This is how I support my family

And I my water heater is acting up

Still don’t know if I have it or not, but I was told I’m in distress all the time. I’m a little fish in open water.(the doctors terms)

So official diagnosis right now is depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and PTSD.

He doesn’t know if it’s ADHD or just trauma induced.

I also learned I have an 8th grade reading level which was news to me. I know I can’t spell, but I read all the time. I mentioned this part to my mom and all she said was you were reading at that level in 6th grade.

She didn’t even remembered that the last grade I fished was 9th grade. It’s crazy how she doesn’t remember much. I struggled so hard in my teen years. Now I know I was really alone in the situation.

I have a love hate for my mom. She wasn’t a good mom, but she did her “best”. Being a parent now makes me bitter. I would do anything to watch Sage succeed. If I had to cut an arm off so he could do good in life, I would ask left or right?

I want to work on my reading level, but I don’t really know how. I feel dumb.

Here I am

I’m ready to just kill myself

I’m over this horrible life