Twenty Questions Tuesday with David & David

It’s a cyberpunk game where you run missions in the horrible techno-noir future, and all the rules are on one page. Download, play, & share it at cyberpunk-rpg.com (it is free).

PINSTRIPES AND GREENBACKS, by Chumley Wexford. (Doubleblep) The true story of Abraham Lincoln’s first US Treasury baseball team. Get it for your dad.

TO TEACH A MAN TO FUSH, by Mystagon Frontsportice. (Pam) Everything you need to know about catching, scaling, deveining, declawing, and unflaming all the fush in the sey.

BURNING LOVE, by Wheels McGuinness. (Lambcrimes) Police Lieutenant Hack Firewhistle has to seduce a notorious anarchist to prevent him from torching Sexy Doctor Children’s Hospital.

THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF PUNCHING, by Chex Hashimoto. (Pringuin) How to organize your home by just fucking wailing on all your shit.

SHAQ’S CRYPTOZOOLOGY FOR KIDS, by Shaquille O'Neal. (Hats) The actor, rapper, and basketball star guides kids through the world of sasquatches, jackalopes, and chupacabras.

THIS ISN’T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, by Jericho Plame. (Hup) A man falls in love with a bicycle, but he DOES NOT have sex or want to have sex with the bicycle. We really cannot emphasize this enough; nobody fucks a bike in this novel.

HOW TO GET DRUGS REAL GOOD, by Marcus Notacop. (Ecilop Publishing) How to buy drugs to get like, super high. Requires 2 AA batteries, but not because there’s a wire in there or nothin’.

SIMPLIFY, by Gwyneth Paltrow and Friends. (Goop Press) A simple guide to simply living simply.

MR. JUMBLES AND THE UH-OH TREE, by Changela Stacks. (Loosington Children’s Press) Oh bother, what has poor Mr. Jumbles gotten his penis stuck in this time?

THE SLOGANEERS, by Hep McSworley. (Lumbago) A pair of hotshot 1920s ad men hole up in an isolated New England beach house for a month to invent a new slogan for soap, but fail to produce even a single grammatical English sentence.

THE STAR-WITCHES OF PRANCILLA V, by Leonevieve Sampler. (Grunch Press) The 1970s psychedelic space opera finally gets a second printing, with all the loving, paragraphs-long descriptions of transdimensional intercourse restored.

NIX: THE [DELETED] HISTORY OF PRESIDENT NIXON’S PROG ROCK CONCEPT ALBUM, by J.M. Filkington. (Fartagnan Press) The secret history the Democrats DON’T want you to know.

HOW TO CONDENSE YOUR LIFE INTO A GLOWING CUBE, by Shex Fandango. (Smop) Where does The Cube come from? What is it made of? Do not ask. You must never question The Cube.

THE ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR WHO FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIS WIFE AND INTO LOVE WITH A FOREST MADE OF DREAMS, by García Hunches. (Precalc) A thinly-veiled metaphor for the author’s philandering.

FLAN-DERFUL!, by Bermice van der Smoot. (Crumplings) The cookbook where everything is flan! Includes recipes for San Fran Flan, Bran Flan, Dan Flan, Man Flan, Can Flan, and Flan Flan. As van der Smoot says, “Everything can be a flan, numbnuts!”

MUST LOVE DONGS, by Charlie Super-Nintendo. (Badminton) Two urologists find love.