UnspokenConnection24

This is my @stydiasecretsanta gift for @raspberrylimonade!

It’s my first time participating and I really hope you enjoy reading this :)

Merry Christmas, Elly! :) 

Lydia had just woken up with a gasp and the second she opened her eyes, all she could see was him. His face was only a few inches away from hers and as she regained consciousness slowly, she could feel his hands on her cheeks, caressing her face frantically. She had almost missed the worry and concern in his eyes before they were quickly replaced with relief once her eyes were focusing on him.

She blinked up at him and felt herself getting lost in his eyes instantly. The relief was still prominent but there was something else, too, and she was pretty sure she knew what it was.

Even though she had known how she felt about him for quite a while now, she didn’t want him to know. But in that moment, she didn’t care that it was written all over her face. He had saved her life, again, and she was allowing herself to let her love show just this once. She had almost died, it wasn’t like anyone would hold it against her.

Stiles removed his hands from her cheeks and she could hardly stop herself from letting out a noise of protest when one of his hands moved back to cup her cheek while the other one was tangling with her hand below. She looked down at their intertwined hands and her eyes were tearing up when it suddenly hit her.

She was safe now and it was all thanks to the brown haired boy that wasn’t leaving her side. A tear fell but she didn’t bother wiping it away. His eyes were so soft, looking at her as if it was his only purpose in life to make sure she was alright. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew that Scott and Deaton were in the room with them, but she only had eyes for Stiles.

“Do you want to sit up?” He asked quietly and she nodded, tightening her grip on his hand. He wrapped his free arm around her shoulder to support her whilst simultaneously pulling her up. Once she was sitting up, she could feel his hand loosening around hers, trying to pull away, but she wasn’t having any of it. Stiles looked up at her in surprise, his eyes flitting between their still intertwined hands and her eyes.

She could tell he was trying to gauge her reaction but she counted it as a good sign that he hadn’t tried to pull away from her again. His thumb had started drawing little circles on the back of her hand and it made Lydia shiver. She took a deep breath, wincing slightly when a sharp pain flitted through her head. She had tried to suppress it, but of course Stiles had noticed.

“Are you okay?” He asked, concern written all over his features. He brought his free hand back up to her face, stroking her hair soothingly in order to lessen the headache.

“Yes.” Lydia breathed out, lifting her hand to cover his own on the side of her head, bringing it down to cup her cheek.

Stiles’ eyes widened momentarily but then something seemed to snap into place inside of him. He seemed calm inside while his thumb was caressing her cheek gently, and Lydia knew he had gotten the hint. He was staring into her eyes deeply, trying to make sure he wasn’t reading too much into her actions and Lydia made sure to let all of her emotions show.

She moved her hand from covering his on her cheek to his own, mirroring his actions to reassure him that this was exactly what she wanted. He let out a shaky breath and finally started to lean in. They had waited for this moment for so long and even though she was starting to feel impatient, she let him take his time. He had waited for this for way longer than Lydia had and she felt like she owed it to him.

When his face was only inches away from hers she finally closed her eyes and was just about to pull his face towards hers the rest of the way - because there was only so much anticipation she could take - when she suddenly woke up.

She was feeling shaky and a few tears had escaped her eyes, just like every other time this had happened. She turned onto her side, curling up into a ball to get the tingling feeling out of her body and wiped her tears away angrily. Stiles had rescued her from Eichen House a little over two weeks ago and she was mad at herself for not being able to get rid of this dream.

The first time it had happened was the night right after he had rescued her. She was well aware of the fact that her mind was using dreams to deal with everything that had happened and to make sense of it. But why was it focusing on Stiles so much, rather than all the awful things Valack had done to her? She would have almost preferred for Valack’s procedures to be her recurring dreams. But only almost. But the loss she always felt when she woke up was almost too much to bare.

Lydia was well aware that she was in love in Stiles. And even though the moment she kept dreaming about was the moment she finally admitted it to herself, it wasn’t the moment she had fallen in love with him. She had asked herself about the how and when countless times, but she simply couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment her feelings for him had changed.

And just a few days ago, realization had hit her. It wasn’t a specific moment. It had been a process she had only become aware of once it had been too late. It had been all the little things he had done for her, all the looks he had given her and the way his hand always seemed to find hers whenever they were in danger.

