Psychxys

Bisan wa ka mi iso, aw malipayon gyapon (iso- anak)

Lola "Polanda" is 67 years old. Her husband "Aruilo" is 71 years old. They've built a beautiful life together, filled with laughter and love, that only grows stronger with time. But she says something is missing.... They don't have a children, She is scared that one day, when she and her husband grow old, no one will be there to take care of them. She loves it when her siblings' grandkids or other family members come to visit. She will always prepare food and snacks. It makes her feel complete when they're all together.

What is the most memorable thing in your youth?

I remember when I was a kid, we barely played. Our goal is to find food. Me and your Lola would go to the sea "para manginhas mi" because sometimes they were sick of eating "kamote" all the time. She remembers that one day, "gi apas kami ni ina migdalag palwa, kay wa man kami ma-uli sa bay." She said that these experiences helped her become a strong, independent woman.

What advice would you give to the youth?

"Mag tarung jud eskuwela, kay lisod na panahon karon"

I know it may sound cliché but it's the truth, If you are given the opportunity, grab it. "Dili tanan tao hatagan of opportunity sa ginoo."

Interviewing my Mother was just like having an intimate conversation or "chika" with her. Mama Joy is an OFW and our relationship means no distance, we are each other's happiness and a reason to live. Mama Joy is 49 years old and has 2 young adult children. As Mama Joy’s name, “Joy,” she is our ball of joy and the main victim of our little pranks (harmless). 

Mama Joy has been complaining to me about her physical struggle these days, I asked her at what age she felt that her body was slowly declining physically. Surprisingly, she said she started feeling it at 45 years old, and that’s when her right knee started to randomly pop as recently she was diagnosed with a meniscus tear, the reason why her knee is popping. Considering that she had undergone a hysterectomy at 43 years old as she was diagnosed with myoma, she said even months and years post-operation she never felt fragile or declining physically. We even had a vacation to Canibad, Samal after her 3 weeks post-operation! She was so silly for insisting on that. Her doctor even scolded her the day after her operation as we were caught walking down the ramp and her excuse was to exercise! No one can stop her, she’s a boss lady she just does everything she wants. Even when she’s sick, she is out there cleaning the whole house! However, energy declines as people get older. Now, she always needs a nap and proper sleep. With all the struggle she is facing now physically, it’s making her anxious and it’s making it even worse. As her family, we are making her feel our support and trying to lessen her anxiety as she was recently diagnosed with anxiety. Mama Joy is a strong woman, even after all those diagnoses, she still insists on working abroad. No one can convince her to settle down. She doesn’t want to go home yet for good and do nothing. Even her meniscus tear can’t stop her. 

Mama Joy is a practical person, she is organized and the planner in our family. Since Mama Joy is a domestic helper, she does so many things daily. To avoid forgetting her tasks, she jot down notes of all the things she needs to do. She also finds new hobbies to do in her free time to keep her mind working, such as learning a new language, learning about forex trading, looking for new recipes to cook, and watching medical videos about her symptoms that are sometimes misleading (hahahaha). One thing about her is she doesn’t want to waste her time on nonsense things, she always spends her time purposefully and wisely. She claims that her cognitive function still functions well, and her only problem with her mind is how she overthinks everything. Fortunately, she is doing new things that keep her mind busy to avoid overthinking. Every day off she volunteers at a medical institution and public event as crowd control to guide people, she said it made her feel a sense of fulfillment as she is giving help to other people. 

Speaking of helping other people, Mama Joy has a soft heart but can also get irritated at small unreasonable things, it’s probably a menopausal symptom although she stopped having her period after her hysterectomy. Mama Joy is at the phase of her life where she prefers a small group of friends rather than a big one. Mama Joy is the only middle-aged woman I know who is not a “Marites” She always complains to me about how she hates it when her friends don’t do anything other than talk about other people’s lives but listen to me intently when I talk about other people, perhaps she has a favorite? Overall, she is only interested in “chismis” when it comes from us. She hates gossiping with other people. 

