This Could Be Tragic.

You don't know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night, scaring the thought of kissing razors. This blood evacuation is telling me to cave in.

Still wish I was dead. He saw the recent cuts. He just doesn't understand. He won't understand.

I didn't want Kian to fly to New Jersey to be with me. He's going to count my pills and notice that I took more than I was supposed to. I don't like it when he's disappointed in me. Or mad at me. But all I'm good at doing is fucking everything up. That's all I'll ever be good at doing. And I feel bad. I came out to see ally and I fucked that up too. That's all I do. I'm so sorry.

I want a pain pill but Kian stopped answering me. I need one.

Meeting Kians family tonight and I'm fuckin terrified. I I've been warned about a sister already and god damn. I'm gonna be clingy.

Ha wow. He told me he loved me last night. We were sober and just staring at the stars, wrapped around each other. It was honestly the best thing I've experienced in so long. Nothing mattered but us at that moment and I want to relive it every single day. I'm afraid to leave Hawaii. What's going to happen when we're back in La? Or when we're on tour? Fuck.

I don't want ally to apologize to me every time she talks about her baby. I'm not like that. Yeah I'm upset but I'm happy for her. I like hearing about it. I'm just. Sad. I want a baby so bad. And I know it'll never happen.

I'm a wreck of confusion and emotions. The time we've been spending together has been amazing. I opened up to you a bit last night. Not fully, but some and it felt right. I'm in love and I'm scared to death.

Hawaii is beautiful but it's more beautiful with you in it.

Should have just let me die lmao.

Oh look. No one still cares. I wish he never found me.

Why did you save me? I didn't want you to save me. I wanted to die and you wouldn't let me. I have nothing left to live for anymore. Please just let me die.

It's fine I won't be around much longer to frustrate anyone by going after him.