Max's RP sht

URLSaremeaningless 

yes (or no) / Bug Hunter

I can't make your party, I'm sorry, the truth is Coming down with a cold or coming up with excuses

What if I'm early? What if no one else shows? What if everyone that does wishes I would just go?

I overthink things...

I'm so aware of where my hands are

I make a fashion mistake and wear a pocketless sweater

Hanging down is absurd, folded up? Much too stern

So in the hands of another is probably what I prefer

I believe in broken hearts In awkward love and seeing stars

Are we too old to still be passing notes?

Take me back to when to kiss you took courage 'Cause it was probably your first and then I had to deserve it

Now we kiss in the darkness, we kiss all our friends 'Cause maybe this one will feel like we're 16 again

I remember my first love and the day that I fell

It took me two years to tell her the way that I felt

Now I'm older and I'm more self-assured I'm just a little nostalgic for something a little more pure

It's not a contract you can sign

Let's go back to a simpler time

Not etched in trees or carved in stone

Slow Burn // Bug Hunter

Cue the music, let it build

The melancholy soundtrack of a summer indie film

I'm the quirky, unconventional leading guy

I say stupid garbage no one’s ever said in their real life

I've been taking bigger breaths lately 'Cause you told me not to hold it waiting for you to commit

I'd trade a kiss from her for a laugh to pass your lips

So while there’s still hope for you and me, I burn real slow

Slow Burn ‘Cause it’s the only light I know

let’s stay home tonight my love

I don't like crowded rooms or The silly folk that fill them up

My introversion's not a charming trait

My wit's not good for much but Thinking up useless stuff to say

My hopes are sleeping quietly in bed 'Cause you told me not to get them up dreamin’ one day you'd commit!

I didn't know better, so I didn't get better

I held onto hope when its best I forget her

Love has a spirit and I followed the letter

I've loved her so long and I can't quite remember that All of my eggs in her basket won't hatch

Dear McCracken // Bug Hunter

I find my seat in the middle and plan to keep to myself

The pilot comes on, says "There's been a delay"

I sigh, buckle up, and prepare for the wait

There's a middle-aged woman on my right by the window

no ring on her finger, maybe divorced or a widow?

and from where I am seated I can side-eye that shit, so of course I'm gon’ read it

this is already great Dude’s got a pen pal and a killer last name

She was sure that her week spent in Houston would drag

but then a face from her past quickly changed all of that

The trip was for business, she's used to the travel but this time she's not ready to head back to Seattle

Dear McCracken, I'd rather be off this plane

I can't admit the half of it that I want to say

Do I pretend, do I push you away?

I'm jet-laggin’ McCracken and I'll give you your space

I can tell by the abuse of the backspace key there's a heart balanced on how her words are perceived

She's retyped that fourth paragraph four times

even though their paths have diverged there's an air of regret but not enough to reverse

 I am stunned, there I sit, completely convinced that once you grow old you stop dealing with this

The uncertain, the hurtin', the feelin’ like dirt when things don't work out by the fall of the curtain

She hits send, powers off, and we're ready to go

I am sad for the passion that McCracken, he might never know

I thought by that age our broken hearts had seen their worst

I thought that kind of heartache was meant for the young but we're never too old to hurt

I just stepped off a plane, I've got one regret

I know I'll never get closure or ever see how it ends

I won't know his answer, what happens between them And why she kept her cards so close even she couldn't see them

What gave her such pause when she so clearly wanted to tell you all the emotions she tried so hard to bottle

Painted Him Perfect // Alexandra Kay

It's hard to say this, and I'm a little embarrassed

you've been asking where my ring is

I guess it's time I be honest

Sat through couples therapy, tears in my eyes

I'd sing his praises

just had to mention he hates the attention

I painted pink skies at sunrise to cover all the blue

Hide the shaking ground and storm clouds

I drew up excuses and said, "That's what love is"

I painted him perfect

I had to break it to my parents

Daddy says we don't do divorces

they got it once I told 'em some stories

Do you even remember August 14th?

I was singing, he was causing a scene

I'll keep the rest between him and me

You could say I missed some red flags

I was yellow, he was green And all we ever made was blue

He didn't deserve it

I probably shouldn't have

[Adjust as Necessary]

This is not a test, this is your Emergency Broadcast System.

if you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of the winter tied to this fucking couch!

Death isn't the worst thing. There are worse things.

Well sometimes, dead is better. 

Okay, I'm gonna draw a line in the fucking sand here. Do not read the Latin

Save your tears, it's such a waste of good suffering

We have eternity to know your flesh

We just cut up our girlfriend with a chain saw, does that sound FINE?

