wild thing.

“That’s not what i meant”  He said, his teeth suddenly gritted. He spoke lowly, though audibly.  He raised his gaze and fixed on Gab’s own eyes,  his dark hues narrowing ever so slightly. “I never said that you have it better than me.” He thought better of telling her that he had been home during his week away. That his father had given him one last chance to come back, and honestly, he didn’t remember much of the visit, possibly because his father had once again used the imperious curse on him, and god only knows what he had made him do.   Sirius didn’t want sympathy from anyone, he didn’t even know how to tell Remus or James, never mind Gabs.  He breathed in deeply, though his gaze never faltered.   “I’m not worried.  I’m heart broken.”   He finally said.  “And i’m not feeling sorry for myself, but for Andi and Regulus who have all this to come, who don’t understand the first thing about what my father is capable of.”  He spoke calmly and low, never raising his voice.  “I couldn’t care less if they don’t want me, I don’t want them.   I just don’t want them to hurt my brother or Andi.  I’m not ungrateful, I just don’t want any of it.”

Perhaps it was lost in translation, but Gabriella pressed her lips together when Sirius spoke, because to her, it did sound like despite the fact that the potters happily took him in, he was looking back to a family that put him through hell. “Andi and Regulus can take care of themselves. Andi more likely, but Regulus is smart. Yes, he’ll have a little hell, but give him a bit more credit, yeah? Worrying about them is nice and all, but you had it the worst and you got out, no one else in that family is going to get it worst than you had. So..” Gabriella shrugged, “whatever, spend christmas with them or don’t, either way, do whatever you want.”

“Well y’know, I could be your beard if you never find a man….well not ‘beard’ as in….”he trailed off and laughed softly aloud to himself.  “…y’know what i mean, i’m sure you will….marry”  Sirius usually wore a smile on his lips, and it normally only faltered, if briefly when he was upset or hurt and trying to hide it.  He shuffled his feet, as his gaze fell to the floor.  “No, but thats easy for you to say…”  He muttered softly, his eyes still fixed on the floor.  “… Christmas is meant to be about family, what can you do when you don’t have one?   ….Not a real one.  And your only option is to impose on someone else’s… I don’t really mind….. i’m not…. I sound like a broken record”  He trailed off, a feeling of sadness panging in his chest.  He never expected anybody to understand anyway.  Blinking away what might have been tears, he breathed in deeply before laughing softly once more.  His gaze slowly raising to finally meet hers again.  “I’d like to…. if it’s alright…… and as for the Noble house of Black, I doubt they recognise me as a member, so I think you are safe” 

“Ugh..” Gabriella groaned softly when he rambled on, reminding her about her possible lack of status in the future and how she’d possibly have to resort to him pretending for her. "oh, that’s so easy for me to say? because i’ve got it far better than you?” she narrowed her eyes at him, stopping in her tracks. Gabriella was precisely in Sirius’ previous position, but there she didn’t want to make Sirius’ headache about herself, “then you move on!” Gabriella looked at him, "last time I checked, kids who get thrown out of their families don’t usually have other, possibly better families ready at a moment’s notice to accept them with open arms, so this ridiculous privilege you’re displaying is foremost insulting their kindness, otherwise, stop being so ungrateful, will you? and just say thank you the potters with a nice Bordeaux. Besides, it’s been over a year, I can’t imagine why you’re so worried about this now. Soon you’ll be out in the world making your own way, it’s not forever.”

