before snapping open again to meet hers⊠how breathless you were⊠No words. Just warmth in her gaze now.
Ellieâs voice softened, completely different now. No jealousy, no teasing. Just tender, guiding warmth as she felt your body throb through the orgasm.
"Shh⊠thatâs it," she murmured, brushing damp hair from your forehead with her free hand. Her fingers slowed to a gentle pace, still inside you, but barely moving now, just keeping contact so you could feel her there while coming down.
"You did so good," she praised quietly, "came so pretty for me..." Every word was calm and reassuring, the kind of tone only someone who cared deeply would use after pushing someone over the edge like this.
Ellie looked down, really looked, and her breath caught all over again. The way your body still trembled. The flush on your cheeks. How relaxed youâd gone against her, like every muscle had melted into her shoulder.
Her fingers were slick with you, and the sight of it, your pleasure glistening on them, sent a quiet ache through her chest. She almost moaned. Not from lust this time⊠but something deeper. Something warm and possessive and weirdly emotional.
Her thumb brushed softly over your lower lip, a rare moment of gentleness after all that fire, and then she slowly pulled out, being careful not to startle you.
The second you lifted your hips, helping her slide her fingers out, Ellieâs heart did something funny. You were so soft now. So pliant and peaceful, sighing against her shoulder like a sleepy cat after being fed. It undid something in her, the jealousy, the tension⊠all of it melted into quiet affection.
She carefully wiped your slickness on the inside of your jeans with two fingers, and then wrapped both arms around you properly for the first time since this whole thing started. Just holding. Her chin rested lightly on top of your head as she exhaled slowly, finally relaxed. âEllieâŠâ
âI know you.â She cuts you off, but not harshly. âI know you think people are just being nice because youâre nice.â Her eyes meet yours.
âAnd thatâs a good thing. It is.â A pause. âBut it also means you donât always notice when someone isnât.â You donât have an answer. Because a small part of you wonders if sheâs right. The silence stretches.Then Ellie looks down, running a hand over her face.She wasnât done. Not even close.
Then she turned to you, voice low and suddenly thick with desire once again, and gave one simple command: "Back seat."
No hesitation. She unbuckled your jeans properly this time and nudged your shoulder gently toward the back of the car.
Butch Ellie with femme reader who bakes bread and makes Ellieâs lunches for her like these video where girlies make those massive lunches for their partner
Idk where Iâm going with this but yeah just like cute housewife reader, who loves wearing dresses and ties ribbons on her boots
Maybe they had a big fluffy dog and cute cat
OHHH SO MY DREAM LIFE đđ
your alarm goes off quietly just before the sun starts to rise. loud enough to wake you up, quiet enough to usually not wake your deep-sleeper wife
you reach for your phone quickly, stopping the horrible ringing sound. just as you start to climb out of your soft, floral sheets, a strong hand grabs you
âstayâ ellie mumbles, barely awake
a quiet laugh escapes you âi donât have time, i have to make yourââ
youâre suddenly being pulled in tight by two strong arms âIâll go to the deli, baby. stayâ she places a slow, soft kiss on your cheek
âbutââ you try
âno buts, i want you here âtil my alarmâ
âthe sourdough i made last nightââ
âstayâ
âi have to take the dogs outâ
ellie climbs over you, trapping you between her arms, smiling down at you âstayâ
âi canât. but i want a kiss firstâ you say, pushing yourself up on your elbows to reach her lips
she hums into the kiss like she was eager for it âyouâre really leaving me here all alone?â
you press your lips to hers again âyeah. I am. go back to sleep my love, breakfast will be ready by the time youâre upâ
ellie sighs and moves back to her side of the bed âsee you in an hourâ she says sleepily
you move to the kitchen as the sun starts to rise, letting the dogs out, lighting a few candles and opening the windows to let the fresh summer air in
your routine goes as normal, making ellieâs lunch, her favorite sandwich on your fresh sourdough, a fruit salad and a handwritten note, finished with a kiss on the paper
the oil in the pan sizzles loudly as you start on breakfast, the air smells like coffee, eggs and bacon, which summons your wife
sheâs in her big t-shirt and boxers, rubbing her eyes as she walks in, her hair is messy and out of place
âsmells amazingâ she mumbles as she yawns
âyou look adorableâ you tease. her arms wrap around your waist from behind as you stand at the stove, her chin rests on your shoulder
âIâm so luckyâ she whispers into the skin of your neck before placing a kiss
âIâm the lucky oneâ you say, putting the spatula down to turn around and kiss her
âi wanna take you out tonight, properlyâ ellie says, her hands run down your nightgown, squeezing your bottom teasingly
âoh yeah? where?â your hands move under her t-shirt, feeling her soft skin
âanywhere you want. wanna see you in pretty dress, itâs been too longâ her hands move up to your breasts, caressing them gently âso fuckinâ pretty, babyâ
you smile, shyly âgo get dressed, youâre gonna be late. breakfast is about to be readyâ
she groans softly âcanât believe i gotta go to work all day knowing youâre home looking so pretty for meâ
âi miss you when youâre gone, you knowâ you pout
âi got you two dogs and a cat, thatâs not enough?â
do dom ellie headcanons that likes to call reader 'mommy's baby' and refers to herself as mommy and calls her soft names like angel, doll, baby, babe
ౚৠdom! ellie who . . .
ââââ â àšà§ lots of smut, strap usage & referred to as cock & dick, r!receiving, shy and anxious reader, mouth fucking, spit kink, mommy kink, ellie has a praise kink, overstimulation, reader is a complete and total bottom ( or sub ), and lots of cursing. hehe enjoy :p
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . finds major pleasure in referring to herself as mommy when the two of you are fucking. & i mean like, slapping your ass and grabbing hands fulls as she fucks you with her strap by murmuring, âwhoâs mommyâs good girl?â or âyou like how good mommy fucks your pretty pussy with her cock?â & everytime she says something like that, youâre immediately squirting.
it should be embarrassing how you fold under pressure so easily, but her praises make it hard to hold anything back with her. sheâll coo and kiss up your spine as she rocks back and forth into your pussyâletting you absolutely soak the bed. âyeah, youâre mommyâs good baby, arenât you? squirting so good for me.â
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . spits in your mouth when youâre making too much noise. you had grown used to her ministrations. the way sheâd squish your cheeks with her one hand before pushing open your mouth and spitting directly into your mouth. at first, it caught you off guard, but then, you began to love it.
the power dynamic made you write with need, and you found yourself becoming louder just to get her attention. her hips would stutter as she fucked into your cunt, eyes snapping up to meet yours in a warning glare. when you didnât listen the first time, her hands made you.
âyou donât wanna be quiet, angel?â she mocked, pressing her tongue to the inside of her cheek as she watched you twist beneath her hold. something about watch you contort under her made her pussy ache desperately and her pace pick up. âno? youâre gunna be bad? yâknow what bad girls get yeah?â she huffed.
her thumb pushed between your lips and into your mouth, wedging your jaw open. sheâd lean over you just to test and see if youâd obey eve though she knew you wouldnât. then, sheâd spit directly into your mouth, watching the way it would congeal on your tongue.
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . has pet names for every occasion. when the two of you are out shopping, sheâll press her palm to the small of your back and murmur babe or baby into your ear. âbaby, should we get this for dinner tonight?â or âyou pick, babe.â and sheâll make sure to say them, too. because she knew how shy you got when she did.
she loved the redness of your cheeks as you looked around to see if anyone was staring at the two of you. when the two of you were alone in your apartment, sheâd call you angel or doll. she knew those made you weak in the knees, and she called you them endlessly when she was on the hornier sideâlike she knew theyâd make you fold sooner or later.
âcâmere, angel, sit on my lap.â sheâd say or âyouâre such a good doll. getting all dressed up fâme.â especially when youâd put on your skimpy lingerie sheâd bought you earlier in the day for being good. her whole body would react to you. hands tensing to reach out for you, âfuck, what a doll,â sheâd coo, standing to her feet and reaching out to wrap her hands around your waist. âyou dress up so prettily. gunna fuck your pussy so good in this.â
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . adores when you lead her hands to exactly where you need them. even if youâre shy and anxious, your body still knows exactly what itâs craving. oh, and ellie will always give you exactly why you need. âdoes my baby need my hand between her thighs?â sheâll ask, glancing down at your face as it contorts into a mess of nods and blubbers. sheâll coo with a smirk, all teeth and mischievous gazes.
âmy angel needs to remember to use her words,â she dips down to whisper in your ear. âor mommy wonât give you what youâre asking for.â you writhe, and no matter how much you tug at her fingers, she says surprising still. opening your eyes, you glance up at at her face. she looks cocky.
huffing, you whine out a plea. âp-pleaseâmommy, i need.. i need your fingers in my pussyâ!â your words are stifled when a cry leaves your lips. her fingers slide through your folds quickly, easing the tension where youâre aching the most.
âgood girl, doll.â
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . who makes sure everyone knows that you belong to her when the two of you go out. now ellie isnât the type of girlfriend to tell what to to wear or what not to wearâno, she doesnât actually give a fuck what you wear because she knows at the end of the night the only person who fucks your pussy is her. however, sheâs also over protective.
so, if the two of you go the bar with friends, she keeps her arm around your waist or stands behind you with her chin on your shoulder. she rarely drunk much, but she enjoyed the smoke and the music while you got drunk and ground against her. the oneâand only time this happenedâellie stepped away from you to use the bathroom. you kept dancing, but when she returned to see ogling eyes and roaming hands, she knew she need to make her territory.
ellie sunk her teeth into your skin, sucking a deep and purple love bite against your neck and now? you wore one every time you went out. like it was premeditated.
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . came inside of her pants at work when you sent her photos from home. & i mean so much liquid that sheâs lucky she was too important at her job for people to notice that she had to change her pants. you had this.. habit of sending her illicit photos when she didnât respond to you for hours at a time. not that she minded, because then she knew exactly what she was coming home to later.
her fingers would move dramatically on her keyboard behind her desk. firing off messages like: âyour ass better be facing up when i walk through that door tonight.â â âyouâre about to take my dick so good later.â â âmommyâs gunna make that pussy come so hard.â â and maybe even the occasional nickname that youâre too shy to admit you like. âthatâs a good bunny.â
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . fingers you beneath the table at her work dinners. sheâll insist you wear these short dresses she buys you all the time without any underwear on. she has a kink for easy access; especially when it means she can slip her fingers inside of you without anyone knowing.
