I wrote this my Sophomore year of High School.
Rough draft
Sophomore year
My sophomore year was a roller coaster, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, I had absolutely no guidance whatsoever. I could never get out of my head, I was always terrified to be myself in fear of others’ judgment, I didn’t think I could handle being judged by my peers, I had already dealt with enough problems with self-worth due to a lack of much support.
I stuck to skateboarding the start of my sophomore year as my “getaway” from all personal problems, I thrived to be good at it, I was truly passionate about it, every single day after school it was what I did for hours on end. No one could judge me… but myself if I didn’t land a trick or if I didn’t think I got enough done out of a single “session,” my self-worth depleted, my happiness solely relied on how well I could skateboard, I felt like I had absolutely nothing going for me and if I couldn’t get “good” at skateboarding I was completely worthless.
I never got that good at skateboarding, I put in the work, I’d be out there till my legs were numb, but I never really got what I wanted out of it, it soon fell from passion towards hobby. Although I loved skateboarding, I just couldn’t keep beating myself up over it, so I just skated for fun like I had already did my freshman summer.
It was on to a new “passion,” the second semester of my sophomore year after spending the first semester more or less shunned from people, only sticking to myself, I did have a couple friends, Roger Young being one of them, I was into athletics a lot at the time, I was never serious about it, but I really did care about being “fit,” so I wanted to start lifting weights more seriously, but I felt I couldn’t of done it by myself, so I asked if Roger would hit the gym with me.
To my avail he said yes, and for a good while there I was kicking back the weights and I got pretty consistent. There wasn’t a day after school I wasn’t knocking back the weights with Roger, we did it for months, we both grew stronger, we both put in the work.
On the side I was also running, I always enjoyed running, it was difficult and gave me a reason to go outside, I never took running seriously, I loved it as a sport although I never considered myself a “runner,” I had already built myself up as a “lifter,” but I was truly passionate about running, I always respected it, it’s extremely difficult to get good at it’s not like you got rest periods, it’s truly something you have to keep one foot in front of the other for.
And another thing about running you didn’t need much equipment, you didn’t need a gym, it was just you and the sport you determined how well you perform.
So I soon dropped lifting as my passion and I started taking running more seriously and with who else by my side Roger Young, he fully supported the decision and he was out there to time some of my workouts on the track, I started conditioning by myself before making the decision to do track because the season had just started and I didn’t want to look bent out of shape.
I had never ran anything past 3 miles at once, that was a new problem for me and track season was right around the corner so terrified I’d go into track season “out of shape,” I out of nowhere ran 13.2 miles to prove to myself I could do it and nothing could hold me back and if I wanted to be a distance runner I could be a distance runner.
So the following day I told the track coach I was running track, I had already known the track coach before telling him I’d run for him, he was my English teacher and I beyond respected him as a person, his life story inspired me to be myself more.
When I started going to practices for track I had knew one of the guys on the team so it was easy to get along with him, the rest I had not of known that well. I went through training with them until the first track meet of the year, up until that point I was getting destroyed at these practices, I had felt so undertrained and underdeveloped than everyone else on the team.
I had a chip on my shoulder all through that season because of it, before the first meet of the year I had gotten pretty close to the team and had felt at ease with everyone on there, I felt the team dynamic, it was there, it was just about getting that first official race out of the way.
My first ever track debut was the open 800, my first time ever running it I ran 2:23, which was a faster time than 2 of the guys I sought out as “competition” on our distance team, it was a friendly competition, but deep down I knew I wanted to beat them.
I was overzealous with the fact they had all that training, I wanted to show that I could still get to their level if not better by just putting myself out there. Although 2:23 is not the best of time for the 800, it got me somewhere and gave me hope I could be a distance runner.
I had also ran the DMR that meet with 3 other guys, we was at a small open meet and had placed second overall and set our school record for the DMR, and funny enough I had PR’d my 800 again that day too! I ran 2:22 as my split for the DMR.
And better yet also that day the track team as a whole had scored high enough to win! So my first meet was stellar, we won overall as a team and I was a part of the DMR school record at the time! That first meet really solidified me wanting to be a runner.
A couple meets later I got my chance at the open 1600, this was the event I was most excited to run. I was also slotted for the 4x8 every single track meet, which was always before the 1600, but I never really enjoyed the 4x8 as much as the 1600, as much as I liked running as a team it always held me back from running what I wanted in the 1600.
With that being said I had finally ran the 1600 and I ran it right after the 4x8, I ran 5:19 and I made it my goal after that to break 5 minutes in the 1600. Man that goal ate at my conscience the whole rest of the season.
A couple meets go by and I have the 1600 to be ran again, I ran a horrible time if I remember correctly I had ran 5:28 or something, very awful race. But nevertheless that was the first race my mom had seen and I was extremely happy for that.
During the track season I had absolutely no family support whatsoever, my mom coming to that meet meant the world to me.
After dealing with that awful attempt in the 1600, a week goes by and I’m back on the track for another shot at the 1600, and it was the best chance I had in breaking 5 minutes if I wanted to do it.
I had run 4x8 the day before because the meet got split into two days and the 1600 was on the next day so I would get to run it semi fresh! Although still sore from the 800 the day prior it was the best chance I had to run a PR, and I had also changed my race strategy this time around.
Before this race had started I always went out conservative for the 1600 because that’s what two of the other teammates had done on the team, soon came to realize copying their race strategy and listening to them on how I should race was maybe not the best idea.
