Ramblings of a middle aged female

If you truly care for your step children, pray for their mother.  with Prayer, I will begin to forgive her for any hurt that she has caused us, and my feelings toward her may improve.  Even if I don’t feel like I love her like your “BFF,” at least I can look on her more positively.  And eventually, it is possible that her attitudes toward me will change, making life better for everyone involved.

Over the last 10 years I have watched my husband struggle with his emotions on his relationship with his daughters and the dealings with his ex. He has always been guarded on his emotions as most men are, but there as been at least half dozen times I have watched him breakdown and cry. The crying was so heartbreaking to witness, I tried to console him, I wanted to make it better but so many roadblocks in the way. He puts on a brave front, he wants what is best for his daughters; he knows the situation they are in and have been in for the last  ten years is far from perfect; at least they have a roof over their heads and have food on the table. the examples they have are sad excuses for adults. she knows just how close to bend the law before breaking it. My dear husband is not a real religious man, although we have prayed together on several occasions, prayed that God will watch over his daughters and help take some of his heartache away.  He has changed so much from the lost, angry, hurt man he was ten years ago, he has mellowed, and is more considerate, he says he thinks of his daughters plenty, more or less morning, noon and night. Certain times of the year he reflects on what his daughters might be doing. But still he knows he is a stranger to them and they are strangers to him, just wants to get to know them, and be in their lives. Just a few weeks ago, he brought up the subject of his oldest daughter, saying he hope is she is not a 100% like her mom, since her mom has been the only influence she has had for ten years; not by his choice but his ex's, his desire is that maybe just maybe his daughter has just a little bit of his personality and goodness; if not it will be hopeless; she will be just as evil, and able to use people and hurt people and one that plays victim. This breaks my heart two people that had children together can be so hateful to one another, I understand why my husband is angry, he was put in this position because of his ex's wants and desires. I stepped in and help him fight, for he had basically given up, I got a little peeved at him, telling him to fight for your children, fight to be in their lives, as always she is a step ahead of us, and its easier for her to keep people on her side since she has the girls living with her, and primarily keeps everything on the outside on the up and up, but inside her home we are pretty sure its not all a bed of roses.  This my friends is predominantly what happens on the receiving end of a Parental Alienator, some people are fortunate enough to live in same zip code as their ex, unfortunately he was not given the choice of that, he was given a plane ticket along with the divorce papers.  He had about two days to say goodbye, who does that to their children, or their spouse? She did. All because she had other wants and desires.  we keep watchful eye an daily prayers; #dadlovesyou

Thank you everyone for letting me share this with you.

Assuming the overall truthfulness of my findings why should this be so?Let me suggest some reasons:1. We are Older, the Mellower.  It can’t be denied that some people become bitter with age. But the great bunch of us become less uptight, less bent out of shape by everyday frustrations and disappointments. Also, as people grow older, their expectations of others become more modest, as they’ve become more accomplished at seeing the world as it is.  Our attitude tends to be more tolerant, accepting, and forgiving. As a result, we’re likely to except the behaviors of our  grandchildren much less harshly than was the case when we were rearing our own children. 2. The Mindless backbreaking work of parenting verses the delights of Grand parenting.  It’s not even debatable that parenting is a trying task. Kids can be difficult. They wear out your patience, no matter how hard you try to remain calm in the face of their wild behaviors. They can be whiny, demanding,  stubborn,  impulsive—and at times just plain nasty. There’s probably not a single parent in the world who hasn’t occasionally “lost it” with their kids.But moving to the next generation, grandma, nana, nanny, or in my case Granny  typically aren’t called upon to deal with their grand kids at their most challenging worst. Nor are we required to function as disciplinarian, so we can be easy. Having completed the worrisome, and super-responsible job of child rearing, we are in a far better position to simply sit back and enjoy all the things that children say and do that make them so lovable: their innocence, playfulness, wonder and curiosity, surprisingly charming ways of expressing themselves, and so on. The daily stresses that go with parenting are gone in this  grandparent to child relationship. And so our role it is less complicated, less stressful.So enjoy your grand kids, they are AWESOME

Its difficult to start this one; but I am going to write this as my point of view being a step mom and witnessing my husband being accused of this by his children. His oldest accused him of abandoning them, she was very verbal on how she felt. very harsh, hurtful things were said to him. Very disrespectful, but you know what we don't blame her. She has witnessed only her mothers side and only heard her mothers side. She never gave her dad the chance, he was made to look bad from dad one. #askdad As she has grown older and is a young adult now, who suffers from depression and anxiety, I am sure that is his fault also. How? Ask yourself. Dad was forced out of their lives, #momplaysvictim Dad was not given a choice where he would go, or anything when mom decided she was done with him. She had already bought the plane ticket.  #dadisheartbroken You see mom has admitted she made a mistake and wanted dad back, #adultery Dad did not want to take her back, he could not forgive her of her #adultery, trust was broken.That is when things started getting more difficult, Mom started cutting his phone time down, and less communication, it was okay for her to replace dad, with #theloveofherlife who she separated from shortly after marrying, still wanting dad back, but found out dad had remarried and just wanted to be dad. #askdad So my question is did dad abandon you or was he forced to no contact? #askdad #momisalienator

If anyone, through this horrific alienation ordeal, has called you a “psycho”- your response should be- “thank you very much.” You have been lied to, falsely accused of abuse, denied visitation, denied phone contact, been blocked from everything, drug into court to witness a cast of more liars and money grabbers to have your reputation put on the chopping block... ... Yeah we are a little psycho... But what kind of healthy parent would not go ballistic when their children are deliberately taught how to hate and literally stolen from their life???? We as alienated parents are pissed as hell and we want our children back NOW! We are not going to take this bullshit any longer... So we are going a little psycho!!! We are going to yell from the rooftops to our local senators and congress and demand that our children be given the opportunity and freedom to love both parents, We are going to educate teachers, counselors, school supervisors, law enforcement, CPS, parents etc... that taking a child from a loving parent is NOT going to be tolerated! We are a little psycho because our children love us, need us and are counting on us to save them from the pain of parental alienation. What went so bad when you got your way in the divorce that you felt the need to hurt us more? You got child support, you got the marriage ended, you got custody of the children, you got to mess them up anyone you wanted and yet you are still trying to hurt me? Why I ask, you cheated, you filed, you decided. So you are still trying to hurt me, someday you will not have full control over these children and they will be curious, they will ask questions, they will learn to hate you for lying to them, and deciding to cut their other parent out of their lives. The only thing you have to fear is your SELF, cause as you grow older and the children are out of the home, you will have to live with yourself and the bed you have made. We have waited years for this and we can wait longer yet, but your day is coming, and I hope to GOD no one feels sorry for you, cause the truth does come out eventually, juggling all those balls must be exhausting. You were not thinking long term were you? Always instant gratification with you. So YES I am a little PSYCO... Thank you.