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if you guys werent aware of how much of a dork I am, now you know.

                if anyone would like to just distract me or plot with me and make me happy,  i would love that...    decided not to take the job after the second interview i had today because i was having war flashbacks from my time as a life insurance salesperson as the job and hours were explained.    one panic attack and a call to my mother later and i’m....    alive.    but that’s it.

                “    people understand me so POORLY that they don't even understand my COMPLAINT about them not understanding me.    ”    --    søren kierkegaard

                GOD.    now that was something he thought about on a semi-consistent basis.    religion was something he saw MOST of the world to believe in,  whether it was in ONE form or ANOTHER.    they all believed in one or more deities,  something that either made the world or watched over it or controlled it,  something that NO ONE could give physical proof of.    free had gone into churches and synagogues when he could as if that would HELP him UNDERSTAND,  and he read the bible TWICE through to grasp what was in it.    all he could find were scriptures that people had their own take on to benefit THEMSELVES.    or something else entirely.    god was...    a FUNNY THING to him.    “    it’s a CONCEPT that people adopt into their lives.    i don’t believe in a god or...    WHATEVER,  but that concept EXISTS for a lot of people.    ”

                “    what look??    i’m not giving you a look.    ”    unless it was the INCREDULOUS look that was crossing his features at that moment,  then free had no idea what billy was talking about.    he had NOTICED close to when they met that the other liked ATTENTION,  and even made a point to do himself up so people would look at him.    just as free stood out on his own,  billy seemed to REFUSE to conform to the backwoods style this town lived with.    THAT ALONE got him attention,  but billy seemed to try just that little bit more,  and that was something he was UNABLE to understand or explain to himself.    rubbing his thumb along his brow to force it to relax,  free shook his head.    “    i guess i just don’t get it.    why do you WANT people to notice you??    ”

                it would be INAPPROPRIATE for free to explain why he watched people,  as the other would be CONFUSE or PUT OFF by his real reason.    very few would be able to understand that he disconnected from most human behaviors,  and those that did had SIMILAR problems to himself or SOMETHING ELSE different in their brains.    having been raised in such intensely abnormal conditions for twenty years had made it DIFFICULT for him to understand certain things,  even with as many free years under his belt.    billy wouldn’t be able to understand that,  or he would try to ask questions free was UNCOMFORTABLE giving answers to.    not yet,  at least.    so he used his go-to whenever someone was CURIOUS.    “    i TRAVEL a lot,  and it’s just interesting to see how differently people behave in other cities or states.    ”

                INDEED IT WAS.    no one person had the EXACT same problems as another,  as life was INFINITE in its ways to mess with someone,  but there were problems nonetheless.    free’s would never be like billy’s,  and billy would either never come to KNOW or UNDERSTAND his own.    REGARDLESS,  it seems life had taken them both for a run.    or perhaps closer to chased and bit them in the ass when they least expected it.    “    not ALL of it can be a bitch,  right??    gotta be something good,  or else what’s the point??    ”

it was by CHANCE that he was standing near the entrance of the hawkins post as the employees were leaving for the day.    a young woman came out and some of the older men followed,  seeming to HECKLE her before parting ways.    though he knew not the CONTEXT from which it was being done,  free felt something IRK at him.    with a drop of his shades and a flick of the finger,  SMOKE appeared around the ankles of one of the men,  solidifying and tripping him so he FACEPLANTED on the sidewalk.    the smoke was gone as soon as it came,  and though that brought the attention of the young woman,  free was satisfied with the overall result.    “    i don’t know WHAT you’re talking about.    ”