up too high

the phm team seeing grace everywhere. carl seeing a yellow jacket in a crowd, wincing. lokken arguing with a colleague or a spirited researcher. she’ll probably die a decade before she finds out if her centrifuge worked as intended. dimitri drinking alone on the vatt. grace’s place at the bar empty. his lab station and little supply closet office abandoned. his apartment mouldering. marrissa and carl making eye contact at the diner he frequented, both there for grace, never realizing who the other is. did he ever tell marrissa where he went? did he ever tell carl about his friend of over fifteen years? carl moving to california after the launch- did he grow up there? or did he move there chasing grace’s ghost. stratt in jail, still getting his emails, his mail. junk coupons from san francisco getting forwarded across the ocean to a french prison so she can look at his name on the cheap shiny paper. she could probably tell someone to sort through it and only send along anything important. she doesnt. a rainbow shines over the baikonur cosmodrome. no ones there to see it. 

i think tumblr ads automatically opening a tab on your phone if you touch them while scrolling should be considered a form of malware

something about driver’s identity, down to his very name, being entirely dependent on his use to other people. to everyone in his life, he’s just that guy who drives. but around Irene and Benecio he has this idea that he could be more than that. he could be the guy who protects. the guy who cares. the guy who provides. and then in the end, to Irene, he’s none of those things. he’s the guy who smashed someone’s head in, never mind why. he’s reduced just to the violence that lives inside him that he can’t seem to escape from.

i will fucking die on this hill btw. carl is in that tier of side characters u could ponder forever off the crumbs 🤏 provided bc they are doing so much with him. he’s security. he’s the guy with the expense account. he’s brimming with fucking joy at doing Science Experiments. he’s a coworker. he’s a pal. he’s the guy watching over you like a guardian angel while you’re dragged into a long slumber. and probably your death. he’s the guy telling you “you’ll do great” as you beg for help. literally the character ever.

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god