Inside my Mind

When's the last time I was invited to an event, any event (I'll even settle for a people-watching day)?

I honestly can't remember...I have ignored, declined, and avoided every humanly possible invitation headed my way I am afraid of seeming too "open" and "readily available" in fear people will think I have no life

My go-to response is "let me check my schedule" knowing damn well, I have memorized my class times and the doctor's appointment I have next week

I am not a busy person, but it is always scary to outright confess

"I don't have any friends, I'm free all week, every week"

No one wants to hang out with a friendless person, they'll feel pity for me or think I am hopeless

The other day, I blocked someone on Instagram because she wanted to meet up with me I admit it sounds silly. I met her on Bumble BFF but soon after my paranoia kicked in and I felt she wasn't who she said she was, but deep down it was really to avoid the obvious question,

"so what do you do in your free time?"

that question is a trap, no one wants to hear about what you do by yourself Everyone wants the funny stories you share with friends, the ones I don't have

Do not feel pity for me

I've had enough time

Wasted it on Youtube, Tumblr, and everything nice

I lack spice in my everyday life

Monotone blinds, I can't see the fun in my life

I search and search but never find