It's a Sickness

There is no safety here.

you just wait around like a dog all day waiting for a scrap of attention. youre so fucking pathetic, its embarassing. you need to accept that no one fucking likes you.

i wish you would just fucking die. youre so fucking miserable.

i feel like i cant talk to anybody because its just a fucking burden nobody fucking cares nobody wants to be around me nobody fucking likes me

"MAYBE will update" You're not gonna get an update, you stupid bitch. They don't want to hang out with you.

idk man i kinda just wanna crack open my skull and be done with it.

you're such a miserable little piece of shit

You're so fucking desperate you worthless fucking pig

I don't want to tell him I'm feeling shitty. He hasn't even messaged me today. I'm sure he's just asleep or busy. But I just feel so fucking awful and I don't want to make it his problem.

It's so hard to look around and see everyone enjoying their lives and being happy and having their dream jobs and I'm here trapped in my life being fucking miserable, feeling like I have no agency or control.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, I don't know why I keep trying.

I'll just be having a normal one and then my thoughts turn against me and I'm crying and part of me wants to bash my fucking skull in.

I just feel like such a fucking failure all the time.

You make it look so fucking easy.

Part of me knows it's over and pulls away, another is stagnant and seething- standing stubbornly in place, clenching their fists until their palms bleed hatred- the last a sad little kid clinging desperately to the way things were, not understanding why her friends don't seem to like her anymore.