She was mad at herself for not bothering to get to know Stiles earlier. She had noticed him staring at her in class and although she had pretended not to, she had also heard his compliments when she passed him in the hallways every single time. She had enjoyed the attention she was getting from him, but she had never really considered getting to know him. Although, every once in a while, she had let herself imagine what it would be like to be together with someone like Stiles.

These thoughts had mostly come up whenever Jackson had been acting like a jerk again, which she now realized happened way more often than she could count. Whenever he had been yelling at her again for no reason and she felt Stiles’ gaze on her, her mind had wandered and imagined what it would be like.

Stiles would never yell at her because he had lost a lacrosse game. He wouldn’t yell at her for talking to a guy she was partnered with in class. He would probably not yell at her at all and even if they did have an argument, he would surely let it go before one of them would get hurt. She wasn’t naive, though. Surely there would be arguments, too, but she was certain that a guy like Stiles would never purposely hurt her. Not like Jackson.

But even though she had thought about all of that, it had never really occurred to her to break up with Jackson. Back then she had been way too self-absorbed and protective over her position as queen bee at the school. She had put up with Jacksons behaviour, made herself small so he could shine and instead played the dumb trophy girlfriend he wanted her to be.

She felt awful thinking back to what she could have had, if only she had realized what a great guy Stiles was sooner. She was under no illusion thinking that Stiles was still feeling the same way about her as he had before everything had gone down. He didn’t have any idea who she really was back then because they had never even talked once. Somehow he had made up this perfect version of her in his head, placing her on a pedestal that the real her could never live up to.

And his obvious affection towards her had lessened considerably ever since they had gotten closer. They had become friends along the way and even though she put up a fight at first, not ready to accept that she wasn’t the most popular girl at school anymore; it had just happened inevitably. Stiles had crept into her life and made sure to stay there whenever she tried to put distance between them. And somewhere along the way he had also made his way into her heart.

It was hard to face the truth but there was no denying the fact that they had kind of switched places: Now she was the one with the crush and Stiles the one who was ignoring her. Granted, ever since he had broken up with Malia he wasn’t as distant anymore, but they weren’t comfortable around each other either.

Lydia tried to shake off all of the thoughts that were in any way connected to Stiles and pulled herself out of bed. It was Friday, but Lydia had never wished for it to be the weekend more. She took a shower, hoping it would wake her up a little more and wash away the lingering feeling of Stiles’ hands on her face.

Just as expected, it didn’t really help. Lydia made her way downstairs and she almost missed the note her mother had left for her. Just like any other weekend, her mother wouldn’t be there and Lydia would be home alone once again. Only this time she was glad she had the house to herself. She could eat ice cream, run around the house in her pyjamas all day long and watch cheesy romance movies.

The only thing standing between Lydia and her weekend plans was one more day of school. One more day of avoiding Stiles before she could relax for two full days before doing it all over again. She was repeating this to herself on the whole way to school, hoping it would stop her from turning around and calling in sick. She was Lydia Martin after all, she never called in sick, especially when there was no reason to do so.

She pulled into a parking space, took a deep breath and got out of her car. She had parked as far away from the spot Stiles usually chose as possible even though that meant she had to walk for a few minutes to get to the building. Nothing was more important than avoiding Stiles, especially after having that dream again.

Everything went perfect. She saw Scott briefly after second period but as soon as she saw Stiles coming towards them, she excused herself to the ladies room and waited until the bell rang for next period. Luckily she didn’t have a single class with Stiles on Fridays.

The only time she couldn’t avoid him was during lunch. She didn’t want anyone to get suspicious or notice that she was actively avoiding Stiles, so she thought that lunch was the safest choice to spend time with him. Scott was there, as well as Malia and Allison and so far she had always managed not to sit next to him, just like today. She did notice his looks though, but she pretended not to see them.

After school Lydia made her way to the library. There was only one book left on her list of books to read before going to MIT and it was finally available after two long months of waiting. And it was the perfect hideout to make sure she wouldn’t run into Stiles on her way out. Just to be sure, she sat down in her favourite seat in a little hidden corner and started to read. She would read for a few minutes until everyone had left the school and then she would head home, too, and follow the plan she had made in the morning.

But because she had been waiting to read this book for so long, she lost track of time reading and suddenly a little over two hours had past. The library was completely empty except for the librarian who smiled at Lydia as she made her way outside. She stopped by her locker to grab her math book when she suddenly heard a familiar voice and winced.