Running a hand through his dark hair, a soft smile formed on Sirius’ features and slowly his gaze raised back up to meet hers.  “I know that they do, and yeah I as i say, i do always feel welcome, it’s just y’know…. i always have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I’m overstepping or….”  He broke off as his smile faltered ever so slightly.  Taking a deep inhale of breath. “…intruding”  He finally said.  He had never really felt at home anywhere, but the Potters did come close, they always welcomed him, in a way that his own family never remotely did.  Deciding not to ponder on it, as it was beginning to bother him, his smile finally resurfaced. “Yeah, that would be cool.  Mix it up alittle bit…. I’d love to meet her again”

“I mean..” Gabriella thought it was only fair to be truthful with him, “you do live there now, and they wouldn’t have taken you in if you were going to be an imposition, you have got to stop overthinking that,” Gabriella advised, “and it’s a great responsibility to take someone into their home and they chose to accept that and are willing to be there for you in a way you’ve never had. Only dummies ever question when fortunate things fall onto their laps, are you a dummy, Sirius? ” She rose her eyebrows. “I’m sure she’d like to see you, but that’s only if you’re comfortable with the influx of questions about our non-existent wedding, which I’m against, I can’t be seen with the shunned member of the noble house of Black,” she nudged her arm against his, obviously teasing. It’d been a year since Sirius was asked to leave his house, she wondered why he was so hung up on it, especially when the environment was far better, she was sure. 

txlkxlot:

There was no light to be made of that in reference to emma’s ‘better than acid’ remark, “why would I taste acid?” gabriella chuckled with a furrow of her brows” .. “I can’t say I’m upset at them either, because deep down, I knew where they stood and i thought I could sway them,” she shook her head, “but it feels quite freeing doing whatever I want, honestly. I don’t hate it.” Gabriella nodded, “oh, sure.” gabriella froze, unable to look anywhere but forward, “well, i think you’ve done it, vanity..” was all gabriella could push out, “guess you win this one too,”  that is, if he likes you enough to have sex with you and you’ve got these awfully specific feelings for him, it’s only safe to assume he’s reciprocating them, right?” she ran her fingers through her hair, lowering her head, quietly beating herself up for having the sick dream that she ever truly stood a chance against emma, first it was quidditch, now it was james. it seemed emma was collecting everything she desired. “i wasn’t nearly drunk enough for that..” she sighed.

“never mind… it was stupid.” she muttered softly. “i know how you feel. you think that maybe, just maybe it’ll be different with you in their lives but it never is. it never is.” she ran a hand through her hair as she listened to gabby speak. “you should do more of that… well minus throwing people round the great hall.” emma knew she probably shouldn’t have referenced their last official meeting but it was too late. “it’s never been about winning, gabby. none of this has been about beating you. it’s been about me going after what i want.” she let out a frustrated sigh. “so i take it you’ve had these awfully specific feelings then too? i don’t know what’s going through his mind but i like him. more than i should and more than i’ve liked anyone and well, i at least know he feels something for me but i don’t know what you two have talked about or what’s even gone on.” she paused, biting her lip nervously. “i don’t think i was either.”

Gabriella held back her comment about the blonde’s pointless remark. Make no mistake, though Gabriella found herself in a rarely amiable mood towards Vanity, the devil that sat on her shoulder pranced about. “why now? throwing people around sends a message,” she smirked to herself. “Don’t fucking give me that ‘it’s not about winning’ bullshit because there’s no way that we have that much in common where we find ourselves wanting the same things, it’s unlikely and I’m not stupid. so if you don’t want this,” she gestured around them, referencing to the rarely peaceful atmosphere between them, “to end badly, then don’t give me that self-righteous speech about how ‘it’s not about winning’ or that ‘we’re both winners in our own way’ it’s crap. I go for what I want too, I bust my ass and somehow you’re always there--always,” gabby stressed. “Always pushing me out to get a foot up,” she remarked, memories running straight to their last quidditch encounter, “well, I’m not getting into a tiff about this again, ‘m just glad I’m graduating because I can’t imagine i’ll survive another year of this fuckery, this has easily been the worst year of my life,” she took another long drink from the bottle. “Obviously,” Gabriella sighed, shuttering from the firewhiskey. Every word from Emma about her experiences with James were just more and more painful and she could feel the physical pain, not only in her chest but running through her arms and to the palms of her hands. The brunette closed her eyes, willing tears away while she exercised her hands in hopes of getting rid of the pain, but it only kept coming. “well, i’m not in the mood to go up against you about matters like this,” she got up, to sit on the couch this time, her leg tucked beneath her her head low and her hair, pushed to one side drawing a curtain between her and her rival. “and he likes you, thinks you’re charming and is taken quite off guard by all of it,” she didn’t know why she was revealing this much to emma, but subconsciously, gabriella knew defeat when she was faced with one and it was all too familiar, but somehow this hurt far more than any. 

