Sakura wondered if he ever thought about her the way she thought about him.

When they were genin, she might’ve been stupid enough to believe that. She hated her heart. She hated the way everyone judged her. She was always being judged—God why couldn’t they just leave her alone?

That journal—her journal was the only way she could condemn the world without becoming someone she hated. It had been her only release from this torment she called love.

Sasuke…

Had he ever thought about her as anything more than annoying?

He must have.

Right? 

At least at one point—he couldn’t have been pretending the entire time, right?

Sakura swiped at her face, people were looking now. She was drawing unnecessary attention. Especially when none of that really mattered anymore.

The bakery was almost empty. She was here to gather data on the movements of the Akatsuki… but her mind drew back to the novel.

She kept her head down when she ordered a coffee and one cake. Sasuke hated cake.

She hated how everything she did seemed to pull her back to him, like her mind was on a loop. He wasn't the freaking sun so why was she always circling him? Why couldn’t her heart just move on? Why couldn’t it just accept that he was gone?

She swiped at another tear and accepted her order from the waitress. Her fingers dug through her bag until they felt the cool cover of the paperback.

She took a sip of caffeine and set the mug back into its coaster.

The cover—she hated the cover. It was some stupid romantic artwork—when anyone who knew her or Sasuke would’ve known that whatever they had—it wasn’t love.

No.

They’re story was much darker than that.

The Fourth Great Ninja War Day 11

Sometimes, I think about how you hated being compared to Naruto.

You two used to fight each other like there would be no tomorrow… But you always came back.

This fight is getting pretty long, you know…

When will you come back?

Sakura slammed the book shut and braced a hand over her mouth, sobbing into her hands. Her body shook and she stood.

“I’m sorry,” she told the staff, “Do you have a bathroom?”

Alone in the small, square box, Sakura’s scream ripped her throat open.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

Why?

She sobbed.

Why me?

Why him?

Why Sasuke? Why? Why? Why? Why?

“Sakura.”

Her gasp took away all the air inside; her head jerked upward, but she was alone.

Of course she was.

Of course.

Those words were hers to keep.

Never were they meant to leave her hands.

She'd written her heart into those pages. She'd written a life—a memoir of someone who still breathed. Every confession, every fear, every hope she'd been too ashamed to speak aloud had found its home in fading ink instead.

It was never supposed to belong to anyone else.

How did this happen?

She’d been asking herself that since dawn. Had everyone read it? All of her friends?

Naruto?

Ino? 

Sai? 

Kakashi? Of course Kakashi would've read it. He never passed up a good book.

Sakura swiped at her face and pulled her headband over her head. Now was no time to be weeping. Ninja rule 25 stateD that a shinobi must never show their emotions or shed tears during a mission. Such an outdated rule, she knew that–God of course she knew. But it was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

The stupid journal turned book sat in front of her in the grass––she had bought a copy, ironic wasn’t it? She could recite those pages like she could the ninja rulebook. Why had she wasted money on it? Who knew.

Sakura’s journal had gone missing a few months prior, everyone knew about it.

She’d caused such a ruckus over the stupid thing. How long had it been released before she found out? What was the publication date? And why the hell was her name attached to it?

All The Ways I Lost You

Sakura Haruno

The sight alone made her stomach twist despite her scoffing at the title. She would never have chosen something so cheesy. Maybe when she was a genin, but even then…

If there was a God in this world, she’d like to ask why they made it so hard to move on.

The afternoon sun coated her in a warming glow as her fingers brushed the cover. The first page, cold and frightening.

Sorry.

That was it. That was the dedication. One word.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and peeled back the page.

The Fourth Great Ninja War Day 10

I hate you