â„ïž dominate! ellie who . . . who fucks your mouth with her strap when youâre extra needy. ellie typically gets her own satisfaction from watching the way you take her and from hearing how good you sound moaning into her ear. so itâs no wonder that she wanted to watch you suck the silicon dick off after she had just pounded your pussy with it.
her fingers will fist your hair as her hips piston the length deep into your mouth until sheâs damn near throat fucking you. you use this to your advantage and touch her cunt with your fingers, brushing the pads over her swollen and sensitive clit. ellie will stutter and throw her head back becauseâdamn. she hardly ever let you satisfy her, but when you tried to, it turned her on even more.
If you havenât read it yet, hereâs Chapter One
synopsis: Sometimes it isnât the deadlines or the sleepless nights that finally break you. Sometimes itâs a blue mug, a room thatâs fallen apart, and the last person youâd expect quietly refusing to let you carry everything alone.
warnings: college au, emotional comfort, reader has a stress-induced breakdown, crying, academic burnout, sleep deprivation, hurt/comfort, gentle physical affection, soft Ellie, slow burn, light humor, no explicit content.
It happened on a Thursday.
Apparently Thursdays were particularly cursed.
Your body had finally decided it couldnât keep pretending everything was fine.
For nearly two weeks, your life had revolved around one thing.
The essay.
You woke up thinking about it. You went to sleep thinking about it. When you did sleep.
The stack of books beside your desk had grown taller than your lamp. Half your notes were spread across the floor in careful little piles that only made sense to you. Empty mugs had replaced the neat collection you usually kept on the shelf, and the bed you made every morning now sat unmade, the blankets twisted from nights spent tossing and turning instead of resting.
You hated it. You hated every second of it. Nothing felt finished. Every paragraph sounded wrong. Every sentence needed rewriting.
And every time you checked the clock, there somehow seemed to be even less time left than before.
It was suffocating.
Coffee had become breakfast. Sometimes lunch.
Occasionally dinner. You knew it wasnât particularly good. You just⊠couldnât make yourself care.
There wasnât time. There never seemed to be enough time.
Across the room, Ellie had noticed. You knew she had. Sheâd stopped playing guitar altogether.
Even the cereal bowls disappeared from your desk before you had the chance to complain about them.
She wasnât making jokes anymore. Not really.
The silence between you had changed once again.
Less sharp. More⊠cautious.
Like she was trying not to make things worse. You appreciated it. You just didnât have the energy to tell her.
It was nearly one in the morning. Your eyes burned.
Your neck ached. Youâd been staring at the same paragraph for almost twenty minutes. You read it again. Deleted a sentence. Added it back. Deleted another.
Nothing sounded right. Nothing. You rubbed your face with both hands.
ââŠCome on.â Barely above a whisper. Your laptop blinked back at you. Mocking you. You reached for your mug. Empty. Of course.
With a tired sigh, you pushed your chair back and stood.
Too quickly. Your foot caught on the strap of your backpack. âOhââ The mug slipped from your fingers. It wasnât even full. It hadnât been full for hours. But it hit the floor with a sharp crack.
Porcelain shattered across the room. Silence.
You stared. It was one of your matching mugs.
The blue one. Your favorite. You just⊠Stared.
Behind you, Ellie looked up from where sheâd been lying on her bed. âYou okay?â
You didnât answer. Your chest suddenly felt tight. It was just a mug. Just a stupid mug. You knew that.
You knew it didnât matter. It could be replaced.
It wasnât important. So whyâ
Your vision blurred. âNoâŠâ
You swallowed hard. Not now. Not over this. You squeezed your eyes shut. Your breathing hitched.
âSeriouslyâŠ?â
The first tear landed before you even realized you were crying. Then another. Then suddenly you couldnât stop. You covered your face with both hands. Embarrassment flooded through you almost immediately.
No.
No, no, no.
This was ridiculous. It was a mug. You werenât crying because of a mug. You knew that.
You knew exactly why you were crying.
Because you were exhausted. Because you were overwhelmed. Because you hadnât slept. Because nothing you wrote ever felt good enough.
Because no matter how hard you worked, it always felt like you were one step behind.
Becauseâ
âOhâŠâ Ellieâs voice was quiet.
Very quiet. You shook your head. âIâm fine.â
Your voice cracked halfway through.
Neither of you believed it. You crouched down automatically, reaching for one of the broken pieces. âIâll justâŠâ
Your fingers shook. You couldnât even pick it up properly. Everything was blurry. Another tear hit the floor. Then another.
You let out a shaky breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob. ââŠShit.â
The curse slipped out before you could stop it.
You hated crying. You hated crying in front of people even more. You heard movement.
Slow. Careful.
Ellie approached like she was worried youâd bolt if she came too quickly. She stopped a few feet away.
ââŠHey.â
You shook your head harder. âIâm okay.â
âYou are literally crying.â
âIâm aware.â Your laugh came out broken. âI just need a minute.â
Ellie stayed where she was. You expected a joke.
A sarcastic comment. Something to make this less uncomfortable. Nothing came.
She looked⊠lost.
Like someone had handed her instructions in a language she didnât speak. She rubbed the back of her neck. Looked at the broken mug. Looked back at you. ââŠDonât pick that up.â
You frowned. âI have to cleanââ
âNo.â Her voice wasnât harsh. Just firm. You blinked.
Ellie stepped closer. Then crouched in front of you.
For a second, she just looked at you. Really looked.
Your red eyes. Your shaking hands.
The exhaustion you hadnât hidden nearly as well as you thought you had.
Something in her expression changed. The teasing disappeared completely. She reached out hesitantly. ââŠCome here.â
You stared at her. âWhat?â
She didnât answer. Instead, she slipped her hands beneath your arms. Carefully.
Like she was worried youâd break if she moved too fast.
She gently pulled you to your feet. You went without resisting. Mostly because you didnât have the strength not to.
The moment you were standing, Ellie wrapped both arms around you.
Not awkwardly. Not halfway. Completely. Her chin rested lightly against the top of your head.
One hand settled between your shoulder blades.
The other cradled the back of your head. Holding you close. Securely.
Like she wasnât planning on letting go anytime soon.
You froze. Every muscle in your body locked.
You hadnât expected⊠This. Ellie wasnât saying anything. No teasing. No âI told you so.â
No awkward attempts at cheering you up.
She just⊠Held you.
Your forehead rested against her shoulder almost by accident. You could feel the steady rise and fall of her breathing. Slow. Even. Grounding.
ââŠIâm sorry,â you whispered.
The words slipped out before you could stop them.
âI donât even know why Iâm crying.â
Ellieâs hand moved gently through your hair.
âYou donât have to.â
That was all she said. You closed your eyes. Something inside you cracked. Not painfully.
Just enough that all the pressure youâd been carrying suddenly had somewhere to go.
You grabbed the back of her shirt. Held on.
Your fingers curled into the fabric almost desperately. Another sob escaped you. Louder this time. Your shoulders shook.
Ellie tightened her arms around you instinctively. Just a little. As if trying to hold all the broken pieces together. She still didnât say anything.
Didnât tell you to calm down. Didnât tell you everything would be okay. She didnât offer solutions.
She didnât tell you to look on the bright side. She simply stayed.
Your tears soaked into her shoulder. You buried your face there, embarrassed, exhausted, overwhelmed.
And somehow⊠She didnât seem to mind.
Every so often, her hand would slowly move across your back. Not rhythmic enough to be deliberate.
Just absentminded. Comforting. Like she wasnât thinking about it.
Like touching you was the most natural thing in the world. Minutes passed. Neither of you counted them.
The room remained quiet except for your uneven breathing.
Eventually, your crying slowed. Not because everything was suddenly better. But because youâd finally run out of tears. You stayed exactly where you were. Still tucked against her. Still holding onto the back of her shirt. Ellie didnât let go.
Not once. Not until you were ready. And for the first time since youâd met her⊠Ellie Williams didnât try to fill the silence.
She simply shared it with you.
Eventually, reality crept back in. Slowly. Painfully.
Your hands were still gripping the back of Ellieâs shirt. Your face was buried against her shoulder.
Your cheeks were undoubtedly blotchy. Your nose probably looked ridiculous. Andâ
Oh God.
You had just cried. Not just cried. You had sobbed.
In front of Ellie. Your entire body stiffened.
Ellie noticed immediately.
She loosened her hold without pulling away completely. âYou good?â
The question was gentle. Not teasing.Not loaded.
Just⊠gentle.
You took a small step back, your eyes fixed firmly on the floor. âIâŠâ
Your voice came out embarrassingly hoarse. You cleared your throat. âIâm sorry.â
You gestured vaguely toward⊠everything. âThat.â
âYou cried.â
âI know.â
ââŠOkay.â
You looked up. âWhat do you mean, okay?â
âI meanâŠâ She shrugged one shoulder. âYou cried.â
You frowned. âI donât usually do that.â
Ellie gave you a look. âI kinda figured.â
Heat immediately flooded your face.
âCan we please never talk about this again?â
One corner of her mouth twitched upward.
âIâll think about it.â
You groaned quietly. âOh my God.â
âI said Iâll think about it.â
âYou are the worst.â
âThere she is.â It wasnât mocking. If anything⊠She looked relieved. Like hearing you complain again meant you were feeling a little more like yourself.
Your embarrassment only grew. You crossed your arms tightly. âI canât believe I cried over a mug.â
Ellieâs expression softened almost instantly. âYou werenât crying over the mug.â
You looked away. ââŠNo.â
âYouâve been running on coffee and four hours of sleep for, like, a week.â
âIâve slept.â
She stared. ââŠSure.â
âI have.â
âYou fell asleep sitting at your desk two nights ago.â
You blinked. ââŠYou noticed that?â
Ellie looked at you like youâd asked whether the sky was blue. âYou almost face-planted into your keyboard.â
âOh.â
âAnd yesterday?â She continued before you could interrupt. âYou forgot your lunch.â
âI wasnât hungry.â
âYou were.â
âIââ
âAnd you left without your backpack on Monday.â
ââŠâ
âYou came back ten minutes later looking annoyed.â
ââŠâ
âAnd,â she added, folding her arms now, âI havenât seen you make your bed all week.â
Silence. You stared at her. She stared back.
âYou notice a lot.â
The words slipped out before you thought about them. Ellieâs shoulders lifted in a small shrug. âI guess.â
It didnât seem like a big revelation to her. It felt enormous to you. Because somehow, despite all the arguing⊠Despite the silence. Despite the frustration. Sheâd been paying attention.
You didnât know what to do with that.