Mama Joy comes from a very complicated family and grew up in a very stress-inducing environment, considering her background, she still shows people empathy and doesn’t want us to experience what she had gotten through. Mama Joy doesn’t know her real mother but has 2 stepmothers, she’s not even sure if her father is her real father as no one wants to tell her the truth. She was told learning about the truth was not important. Her 2 stepmothers treated her differently, the first one being a neglectful parent and the second being a permissive parent. Her first mother left her to live and be helpful to her auntie in exchange for sending her to college, but Mama Joy wasn’t able to finish college as she decided to just find a job. The first mother spanks her and gives her corporal punishment without any reason, it’s like dumping her frustrations on Mama Joy just because she lost in gambling. Mama Joy grew up in Boulevard, Davao City, and said life there was very chaotic plus the household she’s living in. It wasn’t an easy life, she experienced so many bad things there including physical and emotional abuse and sexual harassment. After her father and first mom broke up, her father moved in with her new partner that Mama Joy considers as her second mother. Her second mother is calmer and gave her the treatment she never had with her first mother. While her father was busy working to fend for her she never really kept any resentment towards these people. She did not have an easy life growing up and had a very complicated relationship with her mothers, yet she became the mother she could have deserved. Mama Joy has done so many things for her children and I know her biggest fear is for her children to experience the same life she had, a broken family. That is why I always understand her for forgiving her husband after all that he did to her. It’s always not for her, but for her children to have a family. Even after all she had experienced, she is one of the kindest people I know. I asked her how can she still be kind especially to her children when other parents want their kids to experience the same path they go through. Mama Joy just said she did not bring a child into this world for them to experience the life she had, she wanted to give her children the life she never experienced.

Just how I wish Mama Joy had a mother just like herself. 

 I asked Mama Joy what was her challenges and satisfaction in her stage of life. Her challenge was her physical body slowly declining, it’s making her anxious as she always sets her mind that she still needs to work and work for us. Mama Joy is helpless when it comes to convincing her to just settle down and retire. Her mind is always after the money, she is convinced that money solves everything we are facing right now, at this point, money is the only thing that can convince her to retire. Compared to her challenge, I asked her what satisfaction you experienced in this stage of your life aside from anything about your family. Her answer was quite funny, it was that moment when she still felt happy even though her bank account was empty. I told her to remember hard why she still felt happy and contented even without money and hold on to that memory that might help her decide to settle down. 

I wish, pray, and hope nothing but all the good things in life for this brave and strong woman, my Mother.

The participant is the interviewer’s older brother, Joel. He is 23 years old and just graduated from his Tesda Course in Hotel and Restaurant Technology. 

Joel is a paddler in the dragon boat team Amihan. They have competed in various places including Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Baise in China, Cagayan de Oro, Butuan, and Siargao. 

Being an athlete helped him maintain his physical fitness and gave him a sense of discipline when it comes to his physical health. He engages in physical exercises five times a week, goes to the gym, and attends their 3-day weekly training sessions. He also monitors his diet and weight as they are prohibited to exceed a certain weight, exceeding the required weight will exclude them from the competition, the reason for this, is to maintain balance on their boat for them to paddle smoothly. Being an athlete also helped him lessen his engagement in motorcycle activities to avoid injuries, when he was an adolescent, motocross was his thing, ever since he became an athlete he has been meticulous in engaging in other vigorous activities, having injuries and not being able to compete in dragon boat competitions is out of his list. 

