The Racial Threat Against Me and Why This Situation Reminds me of it
@genesissaturna is my ex-boyfriend. We broke up because he turned out to be emotionally abusive against me, using me to cheat on his current partner, and I guess drew a picture of our breakup as a mockery of me. I've already posted about it, but here it is again:
Of course anyone would get upset at their drawing a picture of them that's basically used for mockery and posting it online for others to see. But the anger felt deeper than that, and I've been wondering why. Now I know.
Back in 8th grade when I lived in Arizona, toward the end of the year, my mother decided to style my hair a certain way where it was split up into ponytails. During my last class when it was almost time to go, I wasn't paying attention and was looking down at my phone when one of my classmates took a picture of me without my permission. That picture was then edited where a Neo-nazi symbol was drawn over my hair, and it was shared all over the school as a sign of mockery. (Yes, I am African-American) This was at Coronado K-8 school in Tucson. My parents got me out of the school since the student only got suspended for a few short days; they didn't feel like I was safe being there.
That picture made me feel deeply paranoid and ashamed of myself. One of the people I knew said that some of our classmates were laughing at the picture and calling me overweight. It felt like everyone, even the friends I made there, were against me.Â
This is why I'm deeply upset at this picture. I know it was posted a few months ago, but as I've just seen it recently, it triggered a deeply upsetting memory from my past and I feel like I needed to be vocal about it. While it isn't a mockery of my race, it's a mockery of something equally important - myself.Â
It feels like I'm in eighth grade all over again, where many people are laughing at me just because I am who I am, and I'm completely powerless.Â