And I don’t want to hear anything about ‘I don’t believe in vampires’ because I don’t believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw is fucking vampires

Oh man, my mom's going to be so mad at me

You gotta be f*ckin kidding

I have a message for you and you're not gonna like it.

I don’t know what’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off whatever it is.

I don't have time to bleed.

We all go a little mad sometimes

Well, who died and made you Einstein?

I feel I was denied critical need to know information!

One question: is your head up your ass for the warmth?

They mostly come out at night. Mostly

Do you know how I can tell this is a bad idea? Because it is OBVIOUSLY a bad fucking idea

The next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' mark twain shit cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone!

I think we'd both enjoy this more if you were dead.

Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun

Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?

Do you like scary movies?

Thrill me.

Game over

Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore

Trust is a tough thing to come by these days

We’re not gonna die, we’re gonna get out of here

Who cares what it is, just run

Now get the hell out of my house.

I'm gonna stop talking because you're being an asshole, okay? Not because you told me to shut up.

I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

I'm an English teacher, not fucking Tomb Raider.

The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow.

[adjust as necessary]

Wasn't that nice of me, hmm?

Well, excuse me. Bitch.

Should've brought my rabbit's foot.

Eat sh*t and die, [name]!

Eat sh*t and live, [name].

Yo, [name]. How come you're so fucked up?

The hell with you, then!

Why? You're not scared of a few snakes and turtles, are you?

She's a real carpenter's dream! Flat as a board and needs a screw!

I'm gonna fight you, chickenshits!

I'll kick your friggin asses all over this goddamn camp, you fucks!

I mean, we already have a boy. So another one simply would not do.

 If she were any quieter, she'd be dead!

you're more fucked up than I thought.

This'll keep your tits growing. Maybe you'll quit looking at mine

 I mean, the way I see it, I am just too dumb to drink and I'm too fat to fuck.

I've never chopped wood before. But I've chopped other things.

Thank God there'll be one less idiot in politics.

Have a nice life...what's left of it.

I like movies with really good acting, like Gone with the Wind or Care Bears.

[adjust as necessary]

You got a prescription for rizz? My body produces that naturally

If you’re not dead who’s in the coffin?

I’m very confident in him messing this up.

I saw him in the corner of my eye and I was like ‘aw shit.’

He wasn’t a top and he wasn’t a bottom. He was annoying

What is hate if not lack of sugar?

Nothings weird to you, you’re weird to everything.

I cannot express how ill-prepared I am for this.

So like I dropped out of Juliard after the first year because I didn’t realize you had to pay for it

You made this look way easier than it was

I haven’t seen a layout this bad since Britain and France divided up the Middle East.

I thought it would be bad to be dead but this is way worse

We haven’t agreed on anything in decades and we all just immediately agreed that what you said was so out of line

You look like a failed pickup artist.

Shoot for the moon and you might hit a spirit airliner

I’ve been doing some major time for things I can’t pronounce

I do apologize, I do believe I fucked that for you.

God forbid a friend ask another friend about his penis.

I’m certified in scuba, acrobats, and cunnilingus

Lesbians are out there. Watch out, men.

Everything I said the other day, about you being enough, still true

Never trust little girls

You can’t read honey, you cannot read for shit. I was gonna do a whole bit, but you literally can’t read. So there’s not much that I can do

Respectfully, let me see that ass.

I love a sub who doesn’t know what they’re doing

Wait I would be so cute tied up to tracks

I helped (name) not necessarily because of having a soft spot for him but because when he does finally snap one day I want him to remember me fondly.

[adjust as necessary]

Your body is extremely stiff, as though you no longer own the rights to your own bones

a little gentleness goes a long way

That is how indeed you pleasure a precious stone

911? She's not breathing

Then what the hell does GPS stand for?

if someone ate these beans I think you legally are allowed to kill them

I fear I need caffeine.

I’m not the father. I’ve never had sex in my life.

I guess I’ll be gay now

This might be a controversial take but I think the guy should be hit by a bus.

croissant in hand, I was alone

*neutral tone* Woo gays. Gay it up.

I need to calm down. Everything's fine. I'm an adult.

Beep Beep! Gay. Coming through

Your internalized misogyny is about to be externalized PAIN!

Grab that thing, flip it and reverse it

Be violent. Own it. Submit to chaos.

I’m a pacifist

Ima pass this fist across your face!