Neither of you spoke for a moment. Then Ellieâs gaze shifted downward. âThe mug.â
You followed her eyes. The broken pieces still covered the floor. âOh, right.â
You immediately bent your knees. âIâll cleanââ
âNope.â Before you could crouch, Ellie gently caught your wrist. Not tightly. Just enough to stop you.
âYouâll cut yourself.â
âIâll be careful.â
âI know.â She smiled faintly. âI still donât trust you right now.â
You opened your mouth to argue. Nothing came out.
Because⊠maybe she had a point. Ellie let go of your wrist before crouching down herself.
She gathered the larger pieces first, careful not to slice her fingers on the jagged edges. You stood there awkwardly. Watching. âI can help.â
âI know.â
âBut Iâm going to.â She shook her head.
âNo.â
You frowned.
âEllieââ
âI got it.â There wasnât an ounce of annoyance in her voice. Just quiet certainty. She picked up another piece. Then another, then a chuckle.
You looked at her. âWhat?â
She glanced around the room dramatically. âI always thought I was the messy one.â
Your eyebrows knitted together. âWhat?â
She gestured toward the floor.
âYour notes are literally everywhere.â
You looked around. Your stomach sank. She wasnât exaggerating. Books. Loose papers. Sticky notes. Highlighters. Printed articles. Half-written outlines.
Your carefully organized system had collapsed into complete chaos sometime during the last week.
You hadnât even noticed. Well you had. Youâd seen it. But the realization came now.
Ellie looked back at you. âI think your desk is attempting to escape.â
A surprised sound escaped you. Half laugh. Half sniffle. You immediately covered your mouth.
But it was too late. Ellie looked up.
You rolled your eyes, though another tiny laugh slipped through despite yourself. âDonât.â
âI didnât even say anything.â
âYou were going to.â
âI was.â
You shook your head. ââŠYouâre annoying.â
âSo Iâve heard.â
You smiled. Just a little. It felt strange after crying so much. Like your face wasnât entirely sure how to do it anymore. Ellie noticed anyway. She smiled too.
Small. Quiet.
She reached for another shard, and as she did, you found yourself simply⊠watching her.
She was kneeling on the floor in front of you, one knee resting against the carpet while she carefully brushed tiny porcelain fragments into her palm.
Her movements were unexpectedly delicate. Patient. Completely focused.
A strand of auburn hair kept falling into her face every few seconds, and sheâd absentmindedly puff air upward to move it without using her hands.
Youâd never seen her thisâŠ
Gentle. Your gaze lingered. Ellie looked up. Your eyes met. Neither of you moved.
For a brief, confusing moment, everything else disappeared.
The broken mug. The scattered notes. The essay.
The stress. There was only the quiet roomâŠ
And Ellie, looking up at you from where she knelt.
Something strange settled low in your stomach.
Not unpleasant. Just⊠Unexpected.
You frowned slightly. What⊠was that?
The feeling disappeared almost as quickly as it came. You blinked. No. You were tired. Emotionally drained.
You looked away first, mentally scolding yourself for overthinking something so insignificant.
Ellie didnât seem to notice anything unusual. She simply stood, careful not to drop the porcelain pieces gathered in her hands. âIâll throw these away.â
You nodded. âThanks.â
She gave a small shrug, already walking toward the kitchen.
âNo problem.â You watched her disappear around the corner before letting out a slow breath.
Then you looked down at the room. At the scattered papers. At your uncapped pens. At the blanket half hanging off your bed. At the version of yourself reflected in all of it.
For the first time in weeks⊠You allowed yourself to admit something. You hadnât been okay.
And somehow⊠The last person you expected to notice had been the first one who actually did.
Ellie came back a minute later, dusting her hands together as she stepped into the room. âMission accomplished.â
You looked up. âHm?â
âThe mug has officially retired.â
Despite yourself, the corner of your mouth twitched.
She glanced around the room. The floor was still covered in papers.
Your desk looked like a small paper factory had exploded. Without saying anything, Ellie crouched beside one of the piles.
âWhat are you doing?â
âHelping.â She picked up a stack of printed articles.
Then placed them neatlyâŠOn top of your handwritten notes.
You stared. ââŠEllie.â
âWhat?â
âThose donât go together.â
âTheyâre papers.â
âTheyâre different papers.â
She looked down. âThey all have words on them.â
You let out an exhausted sigh before kneeling beside her. âNo, look.â You reached over, separating the stacks. âThese are sources.â
âMhm.â
âAnd these are my notesâ
âMhm.â
âAnd theseâŠâ You picked up another pile. ââŠare drafts.â
Ellie blinked. âThey all look the same.â
âThey absolutely do not.â
She shrugged. âIf you say so.â
You opened your mouth to correct the way sheâd stacked another pile. Then stopped. Your eyes drifted over the room.
The mess. The notes. The highlighters scattered across the floor. The empty mugs. Your unmade bed.
A week ago, seeing all of this wouldâve made your skin crawl. Now⊠You were too tired to care.
The realization settled strangely in your chest. You slowly lowered the papers back onto the floor.
ââŠWhatever.â
Ellie looked over. âWhat?â
You shook your head. âNothing.â
Silence settled between you again.
Not awkward. Just⊠quiet.
Ellie finished stacking the papers into what she clearly believed were reasonable piles.
They werenât. Not even close. Normally, you wouldâve fixed every single one. Instead, you just watched her.
She looked oddly focused. Her brow furrowed in concentration like organizing papers was somehow a serious task. It made you smile a little.
When she noticed, she raised an eyebrow. âWhat?â
ââŠNothing.â
âMhm.â
You looked down at your hands. Your fingers twisted together. Your thoughts raced for a moment before one escaped your mouth without permission.
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synopsis: Finals season is approaching, and youâre drowning under the pressure of deadlines, expectations, and a mind that refuses to quiet down. After months away, you find yourself returning to the one place you remember finding temporary peace: Ellie Williamsâ apartment.
warnings: College AU, Mental health struggles (stress, anxiety, burnout), Drug use/weed, Emotional vulnerability, Sexual content, Explicit themes, Power dynamics/transactional undertones
The first message sits in your drafts for almost ten minutes before you finally send it.
You around?
She leaves you on delivered for twenty-three minutes. Not that youâre counting. You sit hunched over your desk, knee bouncing beneath it hard enough to rattle the cheap particleboard.
depends whoâs asking.
You roll your eyes.
Funny. You know who it is.
Another pause.
been a while.
Half a year.
Half a year since you stood outside the student apartments in the freezing November rain with your hood pulled over your head, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while Ellie Williams leaned against the entrance, hands buried in the pockets of her worn leather jacket like sheâd been waiting for you all day instead of five minutes.
She hadnât judged you then.
She probably wonât now.
You stare at the stack of notes scattered across your desk. Flashcards. Highlighters. Open textbooks with entire chapters underlined in different coloursâas if making the pages prettier somehow made the information stick.
It doesnât.
Nothing sticks anymore
Your lectures blur together. You spend hours at your desk only to realize youâve reread the same paragraph six times without absorbing a single word. Every time you close your eyes, your brain simply⊠keeps talking. Lists. Deadlines. What-ifs. Regrets. The future. The past.
It never shuts up.
Finals are three weeks away, and everyone around campus suddenly seems to have transformed into productivity machines.
Meanwhile, youâve forgotten what sleeping feels like.
Your phone buzzes.
need something?
You hesitate.
Yeah.
Another buzz almost immediately.
same place.
Thatâs all. No hey. No question about how youâve been surviving since the last exam season drove you into her apartment three or four nights a week.
You suppose thatâs just Ellie.
The walk across campus feels longer than you remember.
The shortcut through the library is packed despite the late hour, every window glowing warm against the darkening sky. Groups of students hunch over laptops, coffee cups piled between them like monuments to poor decisions.
You wonder if any of them feel like theyâre drowning too.
Before you realize it, the apartment buildings come into view.
Theyâre technically student housing, though âhousingâ feels generous. The brick is faded, balconies lean ever so slightly, and every hallway permanently smells faintly of detergent, old pizza, and someoneâs incense trying desperately to cover both.
You remember climbing these stairs with bloodshot eyes after cramming for twelve hours straight.
You remember sitting cross-legged on Ellieâs floor while she counted bills with one hand and rolled a joint with the other. You remember the silence.
Sheâd never been much for conversation.
It wasnât uncomfortable. Just⊠sparse.
Ellie never seemed interested in filling empty space with pointless words. If she had something to say, sheâd say it. Otherwise, sheâd let the quiet settle.
The stairwell creaks beneath your weight.
Second floor. Apartment 87. The numberâs still crooked.
Nothing changes. Your heartbeat picks up anyway. Maybe itâs embarrassment. Maybe itâs the fact that the last time you were here this often, youâd promised yourself itâd be temporary.
Just until finals. Just until things calm down. Things never really calmed down.
You stop outside her door. The chipped green paint is exactly as you remember it.
Thereâs a faded sticker near the bottom corner thatâs peeling away from the wood. You donât remember what it used to say.
You raise your hand. Pause. Drop it again.
This feels pathetic somehow. Like admitting defeat before youâve even taken the exams.
Your phone vibrates.
that you outside?
You blink. Glance toward the window. The blinds are tilted just enough for someone inside to see the walkway. Of course sheâd noticed.
Yeah
Locks click from the other side.
One. Two. The handle turns. She opens the door. âYou look awful.â
No hello. No smile. Just those green eyes sweeping over your face with unsettling precision.
Sheâs wearing an old forest-green hoodie with the sleeves shoved to her elbows, dark jeans, and socks that donât match. Auburn hair falls messily across her forehead, longer than you remember, like she hasnât bothered cutting it in months. There are faint shadows beneath her eyes, the kind earned by too many late nights and not enough sleep.
âYou too,â you mutter.
She snorts. âLiar.â
Sheâs wearing grey sweatpants and an oversized flannel over a faded band tee, auburn hair pulled into a messy bun thatâs already falling apart. She looks⊠surprisingly domestic for someone whose side hustle pays half her tuition.
âCâmonâ
She steps aside.
The apartment smells exactly the way you remember.
Pizza thatâs long since gone cold. Paperbacks with their cracked spines piled into uneven towers beside the couch. Laundry that probably shouldâve been done yesterday. And beneath it all, lingering in the walls and cushions like itâs seeped into the drywall itselfâ
Weed.
Itâs a strange combination.
Comforting, somehow.
It smells like Ellie.