Since Joel is a fresh graduate, I asked him how was his journey in school now that it has come to an end. Now that he’s a graduate, he’s feeling more of the pressure of being an adult. Since he is the first child and an older brother, the pressure is big and real. His decision-making improves and chooses other people’s needs before him as he doesn’t feel the need to pick himself first, he said. He reminisced the moments when he was just in high school, he said he was very impulsive at that time and just acted aggressively, now, he realizes the changes in his actions. I asked him what situations or scenarios made him become the person he is now, he answered: “daghan uy, kay ate bany nimo (his girlfriend), ila mama, sa akong mga amigo sad.” He said that having a girlfriend also helped him become mature and improve his emotional intelligence, and adulting really hit him hard including his friends as they were very “bugoy” in high school. He has to make decisions that will be best for all and not just for him. The issue we had with our father also helped him become a more responsible older brother, he now sees me and it made him feel that he really needs to fulfill his “kuya duties.” I see my older brother as a very laid-back person, nontransparent, and emotionally reserved. So, I asked him why do you always keep your emotions to yourself? Asking him this type of question was not easy, as we don’t usually talk with each other about these topics. He said, that expressing his emotions doesn’t make any difference, he doesn’t want to burden anyone with what’s burdening him, why would he trouble someone that is troubling him? That’s his mindset. And also because he’s a “man”, he said: “di man ko angayan mag ingana oy” he meant sharing his feelings and being emotional. Sometimes I just wanna punch this man in the face, he is the straightest (he’s not homophobic though) and the second stereotyping man I have known with my father being the first. I asked him, do you think you would be like this now if it wasn’t because of your experiences? He answered, “syempre dili, mag bag-o man jud ka, imong personality og pangutok habang ga tigulang labi na daghan nakag responsibilities.” he knows that he is learning from his experiences and from the people he met. 

I noticed that Joel can make friends easily, he knows how to start a conversation with a stranger and can talk to them for many hours. His main friends are his friends from high school and they have been friends for 7 years now. They may have encountered many challenges but they’re still in the best condition. His relationship with his girlfriend is also in the best condition, they face many challenges but they fix it together. He learned a lot with his relationship with his girlfriend, it teaches him to be patient and understanding. I have seen the worst attitude of this guy when we were kids, and I know how impatient he can be. However, seeing him now becoming more patient and understanding, I could say it started when his relationship with his long-term girlfriend strengthened and became more mature. So, special thanks to his girlfriend! Joel and I were like a dog and cat growing up, we couldn’t be seated next to each other or else we’d kill each other. We just recently relied on each other after our issue with our father. He became more protective and a responsible kuya. He is a menace and “sakit sa ulo” to our parents in his rebellious phase, however, that phase is already phased out. He takes care of our parents well and has a ‘healthy’ relationship with them. He’s in the stage where he doesn’t want to ask our parents about his needs and tries very hard to provide it on his own. 

I asked him all the insecurities he faced in becoming an adult, he said it was his height, his weight, his motivations, and his future. He is stuck on what career he will choose, our parents expected that his dragon boat career was just for recreational. However, Joel wants to pursue more of his dragon boat career. He considered it as his biggest challenge now, but I believe he will pursue the path that he is more passionate about. I also asked him what was the biggest achievement he had ever achieved so far. He said it was competing twice internationally for his team in the dragon boat, his coach always includes him in the line-up for every category they were competing, and this made him feel relevant and fulfilled. His coach’s affirmation of him gave him a sense of accomplishment. With all the hard training, hard work, and discipline he did, bear a sweet fruit. He proudly said: “wala man koy medal as a studyante, pero naa koy medals as an athlete.” it’s his prize possession. This man may be annoying sometimes but I am proud of him, I am proud of this Kuya.

Decy is 19 years old. She is currently studying Bachelor’s of Businesses and management. She is the "bunso" of the family. One of her main goals right now is to finish her degree and pay back to her parents.

Decy is happy with her life, but sometimes there are moments of stress, especially when she thinks about the future. Being the "bunso" (the youngest sibling) comes with its own set of expectations. Her family has high expectations for her, and sometimes, she feels overwhelmed trying to achieve the same level of success as her older siblings.

For her, the best part about being an adult is when she has freedom now to go out with friends, like doing some sleepovers. "Dili nako mag takas-takas ilaha mama". She is very happy because she can now go out without sneaking out.

For her, the biggest lesson she learned is that it’s okay to ask for help. She used to think she had to do everything on her own, but now he realized that reaching out makes a big difference. When she’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed, she often hangs out with her friends, like going out for a movie night or just chilling at the beach these moments help her unwind and remind her that she’s not alone. "Thankful kaayo ko sa ilaha." As for being an adult, it's very different than she thought it would be. She used to think that it was all about freedom and fun, but she realised that it also came with big responsibilities and expectations. For her, being an adult is about finding that balance between enjoying life and taking care of her responsibilities.