“Hey!” Stiles said and Lydia closed her eyes for a few seconds before turning around to face him. He was standing in front of her, looking at her questioningly. “What are you still doing here?”

“I… I lost track of time in the library. But I was just leaving.” She said and she didn’t miss the way Stiles’ eyes got all soft, not leaving hers. She felt herself blush and she didn’t like it at all. She couldn’t remember ever blushing before her feelings for Stiles had surfaced and she wanted to go back to that time desperately.

“Let me guess, you were reading some intense book for MIT again?” Stiles asked with a smirk and Lydia just rolled her eyes which was all the confirmation Stiles needed. “Well, I guess that’s what the really smart people do in their free time.” He added and Lydia was having a really hard time looking at Stiles.

He was looking at her just like he had all those years ago when they had been at the winter formal and he had told her that she was smart for the very first time. He had been the first one to notice it then and Lydia was taken back to that moment. Back then she had mostly been annoyed by Stiles, but that night, after his little speech, she had started to see him a little differently.

She hadn’t been able to forget about Jackson though and she would never forget the disappointment in Stiles’ eyes when he had told her to go look for Jackson. He had always been selfless like that.

“Are you okay?” Stiles asked, snapping Lydia out of her thoughts.

“Sure, I’m fine!” She put on her best fake smile but of course Stiles could see right through it.

“Well, first of all, I hope you know that I’m not buying it. And second of all I wanted to talk to you.” Lydia lowered her eyes to the ground. She knew exactly what was coming and she had expected for this to happen for a few days now. “Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”

He wasn’t even asking if she was avoiding him, he just knew. When she finally looked up into his eyes again they were staring right back at her, as if he was trying to see right into her soul. With Stiles so close to her, she had hard time thinking straight.

“What, no you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not avoiding you, why should I be avoiding you, you didn’t do anything wrong…” She was very aware that she was rambling and so she just stopped talking before she embarrassed herself even further.

“Okay, look. I know you, Lydia, and I’m not buying it. You are avoiding me and you have been for a while now. I thought it was because of Eichen House and that you maybe just needed some time for yourself to process. But it’s obvious that I am the only one who you are avoiding. So, please, just tell me what I did wrong. I promise you, whatever it is, I didn’t mean to upset you!”

Lydia’s mind was racing. She should have been subtler and maybe she should have pulled away from everyone else, too, to make it more believable and so Stiles wouldn’t take it personally. But he probably would have asked her about it anyway and she would have been lonely on top of it.

She didn’t dare to look him in the eye anymore because in this moment, she wasn’t sure she could keep all of her feelings to herself. She couldn’t let herself slip and admit that she was in love with him. It would make things between them even more uncomfortable and she didn’t want that. With a little bit of time she would get over him and they could be friends and solve the supernatural mysteries together, just like they used to.

But first she needed to get out of this moment without doing anything stupid. Her gaze was focused on her shoes and she suddenly found they were the most interesting thing she had ever seen. She was prolonging the inevitable moment when she needed to say something for as long as possible, but sure enough, after a few moments Stiles couldn’t take it anymore.

“Lydia, please. At least look at me. Please.” Stiles said quietly, moving a little closer to her but Lydia couldn’t. When she didn’t move, she suddenly felt Stiles’ finger under her chin, lifting it up so that she had to look up at him. She could have easily pulled away, but the feeling of his hand on her face made it impossible for her to move.

She took a deep breath, trying to get herself together and prepare to snap at him. Because that’s how she always dealt with unwanted feelings. She snapped at the people closest to her to keep them from coming even closer and making herself vulnerable to them.

But when her eyes met his for the countless time that afternoon, she couldn’t do it. His eyes were so sincere and honestly worried about her and she couldn’t drive him away. No words were coming out of her mouth and for a second she felt as if there was also love in his eyes. Rationally, she knew there wasn’t, but with the way he was looking at her, something suddenly snapped inside of her.

“Come on, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Stiles coaxed, trying to get her to open up to him. He had just finished the sentence when Lydia suddenly rushed forward and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself up to reach him and Stiles froze. Lydia was panicking inside and was just about to pull away from him when he suddenly came to his senses. He placed his hands on her hips, pulling her closer and started to move his lips against hers. He was holding on to her tightly, as if he was afraid she would pull away at any moment.