The apartment isnât particularly clean, but it isnât dirty either. Itâs lived in. Lecture notes are spread across the coffee table beside an ashtray and three highlighters without their caps. A hoodie is draped over the arm of the couch, and someoneâs biology textbook lies open on the floor with a pen tucked between its pages.
Ellie nudges the door shut with the heel of her shoe before walking past you. âYou can sit.â
You donât need telling twice.
The couch sinks beneath your weight with the same familiar groan you remember, and for a brief moment, it almost feels like six months never happened.
âSo.â She drops onto the couch, stretching one arm across the backrest. âSix months.â
âIâve been busy.â
âMhm.â
âI have.â
âIâm sure.â
You sigh dramatically before collapsing into the armchair opposite her. âItâs exams.â
âI figured.â
âMy brain wonât shut up.â
That gets her attention. The teasing slips from her expression. You donât mean to keep talking, but once you start, the words tumble out on their own.
âI sit down to study and suddenly Iâm thinking about assignments from last semester, then groceries, then whether my professor secretly hates me, then I remember I forgot to answer my momâs text three days agoâŠâ You rub your eyes. âItâs just⊠loud.â
Ellie listens. Really listens. No interruptions. No jokes. When youâre finished, the room settles into a quiet that doesnât feel awkward. Just⊠still.
âYou eating?â
âWhat?â
âFood.â
ââŠSometimes.â
She raises an eyebrow. âYou sleeping?â
ââŠDefine sleeping.â
She exhales through her nose and chuckles. âJesus.â
âI know.â
âYou donât need weed.â Your heart sinks a little.
âYou need a fucking therapist.â
You bark out a laugh. âYeah?â
âYeah.â
âTheyâre expensive.â
âThey are.â
Silence. Then Ellie stands. âHold on.â
She disappears into her room, footsteps muffled against the old carpet.
You lean back into the couch, listening absentmindedly to a faucet running somewhere deeper in the apartment before it clicks off again.
A minute later, she returns with a small silver tin in one hand.
She sets it on the coffee table, pops it open with practiced ease, and begins gathering papers and filters without so much as looking. âGuess you still canât roll for shit?â
You groan. âSeriously?â
âIâm asking.â
âYou know the answer.â
âI do.â She pinches a little weed between her fingers, spreading it evenly across the paper. âWas hoping maybe half a year wouldâve taught you.â
âIâve learned plenty.â
âApparently not this.â
You lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees.âI used to be your best customer.â
Ellieâs eyes stay on the joint sheâs rolling, but one corner of her mouth twitches upward.
âThatâs not the flex you think it is.â
âIâm just saying.â
âYouâre saying I shouldnât complain.â
âExactly.â
She seals the paper with practiced precision, holding it up between two fingers.
The realization hits somewhere between Ellie setting the joint down and reaching for the lighter.
Your stomach drops. Your hand moves automatically. Pocket. Empty. Other pocket.
Still empty. Your bag.
You unzip it quickly, fingers digging through notebooks, pens, old receipts, anything that might explain where the hell you put it.
Nothing. Your wallet isnât there. For a second, you just stare. No, no, no.
Your mind immediately starts running. You left it.
On your desk.
Of course you did.
Because apparently remembering twelve different deadlines, exam dates, and entire chapters of information was possible, but remembering the one thing you actually needed to bring with you wasnât.
Your chest tightens. It isnât even about the money.
Itâs about the fact that youâre here. Youâre finally here. The one place where your brain feels like it might go quiet for a few hours.
And now youâre going to have to leave empty-handed.
The thought alone makes your thoughts start piling on top of each other again. The exams. The studying. The endless noise.
The feeling that youâve been drowning for months and this is the one thing you know will give you a break. And suddenly the room feels smaller.
Because you need that joint.
Not in the dramatic way you know people say they need things. Not like youâre convinced itâs some magical solution thatâs going to fix everything wrong with your life.
You know it wonât.
But right now? Right now your mind has been unbearable. Especially today.
Every thought has been louder than the last. Every little mistake replaying itself over and over until you canât tell whatâs real and whatâs just anxiety finding new ways to hurt you.
The idea of walking all the way back across campus empty-handed makes your chest tighten. No.
You canât. You wonât. Ellie is a good person. You know that. But sheâs not a charity.
Sheâs a student too. She has rent. Food. Bills. Her own problems. And she has never once pretended that what she does isnât a business.
You canât just take it. Your eyes drift back to the tin sitting on the table. Then to Ellie.
âFuck.â
Itâs quiet. But Ellie hears it. Of course she does.
Her eyes lift from the lighter in her hand.
âWhat?â
You hesitate. You could lie. You could say nothing and leave. But the panic is probably written all over your face.
âI forgot my wallet.â
Ellie looks at you. Then at the table. Then back at you. Not annoyed. Not angry. Just⊠thinking.
A pause.
Your fingers tap anxiously against your knee. âI still kind of need it.â Your embarrassment burns hotter.
âI can pay you back.â
âWhen?â
You open your mouth. Nothing comes out.
Because you donât know. Your next paycheck from your exhausting nine to five isnât for another week. Your exams are before then. Your brain is already convincing you this is a disaster bigger than it actually is.
Ellie leans back slightly.
A small look. You sigh. âOkay. I donât know when.â
The silence stretches. Your mind starts filling it with every possible outcome. Sheâs going to say no.
Sheâs going to tell you to leave. Youâre going to walk back across campus with nothing.
Youâre going to spend another night staring at your ceiling, unable to sleep, thinking about everything you shouldâve done differently.
Then the worst idea comes.
A desperate one.
The one that makes your face heat before you even say it. âCould IâŠâ You stop.
Ellie tilts her head. âCould you what?â
You look down at your hands. You know sheâs into girls. You know sheâs dated girls before.
And you know thereâs something you could offer that doesnât involve money.
Something that would probably get you what you want. Something that feels easier than admitting you need help.
âI could pay you another way.â
The words leave your mouth before you can stop them. Ellie pauses. Not dramatically. Just enough.
Her fingers still for a second over the rolling paper, and her eyes lift to yours.
âWhat?â
Your face immediately feels warm. Because now that youâve said it out loud, it sounds even more ridiculous. âI meanââ You clear your throat. âNot likeââ
Ellieâs eyebrow lifts. You immediately know youâre making this worse. âI just mean, you knowâŠâ You gesture vaguely between the two of you. âYouâre into girls.â
A small, amused smile begins to form.
âOkay.â
âAnd Iâm a girl.â
âReally?â
You glare at her.
âIâm trying to explain.â
âIâm listening.â
The problem is that she actually is. Which somehow makes it harder. You shift on the couch, suddenly aware of every single word coming out of your mouth.
âI just thought maybe if you wanted to, I donât knowâŠâ You trail off, then force yourself to finish. âMaybe that could count as payment.â
For a moment, Ellie only stares. Then she laughs.
Not loudly. Just a quiet, surprised chuckle that makes her shake her head.
âWow.â
You frown.
âWhat?â
âI donât know.â She looks down at the joint in her hands, still smiling slightly. âYouâre really just⊠offering yourself up for a joint.â
You immediately get defensive.
âIâm notââ
âYou kind of are.â
âIâm saying I wouldnât hate it.â
That catches her attention. The amusement doesnât disappear, exactly. It just shifts. Ellie looks at you differently. And suddenly you feel it. Her gaze.
Slow. Curious. Not in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Just enough that you notice.
Her eyes move over you, taking in the tired expression, the messy hair, the way youâre sitting there trying so hard to pretend you arenât nervous.
For a second, you genuinely think sheâs considering it. Actually considering it. And maybe she is.
Because Ellie doesnât look disgusted. She doesnât look offended.
If anything, she looks a little intrigued.
Then she leans back into the chair, a quiet laugh escaping her.
âNo.â
The answer is immediate. You blink.
âNo?â
âNo.â
âButââ
âNo.â
You stare at her. Sheâs still smiling. Not cruelly.
Just amused. âEllie.â
âNo.â
You sigh, sinking back into the couch. The joint sits between her fingers, unfinished.
You look at it. Then at her.
And the thought refuses to leave. Because itâs not just about the weed. Not entirely. The truth is, youâve wondered before. Not about Ellie specifically.
Not at first. Just⊠What it would be like. To be with a girl. To know what it felt like. To stop wondering.
âI have thought about it before.â
That wipes the amusement from her face. Not completely. But enough. âWhat?â
You immediately regret opening your mouth.
âI meanâŠâ You look away. âBeing with a girl.â
Ellie stays quiet. So you keep going.
âIâve just never done anything like that.â
You look back at her. Her expression has changed.
Sheâs not laughing anymore. Sheâs listening.
âIâve just always wondered what it would be like,â you admit. âWhat it would feel like.â
Something in Ellieâs face shifts. Interest.
Not just amusement anymore.
âYouâve never been with a girl?â
You shake your head.
âNo.â
Another quiet moment.
Then Ellie glances down at the joint, then back at you. âHuh.â
She is quiet for a moment. Then she sets the lighter down beside the tin and leans back.
âI usually donât do stuff like this.â
Your eyes immediately move to her. The words shouldnât make your heart jump. They should probably make you feel relieved.
But they donât.
Because thereâs something in the way she says it.
Not a rejection. Not exactly. More like sheâs thinking out loud.
Ellie looks at you. The corner of her mouth lifts slightly. Your cheeks warm.
For a second, neither of you says anything.
Then her gaze drifts.
Not quickly. Not accidentally. Just enough that you notice.
Your breath catches as her eyes move over you, taking in the way youâre sitting on her couch, the nervous way your hands keep fidgeting, the tension you havenât been able to hide since you walked through her door.
You try not to react. You fail.
Your thighs press together before you can stop them.
And the worst part is that Ellie notices. Of course she does. Ellie notices everything. She looks back up at your face, amused.
âLook.â Her voice is quieter now.
âIâm not just going to use you because you came here stressed and desperate for a way to shut your brain off.â
The words hit differently than you expect. Because thatâs exactly what you were afraid of admitting.
That maybe this wasnât about Ellie. Maybe it was about escaping.
She watches your expression change. You nod slowly. A pause. Then Ellie tilts her head.
âButâŠâ
Your eyes lift back to hers. There it is again.
That little shift. That almost-smile.
âBut what?â
She lets out a quiet laugh. âI donât think Iâm the only one who likes the idea.â
The words sit between you. And somehow, somehow, they make your heartbeat pick up faster than anything else sheâs said tonight.
Ellie notices.
Her eyes flick over your face, catching the way your confidence disappears the second the attention turns back on you. The way you suddenly donât know what to do with your hands. âYou okay?â
You nod too quickly.
