multi muse.

She felt horrible. Like an idiot. Some dumb cliche of a trope that she hated. She knew that Ted and Jenny were happy. She was happy for them. But deep down in her mind, the thought of him spending the rest of his life with someone who wasn't her was rotting away. It wasn't fair to Ted, and she wished so badly that it didn't exist and she could be fucking normal.

Paul's joke earned a small smile and a quiet exhale of a laugh, but she knew that wasn't why he was here before he even vocalized it. She licked her lips and rubbed them together. "I can't be there," she confessed honestly. "I... God, I feel so stupid, but last night, at the rehearsal? It just all hit me that... this is it. That he's moving forward and moving along and things are about to change... and he's about to start a life with someone who isn't --" She closed her eyes and winced a little with regret, hanging her head in shame. "It's a fucking cliche, isn't it?"

i can't be there.

His forehead forms worry lines and his lips pinch together. He knows even more as he sits there listening where this is going. He's not stupid. He may be a bit slow on the uptick for some things, but he could catch the meaning behind her words even before she's admitting what she does... or doesn't. He sighs and relaxes his features, tongue slipping out to roll against his lips. He uses that pause as she calls it a cliche to think-- brow forming lines again, but this time out of thought and some concern. He knows she's admitting how she feels about Ted without saying it outright. He always had odd inkling and suspicions of it, but he would never accuse her let alone ask. He knew she'd tell him if she wanted him to know and now it seemed she did.

"Oh, Emma..." he sighs out, shaking his head a little and trying to give her a half smile of assurance, "It's not a cliche. It's real life and it's how you feel." He has his own reservations and thoughts about it-- Ted of all people. A dweeb of a guy who seemed on the brink of energy he was suppressing? It didn't add up for him, but he couldn't judge her. He had weird growing feelings for the antagonistic surveyor outside of Beanie's. "I can't tell you what you maybe want to hear and that's go tell him, but... I think you have to accept those feelings or something. Let yourself feel them and try to find a way to move on." Was that bad advice? Fuck, "I don't mean like get over it. I just mean that telling him would only change your dynamic, right? But not being at that wedding also will. And I'll be honest, Emma, knowing you? I don't think you're the coward that just runs... I think if you're going to... fuck up this friendship, you'd want to be honest with him, right?"

She knew that this was cowardly. Ted wanted her to be there, wanted her support, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't watch the best friend that she had fallen in love with marry the girl of his dreams. God, was she some sort of sick rom com? Some stupid cliche? Either way, her stomach twisted itself into a knot at the thought of it, but she wasn't going to drop a bomb in the middle of Ted's big day. He deserved to have a good day, whether she was there or not.

She didn't expect anyone to come after her. No derailment, no drama. She was just going to nurse her drink for a while, maybe stop at the food truck to get something on her stomach, and then head home to just... collapse. To try her best not to think about Ted and Jenny spending the first night of the rest of their lives together.

She definitely didn't expect Paul to show up here, one of the three people who knew the truth and would take it to their graves. She knew he'd be at the wedding, especially since he was dressed up for it.

Her gaze turned over to the person who took occupancy next to her, a light frown tugging at her lips when she realized it was Paul. "Go ahead," she sighed quietly, studying him for a moment before addressing the elephant in the room, "...So, why are you not at the wedding?"

He waits for the confirmation he can sit before he slides onto the stool, instantly folding his arms onto the bar top and tilting his head to look at Emma. He notices the bartender step up as Emma asks her question and he waves the man off-- he's not here to drink. He's on a mission and he's going to see it through... as much as he may not want to. He doesn't necessarily owe Ted anything and there's no real benefit to this for himself, but he does care about Emma. Her not being there was for a damn good reason and Paul was sure he was about to learn it... part of him almost felt nervous with what the reason would be. He had an inkling, but he didn't want to assume anything.

"Oh, you know," he huffs a breath, "decided I could use a refreshing breath of bar air before the big celebration. You know how I feel about parties and Ted's said numerous times how crazy fun the reception is going to be." He shudders with a slight grimace, "I fear he plans to make try to dance and there's no way this guy with two left feet is stepping foot on the dance floor." He offers her a smile only for it to falter slightly, frown slowly tugging at the corners of his lips, "No, uh... I'm here for you, Emma, and we both know you know that."

brenda's tone isn't lost on stacy. she knows this isn't a normal experience, she knows there's nothing they can do. stacy doesn't know the first thing about covering up an accidental murder, but she's pretty sure they can't get in trouble if they didn't do anything, right? they didn't push max out the window -- he fell!

It's almost more comforting when Stacy begins to display the same nervous feelings that Brenda does. Her hand gently squeezes at her best friend's arm as the girl explains that people are going to notice. It has the redheaded cheerleader nodding, eyes a little wide and voice coming out in a quiet whisper as she responds, "I don't know," she nearly repeats back the earlier sentiment. "I don't-- I'm not sure, Stace..y"

She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and chews at it momentarily in thought, furrowing her brow as she thinks. It's a beat before she lifts her head then speaks, eyes wide on Stacy, "Maybe we make it look like he just got sick of his dad, you know? They hated each other," and she knew that well from when she dated him, "m-maybe he just ran away, yeah? Like you said."

