bruh

God lets fucking hope Alana Lexys Gf

New medication genuinely making me feel like a horse

Shadowed from 7:30-12:30

Napped from 3:30-5:30

It finally rusted through

I’m waking up at 6 am to help carry mema’s casket into the church bc my fuckass uncles are too lazy to wake up early for their own mothers funeral. I genuinely don’t know how I’m related to them. I guess as a whole I don’t understand how so many people feel no sense of duty to others. To be so selfish when she didn’t do anything to necessitate that treatment. Truly I think they’ve both victimized themselves into believing their mom is responsible for the horrible decisions they made in adulthood that caused them to hate their lives. Mema didn’t make you marry the world’s bitchiest woman alive. Mema didn’t make you choose to go into ministry and then never finish seminary school & work in tech. It’s not her fault your marriage is awful and you won’t get a divorce. And the fact he wanted to do the eulogy but genuinely wouldn’t visit her in the hospital when she was 25 minutes away from them?? Like?? What are you even going to say??

What is so horribly ironic to me is that i might genuinely be the only person who had an excuse to be estranged from her (gay) because of her brazen homophobia. But yk what?? I DON’T have an ounce of the whininess that they do. I had to hide ALL of my relationships from HER, go to all the family gatherings without being able to have ANYONE meet gp and that Sucked. I didn’t bring gp to my brothers wedding because of the shitstorm she would’ve lighted if I did. If we are really going back, she’s the whole reason (by proxi) my mom genuinely didnt speak to me for 3 months when i came out among other things. AND YET I genuinely don’t harbor near the amount of resentment they do towards her. It’s just so insane to me how someone can genuinely delude themselves into thinking their mother who (and I have asked) genuinely didn’t abuse, neglect, or otherwise hurt her children are genuinely responsible for their failures in life. Like WHAT DO YOU MEAN she died and your initial thought is “she was so petty of course she died while you guys were on vacation” 😭😭 like yeah but 😭😭 that’s your MOM 😭😭 BRO 😭😭 and this is genuinely the first thing you said to me??? Like I get ppl use humor to cope but this is Mr. Tism Central w the no sense of humor / he was deadass.

Maybe it’s because I value my relationship w my mom so much, but it just really bothers me that they have such little respect/ empathy/ humility for their mother. But idk I feel like that should just be the norm and they’re just freaks for feeling otherwise. It isn’t like my mom and I have never had any Serious conflicts (previously mentioned coming out). For someone who literally majored in theology and has been a Sunday school teacher his entire life you really understand nothing about christianity & forgiveness (genuinely the central doctrine 😭😭😭 like you kind of can’t miss it 😭😭😭). It is almost comical that they won’t just let her pettiness go to be present for her 😻😻😻Tomorrow is going to be a shit show 😻