âYeah.â
A small smile tugs at her mouth.
âYouâre nervous.â
âIâm not.â
âYouâre a terrible liar.â
You open your mouth to argue, but nothing convincing comes out. Ellie doesnât push.
Instead, she reaches for the lighter.
The little click of the flame fills the quiet room.
She lights the joint like itâs the most normal thing in the world, completely unbothered by the way youâre watching her. She takes a slow breath, letting the smoke disappear into the air before looking back at you.
For some reason, that calmness makes you even more aware of yourself. Of the fact that youâre sitting in her apartment after months of not seeing her.
She exhales, smoke curling away as she looks back at you.
Then she pats her thigh.
âCome here.â
Your brain stalls.
âWhat?â
Ellieâs eyebrows lift.
âYou heard me.â
Your eyes flick down. Then back up.
âYou want me toââ
âSit.â
Simple. Direct. You swallow. Your body moves before your brain catches up. Slowly, you stand.
You feel ridiculous. Too aware of every movement.
Every second.
Youâre much less graceful than youâd like to be.
You lower yourself carefully, almost stiffly, like youâre afraid the wrong move will make the entire moment disappear.
Ellie feels it immediately. Of course she does.
Her hand settles on your hip before you can fully sit, steadying you.
âRelax.â
The word is quiet. You freeze.
Then slowly let out the breath you were holding.
âSorry.â
âDonât apologize.â
You nod, still a little hesitant.
âOkay.â
âThere you go.â Her hand stays there for another moment, grounding you more than anything else has all day.
Then she lifts the joint again.
âHere.â
You lean forward and take a small hit. The effect isnât instant, but itâs close. The tension youâve been carrying in your shoulders begins to loosen.
Your thoughts donât vanish. They just stop screaming.
For the first time in what feels like forever, thereâs space between them.
You sigh softly before you can stop yourself. A real sigh. One that comes from somewhere deep.
A small smirk appears on Ellies lips.
Sheâs noticing the exact moment you start coming back to yourself.
Then she takes another pull. You expect her to hand it over. Instead, she shifts slightly.
âCome here.â
Before you can ask what she means, she leans closer and guides you in. Your brain barely catches up before her lips meet yours.
The surprise alone is enough to make you freeze.
You go completely still, caught between confusion and the sudden realization that this is actually happening.
A quiet, amused sound escapes her before she lightly catches your bottom lip between her teeth.
The surprise of it makes you react instinctively, your mouth parting.
And thatâs when she exhales.
The smoke passes between you, warm and unfamiliar, and suddenly everything feels softer around the edges. Your thoughts lose their sharpness. Your eyes flutter shut.
A dizzy feeling washes over you almost immediately, your thoughts turning soft and hazy at the edges.
But you know it isnât just the weed.
Itâs her.
Itâs the fact that Ellie Williams, the girl you used to cross campus for every other night during exam season, is suddenly the reason your mind has gone quiet.
You donât even realize youâve started kissing her back until youâre already doing it.
For once, thereâs no list of everything youâre behind on. No panic. No endless noise. Just this. The kiss doesnât last forever. A few seconds. Maybe less.
But long enough that when you finally pull back, youâre left blinking at her like youâve forgotten what you were supposed to say.
Ellie doesnât look nearly as affected. If anything, she looks entertained. A little smug.
Her eyes flick over your face, taking in the dazed expression youâre trying and failing to hide.
The second your lips leave hers, she shoves the joint back into your hand without breaking eye contact.
Then sheâs on you again, her mouth finds the curve of your neck first, teeth grazing lightly before her tongue follows. Itâs not soft; it's hungry, impatient.
Her free hand grips your waist to pull you closer against her while the other keeps the joint balanced precariously near both of you. She exhales smoke right against your skin between kisses.
"You good?" she mumbles against you, not stopping for an actual answer.
âYesâ you try to say but the sharp sting of her teeth makes you gasp instead. Ellie smirks against your skin, feeling the way your body reacts. She doesnât let up. If anything, she bites down just a little harder this time before soothing it with her tongue.
Her hands are everywhere, one tangled in your hair to tilt your head further back for better access, the other sliding under the hem of whatever is in the way of touching your skin.
She takes another drag off the joint without pulling away fully, blowing smoke out through her nose while still marking up your neck like she owns it.
"You taste good," she mutters, "like fucking strawberry body wash or some shit."
The second your hips move on instinct, Ellieâs breath hitches, her whole body tenses for half a second like she wasnât expecting that. Then her grip tightens.
She grinds back up against you almost immediately, using the friction to her advantage. The joint gets abandoned in the ashtray on the coffee table with a careless flick of her wrist.
"Fuck," she growls low before crashing her lips onto yours again, this time messier, hungrier.
Her thigh presses harder between yours as she kisses you deep, a little sloppy from weed and want, but it works.
One hand slips under your shirt while the other cups your jaw to keep kissing you stupid.
Ellie can tell by the way you move, hesitant, unsure, that this is all new for you. Normally, sheâd rush through something like this⊠but something about your clumsy eagerness makes her wanna guide you.
Her hands slide down to grip your hips firmly, not rough, just there, steadying. She starts rolling her own hips up against yours in slow circles first, showing you the rhythm without words.
Then she nudges with a little more pressure, her thigh becomes an anchor as she moves it up against you with a little more pressure. Her breathing gets heavier; even though sheâs trying to be patient for once⊠itâs affecting her too.
"Thatâs it," she murmurs against your lips between kisses, "just like that."
The second that whimper leaves your lips, Ellie loses whatever control she was clinging to. Her hands are under your shirt before you can even blink, cold palms skimming up your back as she yanks the fabric upward.
She breaks the kiss just long enough to pull it off completely, tossing it somewhere behind the couch without looking. The moment skin meets air, cool for a split second before her touch burns again, sheâs diving back in.
Her mouth finds yours once more, but now thereâs nothing between you two, no barriers. One hand splays across your bare stomach while the other tangles into your hair.
"God," she breathes against you, "youâre so fucking pretty."
A breathy whimper escapes you, âfuck.â
The second her mouth closes over your nipple, teeth and tongue working on you, your whole body jerks. Ellie doesnât let up, sucking lightly while her thigh presses up with deliberate friction right where it counts.
You canât believe what youâd gotten yourself into.
Sheâs relentless now, all patience gone. Every flick of her tongue, every roll of her hips is calculated to drive you crazy and needles to say itâs working.
Her free hand pins your waist down onto the couch so you canât squirm away (not that you would), keeping the pressure exactly where she wants it as she alternates between gentle bites and soothing licks on your chest.
"You feel that?" she mutters against your skin, "That good?"
Youâd nod desperately as all pure thoughts leave your mind. âEllie,â you canât seem to stop whimpering her name.
Ellieâs eyes darken at your desperate nod, she loves the way you sound right now, all shaky and needy just for her. It goes straight to her head.
She doesnât tease. Doesnât slow down. Instead, she doubles down, her thigh grinds up harder against you while her mouth moves to your other nipple, treating it the same way: biting gently before soothing with a swirl of her tongue.
Her hand that was on your waist slides up suddenly, fingertips brushing over the swell of your breast before squeezing lightly, just enough pressure to make you gasp.
"Tell me," she demands between kisses, "tell me what feels good."
Youâre unable to form a thought.
âF-fuck,â you stutter and throw your head back instinctively as you realize your answer didnât satisfy her.
Ellie huffs, almost annoyed at how incoherent you are, but more than incredibly turned on by it. She doesnât waste time; her hands slide under the waistband of your pants in one smooth motion, fingers skimming over bare skin.
The second her fingertips brush lower, teasingly close to where you really want them, she pauses. Just for a heartbeat. To watch your face twist with need.
Then sheâs there: palm cupping you through thin fabric first, testing the heat before dipping lowerâŠ
The second Ellieâs fingers glide through your slick heat, her breath catches, she wasnât expecting you to be this ready. But she doesnât comment; just smirks, dark and pleased.
Her thumb circles your clit slowly at first, testing how sensitive you are. The pad of her finger spreads the wetness carefully, making sure every touch is deliberate⊠not too much pressure yet.
She watches your face like itâs the most interesting thing in the world, the way your lips part when she brushes a certain spot, how your hips twitch trying to chase her hand.
"Fuck," she exhales, "you're so fucking wet."
Ellie loves how wrecked you are how every brush of her fingers turns your brain to static. She doesnât let up, alternating between soft circles and firmer presses on your clit while guiding your hips with the hand still gripping them.
Her thigh becomes a relentless piston beneath you, thrusting up in time with her finger movements. Itâs like sheâs playing an instrument, youâre the song, and she knows exactly how to make it sound pretty.
The couch creaks faintly under the movement; Ellie leans down suddenly to capture one of your whimpers with her mouth again, a messy kiss full of teeth because she canât help herself.
"C'mon," she breathes against your lips, "let me hear you, pretty girlâ
The second those words leave her lips a loud, uncontrollable moan leaves you. âFuck, fuck, fuckâ
When that moan leaves your lips, Ellie feels the shift, the way your body tenses right before something big happens. Her fingers donât stop; if anything, they get bolder, pressing down with more purpose now.
She recognizes that coiled feeling in your stomachâthe telltale sign youâre right on the edge, and her own breath quickens. Sheâs never been great at patience⊠but this? This she wants to watch.
Her thigh keeps moving under you like a metronome set to ruin, while her other hand slides up to cradle the back of your neck, keeping you close as she murmurs: "That's it... fucking come for me princess"
And just like that, your body snaps. The knot in your stomach unravels all at once, a wave of white-hot pleasure crashing through you as you clench around Ellieâs fingers.
She feels it, the way your thighs stutter, how your back arches off the couch, and for a second, she freezes too. Not out of hesitation⊠but because shit, watching you come apart is hotter than she expected.
Your fingers are twisting into Ellieâs shirt as your hips jerk against her thigh on instinct, fascinated eyes watching you.
She doesnât slow down immediately, she rides out the aftershocks with gentle circles until you squirm from oversensitivity.
Her touch softens immediately after; gentler now as she rides it out with slow circles until the tremors stop. Then, without warning, she kisses you again: deep and slow this time.
"My good fucking girl," she murmurs against your lips.
For a while, you canât do much more than breathe.
Everything feels distant. Not gone. Just softened.
Your mind, for once, has finally stopped clawing at you for attention.
Ellie catches you before you can even think about moving, pulling you back into her lap with an ease that makes you realize just how little strength you have left. You donât fight it.
