Staring contest
“Drew?” a pretty woman in black scrubs with a white mask around her chin asked as she opened the door. He stood up and began walking towards her.
“Hello, I’m Vanessa,” she continued as he got closer. “How are you?”
“I’ve, uh, been better,” he said shakily, his nerves taking over as he passed through the threshold of the door as Vanessa held it open. “This tooth is really bothering me.”
“We’ll get that fixed for you,” she said with a nod as if to say she understood his pain. “I saw your X-rays, you’re going to feel much better once it’s gone.”
“Uh, yeah,” he agreed. “I just - well, I don’t do good with medical stuff.”
“We’re going to take great care of you,” she said while putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. She stopped and opened a door as she said “Come on in, we’ll get you setup.”
As walked in, he noticed the antiseptic smell got stronger. There was one chair in the middle of the room with a stool on each side.
“Please take off your hat, glasses, and remove all personal belongings from your pockets,” Vanessa said clinically, pointing to the counter. “You can put them in the back corner there.”
He gathered his phone, wallet, and keys and placed them in his hat. He put the hat on the counter, and then took off his glasses and put them on top. He heard the distinct sound of two gloves being pulled out of a box.
“Perfect,” Vanessa said from the stool on the far side of the chair. It was slightly muffled with her mask up now , covering her whole face except for dark-brown eyes. She patted the chair and said “Come on over and sit down.”
As he did, she began pulling the gloves on. They slid on as she pulled them taught, stretching them almost to her elbow, and released each with satisfying snap. They looked so smooth on her, like a second, nitrile skin.
He enjoyed the show. Something about gloves excited him. He tried to hide his smile though, he didn’t want her to see that.
He felt uncomfortable, he sat on the edge of the chair for a few seconds unsure if he wanted to sit all the way down. She suddenly appeared in front of him and sat down on the stool on this side.
“You’re nervous,” she said. It was a statement, not a question. She enveloped my right hand in both of her purple-gloved hands. “That’s normal, we’re going to help you get through this.”
“I-,” he trailed off, unsure how to continue but overcome with emotion as his eyes teared up.
“Sit back, you’ll be more comfortable,” she said kindly, even though it was more order than empathy. He begrudgingly swung his legs up and leaned back into the headrest. She swung the armrest into place, which made him feel like he was locked in.
“I’m going to walk you through everything I’m doing, okay?” she asked rhetorically as she took his right hand in her left. “First, I’m going to put a pulse oximeter on your pointer finger. This tells us your blood oxygen level and your pulse. It’s really soft, it feels nice.” She clipped it on gently, it was very soft.
“Next, I’m going to get you a bib,” she said as she got up and disappeared from view. He listened to her footsteps fade, a cabin door open and close, and then her footsteps approach again from behind. The paper bib came over his head with the metal clip on the left side. She appeared on his right as she looped the metal chain around his neck and clipped the bib on the right side. She gently patted it down to make it flat on his chest.
“Okay, Drew,” she started as she disappeared from view behind him once again. “Next step is to start some nitrous. This’ll help calm your nerves and make you comfortable.”
“Is that nec-necassary,” he said, voice cracking mid-word and his eyes tearing. She appeared with a mask hooked up to long corrugated tubes on his right.
“I think you just answered that question,” she said as she held up the tube with the open side pointed at him. It got larger as it came closer, settling around his nose with the tubes wrapping around the side of his head.
“I don’t think I want this,” he said hesitantly as she walked behind him again.
“Just try it,” she said. “I promise it’ll help you relax. Just take some deep breaths, I’ll be turning it on in a moment.” She tightened the mask to the back of the chair and began fiddling with the machine. He then heard the tapping of thumbs on a smartphone.
“Here we go, you should feel it soon,” she said as she sat on the stool next to him, intently waiting for a reaction. Her piercing eyes were locked on his face.
The smell in the mask changed, it became mildly sweet. Within a few more breaths he started to feel himself relax and sink into the chair, a tingling feeling extending down his limbs.
“I don’t want this,” he said, still on edge.
“Yeah…That’s not really how this works,” she said matter-of-factly. “We need you to be calm to do the procedure. I’ll turn it up for you so you feel it more.”
“Wait, no!” he yelled, afraid. “You can’t drug me.” She had already doubled his dose.
“Yes, I can,” she said confidently, her right cheek raising above her mask indicating a proud smirk. “I am in charge of your safety, and I need you to be in a good place to do this procedure.”
At that moment a new woman in blue scrubs entered with a cart. Wires and tubes came from everywhere, and there were several screens.
“This the guy who needs GA?” the new woman said brashly.
“What’s GA?” he asked incredulously. No one answered.