Meet Althea, a 7 years old grade 2 student who has a fun and loving personality.

Her favorite color is red because it reminds her of roses, her favorite flower. She has two pets, "Buddie and Baylon” she always gives them food and water every morning. Althea is a very sweet and loving daughter. Every time he goes home from school, she willingly helps her mom in the house, whether it is doing chores or watching her little sister.

Althea has a best friend named Eunice, who is also her cousin. They like to play “luksong baka” and “dakpanay” every after class. They've had so many fun adventures like playing and dancing in the rain, but for Althea, the funniest and most memorable thing that they did is when they popped all the balloons on Eunice's birthday while her mom was busy preparing the decorations.

In school, her favorite teacher is her math teacher, who always gives them stars every time they get perfect scores on their test. She then brags and shows me all her stars. Althea likes to help her teacher by distributing their test papers, notebooks, and erasing the blackboard.

During my interview with Althea, I noticed that she was really interested in exploring and trying new things. She doesn't have any puzzles or games to challenge her thinking skills, but when I let her try some puzzle games on my phone, she loved them! and want to install one on her mom' s phone. She was also interested in my lyre, hanging on the wall. She asked me if I could teach her to play the lyre after the interview. Such a cutie! ❤️

I asked Althea some hypothetical questions to challenge her critical thinking skills.

If you would have 1 million pesos. How would you spend it?

"Pag naa ko makita na basuriro kay hatagan nako pagkaon"

Honestly, I was expecting her to say she would buy toys or gadgets, like kids would typically answer, but her answer surprised me. She said,"Una nako paliton kay mga bugas og sud-an”. When I asked her why she would buy those things instead of toys or gadgets, she said that if she saw beggars, she would give it to them. I was so touched by Althea's answer. It's amazing to see a 7-year-old with such a kind heart and a willingness to help others.

Sophia is Matt’s second guardian, they are half-siblings and she has been there since Matt was born. Sophia feels a great responsibility towards Matt as she is part of Matt’s development. Matt is 4 years old and just started going to nursery. 

Sophia said that she observed Matt’s motor skills development was quite rapid, at an early age he knew how to stand on his own and could walk, by now he can run and maintain balance but will still fall for being clumsy and can easily catch objects gently thrown at him. Matt knows how to use utensils and feed himself, and does not like being spoon-fed. Matt also draws shapes but not complex ones, he can identify basic shapes and colors. Matt likes to move vigorously, and he rough plays with everyone including puppies. His idea of playtime is rough and fun. Sophia said that Matt thinks the rough play is way more fun rather than just sitting and playing. 

Matt doesn’t know how to solve puzzles yet but if he were given some pieces, he would try to play with them but will eventually lose interest. Matt is good at identifying basic colors, shapes, and objects. However, if Matt doesn’t know the names of certain things, he just stares at it/them and goes silent. Similar to not knowing what to say, Matt has already a symbolic thought, he sometimes finds it hard to construct a sentence to express what he wants to say so he just points at things to convey what he wants. Matt’s attention is small and can easily get distracted if he sees a more interesting thing. Matt experiences spanking and physical punishment from his mother, so every time he makes a mistake with his mom around, he knows he’ll get punished for it. He’s an honest kid and will admit to things he did wrong. Matt is a very curious kid, he learns by experiencing things on his own, even if he was told not to do this or not to go there, he would still go and see what lies ahead. He wants to know what will happen in every action he makes, and if it results in a bad consequence, he easily catches up and avoids doing the same action. He likes to try things on his own out of curiosity. 

Sophia describes Matt as a super extrovert kid, Sophia jokingly said that Matt is an easy target for a kidnap. 

Matt is friendly with everyone even with strangers, he’s smiley and cheerful to anyone. He can make friends easily, however does not like kids who don’t share their toys. Matt also doesn’t like sharing his toys with kids but can lend toys to adults. In playtime, Matt always leads the people he plays with and doesn’t follow other people’s lead. Despite being a leader in playtime, he can’t make choices on his own and needs to be given choices to decide. Matt is very expressive with his thoughts and emotions, he will tell you the reason why he’s sad or angry. Sophia said that when Matt is having tantrums they just leave him be until he stops crying, so Matt eventually learned how to calm himself. Matt is very close with his mother and shows great empathy when his mom is hurt or not feeling well, he is empathetic and will show that he cares for you. Matt is kind and helpful, especially with adults. 