You just go.
Your forehead finds her shoulder, your arms loosely wrapping around her as you try to remember how breathing normally works.
Youâre completely spent.
Not just physically.
Itâs the exhaustion of finally letting go after carrying too much for too long. The exams, the panic, the constant pressure building in your chest for months, it all feels like itâs been set down somewhere outside the room.
Ellie stays quiet for a moment.
Her hand moves slowly, absentmindedly, fingers gliding through the aftermath of it all. Youâre incredibly wet and sensitive, body twitching every once in a while when her fingers meet your clit.
And for once, she looks like she doesnât know what to say. Which is rare.
Because Ellie always seems like she has something ready. A sarcastic comment. A dry observation. Some little remark to make you roll your eyes.
But now? Sheâs just watching you. Not because sheâs never seen someone lose themselves in a moment like this.
She has. Itâs not that. Itâs you. The way youâre completely unguarded.
The same person who walked into her apartment looking like she hadnât slept properly in weeks, apologizing for everything and carrying the weight of every thought in her head.
Now youâre quiet. Calm. Trusting. And something about that catches her off guard.
âYou alive?â
The question is so very Ellie that you almost laugh.
Almost. Your response comes out barely above a whisper. âShut up.â
A small grin pulls at her mouth.
âThatâs a yes, then.â
You make a noise thatâs somewhere between a laugh and a complaint, but you donât lift your head.
Ellie looks down at you.
âWow.â
You hum.
âWhat?â
âI didnât know you could get this quiet.â
Your eyes close.
âYouâre annoying.â
âYeah?â
âWant me to go again?â
âShut upâ Your fingers lightly curl into the fabric of her hoodie.
âYouâre enjoying this.â
âA little.â
You try to glare at her, but you donât have the energy to make it convincing. Ellie laughs softly.
Thereâs no teasing edge to it. Just warmth.
You want to tell her off. The problem is, your brain is moving approximately three seconds behind your mouth. Nothing comes out.
Ellie raises an eyebrow.
âLost for words?â
âUnfortunately.â
âTragic.â
You sigh against her shoulder.
âYouâre the worst.â
And as embarrassing as it is to admit, thereâs nowhere else youâd rather be right now.
heyy could u write smth about ellie controlling readers vibrator throughout the whole day and maybe even in public� pretty please?
a/n: nonnie!! thanks sm for the req! i whipped up a little something but it is kinda longgggg hope u like it anyway!
tags: SMUT!! (at the end) top ellie, morning sex, ellie wakes reader up w the vibe but she gave her permission, 24-hour teasing, public sex, movie theatre sex, you donât get caught, ellieâs lwk down bad for reader
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë it wasnât your idea. it wasnât even ellieâs. the whole thing came from an off-handed comment sheâd made in a drug store isle as the two of you passed the sex toy section. by this point, youâd come to expect ellieâs little jokes, so it was no surprise to you when, upon catching a glimpse of the box on the top shelf labelled âremote control vibratorâ, she mumbled âgimme one day with that thing. iâll have you completely at my mercy.â and you, sweet, sweet, unsuspecting you replied with a snarky âyeah, right.â what a mistake that turned out to be.
âthe whole day?â youâd asked incredulously as you walked out the store, vibrator tucked deep in your purse. âwhat, donât think you can do it?â you knew she was just taunting you, trying to get what she wanted. but fuck was it working. ellie was never one to back down from a challenge, and neither were you. âfuck it, fine.â
the next morning, you woke a soft hum, peaceful almost, if not for the quickly building pressure between your legs and the soft gasps and whimpers filling the early morning air. it didnât take long for you to realize they were coming from none other than you.
your sleep-filled eyes fluttered open to find ellie next to you, arms around your waist, as her face nuzzled into the crook of your neckâher usual position. only this time a tiny remote control was pinched between her fingers.
âmmhâellie-â you moaned softly, tilting your neck back to let her press more of those featherlight kisses. âyeah, you like that, baby?â she mumbled into you, other hand snaking under your shirt to massage your tit. âyouâre so pretty in the morning,â she whispered into your neck, âcouldnât help myself.â
you cum quick, pleasure shooting through you, white and hot, as she held you close. she was being suspiciously sweet, muttering her gentle little praises as you rode out your high. âyou did so good, baby. my girl looks so pretty when she cums.â but, still groggy from sleep, you didnât think much of it. so far so good, not a single plea muttered. unfortunately for you, ellie was only getting started.
the rest of the day goes on pretty normallyâwell as normal as it could be with your girlfriend teasing you every few minutes.
sheâs a complete menace with it. waits till youâre all relaxed and unsuspectingâcurled up with a book, having breakfast, putting your makeup onâthen she pushes her little button and you jolt, causing you to lose focus on whatever task you were previously occupied with.
youâd shoot her a glare, only to be met with an entirely unconvincing âwhat? my finger slipped!â paired with that characteristic shit-eating grin.
the worst part? she would never give you anything more. nothing more than a few seconds of mind numbing friction before you were left with nothing again. she kept at it the rest of the day, teasing and stopping and teasing again. but still, no pleas fell from your lips.
her confidence confused you, considering your tenacity thus farâwell, at least until she suggested going to the movies. she practically laughed at the way your face fell.
thatâs when you knew you were fucked.
the movie theater was empty, save for a few people scattered at the very front, much to your relief. ellie booked two seats in the row furthest from the screen, completely empty. by the time you were seated you were already soaked, keeping an anxious eye on ellieâs unrelenting hand, tucked suspiciously in the depths of her pocket.
by this point your panties are a mess, and all your pretty little head could think about was when ellie was finally going to let you cum.
you donât even make it past the intro credits before youâre tugging on her sleeve, begging. âellie-ellie, please.â you practically cried, shameless in your desperation. âplease just fuck me already.â it was almost cute the way her face contorted in shock. âwha-here??â why did she look so surprised? it was her fault.
âels, please. youâve been fucking with me all day and i just canât-â you pleaded, eyes glassy, brimming with needy beads tears. âokay, baby. okay.â in the dark, you could make out the upwards quirk of her lip. she really had the audacity to smirk right now. the begging was sooo getting to her head, but right now? you didnât exactly care. âi want it so bad, ellie. iâm so serious.â
âalr-yeah, alright. câmere.â she whispered, settling you down into her lap. âjust moan into my neck if you need to, yeah?â with a whimper, you nod, hiding your face and wrapping your arms around her neck tight, as you braced yourself for the only thing you wanted right now, struggling not to scream when the pleasure youâve been craving finally graced your sopping cunt once more.
sensitive from all the dayâs teasing, pleasure crashed into you like waves, every pulse as strong and merciless as the last. ellie kept her free hand on your side, rubbing as if to offer some sort of comfort. âshh, baby, you got it.â she whispered into your ear. âquiet fâme, okay?â and when it was too much, and a little whimper would slip past your lips, âi know it feels good, but we canât be too loud, hmm? wouldnât want anyone to know what a slut you are for me.â
itâs adorable how into it you get, grinding down on her like you can feel her there. sheâs right there with you, one hand working deftly in her pocket, picking patterns that make you want to scream, while the other grips tight on your hips, your ass, squeezing like sheâs getting off on it too. âughhh-fuck, babe, yeah. mhm, take what you want.â
elllie has to cover your mouth when you cum, strong hands clamping over your mouth to stifle those pretty little moans she loves so much. if not for the movie you were sure someone wouldâve caught you. âthatâs it, baby, ride it out.â she cooed, âmhm, i got you.â
when you walk out the theatre you arenât surprised to find the smuggest smirk you ever seen resting victoriously on ellieâs lips. âsooo, i guess that means i win.â she says, earning an eye roll form you. âshut up.â âi dunno, âellie, please fuck me alreadyâ kinda sounded like begging to me so-â âletâs just get home, yeah?â she shot you a puzzled look. you raised your brow, tone suggesting. âyou still have a few hours left.â at that she chuckled. âsay less.â
im in the mood for MILF jill please look away iâm begging. i need help
âyou know.â jill begins, her fingers combing through your hair as you were cuddled up to her body on her couch, her laptop placed on the couch next to jill as she kept typing with her free hand.
âi canât keep letting you do this.â she continues, making you shove your face into her neck.
âneed some disciplineâŠâ she whispered, her hand still combing through your hair in comfort. âthen youâll get mad at me if we get caught, i know you young girls just like to put the blame on anyone but yourselves.â with a tone you couldnât even read, jill was so intimidating to you but you love her more than air itself.
you couldnât care less how often you couldnât read her, sheâs so much older than you, questionably so, but that was exactly why you were so needy for her anyway.
âiâm sorry.â you mumbled, snuggling up closer to her, your head placed on top of her breasts as she brushed a spot behind your ear that sent goosebumps rise on your youthful skin.
jill chuckled at your apology, surely she knows you well enough now, well enough not to buy into this whole sorry bullshit, she knows youâre not sorry for anything that concerns her, she likes her bratty little girl.
âsay sorry again and iâll punish you, you are already due for a little warning to stop coming over here whenever you pleased.â jill threatens, but she was messing with you, you can come over whenever you wanted, but she couldnât let you know that. she worries about her girlâs strict lifestyle and doesnât want you in trouble.
you didnât know this was just a silly thing jill likes to mess around about, you took it to heart. âi just miss you⊠had a shitty week and I needed you.â you mumbled, pushing your face into the curve of her breast under her tank top, making jill sigh, the keyboard clicking the only noise you could hear.
âso whiny.â she mocks, her hand going to your lower back, making you shiver. âjill..â you whispered into her, holding her tighter.
