I really miss my grandpa so much.
I feel like I barely had time to properly grieve his passing. My grandma's health took such a hit afterwards, it felt like I immediately had to transition into being here for her and helping her out. Not to mention being steadfast and strong for her when she was still silently grieving herself.
And now, after her stroke this year, it's a whole new level of dependency and care for her.
Part of me is relieved my grandpa doesn't have to see her in this state. I think it would've absolutely broke his heart. But that doesn't mean I don't wish he was still here.
I'd do anything to sit down with him and just talk. To hear his voice, hear him laugh at his own jokes, to see that pure genuine love and honesty in his eyes when he spoke. I'd feel so much more at ease to have his reassurance, but that's not what life had in the cards for us.
I'm just trying to do the best that I can to make him proud, to know that we took care of my grandmother as best we could after he passed away.
But I still feel like a scared little kid most days.
