i’m such a “i want your attention” but “don’t wanna bother you” kinda person
not even attention but love, care, empathy, understanding, comfort.
i want you to care enough to ask me six times how i am until the mask breaks and i can let it out bc i know you truly care and aren’t asking me bc it’s a social custom.
i want you to hug me while i cry and mascara drips down my face onto your clothes and you laugh and say it’s not a problem and they care more about me than a silly shirt.
i want you to text me little messages and say that i’ll get through it, i’m allowed to struggle, i don’t have to over explain why im being the way i am, i don’t have to mask, im loved. i don’t feel loved, i feel tolerated. i just need someone to tell me they aren’t tolerating me and do want me.
these scenarios aren’t even about anyone in particular, just little fantasies i’ve had bc i want to feel safe with and not judged by someone. i don’t want to be yelled at for struggling anymore.
but i’m too scared to tell anyone again bc i feel like struggling this much for so long becomes exhausting to be around and i have so many problems that it sounds made up to some people, including my own parents.