âiâm not going anywhere sweet girl.â she says as you squeeze her tighter, afraid sheâd up and go, but jill wouldnât dream of it, youâre her everything, her sweet little thing. she wouldnât have it any other way, just you this close to her is enough to keep her the happiest woman alive.
warnings: 18+ mdni!! age gap (donât say i didnât warn you) oral, dirty talk, hints at the reader being a virgin if you squint. i donât know if iâm missing anything let me know.
word count: 1.4k
iâm so sick for this, iâll go to hell on my own, donât fuck your friendâs mothers guys. but do enjoy this.
you couldnât explain it, even if you wanted, the whole thing was messy from the beginning.
it was supposed to be something innocent, completely harmless and has no threat to anyone in your life or yourself.
or your best friend.
if only you never met his mother, Jill Valentine, government agent, and a former RPD S.T.A.R.S member.
but god, you didnât think it through.
didnât think your attitude and the way you looked at the woman were entirely calculated, jill knew.
this woman has a love for details and reading you, every time you came over; what youâd say and whatâd you do, what youâre wearing.
sheâd show you sheâs busy, working documents and important things for the BSAA, jill to you was just a best friendâs mother.
but you both had one hell of an unspoken sexual tension.
which you tried to hide, tried to shove in the back of your mind as your age gap is fucking nuts and you always worry someone would read your mind which isnât even a realistic idea, but still, you were too anxious to act on it, even alone, self awareness preventing you from being able to stay in your head for long.
but jill on the other hand⊠when every time she analysed you, how you talk, how you act, your ass in your tiny skirts drives her fucking crazy enough she finds herself unable to sleep, her hand inside her shorts as sheâs pumping herself up at the thought of you with her hand covering her mouth.
surely she felt ashamed, a woman her age acting and thinking like this, she felt so much guilt and shame for operating like a damn teenage boy riling with hormones over a girls ass in a skirt.
a girl her sonâs age.
she knew if he ever found her out, heâd hate her forever and she canât afford losing him, not after fighting for his custody for many years with her ex husband.
but thatâs not what she had in mind that day, when she had you splayed down her bed so late at night, her fingers in your mouth as she ate you out like no tomorrow, your legs on her shoulders, your moans muffled by her thick fingers pressing down your tongue, drooling all over them.
âtasteâs so good..â jill groaned against your clit, her mouth engulfing you, sending your back arching, she pulls away and sits up, making you ache at the loss of contact and the warmth you felt between your legs.
jill removed her fingers from your mouth, wiping your saliva off them down her bedsheets, going on her knees to meet your eyes as you were so lost in the feeling of pleasure you never got from anyone else other than this woman, a woman you shouldnât even be doing this with.
but neither of you were even thinking of that right now.
jill had your chin in her palm as you opened your eyes, your breathing shaky and heavy, drool covering your chin as you smelled like sex and vanilla to the older womanâs nostrils.
âi want you to sit on my face, yeah? can you do that for me?â jill smirked, licking her lips with the tongue you want to be inside you again so badly.
you nodded eagerly, the thought of having her mouth against your pussy again was driving you mad with chills coursing through your body. âmhm.. yes please.â you begged, your eyes staring into hers pleadingly, like a lost puppy. fucked up enough.
jill patted your legs, lying down on the mattress of her huge bed, she wasnât wearing anything other than her lacey bra and underwear, she was a fucking sight, youâd drool on her looks alone. even for a woman her age, she was damn delicious and you couldnât get your eyes off her as you went on your knees and crawled to her.
she prepared the seat that was her face you were going to be sitting on for the next many minutes, hopefully hours if it were up to the older woman. moving her short brown hair away from her blue eyes youâd drown in.
as you made it closer to her, you were a bit nervous, a question rolling around your head you had to make sure of, you had to ask, as silly as it made you sound to a woman with so much experience.
âdo i sit or hover?â you asked, your voice betraying you, your cheeks rosy and lips red and swollen.
jill chuckled, like she was making fun of you. âsit.â she demands. âi want you to suffocate me.â jill added, taking a hold of your thigh as she brought you closer with her strong grip.
âi want you to cum in my mouth.. am i clear, sweet girl?â she demanded as soon as you gasped, raising an eyebrow at your hesitation.
ây-yes..â you nodded like the puppy you are, you werenât going to upset her, you hated to refuse jill.
and jill hated it when you refused her.
you finally scooted up to jillâs head, placing a knee next to her head, the other doing the same as you lowered your body so your wet pussy made contact with her nose, both of you let out a sigh while jillâs hands positioned you properly on her face, and as soon as you felt her tongue lick a long stripe up your sopping wet hole you let out a sickeningly pornographic moan, your hands grabbing at the headboard of her bed.
âah.. jill..â you breathed, your thighs squeezing the older womanâs head, her tongue sucking and licking at your hole as she made it her sole purpose for you to cum in her mouth and if she keeps this up youâre gonna do it more than once, not that jill would complain.
her strong hands gripped your ass so tight, her tongue brutally slamming inside of you, as was her nose, sliding it up and down which drew pathetic moans out of you.
jill was humming, groaning into you, making your legs shake and your thighs closing in on her, and you were worried you were hurting her even though jill was having a fucking blast, she adored those damn thighs, if she suffocateds and dies like this itâll all be worth it.
âplease.. canât take this anymore.â you cried out, making jill just suck at your clit like a starved woman, her body humming and shivering as she was desperate to get touched as well, rubbing her thighs together while her hands reached your hips in a bruising grip.
you were shuddering and whimpering, your legs so weak as you didnât want to put your full weight on the womanâs face. âjill..â you moaned as she flicked her tongue against your sopping walls, your thighs filled with goosebumps.
âiâm..â you start, your lower belly so tight with a burning sensation that you were so close to your release, jill positioned you right into her mouth as she knew you were close, drinking you up as you finally gushed your orgasm down her mouth like she wanted.
âmmm..â jill mumbled, swallowing every last bit of what you can give her, you tasted like heaven, fucking delicious.
you were trying to catch your breath, your heart hammering against your rib cage as jill patted your thigh.
you weakly pulled your knee away from her head, your legs were shaking like crazy, your center so sensitive and puffy.
âi bet you canât walk now, huh?â jill joked, sitting up on her elbows, her cheeks red from the heat of being between your thighs for as long as she just was, her nose and her lips shiny and sticky from your release and you were so sick for thinking she looked so darn good with your cum on her face.
you gulped, heat rushing into your cheeks at her words. âjust a little sore.â you mumbled shyly, like you werenât just seated on her face.
âa little sore hm? come here for me..â jill gestured for you to come closer to her. âyou think you can just rest without returning the favour?â
jill smirked and brushed your hair away from your face, brushing two fingers against your hardened nipples.
âi know you canât handle me sitting on your face⊠iâm afraid iâd break you entirely⊠but you have fingers donât you?â
she says in a suggestive tone, grabbing your nipple into her mouth, your eyes closing at the sensation, your hands going into her hair as a moan escaped you.
jill took your hand and brought it near her panties.
then she pulled away with a pop, her blue eyes staring into yours so intensely. ânow be a good girl and touch me.â
warnings: smut, p in v, strap use, strap referred to as âcockâ. verbal abuse, very mean jill (oops), overstimulation, spitting, crying, swearing (lots of it) let me know if i miss anything i wrote this at 6am sorry if thereâs any mistakes (it is proofread ish).
word count: 2.6k
you tossed and turned in bed as the clock read 12am, typical.
jillâs light snoring is all you could hear as your thoughts wandered and wandered for probably an hour now, stealing glances at jill every now and then.
she came back from her job, ate something, had a little conversation with you, then she quickly went to bed, which you couldnât even blame her for, jill worked for so long and she does this for the both of you, she deserves her rest.
but your ovulation week had other ideas.
you were an aching horny mess.
tossing and turning made it worse because any movement youâve made involving your legs would drive you crazier, staying still wasnât helping either, you were a cat in heat.
as your mind kept you awake, your eyes went to your sleeping girlfriend, jillâs arms hugged the pillow as she was breathing slowly and steadily, she looked so peaceful and here you were, an inappropriate film was going off in your head.
your fingers went to her arm, nudging her slightly. âjill?â
jill groaned in response, her brows furrowed. âjillâŠâ you repeated, wishing sheâd register it sooner.
she groaned once more, her eyes fluttering.
âjill⊠iâm.. horny.â you dropped it, like she wasnât even half asleep.
âwhat the fuck..â she mumbled tiredly, her tone groggy but all it did was send your pussy pulsating, you felt so pathetic.
you nudged her arm again. âjust wake up..â
âtouch yourself in the bathroom or something!â she says, blowing you off with a dismissive hand.
âof course not.. it doesnât feel as good as when you do it.â
âiâm sleeping.â
âyouâre awake now.â
as soon as you said that, jill rose up from the bedsheets with a groan, she was fuming.
one thing about jill is that you knew she hated being woken up for no reason, especially when she needed the sleep so badly, she worked her ass off early in the day and she canât rest from your whiny little voice and your hormones.
you knew you were testing her but it wasnât on purpose, the ache inside of you hurt the whole day and you canât ignore it anymore, even when jill rubbed the sleep out of her angry eyes, sipped some water off the bedside table bottle she keeps on her when sheâs dehydrated from her deep slumber.
âiâm getting so fucking tired of you.â jill spat, closing the bottle aside and runs her thick fingers through her short brown hair, you frowned slightly at her words but you deserved it, lowkey, yet all of this was making you even more horny, the ache between your legs was unbearable.
âso fucking sick of you, i canât fucking sleep in this goddamn house.â jill says again, standing up from the bed, still trying to get herself more awake to deal with you, you were a little happy about the fact that you got her to wake up but she was so moody, not that you deserved to complain about her mood, maybe sheâd fuck you but she wouldnât be nice about it.
she turned to face you as she tucked her hair behind her ears, her blue eyes sit on yours.
âtake off your clothes⊠off. now.â she demands, her tone pissy and controlling.
âw-what?â was all you managed which somehow made jill even more angry, you could swore she would hit you or something, she never did, but she was too patient with you before, you wondered when sheâd snap like that? it was sick of you to imagine jill hitting you for asking her for sex like that, jill would never lay a hand on you, not for the purpose of seriously hurting you, she always watches out with the way she deals with you, she knows you canât handle her full strength.
âyou seriously fucking woke me up just to âwhatâ me? take off your fucking clothes! you know whatââ she says her eyes wide open in anger, her face red as her veins popped out of her neck.
jill climed up the bed and grabbed your shorts, pulling them down your legs forcefully as you let out a yelp. âshut the fuck up! iâm so sick of you!â she argued, her fingers found your thin shirt and took that off as well.
you werenât fighting it, but as much as it was turning you on, you wondered if she was truly this mad at you and it made you anxious, your heart dropped to your stomach at the idea, her tone and the way she handled your clothes, yet you were getting so wet anyway, your mind and cunt had two different opinions about this.
her fingers dragged down your panties, throwing them off the floor. pushing you down onto the mattress, opening your legs with a strong palm separating your knees, you could seriously salivate from this moment alone.
but before she did anything else, she unclasped your bra, she didnât look impressed in the slightest, yes jill was used to your body, knew you every inch, every freckle, but now that she wasnât even complimenting you, made your heart drop even more, horny and anxious all at once.
jill threw your bra on the floor with a force, grabbing your face in her palm.
