satellite call

𝐸𝓅𝒾𝒸 💌 Philippe's letter to Ysabeau | A Discovery of Witches season 2 episode 6.

Dir. Jonathan Teplitzky

“My dearest Ysabeau,

my paternal grandfather died on the last day of 2019. my father stands as the head of our paternal household, and the weight saddled on him has bled into our familial relationships. i was called apathetic by my sister and harsh by my mother, but time transforms people.

i think my father’s papa was lonely in his late years. he used to come in our house and lie in one of our leatherette couches while watching primetime news. we will offer him bread or juice or the dinner one of us is cooking. sometimes he stayed. sometimes he didn’t. he would bring mangoes from our ancestral home until it became his home with another. his body being ravaged by cancer, he spent his last days there, with a love we cannot understand nor accept.

pursuing medicine is one of the biggest decisions i had to do in my life, given all the strings attached to this. it’s a battle i choose not to surrender, and i must say that it pays well not to give up on your dreams. i wake up every day looking forward to what may happen, whether the day will be filled with case discussions and laboratory work, buttock-numbing lectures, or three major exams (bar pre- or post-lecture quizzes). i find myself thinking this is the life i really wanted, and damn was it worth the wait.

i am just a normal medical student (even if i fancied myself to turn into a super saiyan in this a while back), but i’m a determined one. i don’t simply waver. i may stumble, but i know how to stand. at the end of the day, the important thing is that i did try, and that i won’t tire or trying for something i love.

on top of this, the philippines doesn’t have mass testing available yet and the enhanced community quarantine has technically ended today, which means thousands of workers are now forced to go to work (even without a proper public transportation system). my mother has just gone to work at the airport and i’m terrified for her safety and health. the coronavirus cases have been increasing constantly and we’re still in the first wave.

update: this is what manila looks like after lifting the enhanced community quarantine

translation: we need your help. our families are starving. we are jeepney drivers and we don’t receive any aid from the social amelioration subsidy (or financial aid from the government)

should i tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? that when i sleep, i see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when i wake up in the morning, it feels like i’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? that i can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? that, for a few moments, i can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?

How have you been lately? As you read this, I imagine it is nighttime, yet your mind is whirring with endless work. Take a break. Let go of your pen. Leave a mark on the page you’ve been reading. Fall back to the couch. Sip tea from your mug and pop your knuckles.

By the time you’re reading this, I have long moved on. I have no idea whatever it is you’re spending your time on. As far as I am concerned, you’re reading this with a mind so different than before, altered by circumstances you’ve encountered.

I hope you will still remember me, the other girl from another life. I have waited so long to become you — to reach your successes and learn from your failures. I am excited of your prospects, and I hope you’re thoroughly thought over the details of your work. You are probably tired, but there’s nothing to fret. You’re my trooper, always marching onward even when the storms raged and the earth shook. You’ve stood afraid but courageous on your own feet, taken downfalls and consequences on a stride, and come out of it with a clearer mind and steadier hands. You have been very brave, my dear. Hold on to that.

You may not tell anyone you worry, but I am aware of who you are. Lean on someone’s shoulder when it’s too much, and trust that they love you enough to understand. It does not excuse you of recklessness, but you are responsible and humble enough to accept defeat when it comes. Do not forget your obligations, but do not limit yourself by boundaries that can be overcome. You are not a fool to pursue matters that will cause harm to yourself and to others. I trust you to be decisive, and to be the level-headed person I’ve known you for.

Praying is essential, dear. Do not forget to do so, even when your days are tortuous and your nights are unending. Pray when you are well, when you’ve been showered with goodness. Pray when you are in the brink of despair. Pray when you are at peace.

I cannot tell you what to do for your hardships, but let me give you an advice: Communicate. It’s a colossal network, a road map that will bring you to places you have never seen and places you never knew existed. You are aware of how powerful words are, so you should utilize them constructively. Gestures are ingrained in our muscle memory, but always display respect for whomever you come across to. You have not been good at expressing yourself to the people you want to, but you are not a lost cause. One step at time. Inch away from your comfort zone and dare.

I am here now. There is so much pain and so much joy coming here. You are about to face another battle, but take a rest for a while. You have been battling storms for a while. Do you want a cup of tea? I’ve dusted the couch and changed the seats. I’ve prepared your favorite cookies. I’ve even crocheted a new blanket in your favorite color.