And that was what made Lydia pull away suddenly. Their faces were only a few inches apart as they were both trying to catch their rapid breaths. There were so many emotions in Stiles’ eyes that Lydia couldn’t place any of them. What the hell had she been thinking just kissing him like that? She knew he didn’t feel that way about her and was probably just fulfilling some teenage fantasy.

Or even worse, maybe he had simply kissed her back out of pity or because he feared that it would be awkward between them had he rejected her. Even though she knew it was her fault, she wouldn’t stand around, waiting for the I’m sorry, but I don’t feel this way about you anymore speech that was surely coming. She dropped her hands from his neck quickly, taking two steps backwards, breaking every physical contact there had been.

Something changed in Stiles’ eyes, but Lydia didn’t look at him long enough to analyse.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that!” She exclaimed, already turning around and running out of the school. She could hear Stiles calling her name faintly, but she needed to get away from him.

*****

Stiles was standing right where Lydia had left him, frozen in place and his mind and heart were racing. Lydia was literally running out of the school, and if there was one thing Lydia never did – not counting life or death type of situations – it was running. When she had almost reached the doors, Stiles finally regained his senses and called after her, but she didn’t turn around.

He didn’t know what to do. Lydia had just kissed him. Lydia had kissed him. And then she had run away. After a few more seconds he decided that it was best to do what he always did when he needed advice: ask Scott. So he made his way to his jeep, still thinking about the way Lydia’s lips had felt on his.

“Scott!! Scott, I know you’re home! Open the door!” Stiles was banging Scott’s front door, waiting to be let in.

“Dude, what the hell? Do you think I’m standing right next to the door just in case you’re coming over so I could open the door the second you knocked? What’s going…” Stiles really tried to let Scott finish but his sentence was just too long to wait.

“Lydia kissed me!” He blurted out and Scott immediately stopped talking.

“She did what? When?” Scott asked once he had recovered from the shock.

“I saw her after Lacrosse practice and I asked her why she was avoiding me and then she suddenly kissed me. Completely out of the blue, but she kissed me, Scott. Lydia just kissed me!” He exclaimed, barely containing his excitement. Scott’s face changed from disbelieve to confusion.

“And what exactly are you doing here now? Why are you not with Lydia?!” Stiles looked as if he didn’t really know the answer to that question either, but then it suddenly came back to him.

“Well, she kind of apologised after and left… She ran away. Like literally ran away from me.” Stiles admitted, his excitement making way for the disappointment and confusion about the whole situation.

“You are such an idiot sometimes!” Scott said, shaking his head. Stiles’ eyes grew wide and Scott almost laughed at the expression Stiles was making. The confusion was written all over his face and Scott decided to put him out of his misery. “She is scared, Stiles! You know Lydia better than any of us, you of all people should know that!”

Stiles thought about Scott’s words for a while before realising that he was probably right. Lydia had never been one to open up easily and she had every reason not to. Things with Jackson had been bad at the end and even though Stiles wasn’t sure if she was in a relationship with Aidan, they had still had something before he died. And even thinking about how Lydia’s father had abandoned her to be with his new family got Stiles extremely angry.

“Stiles, go!” Scott finally said when Stiles still wasn’t moving. Snapping out of his thoughts, Stiles turned around and ran back to his jeep. But just as he was about to reach it, he turned around and ran back. He hugged Scott quickly, mumbling something that sounded like thank you and went back to his jeep.

The drive to Lydia’s house wasn’t long, but Stiles had probably broken about five different laws in his haste to get to Lydia. He parked his car and didn’t bother locking it before rushing to her front door and ringing the doorbell. He had to use all of his self-control not to ring it again and again. Moment after moment passed, but nobody answered the door.

He turned around and saw her car in the driveway, so he took a step back to look up to her bedroom window. He was sure he saw some movement there, but as his eyes had focused on the window, Lydia wasn’t there anymore. He was almost certain that Lydia was simply trying to avoid him, again, so he decided to be bold.

He lifted the small porcelain turtle on the window sill and found the spare key they had been keeping there ever since Lydia started having banshee episodes in the middle of the night. He knew Lydia would be mad at him for practically breaking into her house, but he didn’t care. He needed to talk to her and he wouldn’t let her run from this.

