Two Jackals in a Trench Coat

Ok! Shaving my legs for the first time in like.. 7 years? Wait no, that's breaking mirrors. Well it's been a number of years, that's the point. And somehow, this epic task has brought me multiple posts worth of social media content, so buckle up I guess.

First, I had to buy a razor.

Look, yes, I do sometimes shave my underarms because I just honestly feel icky when it gets long, though admittedly those shaves are still few and far between. So I had a razor.

Sort of.

What I had was a razor that was easily 8+ years old, and when I inherited it, it had already been used into oblivion by my husband.

That's my emotional support razor, I don't know what to tell you.

All I know is that having a dull-ass razor, which some people will lead you to believe is (air quotes) "unsafe", was actually fantastic, since I don't have to worry about cutting myself or getting razor burn, I just re-shave the same area 20 times until I get all the hair, and zero irritation because it's a bit like hair removal with a butter knife.

But it worked.

However, I recognize that after all these years... it was probably time? Eh, not really, look I work 100% remotely now and to keep my car battery from death, I need to drive that sucker once a week, so each week I come up with some new trinket I need to buy at Walmart. It's keeping it going, what can I say.

So yes, I went out to Walmart, the home of "everything you need and a lot of stuff you don't but you're gonna buy it anyway", and I was shocked to find that things have changed apparently in a decade.

When did we start locking up razors in cabinets or, in my case, locked onto the metal rods by serious-looking end pieces that I can only presume require a magic wand from a Store Associate to release.

I... am 44 years old, I do not want to ask for help selecting my razor? I couldn't even see the backs of the packages to know all the strange and wild benefits my new razor would have, what am I supposed to do, adopt a store associate for the next 20 minutes to unlock and re-lock these bad boys over and over again, particularly when I forget what I just read on that last one, yeah can you.. yeah just unlock that one again... thaaaanks...

So to avoid that ^ unfortunate scenario, I ended up with this awful pink nightmare of a razor (not my first choice of colors to say the least), and why was that?

It was the only one that wasn't locked up folks, so that's the one I picked.

Listen. There's a lot of shit you can steal in a walmart, probably stuff more expensive than a $13 razor package.

Why are we locking up the razors.

Why.

WHY

First up: Gemini, coming in with the confidence of a seasoned politician. It boldly declares that the answer is KALE, which would be great if "kale" had five letters. (It doesn't. It has four. This isn't a debate.) And Gemini proceeds to double-down on this answer with all-caps intensity and even additional context, like it's filibustering its own logic. Bold. Wrong. Boldly wrong. Maybe AI isn't suited for everything, but it has already entered the playing field with the vigor and general accuracy of an election campaign, so I guess there's that. Meanwhile, there's ChatGPT, which takes us on a bizarre little head-space journey. It states “A 5-letter green in the mustard family is arugula!" which at first glance looks just as bad if not worse than Gemini, except in a plot twist, immediately corrects itself like a magician revealing the trick halfway through the act. "Oh ho ho! Just kidding. The correct 5-letter answer is cress." or, "I meant to be wrong. See? It's part of my charm!" (But y'all, what even is cress, honestly...) So, am I being gaslit by AI? Because suddenly I was second-guessing how many letters were really in kale! I sat there like a 5 year old, counting on my fingers, though I think I looked more like a raccoon doing math in a garbage can. K-A-L-E ... four. Still four. Has always been four. Meanwhile, Gemini is confidently bursting through the curtains shouting "FIVE!", and ChatGPT is stage-whispering "...wait, no, it's cress. CRESS. You didn't see that first part." These aren't the droids I was looking for.

Wait... wait.

Didn't we just say 3 days ago we were giving "2 weeks" for negotiations?

What the fuck happened to that?

What the fuck is this?

What the fuck is anyone doing anymore?

Y'all, IRAN DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. We are punishing thought crimes, or worse: the THOUGHT of thought crimes, that we think they could, at some point in the future, have a thought, to do a bad thing, with technology they don't even have yet. The possibility Iran might someday think about doing something with tech they don't even have yet.

That's wild.

That's criminal.

Is the "imminent threat" in the room with us, Mr. President?

Look: I am not saying Iran doesn't have problems (doesn't every country? *coughs*Murica*coughs*). I am saying however that we cannot punish the 'possibility of a possibility of possibility' because that makes no fucking sense.

It's not. even. your. war. America.

I quote a lot from Conference of the Books (The Search for Beauty in Islam) by Khaled Abou El Fadl, and today I explained to someone else who is thinking of converting why I consider this an essential read for anyone coming to Islam (or frankly anyone who is already here as well).

The reason may sound harsh, but it is both honest, and important.

After you convert, or maybe it is already true, you are going to find yourself in a world of very outspoken, bad actors. There are so many bad Islamic actors out there that some days I think they outnumber the good ones. Some of the things I hear loud, outspoken voices say in the 'popular Muslim' streams are absolutely wild, and it is very easy to get caught up in the false religion of 'what is popular amongst man' vs. the true religion of God.

Conference of the Books was integral to helping center me. It helped me overcome a lot of the struggles I had coming to Islam in the first place 15 years ago, and it helped bring me back to Islam when I wandered, more than any other book aside from the Qur'an itself.