When I heard that gun go off for the 1600 that day I took off blazing, running as fast as I could just trying my absolute hardest. I had ran 5:07 that day and that was my best 1600 at that point and I had PR’d by a huge margin.
I was extremely happy I ran that time, I had one more chance to break 5 minutes in the 1600 after that meet, that next attempt was at regionals.
11 days out from the race I had almost gotten suspended for walking out of school. I was never the best kid in school, I never really cared about anything, at that point in time the only thing I cared about was track.
I say “almost” gotten suspended because they gave me in-school suspension for 10 days due to the track coach helping me out and me being honest about my wrongdoings, if I would’ve gotten suspended I would’ve been out for regionals, I would’ve hated myself if that happened, I got lucky with getting in-school suspension.
Spending every day in in-school suspension before the race got to me, I hated the person I was, I always fell victim to being just overall a bad student.
And me being a bad student could’ve possibly led to the only thing I was passionate about at the time being nonexistent, because if I was suspended I couldn’t race regionals and my season would’ve been over.
I told myself while I was in in-school suspension for those 10 days that I would turn my life around academically and stop being this bad kid, and after 10 days of hating my life decisions I was finally out of in-school suspension and funny enough the day I got out was the day I had the regional meet.
My first race that day was the 4x8, we had a shot to place and go to states that day for the 4x8 as a team.
But something was different this time with running the 4x8 this meet. I was the anchor, never once had I been the anchor before, I always started off for the 4x8, I was told I was starting before the meet and then they changed it last second.
The pressure sunk in bad that I was the anchor, when the third leg went to hand off the baton I had messed up the grab and wasted some time. I looked like a fool, and we was in third place when I got the baton, we were state bound… when I came through that finish line we placed fourth, I had let the other team pass me, I blew our chances to make state that year for the 4x8, that killed me mentally.
I had knew I messed up the handoff and I just couldn’t keep up with the guy who ended up snagging third place for his team. I felt like I had let the 4x8 team down, I mean we missed by one placement and I let our shot at state run away.
Nevertheless I had one more race that day… the 1600, my last shot to break 5 minutes in the 1600, I ran 5:10 and my season was over.
Overall as much as I beat myself up after every single race because I didn’t think I raced good enough, I had a good first track season and I couldn’t be happier looking back on the times I ran and the experience and overall happiness the sport has brung me.
Track made me feel like I had purpose, running after that was something I always fell back on. Running could be my future and I didn’t want to waste any potential I had.
So after track season I made it my commitment to keep running. And you know you probably aren’t gonna have much of a career with running if you can’t run…
I did not have good grades my sophomore year, I hung on most of the last semester with all D’s pretty much, the fact I had a 2.0 from the last semester to run track was a surprise. But for the second semester I did not have a 2.0, I had a 1.6 GPA, if I didn’t get my grades up I wouldn’t be able to run cross the following school year.
So I had to get to work, and you know it’s kind of hard for teachers to trust you when you spent the whole time not doing their work and skipping their classes.
So when I went through asking all my teachers for anything I could do to get my grade up I had to be brutally honest with all the wrongdoings I had done as a student.
I was honest with all my teachers and told them I wasn’t proud that I skipped their classes, I had walked out of school not to go to their class, I would sit in there and not do anything all year.
I was fully aware I wasn’t a good student, in spite of telling my teachers this they worked with me to get my GPA up.
And another thing is every teacher who helped me get my GPA up sought out potential in me. They knew with me owning up to everything I did wrong I would change my ways for the better and I’ll never forget the opportunity every single one of my teachers that helped me get my GPA up gave me.
I remember one moment the most with my art teacher, I had skipped his class the most and he had every right in the world to get me in trouble multiple times throughout the year and he didn’t. He never reported me to the office, and I told him I skipped his class the most and I was incredibly blessed that he let me turn in missing work in spite of me being a god awful student.
After I had worked with my teachers with my grades I finally had a 2.0 for the second semester of my sophomore year, I could run cross country the following school year!
There was 2 more weeks left of school, I had no work that was missing that I was allowed to turn in, all I had was my finals, last two weeks was pretty amazing for me, I had turned most of my motives around, I was an athlete, I wanted to be a good student.
Overall I was going through the best change in my life.
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I am now close to my sophomore year in college, i didn't come to college to run like I wanted to so badly my sophomore year of high school. but it's okay I am here regardless and if you would've told me 4 years ago I would be in college at all I wouldn't believe you because id be so consumed with self doubt and self hatred and tell you i'm too stupid or shy to handle being at a university. its nice looking back on what made me who I am today this was a pivotal time in my life running made me realize I don't have to doubt myself 24/7. even if hard I can catch up to everyone else no matter how behind I feel sometimes my grit and strength can lead me to places I never even thought were possible before.
I wish I could reflect more but i've been lost with words as of late . i feel myself shaping into who I am supposed to be though. coming to college to me meant leaving behind a lot of things that tore me apart but on the other hand I found a lot of peace in the pain somedays it really let me know who I am as a person more than ever.
in spite of the neglect I made it to today I am proud of myself but I feel like i'm now building foundation that should of already been there but its okay it will all work out. it always does and it always will work out and when it doesn't ill figure it out. I want to be happy and I want to help others be happy and that is my passion it always has been and it always will be.
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