“Yeah, thanks for coming so quickly,” Vanessa said. “He’s very anxious and agitated, I started his nitrous really light but just doubled it so hopefully he’ll calm down soon.” The new woman looked at the monitor.
“Double it again, I’ll be right back,” she said as she turned and left. Vanessa reached back and twisted a knob.
“No! What are you doing to me?” he asked, clearly terrified. “Woah,” quickly followed as the new dose reached him.
She took his right hand in both of hers and said, “Drew, it is not safe to do this procedure on you while you’re this stressed out, anxious, and scared. We are going to put you under general anesthesia. You won’t see, hear, or feel a thing.”
“I didn’t consent to this,” he declared while trying to get up. He didn’t know that the mask was tied to the chair, so he couldn’t move his head. As he fiddled with that, Vanessa took a long restraint from under the table and put it around his ankles so his legs were stuck to the table.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked. He was trying to be angry but the nitrous was making that hard.
“Because I care about you and your safety,” she said gently. “This is what’s best for you, and for us.”
“Alright, let’s do this,” the new woman declared as she came back, entering the room, holding a silver tray. “Vanessa, would you be able to sit on the other side? I don’t think the cart will fit over there.”
“Sure thing,” she said as she got up. And walked around his feet. The nitrous was definitely hitting harder now, he was having a hard time focusing,.
“Thank you,” the new woman responded. She sat down on the stool on my right and looked down at me.
“Hello, Drew,” she said, staring at me intensely. “I’m your anesthesiologist, Dr. Charlotte Zimmerman. I hear you’re nervous about today’s procedure?”
“Hehe, yeah,” he said as the nitrous won. He was still angry and scared, but it was being suppressed by a tingly, euphoric feeling.
“I’m glad the nitrous is working,” she said before looking at Vanessa. “Can you recline him please?”
“Absolutely,” she said, with a metallic clank underneath me. The chair started moving with a jolt before she even finished the word. It made his body tingle as he moved with the chair.
“Drew, have you had anesthesia before?” Dr. Zimmerman asked.
“No,” he responded.
“Do you drink or smoke?” she continued.
“No,” he responded again.
“Do you take any medications?”
“No,” he said.
Do you have any allergies?”
“No,” he said again.
“Excellent answers,” she said admirably as she held up a blood pressure cuff. “Vanessa is going to put this on your arm. I’m going to start your IV.”
“No, she cant do that. I don’t want this, I didn’t agree to this,” he thought while the blood pressure cuff got passed over him. But he couldn’t vocalize them under the effects of the nitrous.
“Drew, can you extend your arm for me?” Vanessa asked politely. He didn’t want to, but she pulled his hand and he let her. Once taught, she placed a Velcro strap around his wrist and the arm rest, restraining his left arm.
“Why?” was all he could muster. He heard Dr. Zimmerman snapping on gloves in the background, a sound that made him nervous.
“Your arm needs to stay straight for the blood pressure cuff to work properly,” she said.
“Drew, can you extend your right arm for me?” Dr. Zimmerman asked. He knew what was coming and dreaded it, but he didn’t see another option, so he did it.
He was surprised when she took his hand and began poking it, delicately prodding for a good vein to place the IV. He looked over at her, poised, confident, every action measured and deliberate. But he still knew it was only a matter of time until his right arm was strapped down too.
“Umm,” he started, but was unable to put his thoughts together to continue.
“Drew, look at me,” Vanessa said from the other side as she held his left hand and began massaging the back of it with her thumb. He turned as she continued, “We’re going to take a great care of you. Keep breathing and it’ll be over soon.”
“Over?” he asked quizzically.
“Yeah, over,” she doubled down. “We’ll get some calming medicine in you, then you’ll fall asleep, and when you wake up it’ll be over.”
His eyes were teary. He didn’t want this, but he couldn’t fight it. He was also touched by Vanessa’s kindness and reassurance as she spoke softly to him and held his hand.
“There we go,” Dr. Zimmerman said as she located a good vein on the back of his hand.
“This is going to be a little cold, Drew,” she said as she began cleaning the area with a wipe. He started to look towards her but Vanessa stopped him and squeezed his hand.
“Keep looking at me, buddy,” Vanessa said as Dr. Zimmerman lined up the IV.. “It’s okay, we’ve got you.”
“Okay, Drew, big pinch,” Dr. Zimmerman interjected.
“Oh god oh god oh god oh god,” he thought, scrunching his face and clenching his eyes as he braced for pain.
The reverse psychology got him again. The needle slid into the vein with little more than a scratch. He felt dumb as he exhaled. Tears escaped his eyes as he unclenched his eyes.
“Aww, let me help you,” Vanessa said, retrieving some gauze. She dabbed the left side of his face. “Turn towards me so I can get the other side,” she said as her left hand turned his chin. Dr. Zimmerman taped the IV down.
