Fuck this, I'm marrying myself

why is there no Barbie mortician career doll

everybody is like “oh you think dolls die?” “how would a kid tell if a doll is dead?” have you ever watched a child play with dolls, they have morbid creativity levels that rival Shakespeare

"every time we touch i get this feeling" that's the poison starting to work

me: *watches criminal minds for 9 hours* anything: *makes a noise* me: I’m looking for a white male between the ages of 25-45 probably a loner probably most definitely hates women probably drives a red late model dodge truck probably lives alone his moms name is Helen and his favorite color skittles are the red ones

i am in severe distress. i am vibing. i am king of the world. i am bored. i am lost at sea. i am making coffee. i am foraging in the forest. i am making tea. i am chasing pigeons. i am napping in a chair