âwhich part of iâm sleeping did you not understand?!â she shouts, her fingers ghosting your sticky area, it was pulsating, calling her name.
âjillâŠâ you breathed, hoping sheâd go easy on you, you were terrified but oh so excited your pussy was tightening around nothing. âare you really that much of a needy whore?â she spats, her eyes narrowed like she was truly shaming you for it, like she was a total prude and would throw rocks at you for behaving this way.
âevery other day.. every other week you need me to fuck you, or else you wouldnât fucking let me sleep!â she slams her fists onto the mattress, making you jump, your eyes watering at her behavior, but so was your dripping wet hole.
âyou know what? i will fuck you..â jill heaved, grabbing your face into her fist. âiâll fuck you so hard, so hard you wonât be able to walk, or even talk. fuck you dumb enough youâll stop talking altogether and let me have my own fucking peace for once, thatâs what pretty sluts like you deserve, should be grateful i even give you the light of day, youâre a brat, and iâm so sick of you taking and sucking the life out of me.â jill spoke, letting go of your face with a force as you shed a tear, her words hurt so bad but you needed her just as badly.
she got out of bed then, the sound of her feet as she went to look for her strap were too loud, putting all her energy in the stomping, you sat up a bit; rubbing your thighs together, wiping the tear off your cheek.
the sound of the drawers opening and closing was all you could hear echoing in the bedroom, jill wouldnât look at you either, as she finally took out her strap, she walked closer to you in bed, she usually always slid a condom over it as you requested so, saying the feeling of it inside you was a bit uncomfortable, but now that youâre too wet for that she decided to just smear her spit over it.
jill spat on her palm, rubbing it across the rubbery tip so she can slide it in easier, yes she was mad at you, but she hated to think sheâd wanna hurt you on purpose.
she climbed on the bed, strap perfectly wrapped around her hips, wet enough to slide inside of you as she parted your legs once again with her hands, positioning herself between your legs, brows furrowed, gaze averted.
you bit down your lip as you watched her get on top of you, her necklace dangling over your head, her tits peeking out of her loose gray tank top, no bra underneath.
she rubs the tip against your hole, teasingly so. âshh.â jill demands as soon as you started making noise.
âfuck youâre so tight..â jill cussed, sliding her cock in as you let out a gasp. âall this fucking and stretching you out didnât loosen you up? damn girl.â she grunts, surprised at her change of tone, she was fully bottomed out as she started thrusting inside of you, your hands were shaking as they placed themselves on her hips, fucking yourself into her, the tip kissing your cervix with every thrust.
âis that good, slut?â jill says, forcing your chin between her fingers. âiâm not a slut.â you argued, your voice strained as you were fucked out. sweat already breaking out from your forehead.
âsure youâre not⊠look at you swallowing that cock whole⊠always begging me to fuck you, always demanding and whining for it.â she fucks into you deeper, making you see stars as it shut you up completely.
âgood girl, i like it when you keep that pretty mouth shut.â jill continues thrusting, the sound of your squelching was like music to her ears. âyou belong to me donât you?â she whispered to herself, going faster just to see how youâd react, seeing the way you pulsate against her cock, the way you rock your hips to match her pace with your moans strained and your legs aching.
âhhhhnnn⊠jill iâm so close.â you managed, your finger nails digging into her waist from underneath her shirt, then your hands grabbed at her breasts, which drove jill crazy to just get you to cum, her pace went faster and faster, her girlfriendâs mouth open, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as you squeeze at her tits, your thumb circling her sensitive buds, making jill squirm inside of you as she forced your wrists away with her hands, pinning you down on the bed with one hand, the other taking each one of your ankles and throws it over her shoulders, making the strap go in so much deeper as you let out a choked gasp.
jill had to take a second and look at you like that, sweaty forehead, red cheeks, lips so red and pretty, the position was a little different from every other one youâve both been in before by her.
but she took a mental note to do this again, legs on her shoulders, your eyes closed and your breathing uneven as she refuses to move inside of you. watching the way your breasts moved as you squirmed and whined underneath her, jill canât resist you and she knows it, no matter how angry she became, how fucking stubborn she gets especially after a terrible day at work which is every other day, she has a beautiful girlfriend she can use however she pleases, youâre her pretty little thing, her whole world, sheâd probably crumble if she came back home and didnât find you there.
âlook at me..â jill softly says, a drastic change from her tone earlier as your eyes fluttered open, staring into her blue ones.
âi love you.â jill whispers as she begins to move her hips forward and continues to thrust inside of you, the tip abusing your cervix as her words made this even more intense and overwhelming.
you eyes watered, recalling her words from just a few minutes ago, compared to this. you couldnât focus as you got even more stretched out, crying out loud from how good it felt then from how much you feared like you were losing her and this was her last straw.
âshh..â jill whispered once more, her tongue flicking against her bottom lip as she let go of your hands, holding them in hers as she fucked into you so much faster than before, sending the bed rattling against the wall, creeking against the floor while your lips met in a hungry kiss, tongue and teeth clashed as you were chasing your high, sensation so overwhelming you whined into her mouth, jillâs hands grabbed yours as she led you through such an intense orgasm, you were terrified.
you screamed, moaned, writhed, unsure of the noise that came out of you when you gushed all that you have against jillâs cock.
jill noticed.. and she slowly pulled out, mumbling sweet words and kissing your forehead, cheeks, lips, she overstepped a line and she was willing to make it up to you.
âshh.. you did so good, such a good girl.â she mumbled, rubbing her thumb against your cheek as you were trying to get a hold of yourself.
âitâs alright sweetheart⊠you did good.â she whispers into your ear. âiâll be back.. okay?â was all jill said as she climbed off the bed, taking off the strap that needed cleaning now, not that youâd notice from how much you were vibrating and overwhelmed.
jill came back a few moments later, a cloth to clean you up and some water to hydrate you.
she carefully sat next to you and helped you sit up with a kiss to your forehead. âiâve got you.â she mumbled, grabbing the cloth in her rough hand, slowly holding it up your thighs as you were too sensitive, you closed your legs in on her.
âcanât..â you shook your head, keeping your knees together. âi have to clean you up baby..â jill murmured, taking a hold of your thigh once again, cleaning up the cum off it. wiping it all the way up to your sensitive core as you squirmed. âjill.. careful.â
âiâve got you..â jill repeated, cleaning you gently, watching the way you were limb on the bed, you were breathtaking.
as soon as she finishes cleaning you up and putting you into new panties and clothes, giving you some water as you drank the whole bottle. âeasy⊠itâs not going anywhere.â jill mumbled, climbing on the bed next to you, recalling how mean and disrespectful she was to you early on, making her heart twist into her chest.
she took you in her arms, your smaller frame fit so perfectly into her, you wrapped your arms around her as she kissed your forehead.
âiâm sorry⊠i didnât mean what i said.â jill finally said, she canât let you go on thinking this is how she thought of your relationship, she loves you so much.
âthereâs no excuse for me to talk to you like that, not when you needed me. iâm sorry baby..â jill added while wrapping her arms around you tighter, securing you into her grip gently.
âitâs okay..â you sighed, she noticed how non verbal you get after such a loud and messy orgasm, sheâs glad itâs not because you were mad at her or resentful of what she said. âitâs not.. i donât want you to be mad at me though, i canât take it.â jill whispered into your hair, brushing a hand over your belly.
âiâm not mad.â you finally said after a moment of silence. âno?â âno.â
jill sighed in relief and kissed the tip of your nose, making your eyes close as she pulled the blanket over both of you, hoping youâd get a good night's sleep. she still needed to do so much to make it up to you, youâre her angel.
you snuggled up to her, eyes closed and heavy with sleep. jill brushing your hair with her fingers, her face so close to yours as she watched every flutter of your lashes, every time you opened your mouth and closed it. she leaned in and kissed your lips, unable to get enough of you as you kissed her back, barely, you were probably half asleep.
âiâm not mad.â you reassured her softly, which was enough to make jill go through the night without some exaggerated grand gesture, both of you falling asleep in each otherâs arms.
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âi could be your mom.â Jill argued, standing against the wall of her house that youâve sneaked into to find Jill awake, her laptop lit on and papers scattered everywhere for the BSAA.
âbut youâre not.â was all you said as you stared into her eyes, watching how she ran her fingers through her semi graying brown hair as she rolled her eyes. âbut i could be.â she repeated.
âarenât you ashamed of yourself? i mean, if i had a daughter twenty something years ago sheâd be your age itâs ridiculousâ go home, or iâll call your mother,â Jill argued once more, standing straight from the wall with her arms dangling on her sides.
you scoffed in disbelief. âyou wouldnât.â you rolled your eyes, knowing how close your mother is to Jill on the friendâs list and maybe deep down you worried jill would actually rat you out to your extremely strict mother just like that without trying to stop it.
âwhat do you want? i donât get itâ you want a relationship with me? is that it? what you think itâs gonna be easy with me? weâre just gonna hold hands and watch movies together, eat stupid food on stupid dates?â Jill snapped. âwhat did you think youâd get out of this?! that this would be a normal relationship? iâm 40 for gods sake but this isnât even a problem here, the problem is you think iâm that kind of woman, the one thatâs just gonna do all that with you without consequences, so much to risk, iâm not an idiot and youâre assuming iâm one with you coming here thinking this would be anything other than a stupid teenage crushââ
âiâm not a teenagerâ!â you interrupted her, your eyes blurring from tears you wanna cry at how hurtful her words were but she was right.
âthatâs not the point! youâre too goddamn young and iâm too damn damaged! you should spend your youth with a beautiful woman who can actually make you smile, hold your hand and watch ridiculous sappy movies with you.â Jill said, still angry but somehow very vulnerable.
âyouâre a beautiful girl, honey.â she adds after a moment or so, walking closer to you enough she can rest a calloused palm over your soft skin, âyou deserve better.â she continues, placing a kiss to your forehead, breaking your heart as a tear sheds down your cheek.
Jill doesnât waste a second not wiping it away with her thumb.
âiâm so sorry darling.â she says, pulling you to her chest for a hug, making you melt into her, smelling the scent of her body and how warm she was, you wished you get to do this everyday, it hurt so bad.
the pads of your fingers cling to her shirt, keeping her close for as long as you can. âshh..â Jill whispered, hugging you and comforting you as your heart shattered even more. âitâs alright, let it out.â jill cooed, rocking you in her arms as her hand smoothed over your head, youâve never felt both calm and heartbroken all at once.
maybe it wouldnât work but being in her arms makes up for all the heartbreak to overcome, however long it takes.
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