After going from Emmrich-posting to Easterman-posting, I'd pay good money to see a list of your fandom crushes. /srs
I actually wasn't attracted to Emmrich at any point! Fun fact.
Or Elias. I just related to them both heavily. I liked using them as self-inserts (especially Emmrich because he is more true to my actual opinions and temperament), and it made me feel good when I saw other people expressing their attraction to these characters because some of those features applied to me as well. Made me feel desirable.
That being said, I CAN share my past few fictional crushes with you all, I just need you to brace yourselves for the complete lack of a discernable pattern:
Aziraphale from Good Omens -
I had a genuine crush on him, I loved him dearly and he made me very happy. He was exactly the type of man I consider to be my 'primary type'. I still smile when I see a picture of him, he's precious.
This was during the several years where Crowley was my main cosplay.
My thing for him is less extreme than my attraction to Aziraphale, but definitely worth noting, because I am very into him. This was a surprise to me because I typically have an aversion to both beards and defined muscle. He changed that. Also gave me a pavlovian response to short men.
I want to start off by saying that I am not forgiving A DAMN thing that this horrid, horrid fictional man has done. He is terrible, and I see that for what it is. Ew. -However, I want him desperately, and that is an indicator of some more pressing issues within myself that I was NOT ready to look at or unpack just yet. I am blaming my potent Daddy issues and sexual repression for this one!
I just like him! I think he's appealing, even physically, at this point, unfortunately...
He's beyond saving, I wouldn't want him to be saved even if he weren't too far gone for it to be possible, he is irredeemable, and I will only nod appreciatively when he is canonically dead. This does not stop me from being attracted to him.
You can see a chemical fire burning completely unchecked, displaying all sorts of undeniably vibrant and exciting colours, and think to yourself 'That's beautiful. Someone should put that out'.
Easterman is a chemical fire: Only destructive in nature with no chance of yielding any positive outcome at all, but BOY am I looking, And BOY DO I WANT TO TOUCH IT A LITTLE BIT WHILE IT'S STILL HERE.
(In all honesty, I think that, ironically, I may be fascinated with him due to his 'lab specimen' potential. Look at him go! What's up with him? What will he do next? Where is he at in his cognitive decline? What percentage of this reaction is drug induced, as opposed to being triggered by the clear psychosis he is currently riding out?
I want to monitor his every move, but not interfere in any meaningful way. I want to touch his face and soothe him without making anything better at all.)
-I don't think that's fucked up of me to say, and I don't feel bad for it, all things considered.
