Khushal Khan

Give me a few sunshine of nirvana in your arms,

allow me to love you ceaselessly.

I’m all set to feel this sourness of heart till my last gasp. The darkness laughs at my name,

the rain buried my only flame, in the name of love. But, I’ll never accept that, I’ve feelings for you.

This love; madness made me

fragile, powerless, constrained and enslaved.

How can I deny such artistry?

Your deep, hazel speaking eyes,

that see right into my soul.

Your spirits became the center of my life.

Now my throat begs for your mercy,

to be loved again by you, to utter your name

in every different languages and forms.

My demons, they long for your lips.

Rosemary, Adam’s ale,

they want these and words from you,

to be all wet, to dance in your rainbow.

That night, I stabbed myself with my sorrows and let you go like a wild bird.

I wish you knew what you mean to me,

As nothing in this universe could be so heavy as the absence of your essence in my life. But,

I’ll keep one blank page in ‘lost boy in space’

For seven years I wandered wilderness

tasting different lips and souls but every night

I longed for signs, longed for love, to meet that

True Love.

Then you crossed paths with me, out of blue,

out of my miserable life.

I looked at you like I just realized what love is,

my soul, my spirits, everything went beyond

my control when I saw galaxies in your eyes.

You changed every grief of mine to gold,

You held my hand in silence.

You were the ocean, when I was outside of you,

life was torment, I dived to deep that I lost form.

You; I, there is nothing left anymore.

Now you are gone and I became a ghost with body

living for someone else, I don’t know how much

longer do I have to carry this body of grief.

Such wounds of my heart will probably never heal

and I owe my heart too many apologies but

we must carry on with this burden. As,

Jealous of the moon, because you look at it

with someone else, hands melting with each other.

Jealous of the sun, because it warms you,

wearing someone else jacket.

When I’m all alone or with hundred different faces,

I can feel you, my hands, touching yours,

I think I felt heaven in your hands.

You walked on me like you knew exactly

how to kill me, you knew how addicted I was

to self destruction and still you made me feel alive,

I was never been more in love with being terrified and you.

“My hands rest gently on your waist,

Thumbs moving slowly along

your exposed skin, you’re warm and soft

as I touch you. I think I want more,

I’m not satisfied. The way your messy hair

falls over your eyes. I fall for it every time.

But I’ll stop now and write this.”

I remember we don’t talk anymore,

What a nightmare I’m in right now,

As you become my everything too quickly.

It’s always been you,

This is what they labeled me with, inhuman.

you don’t know my story yet then,

my heart has been crushed too many times.

Maybe we all are kind of addicts, we all have wounds.

We all just glance for ways, to confine the dazzling sadness.

Our bones and minds, they swim in gasoline.

This is not delusion darling,

you don’t flutter here, you just fall- in existence

like this naked poetry.

I am more verse than matter, more words than body.

And if you could ever see me as I am, you will have to understand

what my soul whispers between lines.

This creation left me in misery,

Your heart is not a heart anymore to you,

It’s just a burden.

Your worth is nothing to anybody, you’re a failure,

you’re broken, and lost.

Just die, if not, your monsters will eat you alive.

They know you’re scared, they know you’re frail,

they know you will give up on yourself, calmly.

You can’t be rescued, not even by gods.

Go to your beloved temple, worship like a hound,

and still you will come out, back to us,

in million broken pieces.

Don’t you pray every night to be dead?