I really need to sit down and write why Vincent Charbonneau fascinates me so much. Like, outside of being blorbo shaped and cynical, there's something really compelling about a guy who devotes his entire life to perfecting something he could never personally partake in/or take the joy out of. It's that yearning for something that defines your life and your existence but never being able to enjoy the fruit of it and no matter how much you try, no matter how close you get to a similar feeling, you're too focused on what you want and what you cannot have that you jump to insane conclusions to finding a solution for your lifelong alignment instead of acknowledging reality for what it is. The denial and the fixation and the cannibalisation when he was never a cannibal or a killer to begin with but the lack of fulfilment in who he thought he was, and what he thought he deserved, sucked the life out of him so much that he stopped seeing life as life. The emptiness within manifesting outwardly, towards people who he deemed unworthy and lesser and ultimately - irrelevant, while he was trying to desperately deny his own meaningless existence by pursuing excellence ruthlessly, not realizing that perfection and personal satisfaction was never achievable.
It's the repression and the envy and the endless pursuit of perfection and knowing that you will and you have failed time and time again to satisfy what you've always wanted but denied that it even exists because you know the reality of your situation and you thought you've accepted that you were never going to get a taste of what others so easily and freely have but it was never right. And when you get close to that feeling, that sensation, that experience of finding pleasure again but in a different form, you are so fixated on what you've never had that you are led to the most insane conclusion on 'fixing' your initial problem and you don't even consider what you are doing until it is too late and there is blood on your hands and there is no coming back. This is the end. No amount of sleeping, ignoring and dismissing the issue will ever fix what you did. There's blood on your hands and your knife and your teeth and you killed the only person who ever brought you close to filling that hole in your chest that has eaten away at you your entire life.
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
titsay
areudirty
