My Journey to Eat All of the Chips
Step One: Pick a Brand. It’ll help limit your options to one collection at a time. This keeps things manageable. I go for “Kettle Brand” because the word brand is right in there so there’s no question I’m on the right track, with respect to step one. Also, Kettle don’t play. They aren’t all organic but they are non-GMO Project verified.  I like to call them a “No Funky Stuff” food stuff. Why they don’t use #nofunkystuff, I couldn’t say. I’ve offered it via Twitter. They should listen to me. I’ve given them many hundreds of my dollars.
Step Two: Get People to Listen to You. Chips are something to brag about. People will care, eventually, how many types you try and how many flavors you know. They’ll want to hear about your chip experiences everyday. Even if they don’t ask, tell them. Try lines like “Hey. Did I tell you yet what flavors of chips I like best? No? Great. Well, it depends on... Excuse me? Oh. Yeah. Well, no, we haven’t met before.” It’s a classic ice breaker that gets straight to talking about chips.
Step Three: Find a Sponsor. Like any professional pursuit, there will be costs associated with an ongoing practice. I’m currently sponsored by Nature’s Grace, a natural foods store and lunchery in Honesdale, PA. They have a large selection of chip varietals and are very generous. Multiple times per week I walk in and head directly to one of two designated chip areas. Once there, I seek out “Kettle Brand” chips by name and package color. On the bag is my red sponsorship badge or what some may refer to as an “on sale sticker.” Being sponsored, I’m afforded a sponsorship benefit or “sale price” at checkout. A lot of seemingly regular customers get the sale price too so I must not be the only sponsored professional. Nature’s Grace is very generous.
Step Four: Eat a Whole Bag of Chips in One Sitting, while thinking about the crunch and the taste of the chips inside of your mouth. Eventually, you’ll want to advance your practice by taking many still images of yourself eating chips and re-purposing them into something like a movable GIF or a stop motion video but don’t force things. Always take time to enjoy each chip, even if you put multiple chips into your mouth at once. Then, and only then, pursue advanced techniques.
Step Five: Consider Dips but consult your local dipsman.