James nodded, fighting off the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn’t that he minded having others talk to him about his feelings, but it was more about him not understanding what she could have ever seen in someone so snobbish. “Yeah, it’s easy to think that when you are in love.” He said, remembering how he had once thought he was in love, except now he wasn’t sure what that was anymore. “To me he just looked like someone who definitely did not deserve you.” James chuckled along before drinking up the shot he had served himself earlier. “I can’t agree with that seeing as I’ve never had that problem and them too huh? Well-” he drastically stopped himself short, trying to make sense of what she had said about Rodolphus and Emma. Whatever sensation took over him was something he had only felt once before, like the deepest kind of disappointment that makes your heart sink into your stomach. James felt his cheeks burn, unsure if it was anger or something else, so he reached out of the firewhiskey bottle and took a long sip from it. It’s bitter and burning taste matching up whatever he was feeling on the inside. “Woah,” he said with a slight shake of his head as he put the bottle back down, forcing out a smile once more. “That was fun, and honestly I’m glad you’ve become your own person, it’s good. No need to follow men like Lestrange really.” The things was feeling were still building up inside of him and he did nothing but reject it and bottle it up, preferring to deal with all of it later, alone. “Okay, fine, I’m not perfect. I’ll even daresay I’m a bloody idiot, but I’ll make up for it, yeah?” He grinned at her, shaking his head a bit. “If I continue I might not stop and drunk me isn’t always coherent, are you prepared for that?”

“That...wasn’t love,” Gabriella nearly choked on her shot, “that was just me hoping to god for a way out, but i don’t think i was in love with him, just the idea, of course, like any other cliché who’s too blind to see what’s happening in front of her,” she laughed at herself, “but ugh, he is awful, isn’t  he? that asshole...could probably make a nun swear just by the looks of him,” she laughed out loud. Taking a doubtful look at James, she rolled her eyes at him, “ugh..you didn’t have to say that, but thank you, i needed it,” she gently nudged her arm against his. Looking up at him when he cut himself off, she connected the dots about the way he described his feelings for emma at the dance and it made a bit of sense, either way gabriella noted it and didn’t at all stop him when he chocked down the firewhiskey. Gabriella simply nodded when he spoke about the Lestrange family, “glad you feel that way, you seemed a bit put out for a second, there,” she rose her eyebrows, taking another shot, moaning softly and nodding along, “no--yeah, you are an idiot,” she smiled to herself, keeping her eyes low and pouring another row of shots, “you’ll make up for it? oh god, we’ll see about that,” she shook her head, her smile present. “Oh potter, I don’t need you to stop,” she smirked.

“vinegar’s better than acid i suppose.” she said with a sigh. “i think you’re right. if they’re not miserable they’re working together to make the rest of us miserable and i’m just over all that and figure you are too.” emma finished off her drink as she listened to gabriella carry on. it was weird, being this close and the two not fighting. “that seems as good an outlook as any. and i suppose that’s what growing up is like, figuring out who genuinely cares for you.” at gabby’s comment, she grinned. “you think?” however, at gabby’s question, emma’s brows furrowed. “erm… yes. it’s kind of what the prior relationship was based on.”