emma knew this day was coming. she had been there through every single step of ted's relationship with jenny - from the painful pining to when they finally decided to say how they felt and become something. she had been the person he had gone ring shopping with. she had gotten the pictures from his proposal. she had helped him pick out a suit for the wedding. she had been there when he vented to her about napkin rings and how even cake flavor combinations seemed like a daunting task. she wasn't in the bridal party, understandably. she wasn't particularly close beyond friends with jenny and pete, even at eight years old, was standing proudly as ted's best man.

there had always been a little resentment towards jenny. not in a way that emma would ever act on. having feelings for her best friend? what a fucking cliche. and emma? she didn't do relationships. she had one night stands here and there, maybe let a nice guy buy her some food first. but she made up excuses for not committing. for not pursuing anyone seriously.

the rehearsal dinner had been the night before, and what emma hadn't expected was how it hit her like a truck. as if the visual confirmation proved to her that this was real. and what settled in her gut as she hung around, having been invited as an important person in ted's life. and as she sat there across from the happy couple, something squeezed in her chest. dick made a speech giving warm salutations to the couple, sharing stories that emma was suddenly envious that she wasn't a part of. ophelia did the same. no, those were her parental figures. it was followed by jenny's parents, and emma's mind screamed what do they know?! she felt like the walls of this very nice restaurant were caving in on her, and suddenly, she didn't know how she was going to make it through the wedding.

she didn't know how she was going to watch her best friend, the man she loved, marry someone else.

during the post-dinner cocktail and coffee hour, emma had pulled on her jacket over her dress. she had flashed ted a small smile when he asked her if she was leaving, and she had played it as cool as she could. but something was lingering there. something that felt like this was the last night of being themselves. the goodbye she had given him held that weight, though she tried not to project it. not until she was back at her place.

in the house she rented, she barely slept that night. this chapter was closing, and it felt like the grief was swallowing her all over again. it felt like the days and weeks that followed jane's death just a few years ago, right before ted and jenny had gotten together. in these moments of grief, it felt like the world was pushing forward and leaving her behind. that, no matter what she did, she'd never be able to keep up. and with ted moving onto this life with jenny? marriage . . . kids . . . all of that? emma was alone and jane's contact in her phone felt more vacant than ever.

the next day, she had tried to pull herself together. she had put on the dress that had been hanging on her closet door. she fixed her hair and did her make up. but in the drive to the church, her cowardice won and instead she went to her sanctuary, the one place where she could try to gaze down into amber liquid to find answers.

she went to the birdhouse, parked herself in one of the barstools, and tried her damnedest not to imagine @timebastard watching jenny walk down the aisle.

Paul was one of those nice guys that Emma had let buy her dinner before they fell into bed together. It had happened twice before the two of them decided they were much better off being friends. It hadn't upset Paul, no. In fact he rather liked her honesty on the matter, appreciated it even. He would rather be friends with her than be whatever they were trying to be... in fact it seemed like she was deeply not interested in pursuing something further. And Paul? Well, he wanted what anyone wanted when it came to a relationship. Or, rather, what he thought anyone and everyone wanted-- something that would last. So he didn't get angry, didn't get upset.. he just smiled and assured her it was okay. That'd been nearly a year ago at this point and in that year he'd really gotten to know her... know her.

Paul wasn't blind or stupid. He may not be observant, but he notices things when he needs to and he was very much aware of the way Emma hung around Ted when she did her coffee deliveries. Very aware of how when they all went out the way she'd look at him when no one else was looking at her. He saw the frowns that would etch her face whenever Ted and Jenny engaged in couple like things. It wasn't long before he was asking about it one night and Emma just unleashed, explaining and spilling how she's spent years trying to fight all that. How she knows it isn't right or fair to Ted, but that he was her best friend through college and especially after Jane died. Paul had listened with a somber expression before apologizing on Ted's behalf for never paying notice to it.

On the day of Ted and Jenny's wedding, Paul had dressed himself in a nice suit with a tie ready to sit in the pews of Jenny's church. He thought it odd Ted was getting married in a church, but then again... Ted was crazy about Jenny. Why wouldn't he do whatever she wanted for this? Her dream wedding? Ted would make it happen and he had. But God it felt out of character for the loud mouth, boisterous guy Paul had gotten to know. Regardless, he was happy for them. He really was, as much as he hurt for Emma. He had planned on sitting with her at the event, but as people started piling in for the event he was approached by Pete.

excuse me, mr. matthews?

Paul had looked at the well dressed kid and smiled, waiting to be spoken to. He was asked to follow him and he got up from his spot to do so, following the youngest Spankoffski of the clan to where Ted was. He stepped in to find him seated with his tie undone and a frown on his face. Paul mirrored the sentiment with a frown of his own, asking what was wrong. But before Ted even asked, Paul knew almost immediately what it'd be about. It had him frowning, retrieving his phone from his pocket and checking his messages. Nothing. According to Ted, Emma was supposed to meet him in here this morning and more or less pep talk him. It was an odd thing, but it made sense. Pete was eight years old and couldn't fully aid Ted in getting ready, but it felt a way for it to be Emma. Perhaps that was because he knew what he did.

He assured Ted he'd find Emma and left the church, telling Ted to give him a bit which seemed to be fine because there was some dress issue. He left in his car and drove to the one place he felt she'd be... and he guessed right. He saw her car as he parked, climbing out and making his way inside towards the bar. He saw her in her dress and jacket, frown on his face as he moved to slip onto the stool beside her, "Mind if I join you?"

your set rocked.