fucking christ

i just dont know where i can write this shit 

whenever i had my first blog it felt good to write shit on it

and i have to do something

i have to work on school stuff

im in college and i cant just not do it

but i still can’t think straight

i still shake

i still want to die

but i only feel like i’m rotting on the inside 

how do i stop the thoughts that plague my nightmares

the thoughts of wanting to die

of longing to die

the thoughts telling me that i’m better off dead even if there is nothing after

there is no promise of anything

but there is no pain if i am not here

i won’t have to see my chest

i won’t have to see myself

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕗 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖

𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕡𝕤𝕪𝕔𝕙𝕖

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘

𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕕𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕗𝕦𝕝 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙

they are always bloodied and bruised

the cuts sting whenever i wash them