There was no light to be made of that in reference to emma’s ‘better than acid’ remark, “why would I taste acid?” gabriella chuckled with a furrow of her brows” .. “I can’t say I’m upset at them either, because deep down, I knew where they stood and i thought I could sway them,” she shook her head, “but it feels quite freeing doing whatever I want, honestly. I don’t hate it.” Gabriella nodded, “oh, sure.” gabriella froze, unable to look anywhere but forward, “well, i think you’ve done it, vanity..” was all gabriella could push out, “guess you win this one too,”  that is, if he likes you enough to have sex with you and you’ve got these awfully specific feelings for him, it’s only safe to assume he’s reciprocating them, right?” she ran her fingers through her hair, lowering her head, quietly beating herself up for having the sick dream that she ever truly stood a chance against emma, first it was quidditch, now it was james. it seemed emma was collecting everything she desired. “i wasn’t nearly drunk enough for that..” she sighed.

Sirius frowned ever so slightly, showing the vaguest hint of concern in his eyes as his gaze lifted to meet Gab’s.   “Is everything alright?”  He asked casually, blinking away his frown as soon as he felt it weave its way onto his forehead.  Shrugging lightly, Sirius breathed in deeply, though softly as his eyes fell away from hers and to the floor. “I duno, sometimes i feel like i’m intruding or something, y’know.  Not that they don’t make me feel very welcome…it’s just….well it’s Christmas…. and I don’t wanna get in the way.”

Gabriella wanted to tell him, god, did she want to tell him, but Sirius and James were friends, and regardless that she and Sirius spent basically their entire lives together, she snapped out of her gaze and rose her eyebrows, attempting to sound as normal as possible, “no, yeah..” she replied, “everything’s fine, love, don’t you worry about me,” she chuckled softly. “I’m sorry you feel that way, i know they adore having you, how could they not, eh?” she teased, gently bumping her shoulder against his, “you do have the option of spending two or three days with them, if you’d like, we can head out together if you’d like. I know my yaya would like to see you,” she offered. 

Lily smiled and waved the girl off. “I know, I know. I figured that out in fourth year. The Head Girl that year was a complete mess. Before then I just absently worshiped the ground they walked on.” Lily shrugged, laughing at her own expense. That wasn’t completely true, but she had wanted to be Head Girl ever since she learned what that meant regardless.

All this talk about being Head Girl and Gabriella still didn’t see the appeal. “Well, at least you’re in the power position--I would as what Head Girl does, but I can’t imagine that I want to know the title alone makes me want to head to the common room and rest.”

Lily made a face like she was impressed with the suggestion. “That could work.” She looked back down at her paper where she had already written and rewritten the same things, but perhaps saying them out loud would make the difference. “Thanks.” She laughed quietly and shook her head. “Here I always thought Head Girls were supposed to be all-knowing and effortlessly acing their way through school.” Lily made a noise, disagreeing with her own statement. “This one isn’t, anyway. That much I can promise you.”

“Works for me,” she shrugged, “don’t mention it.” She listened to Lily’s opinion, raising her eyebrows, “being Head Girl doesn’t mean you have to be a genius, you’re only human, after all, don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself, it’s not worth it,” she shook her head. “Anyway, I guess..great, hopefully your studies go a bit better. If you need anything, let a professor or a friend know,” she teased.

“I like the cold,” Lily remarked, unfazed by the sudden appearance of the girl above her. She was seated on a blanket to keep her trousers from getting wet. Her muggle upbringing often made her forget to use magic in cases as simple as staying warm in such harsh weather. The notion didn’t bother her, the striking iciness against skin that almost matched the blanketed ground was reaffirming. She was human after all. Lily glanced up, red eyebrows knitted together in the middle. “It’s ridiculous, really. I have a photographic memory. If I crammed, I could easily ace the test. The issue with that is I’ll forget every bit of it as soon as I hand in the parchment.” She heaved a sigh through her mouth, feeling the temporary warmth of her breath on her frozen nose. “I’m a doomed lady for actually wanting to retain the information before being tried on it.”

“Perhaps it’s a good idea you used that photographic memory, speak the material out loud and write it out at the same time. I know it might sound a bit like acrobatics, but you’ve touched most of the senses in your brain to help memorize the material,” she said, “otherwise, you really are doomed.”

