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I just want to die, I'm literally a burden to everyone

I just want to be okay

I'm trying so hard and it seems nothing is coming out of it most of the time ...

I just want to be happy ... I just want her to be happy .... I just want us to be happy together...

IM NOT MADE FOR THIS WORLD... IM NOT MADE FOR LIVING ... my brain is just attacking itself... why ...

i just wanna fkn die, living like this is torture... she's the only thing keeping me happy and alive rn and I'm hurting her, which makes the idea of dying that much more appealing.. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially her .

I'm sick, I'm extremely sick ... and the funny thing is the only one that can help me is probably me but the self hate makes me not want to get help .... I feel like I deserve the pain .. the cycle may never end .

I want to seep into the earth and be forgotten