Say what?

Why do you still have a hold on me? 😔Akala ko I'm doing good at moving on. Akala ko I'm feeling better. Pero two nights ago I found myself crying for the same reason. Two nights ago I started having fever, I started vomiting. I didn't know what to do all I know is I wanted to call you. I just needed someone to be there for me at ikaw pa rin yung nasa isip ko. 😥 Yung feeling ko unti-unti na akong nakakarecover pero just one thought of you napaisip ako ulit "What did I do wrong?" "Bakit napagod ka at bigla na lang hindi naging masaya?" Bakit nandito pa rin ako? Kailangan na talaga kitang kalimutan. I should let go of you which will mean letting go of the pain and memories as well. This will be the last time I'll be crying over you. Mahal pa rin kita at sobrang sakit na. 😞

One day I will be able to think of you without getting sad anymore. I will be able to look at you without getting hurt anymore. I will be able to talk to you and not missing you anymore. Even though we did not end up together, even though we did not end up well, please know that I am not angry. Please know that I’m sorry for everything. I hope one day I will be able to know the answers to my questions “Why are you mad at me? Why do you hate me so much?” And I hope one day we will meet again, we will talk again with the new version of ourselves and we will remain as good friends.

I am just simple but I have flaws. I have lots of them. But I know there will be a person who will understand me, who will accept me, who will love me completely. I hope there will be a person who will not give up on me.

I hope the if the next one comes he will love me unconditionally and will accept for who I am especially my flaws. I hope he will not leave me every night thinking if I'm hard to love, if I'm not worthy to be loved. I hope when then next one comes, he will treat me with respect in every way. Because I'm that kind of person. Because when I choose to love a person I don't just love the good parts, I choose to love the bad parts too. And I will stay. No matter how hard it could be. I will stay. I think that's the reason why It's so painful when people choose to leave me.

I still miss you. I still think of you when I wake up in the morning. 😞