James held her hand and led her to the Three Broomsticks, opening the door for the two of them before sitting down in table almost all the way in the back. “No need to thank me me,” he smiled, “I would really do it any time… and if my opinion matters at all right now, which I’m convinced it should, you really did good on missing out on all that.” He said honestly. Of course his own opinion was based on the idea of seeing set up betrothals as something of the last century, but somehow that afternoon he came to understand how much it meant to some. “Why would you say that? I didn’t see anything special on her other than a snobbish attitude and a decent hair style.” He shook his head at the comment of the pregnancy, that was something he had really missed. “You can’t honestly be so upset over no being in her shoes right now, besides I-” Oh there it was, she hadn’t just let go of that as easily as he though. He sighed, leaning back on the chair as he tapped his fingers on the table, a habit he had whenever his mind worked up something to say when caught off guard. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Gabriella. I just wanted to avoid unnecessary interactions.” It felt like he had apologized for doing that a lot lately, just hurting people feelings without intending to was something he was getting good at. A sigh escaped him as he poured more firewhiskey into both of their shot glasses and then pushed hers towards her. “I’m sorry.”

She appreciated James not agreeing, but she shook her head and closed her eyes, James’ tone helping her come to her senses, “I know, it’s just--he was really nice, we were good together,” she shrugged, looking at him, wiping her face dry, “it’s alright, though, because he seems like a tosspot now, doesn’t he?” She laughed softly, “it’s only the fact that she was such a close friend once, you know? You never see it coming, but it seems that’s all friends are good for anymore,” she spoke softly, running her fingers through her hair, pushing her tresses from her face, “that Rodolphus had the nerve to spout his crap about us being loyal and us being friends, when he went and carried on fucking Vanity wherever he could when he bloody knows how I feel about her,” she looked at James, “’t’s why I stayed away from you for so long, he doesn’t like you much, but I do and I do what I want now,” she nodded, “but I suppose I’m just upset over the hypocrisy of it,” she admitted, looking away and taking a deep breath, finishing off more than half the bottle of the firewhiskey by now. “Unnecessary interactions? Like your mates taking the mickey out of you for being out with me, yeah? ‘m not stupid..and i’m not mad either..” she said casually, “I thought you were different,” she looked to him before laughing to show she wasn’t being serious about that last part, pouring a line of shots, “are you really going to make me drink alone, chocolate mint monster?”

“it’s weird… hearing you say that.” she said with a laugh. “and yeah, two. it’s what happens when you’re not sacred 28 and your parents don’t do well at parties.”  emma stated, busying herself with her glass before turning towards gabby. “and to think that’s to be our lot in life. but i’m glad none of them worked out either, you deserve much better.” her gaze was on the glass as she said it, not wanting to look gabriella in the eye. “james and i… i’m not exactly sure how to describe it. i like him, really like him. something i didn’t think possible. at first it was meaningless. just a way to blow off steam and then at some point… it changed. i don’t know what or how but he’s got me and he’s got me good.” she let out a groan. “i feel like we’re 13 again.”

“believe me, it tastes like vinegar coming out of my mouth,” she laughed softly.  Raising her head towards Emma, Gabriella kept her eyes low and away from the blonde. “I think it’s best we leave the Sacred 28 be miserable within themselves, I love Bella and Narcissa, I do, but...” she shook her head, “it’s impossible to put any trust in them,” she lowered her gaze, “you grow up with the lot of them, they treat you like family and vice versa only to find out they’ll keep their loyalty to each other and not to me...and I feel so dumb for being so loyal. So, if they don’t care...nor do i,” she finally looked up at emma and nodded, “and i think the same. you deserve better than us--them,” she shook her head at herself. Running her fingers through her hair, Gabriella listened to Emma speak about James and she rose her eyebrows, she could relate before she rose her eyebrows in realization as Emma spoke, “hang on..you two ‘ve had sex?”