Sophia’s struggle in helping in raising him is when Matt doesn’t listen to her all the time as Matt knows that Sophia will not spank or give him physical punishment. Nevertheless, Sophia is so proud of Matt as he is a very good boy, he listens although there may be times that he doesn’t, but he’s just a kid. He shows empathy, and gratefulness, and is an open-book kid. Despite being half-siblings, Sophia loves and sees Matt as part of her life. 

Mrs. Hernalyn is a 29-year-old Mom. She has a 1 year and 8 months old son named Asher. Last Friday, September 6, 2024, we visited their home, and she shared her experience and thoughts about motherhood.

Hernalyn was a stay-at-home mom, and her husband is the one who provides for their family. She got pregnant when she was 28 years old. According to her, his son's first word is "Mama." However, as months go by, her son is now closer to his father."Karon, mas gusto na niya iyahang papa," she laughed. She mentioned that the most challenging months are when the baby starts crawling and walking. "Ang mag lakaw jud, kay mag sunod-sunod naman ka ana."Mao jud na pinaka ka lisod pag mag ka anak ka," she added. Life has definitely changed since she became a mom. We asked her what lifestyle that changed. "Oy, ka daghan, dili naka ka laag, dili naka ka barkada kay naa naman ko bata." For her, the most challenging part of being a mother is when she is away from her son. "Pag malayo ka, gusto na nimo mag uli dayon kay naay bata."

Parenting is such a big responsibility. Hernalyn's story is a reminder that motherhood is a journey of love, joy, and challenges.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have." —Joan Ryan

Asher is a shy boy, while we were talking to Mrs. Hernalyn he was just on his mother's lap, behaving. He is not sociable with people he doesn't know but will adjust when he gets to know you. Perhaps he's not that playful yet as he just woke up from his siesta. Mrs. Hernalyn said Asher is such a gentle boy, when he's playing by himself or with other kids, he's calm and kind. Asher is a quiet kid, very different from his cheerful older brother.

This made us realized how amazing development is, from just a small cell to a kid to becoming a teenager turning to an adult and becoming a parent. Life works so magically. It is short, but full of memories and learnings.

Kessa, a 24 years old pregnant woman was asked ‘What aspects of pregnancy have you found most enjoyable or rewarding?’ answered ‘Feeling your baby move and kicking.’ you can see on her face that she is excited to already see this baby in the polishing stage - as she is 8 months pregnant. 

Kessa is a stay-at-home mom, she stopped working for a while when she got pregnant to focus on taking care of herself for the baby's health, as she said: ‘Enough sleep, kaon gulay and fruits tapos dili magpastress then prayers na unta sa sulod sa 9 months, makasurvive ko para makita nako akong baby.’  However, being emotional is part of being pregnant as she mentioned: ‘The past few months was stressful for me. Muhilak kog kalit sa mga gamay ra kaayo na butang tapos sigi kog hilak sa gabii.’ These stressful months made her lose some weight as she was 72kg pre-pregnancy and down to 65kg when she got pregnant, she also mentioned that when she got pregnant she easily gets tired just by standing or walking a short distance. 

Physical changes are not the only thing she felt but also emotional changes and memory lapses. Kessa became very emotional and moody, she mentioned how she became more sensitive every time her older sister hurt her physically during her pregnancy and this was her biggest challenge in her journey being pregnant. Kessa does not want to disclose any information regarding why her sister physically hurt her. She just avoids her to also not get her sister’s attention. The only thing that lights up her mood is feeling her baby’s kicks. 

I hope this will be a reminder to the readers, that pregnant women are critical and sensitive. Pregnancy is not easy and hurting them emotionally and physically is not acceptable. There are so many factors they are dealing with and being patient with them would be really helpful. They are carrying another human being in them, stop hitting 2 birds with 1 stone.