Hot Dad Elf

Miss is a little presumptuous, I’m thinking more along the lines of who else would I be able to put my time into constantly annoying? It’s a nice place, if being in California is your kind of place? Invite me round for that dinner party, I want to be a fly on the wall for that. It was dealt with, but it was horrible at the time and not wanting to leave the house… You don’t know whose out there. And that makes me a sadist? I don’t know, I still think you’re being harsh. Or you’re the real sadist. 

I might actually be offended now if I didn’t enjoy you annoying me so much. Guess I’m the masochist in that relationship, huh? I will do that, you’d love the house. Yeah, I know the feeling. I could deal without security detail keeping an eye on our street. But they’re invisible enough, so you get away with pretending things are fine. For a lack of a better word, obviously. But hey, I’m still here, so I guess you’re doing something right.

Yeah, well, life got in between all that fun. They are, aren’t they just? So good. I’m so happy to have suggested it to people, I’ve seen a lot come and enjoy them. I’m there for a quick dip after a run every other day, actually. Machine? Wait, did I miss something?

Oh, you meant the bike. Well, why don’t we schedule a ride on a good day? We could go somewhere… a day trip. What do you think?

Mmmmm, understandable. But there’s lots of interactive things online, too, right? For you, those kind of learning might be a little easier to explain to him? I was fortunate enough to be able to enjoy the all the scholarly things, so if you need someone to help out for a bit, I could try… if you wanted to. 

I saw the kind of cycling you were doing, you daredevil!

It did. Means we got a lot to catch up with now, though. Sounds like you got the best spa workout planned there for you. We should absolutely do that. I’ll be around for the next few days, how about you? Show me a spot on the map and we can leave.

I’m not really that tech-experienced either, sadly. Once I know what the subject is about and what he needs to know and learn, that I can teach him, it just takes me a while to get there because I’m the slowest reader in the world, and that’s often an obstacle when the group of 20 kids is supposed to quickly go through a text and starting to solve things together. That is very kind of you, Sersi, and I will definitely remember that next time I feel like throwing the damn computer against the wall.

I’m pretty sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.

So I woke up dreaming that my hair was on fire - think Disney’s Hades look! - but when I reached up to check, it was just our cat lying right across my head, like a fluffy hat. How’s your Wednesday so far?

Are you sure your cat is not trying to murder you in your sleep? Those little bastards can be vicious.

Mmm, it’s highly needed, too. Well, it was still winter, when I saw you last time, so you’re easily forgiven. What did you think of the natural pools? I love that they’re smack in the middle of nature. It’s really amazing. Aw, did I just miss a bike ride? Damn, we need to reschedule that. 

Is it that bad, the Zoom school? I mean, I cannot quite imagine how learning via laptop can work, but it could also mean less distractions? But obviously, that’s for older children, not those still learning social interactions. Sounds like you and Katy have your hands full at the moment. 

Yep, far too long. Still miss you, Sersi. The pools are awesome, very relaxing. Yep, you did, but you know where I live. There’s always a machine waiting for you there.

It’s just a lot, both for him and for us. When Miranda isn't around, he has the unfortunate luck of me trying to do the whole homeschooling thing with him and since he’s starting to be able to read faster than I am, that’s often frustrating for both of us. It’s been a little busy lately, but it’s also spring, so we got a lot of hiking and mountainbiking done and that’s always a good balance.

But you aren’t leaving here, right? I know California has the sunshine and everything, but-. Literally living next door to each other too, you’ll need to have a dinner party and invite him around, become best friends.  With the big dick energy? What an image that creates. I’ve been there with the stalking, it’s a really horrible feeling and thing to be dealing with. I must be? What’s wrong with me? Only when it’s over, and over, and over again you’re kind of wondering just how much of a pattern it is - some people are just too prone to fucking up. That’s what I like to hear! You just made up for calling me a sadist. Which I have to disagree with again.

Wait, are you saying you’d miss me? I will write that down for blackmailing purposes. Nah, I’m not going anywhere. Montecito is the main homestead and the non-wifey’s place to work, and the kids have a good social environment there without being too far away from the buzz. But half of the week is still reserved for the farm life here. I mean, I just voiced him for that cartoon, so I imagine I’ll definitely see him around soon. It is. Are you rid of your stalker guy at least? Yep, that’s the pattern I’m trying to avoid. Need to be responsible for the kiddos at least sometimes. Disagree all you want, Miss Swann, you do enjoy seeing me suffer.

