twentysomething love

I welcome the New Year with expectant hope, anticipation, and focus. I read the other day that there is “nothing magical about January 1”.   I beg to differ.  I love that date probably more than Christmas.  January, being the beginning of the calendar year, and the number 1, being the beginning of the numeral system, has great meaning to it.

It means there is a fresh start, no matter the year – January 1 means ‘Begin again; restart.’

I’ve got a blog bursting at the seams ready to become something healing, something whimsy, and something worth reading. 

I’ve got health goals that are going to set me up for a lifetime of running a race I was made to run with zealousness, and ambition.

I’ve got financial responsibilities to attend to, paving the way for a future of freedom.

I’ve got dreams to write more, listen more, read more, and do more.

For the Kingdom. For the King. For this city that he’s called me to and the Church I’m on mission with.

I welcome the New Year with grace to not just make it through, strive through, struggle through, or get through – I welcome the New Year with all the grace to let it all be done W E L L – with perseverance, dedication, and momentum. 

2015 may be one of the greatest anticipated years of my life.  It feels like I’ve been struggling for so long, and then when you don’t anymore – there’s a lightness about life you’ve never felt before – but without feeling how heavy things were, you’d never know lightness until it snuck up on you.

And snuck up on me, it did. 

2014 was full of deep healing, great grace, and revelation upon revelation of the powerful, consuming, love of God as my Father.  I’ve released the word, “busy” from my vocabulary, and accepted days of rest to refocus, and refresh. 

2014 was full of silly situations, secrets, and “sorry’s”.  Admitting when I was wrong, asking for forgiveness, and walking away from things that were keeping me from moving forward.

2014 was a ‘YES’ year.  I said yes to a new home, yes to a new career, and yes to a simpler lifestyle.  I said ‘yes’ to stay in my city in a time where all I wanted to do was run away, and I said ‘yes’ to people who offered to help.

2014 was the “you find out who your friends are” type of year.  I’ve built great relationships with the most amazing people; one couldn’t find better friends than mine.

2014 was a great stepping stone; a catapult into 2015. I small smile frames my face even while I typed that out.

My hope is in the God who created January 1. Begin again. A restart.

Cheers to 2015! May your year be full of captivating moments, stories, places, and hope that calls you deeper into relationship with God, and man.

  Hip Hip – Hooray!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you didn't have doubt? I think about that a lot. I bet my mind would look less like a thought cloud, and more like a meadow on a sunny autumn day.  Like that moment in The Sound of Music where she runs through the open blades of grass basking in the glory of the hills coming alive... 

Yeah... Like that... 

I want a worriless life, like spinning in circles until you twirl so much you fall over kind of faith... 

I want that worry-free gut-belly laugh that is filled with so much innocence and sweetness. 

Doubt can be a stumbling block, keeping one from fully engaging in what freedom could really feel like.

It's like when a child breaks their arm. The cast is put on to allow it time to heal properly. Once the cast is removed, it's difficult to have the courage to move it like they used to.  Meanwhile, the Doctor is telling them to move their arm! Use it like you used to! But that poor kiddo is so nervous to use that arm the way he used to... Doubt. 

Why should he believe the Doctor? 

Because there is proof in the pudding. Arms heal after Doctors put them in casts. 

Stories from my little green bible tell me that Jesus was helpful in helping with doubt, and worry. He fed thousands, turned water into wine, and healed multiple people.  He had and still has a knack for filling the needs of those around Him. He enjoyed making a way when everyone around him told him there was no possible way.  He took what people had in their own minds for completion - and he flipped time and history to make it so that when we are faced with trials of many kinds - we look to the fact that he never has left us, never will leave us begging, and he isn't going anywhere. He is solid - and he loves making sure we stay surprised, and loves it when we feel like that lady running through the meadow in The Sound of Music. He takes our feelings of 'not enough' and turns them into something more than we could ask or hope for - that tangible joy, a thought-cloud-filled mind slowly turning into that free fall feeling in the beautiful meadow...

Doubts come, and doubts go - and when worry builds up, I hope we can always turn back to Jesus and the fact that the proof is in the pudding with Him. He never turns his word back void.  

Today is the first day where it actually feels like a true, Oregon November. The giant pine tree that I can see out my window even looks like the coming Christmas season is near.  The sky is filled with a filter of grey, and if it were cold enough, I bet it would snow.  Instead of our rooftops being glittered with fresh fallen powder from the sky, rain graces our presence this morning. A gentle pitter-patter taps the roof above me. It's a beautiful feeling to sit here on my little green couch resting in this peace.  It's been some time since I've been able to just sit here.  Worship music fills my room, my bible beside me, the journal I write in is resting under my wrist, and I copy my words from an entry on November 12th, where I write:

"I'm a firm believer that God really does make all things new!  Even me. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that."

You can thank my church for reminding me of that the past several months. Brian does an incredible job reminding all of us of the HOPE we have in Christ. His righteousness makes it so we can live in newness, and clarity. Without Him, I'd be in a ditch, caught up in selfishness, rejection, fear, and failure. I wouldn't even know what could be different. 

I've seen ditches so deep that I ever wondered if I could come out alive. 

I've been thrown back to places I never should have been tossed back to, and rejection ran rampant. 

I've given into my fears, and gifted myself with pleasures, and delights that weren't ever meant for me to experience in that place and time. 

The pages of Ephesians tell me, "BUT GOD! So rich in His mercy!"

His mercy showers over me everyday. Every moment where grace comes in, and sweeps over me, his mercy is ever so close reassuring me of His constant behavior. He's never too far away from me. Even when my mistakes have piled high, and I feel as if I could drown in disappointments, and my decisions say that I serve another master, and the people who I thought I could rely and trust in fade away, and my family falls apart, and my heart slowly breaks, and I am engrossed in selfishness beyond recognition... 

"But God."

"...So rich in His mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of god, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (ephesians 2:4-10)

I've seen great growth in my life over the past 7 months. A stability, and sense of extreme thankfulness has been the tread to my movement.  I've had no choice but to rely, trust, put all my hope and eggs in a basket - all so I could see what it would be like to live in a freedom I have never known for myself. He's so good. So gracious. So beautiful, and I love this great God I serve. 

Maybe you, lovely reader, are in that sweet spot too. I'm so glad you're giving into the Lord's lavishing love for you and over your life. 

But maybe, you're on the opposite side of the tracks. You were me not too long ago, and everyday is a fight. Everyday there seems to be something wrong - whether it's with you, a circumstance, or another person - you don't know who or what to blame anymore, and you feel trapped in walls that never give way.  Let's talk. Let's walk through this together. You're not alone, and you're not forgotten, and you're lovely, and cherished, and valued - and I pray that right now you would feel God's overwhelming love for you and your situation. You would experience peace, and a sincere joy would come over you. I pray that you would find, and fall into a community of passionate followers of Jesus, and that those walls that have felt like they would never come down would collapse, and a vulnerability would stir out of you, and you would feel safe. 

I look up, and see the filter of grey begin to flee the sky, and a soft blue creeps in from the South. The rain has seized, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. And I hope the same for you.

Explore His endless grace today.

All my love, 

Samantha