I hate how much happiness I gave you when I said that

You know what would make you not afraid of fish? A gun

I’ve never done this well and I haven’t done anything to earn it.

I’m out of breath because I wasn’t breathing.

I wanted you to get laid. I didn’t want to watch it.

[adjust as necessary]

I…I don't want to answer that. i…I plead the fifth?

old people are just human raisins

I have a question…I forgot my question

I think the knowledge of death would be a burden you couldn’t handle

You can request to steal children

Passive aggressively calls u a gamer (derogatory)

"It's fine, dying isn't that bad

Like religious text wise, it’s not. But i am fine with it

we're just trying to get characters to fuck, stop looking too deep into things

Horny outweighs ethics

what is a casket but tupperware for a body

she doesnt have a thing for murder, she has a thing for time management

What's the opposite of OwO-ifying?

dinos care not for ur turn based combat

We drove through the entirety of Colorado and didn’t see one moose. And frankly, I’m offended

Less daddy, more dead-y

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I’m murdurable. I’m filled with murder potential

i just want to be tolerated

my only ideas are crime

...why do you say these things to me?

Oh shut the fuck up, no you're fucking not

That would be unforgettable, doesn't mean it's GOOD

I don't use 'b' for 'bitch,', I use 'bitch' for 'bitch

OSHA violations are like warcrimes for working people

i expected you to have more knowledge about cannibalism but that's on me

thats just how my voice is. I sound like a liar.

You are the glass half full to my glass is fucking empty

I fucking hate you, you're one of my best friends, but i also fucking hate you

I wish i spoke another language. I don't wanna talk about this in english anymore

you're a sleep deprived four year old with tits.

[adjust as necessary]

Is Alexander Hamilton a real person?

YOU’RE SO INTELLIGENT HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING SO STUPID?

You are a bundle of misfortune.

I just live here

I was thinking in the shower not in a fun way but in a gross way.

I don’t know what day it is, I’m gay

If I was one inch shorter, I’d be 4 feet 20

I’m just an idiot that trips on my shoelaces. *Dramatically flips hair*

Is Tartar Sauce Jewish?

I don't know. We'll have to ask the tartar sauce.

I’m just making sure you didn’t say the right thing by accident.

What's a Ram?

I fell in love with a Fucking Lesbian

I’m so confused it’s actually impressive

I’m not a cutie pie. I am a stupid pie.

U need to go up to the cookie people. and when they ask you questions….be like….I’m Jewish.

Does that mean you have the brain cell now since you came up with the iguana?

I love myself and I’m hot

It’s against my religion to touch anything Playstation

I didn’t read any of that. I’m a child who can’t read.

[Name] is the edgy middle schooler in the therapists office waiting room of my life

Hey y'all turns out turning 20 doesn’t counteract my insomnia and honestly I’m Offended.

Guys. I’m ready to kill a racist and learn about space.

The bisexual hasn’t heard of it, so like true Gay culture.

ALL DINOSAURS ARE ALIEN DINOSAURS

We are simply becoming elderly

You can't say that at nineteen

You start getting them at 12. It's just an aging thing.

You young whippershnappers just wouldn't understand

I'm the oldest one here

Elton John is GAY!??! Since when?!

Have you SEEN him?

I say I don’t word good… I got a doctor’s note that confirms this.

Put THAT on the tumblr lol

I lost a job cause pregnancy. NOT MINE.

Sometimes you find something neat and you just gotta share it even if no one appreciates it’s neatness like you!

We all laugh at each other because we are all idiots.

I don’t totally know what you mean but yes

please nobody help him

Would you like…table?

I was left on read by a special investigator

I’m safe! I’m a safety major!

THE MOST HOMOEROTIC SONG In ALL OF THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL FRANCHISE AND YOU WATCH IT WITHOUT ME?!?

I enjoy raw potatoes

You've told me this and I still don't like it

they're crunchy Munch munch munch munch

we can’t be friends with the ones across the hall, one of them is in my Spanish class and KNOWS I’m an idiot

You can still play Toontown *starts downloading it*

Don't you have two essays due tomorrow?

Welcome to Toontown!

THE GUITAR VERSION OF A PIANO

If you say 'Keytar' I'm killing you

It's fine, we have this new guy and I'm pretty sure he eats crayons.

It's okay im illiterate

A LAPTOP IS A BOOK OF ELECTRICITY

KINDLES ARE LITTLE BOOKS OF ELECTRICITY

You can if you’re not a coward

Stop my perfectly good titties

my roommates and i had a running "quote wall". These things were actually said by my roommates & me.

