Wren

Name: Wren (He/Him)

Age: 28

Occupation: shedblr Dad

I advocate for recovery and try to support anyone struggling with ed or sh. Can't have kids irl, unfortunately, so I try to be a good "Dad" online for kids that don't have adequate support in their home. Anyone is welcome to interact, but I will block you if you're a minor and send me any inappropriate messages. I am here to protect kids struggling with trauma and sh/ed coping mechanisms the same way I did as a teen. I remember feeling alone with my trauma and the emotional pain it caused, and I swear that loneliness is what made me suicidal. If I can help you feel less alone with your pain, I am here for you.

And ik he's not sober 🤣

my irl dad is leaving soon and im giving him the money to do it

i love him tho i want him in my life but all hes done is ruin it

but i can hear him rn saying my mom fucking 'brainwashed me' into hating him even tho hes beat me and ive been getting in between them when he hits her for like 5-6 years now ??

im scared cause i love him cause hes my dad but i cant keep dealing with him and i cant keep being scared that im gonna end up like him

im sorry for ranting i just needed this off my chest and i have no one i can talk to

That's really heavy and a lot for you to process. Relationships, especially family ties, are one of the places two opposing ideas can be true at the same time. Your dad has made your life and feeling of safety in your home unstable, but you still love him and want good things for him. That's just a testament to your compassion and selflessness. Ik that's gotta feel scary to have someone close be leaving, but hopefully there will be a lot more peace and stability in your home when his violence and volatility has be removed. You may end up having an even better relationship with him after, because he won't be as reactive and riddled with guilt when he's less able to hurt the people he loves.

Before this, the stairs had white wood panels on the side that she took off for god knows why and why she chose a hammer also confused me

I was kinda dramatic last night

-🧶

it's been a while cause uhh I was doing good but. uhm. I'm not doing good right now. I might be fine in literally like the morning (it's 10pm rn) but. uhm. I wanna relapse so bad. I just. I can't do this anymore I was fine for a couple months and it was fine but it's never gone away really I just. I don't know what to do.

anyway. I hope you have a nice day and have been doing okay.

-🧶

Yeah, ik how that is. When you have an effective and accessible coping mechanism like ed, it's really hard to fully recover and detach from those behaviors and thoughts.

Talking about it, unfortunately. I had to talk to my therapist about it a bunch. I had to relive the times that I was abandoned and reframe my relationship with those experiences; i.e. I wasn't abandoned for being bad, I was abandoned because that person didn't have the resources to help me anymore. And the final puzzle piece was being vulnerable with my fear of abandonment with people in my life. I had to get comfortable with being like "I'm scared that you're not gonna like me anymore if I do ____ thing," or "I'm worried you'll leave if I do/talk about ____ thing too much." Once I started getting radically vulnerable with my anxiety and fear, and asking for the reassurance I needed, I started to get a lot better at self-soothing those anxieties. Now, I don't waste the energy trying to predict or fill in other people thoughts and feelings towards me. If I wonder, I ask. Otherwise, I trust the people in my life to talk to me about any issues they might have with me.

I hope that helps. Also, read "The Four Agreements"

– 🌻

After some very productive stress baking I have red velvet cookies and the world no longer feels like it’s imploding

Some have macadamia nuts, some have Nutella, and the rest were rolled in powdered sugar and I called it a day

you can have some <3

I got rubber bands in my mouth I hate it

I actually like my teeth as they are I don’t want them changed

Oof, idk man.. if I was in that situation I'd probably tell the person. I'd say something like, "hey, ik you're aeroace, but I can't help that I'm really attracted to you and have romantic feelings for you (or which ever applies in your 'friends' case). I don't expect you to reciprocate those feelings, but I wanted to be transparent about my interest in you." And then like give the person some time to process the information and respond. If they're like "thanks, that's really sweet, but I don't have those feelings" or if it's more ambiguous, you can ask some follow up questions. "Would it make you uncomfortable if I flirt with you?" Or like "what are ways that I can express my affection for you that won't make you uncomfortable?"