At its core, it is literally a book about understanding the search for God is synonymous with the search for beauty (and vice versa), and what is ugly (and you will encounter a lot of ugly, apologies in advance) is not God. And we all need to remember this so much.

It's one of the main books that keeps me grounded in the modern world of Islam, and I hope it can be cherished by others as well.

We suffer confusion and so we seek the libations of comfort. Befuddled with ignorance, we crave the intemperance of self-indulgence. In our drunkenness we imagine that we overcame our fears. But every moment of regained sobriety reminds us and terrifies us, and so we dwell further and further into the shelters of ignorance. Until the time comes when the stench of rotted minds mingles with the sweat of addictive fear. Then we discover that what we thought were comforting shelters have become impenetrable dungeons tethering us to ignoble triviality.

~ Conference of the Books (The Search for Beauty in Islam)

I lack any artistic talent, which frustrates me deeply. Despite managing a few rudimentary creations over time, the vast, beautiful ideas in my mind elude proper expression on paper or in Photoshop, intensifying my discontent.

This inability triggers profound feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger, as sometimes words alone fail to convey my thoughts. Consequently, when crafting a blog post, I turn to AI to generate relevant and unique images, aligning with my vision. Although I lack artistic prowess, AI art enables me to articulate the creative concepts swirling in my mind, easing the weight of negative emotions stemming from traditional creative limitations.

For me it is a tool that soothes my brain, and it has an important position in my life as a result.

Someone pointed out that they haven't heard many complaints from artists regarding individuals creating AI art for personal use. Instead, the primary concern seems to be about those who falsely claim ownership or attempt to profit from AI-generated creations.

While I'm uncertain if my personal experience aligns with this observation (as it seems many are quick to criticize anyone dabbling in AI), I do agree with the sentiment. Disputing ownership or seeking financial gain from AI art, which I would never do, goes against my principles.

I wouldn't classify myself as either "pro-AI" or "anti-AI," considering my use of it. I suppose I'm more AI-neutral, although dissenters often categorize anyone not adhering to their specific viewpoint.

I'm not endorsing the questionable origins of AI art source material, as there are significant ethical concerns that must be addressed. Unfortunately, I don't have the solutions readily available.

Similar to my approach to shopping and dining, where I often prioritize my mental health challenges and disabilities over socio-political considerations due to the prevalent flaws in most companies at the end of the day, I utilize tools like AI to cope with those disabilities and improve my daily life.

I don't feel guilty about this.

I don't think I need to, either.

Wishing everyone a glorious and safe Pride season!

"How do I get started with [x-Deity]"?

Let's say you want to invite family or friends over for a get-together. What are the average steps you would go through to make this happen?

First, you'll want to actually invite the people over. They don't know they should be there if you don't extend to them the offer, after all.

Next, you'll probably get your house ready, which may involve various aspects of cleaning or setting the scene.

You'll most likely clean yourself up a bit, clean clothes for example.

You'll be welcoming your guests into your home and offering some level of refreshment, perhaps some entertainment.

You'll be having conversations, asking them about their lives, and answering questions about your own.

Finally, when your gathering has concluded, you'll be greeting everyone on the way out, thanking them for getting together, promising to do it again soon.

Well, I have great news for you. You now have all of the instructions you need to get started with the majority of Deities!

I think sometimes people are a bit confused that there must be a separate, super-secret, uber-magical formula to connecting with a Deity, or with one Deity vs. any other Deity. While all the Gods have different preferences and personalities, the basics are always going to be roughly the same:

Get your space ready

Get yourself ready

Send the invitation (ask the God(s) to join you)

Extend hospitality (offerings, prayer/praise, music, candles, incense, etc.)

Have a conversation: talk about your life, your goals, your needs, your past, your future, anything you want to talk about is on the table. But don't forget to listen as well.

Thank Everyone for their presence, assistance, and wisdom.

Remember while some tools and offerings might be common or seem 'standard' for certain practices, your ritual space doesn’t have to be the same as anyone else’s, nor does it have to be complicated or elaborate.

If it’s just you, an invitation, and a prayer? It’s enough. 

You are enough.

I don't know if it's something about my generation, but I have a lot of trouble joining new Discord servers, particularly if they only have a handful of people -- no matter how interested I am in the subjectmatter.

It's one reason I still live my entire life on Facebook for the most part, or blogs, but Discord is another beast entirely. Just walking through the door, it's like all eyes are on you as most servers happily announce your arrival (ugh I hate it). Then you have to wonder, particularly when you're in a niche environment: How many of these people could I already know? Are my haters already here? What are the expectations, as a new person, in growing this environment? Am I talking too much? Too little? Too weird? That last one is a big thing for me, because I am by definition, weird AF. And I own that.

I don't know if the generations younger than I are simply better suited to walking into rooms full of rando strangers and being fine with that, but it's never been my strong suit, perhaps less based on my birth year and more based on the fact that I am autistic, that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, or that I am utterly and hopelessly an introvert -- at least, until you show even a smidge of shared interest, after which I will info-dump a thousand pounds of knowledge. Immediately. Like right away.

Like right now.

I'm OK to join 'large' Discord servers where there are a plethora of members and I can sort of sneak in the back without really being noticed, take stock of how the server works, what the vibe is, and then, if I'm ready, I can contribute.

But smol servers terrify me.

Yet I want to be there.

But I can't.

Perhaps admitting it is the first step.