“All better,” Vanessa said as she turned his head back to neutral. Coolness flooded his vein as Dr. Zimmerman flushed the IV with saline.
“Thank you,” he said. “You’re nice.” He really liked how caring she was, even though she was the reason he was stuck here.
“Okay Drew,” Dr Zimmerman said. He turned his head to see her holding a medium-sized clear syringe up to the light and flicking it. “This is a nice cocktail for you, you’ll feel very relaxed in a moment.”
“Do I need this?” he asked as she twisted inserted it into the IV port.
“Yes,” she said curtly as she pushed the plunger. Vanessa held his other hand and looked on intently as he waited to feel the effects.
“I don’t feel anything,” he said with a hint of disappointment.
“You will,” Dr. Zimmerman said as she removed the now-empty syringe from the port and let the IV fluids flush the line.
A few more seconds went by and he noticed his vision softened. The edges blurred, lights appeared brighter, sounds came from farther away. The tension melted from his body, his shoulders and hips sinking into the reclined chair.
“Woah,” was all he could muster to summarize the calm euphoria that flooded his body.
“Feeling good, buddy?” Vanessa asked as her cheeks rose up in her mask, indicating a smile.
“Yeahhhh, buddyyyy,” he said, the last letters of the words dragging as his jaw slacked.
“Oh wow, you like that,” she said with a chuckle, before looking at Dr. Zimmerman. “I think he’s ready.”
“Me too,” Dr. Zimmerman agreed. She reached for a medium clear syringe on her cart, popped the cap off, and inserted it into the port.
“What’ssss thatttt meannn?” he asked, barely able to speak as she pushed the plunger.
“You’re going to be asleep soon,” Dr Zimmerman replied firmly as she removed the now empty syringe, put it on the cart, and picked up another one. “Just a couple of medications to help with that and then we’ll give you the sleep medication.”
“Ohhh, youuu alreadyyy gaveee meee theee gooddd stufffff,” he said with a smirk. “I- I feeellll sooo awesomeeee.”
Dr. Zimmerman removed the second empty medium syringe from the port and put it on the cart. She then picked up a large syringe full of a thick, white liquid.
“Ohhh shittt,” he said as he recoiled, unable to find the words but scared by the size of it.
“Don’t worry, Drew, you won’t feel a thing,” Dr. Zimmerman said. “This is the sleep medicine, we’re going to take great care of you.”
“Ummmm,” he said, afraid but unable to find words. He writhed against his restraints but they held strong.
Dr. Zimmerman ignored him and looked at Vanessa. “Do you want to do the bite block before I push this?”
“Yeah that makes sense,” she said as she turned around to grab something from a tray behind her. Once she had it, she moved her stool directly behind the top of his head. Dr. Zimmerman attached the syringe to the port, but didn’t push yet.
“Hey buddy,” she said, her brown eyes looking directly into his. “Can you open wide for me?” she asked. He did, her purple left hand appearing over his face with her pointer finger. She slotted it into his gum to help open his jaw while her right hand slid the turquoise bite block into place on the right side of his mouth. It was uncomfortable and tasted bad, and she knew that by the look on his face.
Vanessa sat there staring down at him with her gloved hands rhythmically massaging his cheeks. He smiled, or at least as much as he could with the bite block in.
“You like this, don’t you,” she asked.
“Yahhhh,” he said, having difficulty speaking with the bite block. “iiiii feeees gooo”
“Good,” she said softly as she looked up at Dr. Zimmerman and nodded. She knew what that meant and immediately started pushing the propofol. He knew what that meant and feared how it would feel, dreaded losing control, and worried about how he would feel later. It was all pushed away by the calming meds.
“You might feel a little warmth in your IV or have a metallic taste in your mouth, Drew,” Dr. Zimmerman said. “That’s normal. Just pick a nice dream and we’ll see you in a little while.”
“Keep looking at me, Drew,” Vanessa urged, sensing him getting nervous. “Let’s have a staring contest, look at me and don’t blink.”
“Okayyy,” he said, fully knowing he didn’t stand a chance. A warm feeling was starting to spread around his body.
“You’re doing great,” she said as Dr. Zimmerman drained the first syringe, removed it, and grabbed the second. He didn’t even notice.
“Woahhhh,” he said as warmth turned to euphoria, his whole body tingling.
“Don’t look away,” Vanessa said. “You’ll lose!” His eyes started rolling back, but he brought them forward.
“Ooooh, nice save,” she said admirably. “That was close, keep going!” His vision was fading, he knew he was toast.
The next rollback wasn’t fightable. His eyes rolled back and his eyelids began to flutter shut.
The last thing he heard before the void of unconsciousness swallowed him was Vanessa coyly saying “I win.”