[adjust as necessary]

I need two 'c's on that thick.

I'm fucking love apple butter

Was it...supposed to be that color?

You are a bundle of misfortune.

It's Bi culture to fuck waffles.

I want to be able to take off my sweatshirt without being accused of being a stripper

Bitch, take some knee-agrea. contact your doctor today

Six and Four quarters

Kick my ass cuz' I'm a furry.

I was respecting people, [name]. PUT A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH.

What is success? ...Getting weed for free and not having to blow anyone.

I'm going to forget everything I just.....read.

I ate a twix and it tasted like cheese

I just live here.

Was Alexander Hamilton a real person?

I just didn't think about how birds fly.

I love you, [name], but are you fucking stupid?

Oh my GOD, you PENIS

No pepperoni, just want dead

Abnorbal

plants cannot scream

This one? [points to arm pit] is the problem child.

why are blades so sharp?

I wouldn't punch a woman...probably.

my thighs will not be contained by your mortal jeans

you're a sleep deprived four year old with tits.

I sit very gay

There's just a lot of gay siblings in this town....I mean, what's in the water?

i'm constantly upset by penis

isn't she a murder lesbian?

my body IS my ass

why did you smoke weed in one eye?

his hand felt like a dead fish in the hot summer sun

Hey gay, I'm {name].

we're done talking about DEAD BABIES NOW.

Why is it sticky on the floor?!

Uh, my bad....have to go.

Get your gender out of my face.

[Name]...do you need a pair of headphones?

I did get in between your legs though, so that's something.

she's gonna eat you like jesus!

Back to [name] & the FUCKING GEESE.

[adjust as necessary]

im like a 6th month old puppy, im fully grown, buuut-

I love screaming

BEACUSE ITS CHEEEESE!

did we send a dog to Mars?

....we sent a dog AT Mars

Oh, the humanoid keeping cage

We are rehydrating the world leaders with Gatorade

They took away the rabbits titties

Would you peepee in your own bed?....why are you not answering?

I was thinking about how stupid koalas are.

you wouldn't watch censored hentai in public would you?

[name] that man is not wearing pants

the plot thiccccquens

Pittsburg is the germany of Pennsylvania

no no this is not the first time we've had this EXACT conversation....hey [name] whats wrong with our friendship

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I have taken up the MANTLE to read these

So you see, the hamburglar made his debut in 1971, and he looked like a preteen, which means he was probably born in the 1960s, which means he's probably around 60 years old.

you hear that, [name]? No one gives a shit if my ass is toasted!

I would say they are beefing, but the beef started with a can of soup, so I suppose they are actually souping

sometimes, i like to rub myself in vasaline and then i like to crawl on the ground, and pretend im a slug

Less daddy, more dead-y.

We drove through the entirety of Colorado and didn’t see one moose. And frankly, I’m offended.

1000% out of context, it makes sense as a joke i swear

I promise i will never send anyone a dick pick

I can't believe I got jumpscared by a penis

Second printing? Bitch I'm worth a first run

He SHOULD be FLUFFY!! >:|

an octopus has 8 tentacles, so logically if it has only 1, I'm calling it a unipus

[name] is wingdings 1 and im wingdings 2

im not gonna cry over a god damn drone in a fucking porn game

im gonna buy like a billion candy apples....so like two

I know they call them monsters but this is just slavery

we're just trying to get characters to fuck, [name]. stop looking too deep into things!

year nog egg round

Like religious text wise?.... it’s not. But i am fine with it.

Ooooo it burns a little bit when you get more than a tongue full

[adjust as necessary]

whats art without a little bit of OSHA violations

Ten-nessee implies the existence of nine-ssee

Mary-land must have been Mary-sea

While we're still here, whoop his ass too

their new companion Space Turtle, Hero from Space that they picked up after a drunken college party

That’s more of an ask than you think

We will let you fuck the monsters but I’m drawing the line at buildings

If you ignore all the ugly parts, it looks kinda nice

there was definitely gay love in there...somewhere

That’s like asking a beaver the size of his wood

I want to be in a hospital in Canada or France! Oui, oui, ow

Sir, do you know how fast your wheels were gyrating?

your honor, my client is in goblin mode

No mine isn’t a fun fact. It’s about animal abuse.

If an eel isnt just a snake fish then idk what is lol

..................where is the CORN STORE?!

thats like calling the tamborine the shakey wakey or the tuba the blowey blowey

I thought that said turn [name] into a mommy for a sec and I got real concerned for what was happening in this chiles tonight. Doesn’t mummy in retrospect sound less alarming now?

what THE FUCK is HALLOWS OF WEENS?!