It’s so sad that we’re happy with “tried to focus”, and not mad at how they don’t get the film’s main issue at all, at times. I hope it happens. I’m not Roman Catholic, but no matter what, the victims deserve closure, and the perpetrators deserve to be punished. I’m curious what you think of it.

What have you been up to, lately?

That would be the ideal case, yeah, but I’m usually trying to make the best of what I can’t change. And media, sadly, belongs in that category. Absolutely, yeah, it’s a little frightening how powerful the church is especially in this regard. Finished moving all stuff to Montecito and spent lots of time with the kids, mostly. It’s looking like things might be starting to get on track workwise, slowly, so I’m making the best of the time we have now. It will be crazy busy again soon enough.

Yeah, I get that. Home is nice - always. I - LA isn’t my scene, seriously isn’t. It’s too loud and too chaotic for me. I just go in, when I have to work. But if someone likes the buzz, I can imagine it’s nice to be close by, but still have a retreat in a way. Mmm, I can understand that, it’s very out of everyone’s way, if that makes sense. 

Neither can I. Soon, hopefully. They’re still figuring out the safest way to have us in the studios.

It was exciting, for a while, but I think I’m getting too old for L.A. Well, if it helps, I got all my shots in, so ready to go whenever you guys are.

I’m sure it wouldn’t be just that bad. Dude, that sounds like an overall terrible idea and thing to do, holy shit. Don’t do things that could end up with you dying, alright?

We had the horses first, then added the goats before the chickens. But really the goats are the most hilarious to watch daily. We did just add a kitten to the whole mix and the goats are incredibly curious about the little one.

You haven’t seen me cranky about my back yet, believe me, you don’t want to. Also, the daily yoga and pilates stuff I need to do to keep my vertebras where they belong would probably be a challenge in a tour bus. Yes, I’m officially old. But where’s the adrenaline in that?

Sounds like you’re about to grew more. Oh dear, kittens are first and foremost a ton of work, from what I found. But they do make up for it with cuteness.

Moving?! Actually, I think I heard something about it - isn’t Prince Harry pretty much your next door neighbour there or something? Media fuckups, you know, in the nicest way possible, I don’t know why somebody hasn’t put a sock in it for you yet. Relax, relax, I like teasing and seeing you scramble. Having cocktails without alcohol feels a tiny bit of a waste. 

Yeah, getting away from the city and into a somewhat more quiet place. Better for the kiddos. Exactly, that makes us the two British people most hated by the media right now in one place. We could light the whole city with all that dick energy. Anyway, it’s a good place. We still got my non-wifey’s crazy stalker on our asses but at least there’s less people. Wait, are you sick? When did you start being so nice? I’m kidding. Sometimes I guess it’s not bad to have people tell you when you fuck up. Hopefully keeps you from doing it again. Sadist, I will gladly repeat it. Fine, first round of cocktails is on me.

Oh, then you could fall asleep perfectly fine on tour. You’re constantly tired, and I have to admit probably a little buzzed all the time too. Or, you know, most of the time at least. Climbing a roof? I’ll go ahead here and tell you that sounds like a terrible idea in the first place. Goats are something for sure. They come up with the craziest ideas to be more chaotic every day.

Yeah, but you’d have to pry me from that bed with an icecream scoop the next day and hospitalize me, and the fun would be over pretty quickly. Oh, teenage me thought it was hilarious until it wasn’t. Almost dying and being paralyzed for days gives you a whole new perspective on life, let me tell you. At least they give you a laugh every day too, right? I have my hands full with my horses and chickens, but who knows. Maybe I’ll need to add some goats one day. They really sound like fun.

I think it’s either once you reach a certain level of tiredness. But you did what, break a few bones in your back? How the hell does one do that? Farm life is great, it’s something new every day. I think the goats are determined to give me an actual heart attack one of these days. I don’t wanna say normal, because it’s just gonna be a new kind of normal I feel like, but it’s.. we started being carefully optimistic and it’s slowly turning to be feeling optimistic.

Yeah, falling asleep would probably not be the problem when I’m tired or drunk enough. Just getting up again the next day. Eh, gravity and me had a little disagreement when I climbed a roof. Goats are very imaginative, I hear. Definitely never gets boring. A new kind of normal covers quite well, I think.