desolation

“𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓶𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓴𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭, 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂, 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽𝓼 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓾𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓻𝓸𝓬𝓴, 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓴𝔂 𝓾𝓷𝓶𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭, 𝓾𝓷𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓭.”

— Thomas Cole on Desolation, pictured above

i find that about every four years, something shifts within me, and that shift is the catalyst for death, but also rebirth. when life feels uncontrollable, i take what i can control and i destroy it; then i reshape it until it bends to my current whim.

so welcome (back) to this amalgamation of a thing. it’s somewhere between a writeblr and a mental dumping ground. i was originally going to try and keep this main blog contained to just my main wips but that's literally impossible for me so i'll just be going back to my original ways in a cleaner environment. i will still have my art blog @hyacinthsballs & my reblogs blog @babylonsfalling but i'll probably still just end up reblogging my friend's stuff over there instead of here. we'll see if i change my mind again.

you can contact me either here or on my art blog for commissions as they’re always open, anything helps as i am extremely unemployed, not for lack of trying.

the usual tumblr reblogs will go on @babylonsfalling.

however, for those new and in desperate need of a tl;dr

vacant (ren) • 28 • black american • he/him (transmasculine nonbinary do not they/them me) • queer • neurodivergent (autistic with adhd tendencies and an anxiety disorder) • college student

18+ we talk about sex and gore here

i write gothic things. it’s my favorite genre of fiction and i think everything i write ends up in that realm one way or another. i also love history. like a lot. so those two things tend to blend in some fashion in most of my wips. my current three mains are:

BETWIXT THUMB & FOREFINGER • PARAMOUR (The Fall of Galeré) • CULT OF THE PALE MOON MESSIAH

find their full wip intros HERE. but for a snapshot:

btaf (and its sequel, bdae) -> traditional gothic :: 1800s historic supernatural fiction featuring vampires, werewolves & heavy handed pro-choice commentary and metaphors

paramour (and its sequels: monochrome, p&p, and empire making up the tfog series) -> steampunk gothic :: fantastical rococo french steampunk fantasy featuring extremely messy relationships, terrible people, religious commentary & eldritch gods

cotpmm -> southern gothic :: fantastical alt hist jim crow adjacent chesapeake bay island thing featuring cults, colorism, and allegories for systemic racism

the current status (as of april 2026):

btaf draft 2 is finished and is currently/theoretically with alpha readers. i should be getting those back in june and then i will begin rewrites and editing (though I’ve already started tbh)

paramour is in the re-outlining phase. there is a pieced together draft 1 that has a lot of good elements but it needed more depth, hence outline. once that’s done (eventually) i’ll be writing draft 3 betwixt writing btaf (*yes i consider outlines drafts in their own rights)

cotpmm is in early development. i’m still naming people lol. once i get the core elements down i’ll start outlining and take it from there.

wrote this article originally in january of this year—and rereading it as i prepare to repost it again, i’m met with a kind of similar peace, yet in entirely different circumstance. i have been doing badly this year financially. i lost my job last year, and i have been struggling to get by since, and time after time it feels like no matter what i do that i’m hitting a wall. i tried to start too late, i should’ve reacted differently, i should’ve tried harder—all of these thoughts circle my head in ways that are difficult to express. but at the same time, i’ve accepted that at least when i die all of this will be over. i will keep fighting to live, but i won’t be sad when it’s over.

right now i am at somewhere people call rock bottom.