He’s not giving the boobs their due diligence

I haven't seen any beer cans in a while and i'm getting concerned

It makes my nostrils feel lemony fresh

Wow, these people don’t know how milkshakes work…. Idk how we’re gonna get the boys to the yard

You’re like high fiving god right now

OSHA violations are like warcrimes for working people

I'm sorry, did you just say the dead baby has charisma?

cannibalism confirmed 13/10

Well, I could throw babies into an incinerator. That would be unforgettable, doesn't mean it's GOOD

[Person A] is the main character but okay [Person B] sure

shit!...i just killed someone

Oh shut the fuck up, no you're fucking not

...so like....is pluto a slave?

Corner cobbler corn cob, that’s where corner cobbler is on the corn cob-corn corner corn cobbler

If Charlie can be short for Charles, then Carly can be short for Carles

If shorten Charles to Chuck, then what can you shorten Carles to?

How do we Othello you?

look man, I'm just saying... who the fuck says 'yeah I want a bar of milky way,' like they're not gonna pick literally any other chocolate

[adjust as necessary]

Take a chill pill, Shakespeare.

A thigh between your gaps

Let's get...creative?

Stereotypical emos

Bitch, your face is mean

Once upon a time, [name] killed me.

Starved by lack of microwave.

I need new kangaroo.

At least, I didn't break it in your room!

[Name], you precious baby--AH SHIT.

Unfortunately, [name] was feeling horny

I would start ship wars

I tried the force. Shit didn't work.

It's worse than shade. It's truth shade.

I fell in love with a fucking lesbian!

Hi, my name’s [name]. Back on my Bullshit like every day

Yeah, no, don’t worry I know the extension of that lawyer.

Then, I guess, he shoots himself in the head?

The EMT...No, not EMS.

I like Fiji better than smart water.... wait, is it cheaper?

I have a question…I forgot my question

Yes, but only because I think the knowledge of death would be a burden you couldn’t handle

That's why murder is the best solution

Passive aggressively calls u a gamer (derogatory)

it's part of the process before the eyes are eyes and the eyes are just skin

Horny outweighs ethics

[name] has been ratatouille'd into doing crime

what is a casket but tupperware for a body

she doesn't have a thing for murder, she has a thing for time management

What's the opposite of OwO-ifying?

dinos care not for ur turn-based combat

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I’m murdurable. I’m filled with murder potential

Not my circus, not my monkey

absolutely your monkey

my only ideas are crime

...why do you say these things to me?

everyone knows in our group I'm the muscle… the looks…and the brains….really you guys are extras and I'm the main act

I...I don't want to answer that. I...I plead the fifth?

All words are made up

I don't use 'b' for 'bitch,', I use 'bitch' for 'bitch

They let you out of the closet but you cannot rent a car

[Name] you're really killing me here, my life is being shortened by a minute every time you do that

Wow, these people don’t know how milkshakes work…. Idk how we’re gonna get the boys to the yard.

I expected you to have more knowledge about cannibalism but that's on me

that's just how my voice is. I sound like a liar

You are the glass half full to my glass is fucking empty

I like cults but in the ‘I absolutely hate them’ sorta way

I fucking hate you, you're one of my best friends, but I also fucking hate you

You have to give him some credit for not pulling out a ukulele

[adjust as necessary]

Now, that you're feeling tall

Better grow some wings real fast

Let's see you try

This mеssed-up little family that I had to make

You need three things to fly.

You don't seem to quite understand what is at stake

Fall, little Wendy-bird, fall

I will protect what is mine

If ending errant embers is what I must do

Little girl, you've no idea what you've got yourself into

A nasty little spark that must be smothered, snuffed out

Fly for a night and think the world's made for you

Well, I won't let you tempt them

I can say for once I'm thinking clearly tonight

No use reminding them of the past

[name], darling, you have picked the wrong girl to fight

Fall, little bird, fall

Some would say I'm quick to rage, and maybe they're right

Setting fires inside my house is just not allowed

Or did it slip your mind?

Babe, you won't feel a thing

I'm gonna clip your wings, cut your strings

But it'd do more harm than good

Let's see you try when I remove mine

Swear it's nothing personal, It's a necessary evil

Well, I've tried too hard to see all of my work come undone

Darling, I'll be coming for you

Soon, they'll start to dream of different lives

If I could let them all go home, please know that I would

I see the way they look at you with tears in their eyes

They are mine to protect