An open letter.
Dear Everyone,
I met until now, I possibly can’t send a personal message to everyone so here I am writing an open letter (after 3 whole years) dedicated to all of you.
Let me start by thanking you for calling me your friend, even though none of you know what the meaning of that word… all you give me is a Hindi translation of that word. Nonetheless, I appreciate you mentioning me as a ‘Dost’, but you sure didn’t act like one when I was desperate not to be alone. Anyway, I’m grateful that you all gave me a life lesson. Thanks for being amazing role models that inspired me to do what I will do next.
At the same time… I developed a hating bone in my body, it's not your fault, and I’m truly sorry if you feel I’m targeting you… no that’s not my intention…I have dirt on all of you and theoretically, all of you can’t be wrong right? And if I’m finding that I don’t like the things you all say, then if my math is correct… it's me who’s at fault! So… I apologies for even coming in contact with you. Lately, everything is not honey and roses for me so… my bad if I’m sounding unreasonable to you but hear me out, okay? Because where I’m standing these things started making sense a long ago. I may be mistaken just like you guys are mistaken between the definition of accomplice and “Dost” (trust me, technically, both mean entirely different things).
Listen, maybe… maybe you guys get spooked after reading this but trust me you all lost me back in march and actually, I’m so proud of myself that I made it this far, so I don’t need any texts or calls and home visits now, because when I wanted it, I didn’t get it and now there will be no one to receive them. No, I’m not vanishing, actually I was never there in your life, even though you were all there in my mind when we first met. So, I’m just packing my stuff and getting out of the place where I don’t belong. Well, there’s no convincing me about “Hey! You’re valuable to us, don’t go…” nah man… everything has been said and done, I’ve made up my mind and to be very honest and I don’t want to break your heart, but I don’t believe anyone now because you guys never gave me anything to believe in, most of you sold me lies when I was craving for sympathy.
I pity myself for being fooled by almost every one of you when you said I’m the best human or I’m your favorite… oh wait maybe I didn’t hear you clearly or misjudged what you trying to say or you said, ‘best tool’ or ‘favorite commodity’ and the latter words got muted by my stupid smooth brain. So yeah…you were giving me clear messages and it was me that misinterpreted it… oops…the I don’t hate you, no hard feelings from my side I’m giving you clean chit in my court, but you guys need to make some minor improvements and major upgrades if you want to ensure you want to raise some nice kids (just an advice).
But the thing here is… everything my perpetrator said, everything that I feared once, manifested itself into my reality. And yeah, it’s a final message from my side to all the people I know, because on my side of the river, someone unapologetically ran a bulldozer over my orchid field and now everything just smells like dead flowers. My current life is a trainwreck will be an understatement, my life got caught up in a mudslide and that mudslide closed the only way out of this misery. I don’t regret taking this decision, for I’m tired dude.
Someone deliberately shattered my peace into so many minute pieces that I immediately knew that my own mortal hands couldn't gather and arrange it… I needed all the help I can possibly get.
That’s why I cried in voice notes, on calls, and begged for assistance… but what I got was reality checks… I don’t regret pleading for help, I pleaded in front of those who kept stomping my inner child, I knelt in front of you to put me out of this misery. My complaint stopped but the seeds they sowed, the seeds of grief, anger and frustration sprouted and kept engulfing me. So, here’s the ultimate reality check, death is not the end, sometimes it’s an option…
- Yours one and wonly
Chaitanya
