The Silent Struggle

On the Temple Steps, 1889 - oil on canvas

Living to Prosper Connection Over Independence

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

In a time of hyper individualism more focused on ego than others I prefer the opposite. I was raised in a house hold that stripped me of all my independance forcing me to submit to anyone around me. This then grew into a disorder of chronic people pleasing as a means to gain approval from anyone and everyone. Not only was this behavior a detriment to my mental well being but when I later learned to assert boundaries in the form of speaking up I ran into problems with there. Bridges were burn to the point of enveloping mutiple connections into flames which soon left me in a state of loneliness because nobody wanted to get close to me or come near. This felt equally as isolating, if not, worse than when I would suck up to folks for validation. 🧸

Over the course of some time I learned how to hone a balance of sacrifices to selfishness. People are often taught the ladder and stay there. That no one around if owed anything and you are allowed to cut off anyone whenever you see fit. This aggressive approach to connections has done more harm than good. Creating an epidemic of loneliness in many as well as intense fear to pursue a new connection. 🐻

Psychology and spirituality has taught me alot. It's brought me to where I am today and I am beyond grateful for all those that helped me along the way. It tears my heart apart to see something that saved me on darkest days used to cause more harm than good. The whole idea of tossing away friendships over differences or just not speaking to someone cause you believe don't owe them a reply is beyond self righteous for all the wrong reasons. The truth is if you care about the connection and value it it takes sacrifices on both ends. Ghosting someone cause you don't want to have hard conversation isn't protecting your peace you're protecting you're fragile ego and using psyche speak to get out of facing challanges. Bulldozing others and their boundaries to have the final say and things your way and only your way isn't speaking up for yourself it's being forcefull and boundaries do not look like force and standing up isn't always shaped as aggression. 🧸

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