masak|makan

i don't enjoy eating anymore. if anything, i like the process of cooking more. whenever i finish making a meal i let my plate sit for a good 10, maybe 20 minutes before i start eating. most of the time i don't feel hungry at all. like, eating is part of my routine that i must fulfill or else I'll feel empty both in my mind and stomach. i don't have a craving anymore. nothing tastes as good as i want it to be. it's all a blend of the same kind of meals i eat day to day. i want to cook but i don't want to eat. and it's wasteful of me to make something knowing that no one will it eat. hungry for the act rather than the result.

still unemployed 10 months post grad :D realised wayyyyyy too late i am not fond of the idea of working at a hotel or restaurant, or any place that's considered "professional". honestly would have preferred killing myself the minute i got my diploma

i passed my thesis defence. i got pranked while it was being announced which was awful at the time but now i'm so glad. i am so happy!!

logging back on here to say, after crying screaming, and throwing up the past 6 months, i got accepted to complete my thesis defence :')

thinking about my culinary professor, may he rest in peace, who taught us how to make hummus by using citric acid instead of actual lemons or even vinegar to add some sour flavour to it... did that in front of me, who was born and raised in the middle east... i miss him.

they said "don't be too ambitious" and "don't make things hard for yourself" GOOD LORD I HAVE TO RELEARN YEAR 9 FERMENTATION

this thesis shit is so serious my guidance lecturer is so insistent on turning my paper into a scientific journal. please.... i am the least qualified person ever.. i only now how to throw spices in a pot and eat