He turned the key inside the lock and opened the door carefully. He was pretty sure that Lydia’s mum was out of town for the weekend again, just like all the past weekends, so he wasn’t worried about running into her. Plus, Mrs. Martin would have surely opened the door for him when he rang the doorbell.

He made his way up the stairs and walked straight to Lydia’s room. He almost went in without knocking, but he valued his life too much to risk getting killed by an angry Lydia. He knocked and only had to wait for a few seconds before the door swung open forcefully, revealing a – just as expected – fuming Lydia.

“What the hell are you thinking? You can’t just break into my house Stiles! The key is for emergencies and this certainly doesn’t classify as one!” Stiles was taken aback for a few seconds, before he recovered quickly.

“It actually is an emergency, Lydia! We need to talk!” Stiles answered just as loudly, flailing his arms.

“No we don’t! I don’t want to talk to you right now, that’s why I didn’t open the door in the first place! So, leave!” Lydia was getting louder and for a second Stiles didn’t know what to do, but he did know that he was not leaving before they had talked about the kiss. He took a deep breath before speaking.

“Lydia, please. Can we just talk about what happened?” Stiles asked in a much calmer voice, and he could see something change in Lydia’s eyes. She blushed and Stiles couldn’t help but smile a little at that. Lydia never blushed, just like she never ran. But everything seemed to be different today and Stiles liked it.

“We don’t have to talk about it, it’s fine. I already said I’m sorry and you didn’t have to come here to tell me you don’t feel that way about me. I already know, so don’t worry. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry but can we please forget it happened and move on? Please?” Lydia was looking up at him with pleading eyes and all he could do was shake his head.

How could she believe any of what she just said? She thought he was here because he wanted to make sure that she didn’t get any wrong ideas? How could she not know that he was still in love with her? Granted, he had tried to hide his feelings better, but only because he didn’t want to bother her and was trying to make their friendship work. But she still hadn’t said anything about her feelings.

“Lydia, why did you kiss me?” He simply asked after a few moments of silence. He just needed her to answer this one question and if he was right, everything else would be resolved.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t already know! It’s okay that you are not feeling the same way, but I’m not going to say it, Stiles.” Lydia said. She turned around, making it clear to Stiles that the conversation was over, leaving him standing in her door frame.

Without making the conscious decision to, Stiles reached out to her and grabbed her wrist gently. He turned her back around to him, and she looked down at his hand on her wrist before looking up into his eyes. He was taken back to just about an hour ago. Lydia had been looking at him with the exact same expression and Stiles could only hope that he was doing the right thing.

“That’s not at all why I came here.” He said quietly and Lydia’s eyes softened. All of her feelings were showing and Stiles couldn’t wait any longer. He lifted his hand to brush a strand of hair out of her face, gauging her reaction. Just as his hand touched her face, Lydia closed her eyes for a second, revelling in his touch, before opening them again to look up at Stiles.

Stiles leaned towards her slowly, giving her the opportunity to stop him if she wanted to. Instead of pulling away Lydia took a step forward, stepping closer to Stiles. His hand was resting on her cheek now, and just as he was letting go of her wrist to bring his other hand up to cradle her face, his lips met hers for the second time that day.

Lydia wrapped her arms around his neck and stood up on her tiptoes, kissing him back slowly. Stiles was enjoying every second and he didn’t ever want to pull away from her. The last time their kiss ended, Stiles had to watch her walk away from him. He gave her one long, last kiss before pulling away slowly to look at her face. .

He was still holding onto her cheeks to make sure she wouldn’t leave but once he saw her eyes, he wasn’t worried anymore. Her eyes were shining with emotion and a small smile was gracing her lips.

“I love you.” Stiles simply said and Lydia just kissed him again. He didn’t need her to say it back, her actions were speaking for themselves. He had waited years to finally be able to kiss her, and it was finally happening.

When they parted, Stiles pulled her in for a hug as a huge grin was spreading all over his face.

“Sorry I took so long to get here today…” Stiles murmured into her hair quietly. Lydia loosened her arms around him and pulled back enough to look at him.

“You went to Scott first, didn’t you?” Lydia asked and the guilty look on Stiles’ face was enough for her to know she had hit the nail on the head. She shook her head good-naturedly and couldn’t suppress the smile that was spreading across her face.