Haven

In has been days after experiencing a wounding heartbreak. I am not in my best state yet but I thank God I am able to keep going. 

Looking at myself few days ago, I can say that I am much better. I am not yet there, but at least I am better.

It wasn’t the most picturesque moment of myself. Staying up in bed covered in tears, wandering were it all went wrong. Losing all the will to do anything because the pain is just to much to bear. Questions repeatedly swirling in my head. 

I just want for the pain to stop. Can it stop? please. Even if just for a little while. 

I am in my brokenness. Completely shattered and in pain. But still, I know God is working. 

I may not know why this has to happen, but I trust the Lord.

I may not comprehend now why You allowed this to happen, but surely there is a much greater purpose. 

Help me God, for I am broken, hurt and shattered. Fix me and make me whole again.

Here I am in brokenness, offering it all to you. I know You will make something good out of it.

Give me more strength to help me get through, I know with You I can always get through. Just like how I always do.

We will get through this, 

As a new month embarks, new hope arises. 

Last month was really a tough month. A month full of doubts, fears, anxieties and tears. 

But this month, it will be a month of arising. A month of finding new hope. A month of picking myself from the ashes of which I have fallen. 

There will be days where you will find yourself feeling unmotivated and lacking progress but there will also be days where the little girl inside you who used to have big dreams awaken to the woman you always wanted to be.

Yes, it will be tough and it certainly is.

someone who loves the parts of you which are messy and confusing and a little bit chaotic,

someone who lets you be authentically you without ever fearing they’ll turn their back on you, 

someone who challenges you and pushes you, but accepts you as you are,

someone who knows that disagreements are bound to happen but that what you have for each other is stronger than that,

someone who will never let you go to sleep feeling upset or worried about your future together,

someone who never makes you feel as if you are “too much” or doesn’t make you feel as if you are demanding and needy,

someone who never makes you feel as if you are “not enough”, 

someone who will bring you coffee when you’re tied up in deadlines and overwhelmed with stress,

someone who feels like your problems are their problems, because you’re a team,

someone who knows that all you really want is someone who is willing to make the effort

someone who knows exactly what you need before you have to ask,

someone who understands your love language and will do their best to learn it,

someone who is willing to make compromises, 

someone who wants to make sure you are both understood and appreciated,

someone who would do anything to make you feel loved and heard,

someone who makes you feel calmness just by being with them,

someone who gives you assurance without having to ask for it.

Someday you will find that “someone”

willingly, lovingly and gracefully-

I wonder if you are proud of me, would you be proud of me?

It’s been a long road without you here. 

I wonder what you’d say to me, if you could. I wonder if you’d tell me to keep dreaming,to never let my passion die even if my hope sometimes do. I wonder if you’d get mad to me for letting what people say affect my thinking. I wonder everything of what could be if you were still here. I miss you, I always do. 

I always remind myself that your meter expired, your time ran out, but your love will never fade. 

In a crowd where everybody wants to take, be the one who gives

In a pool of judgment, be the one who understands. 

Goodbye to the doubters, the selfish, the arrogant, the cruel and the deceitful. 

I’m saying goodbye to the ones that shattered my heart and didn’t look back to see where the pieces fell. 

I’m saying goodbye to the ones that planted poisonous doubts in my mind because they had leftover seeds from planting their own insecurities.