the coolest kid you'll ever meet

Adam when did you join the army? :P 

*puts his hands up in that placating no-weapons-under-here fashion* whoa dude take a deep breath and put down the gun i swear i dont have a secret hidden legion of cake armies surrounding the building okay hell ill even pretend to call them off if you want just to make you feel better seriously whats it gonna take

*Doesn’t even think twice before he fires off a warning shot, eyes narrowing, obviously not amused by Dave’s continued rambles.* Are you so daft that you cannot follow a simple command. Tut tut and here i was hoping i would not have to do all the work in training you. Even mister dick knows when to listen to me when he needs to. Let us try again. Shut the fuck up about things no one cares about.

*he flinches and ducks, pulls his arms over his head to protect himself from debris from the poor ceiling* christ wow calm down thats a real gun your holding shit fine okay so you dont want to hear my entirely valid words of wisdom okay thats cool too just lemme go and call off my army and then well both be set okay

turntechgcdhead started following you

dude when did you get here. i didn’t even see the dumb notification for it. 

im so damn fantastic that they decided to have me auto follow people like tom from myspace except youd actually be actually grateful and nobodys creeped out by my face

uh huh is that so? is that what you tell the crying children that run away when you walk by?

they dont need to be told a thing dude theyve already been stricken by my paramount beauty why do you think theyre crying and running theyve lost hope for their future they know theyll never be able to see another thing so pure and light and awesome

turntechgcdhead started following you

dude when did you get here. i didn’t even see the dumb notification for it. 

im so damn fantastic that they decided to have me auto follow people like tom from myspace except youd actually be actually grateful and nobodys creeped out by my face

*recovers from the push back, springing off the ground and jumping at dave again without a missed beat. hes aiming for his arms, hoping to disable the glitch.* i fucking said SHUT UP how is that fucking hard to fucking understand

*successfully obtains and draws katana, countering the blows* well sorry for being so fuckin devoted to you christ calm down and ill mix you a nightcap

whoa wait man slow down are you telling me that you dont care whether or not cake grows up to be a healthy and successful member of this society what is wrong with you you monster dont you know what will happen if cakes not raised right itll take over the world talk about trouble now well be sold into slavery cake slaves do you even know what a cake slave does nothing you teach me now would even compare to a lifetime of pain and humiliation and drudgery that you would have as a cake slave i shit you not man im trying to warn you here okay

*Frowns and taps his fingers against one of his pistols in thought*  It seems as if you do not grasp just exactly what i had said.  Truly it must be unfortunate to be as incompetent as to not even understand me. How about i put it in simple words for you? *Pulls out his gun and points it at Dave* Shut your fucking mouth. Unless you wish to dive head first into your first round of punishment for not listening.

*puts his hands up in that placating no-weapons-under-here fashion* whoa dude take a deep breath and put down the gun i swear i dont have a secret hidden legion of cake armies surrounding the building okay hell ill even pretend to call them off if you want just to make you feel better seriously whats it gonna take

hubby what did i do please dont shout at me in front of the kids you know how they talk at school im doing my best here what else do you want from me im breaking my back for you okay

*pulls out two knives from his person and, armed with one in each hand, lunges at dave and stabs* IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP 

the next time i make my fucking way to you itll be to pull out your fucking trachea with my fingers you little fucking cunt~

i know its hard to love and be loved but just give us a chance were meant to be written in the stars and all that jazz music…

Mmm. Don’t listen to him. He’s just jealous because he’s the only one with a BETTER glitch.

what wait no why is he jealous hes obviously the much better one look at his strapping muscles i envy his pectorals i mean like damn im manly as fuck but he takes the cake okay

of my fucking god SHUT UP stop fucking TALKING everything you fucking say is fucking useless you broken fucking waste of space everything about you is fucking inferior to me so be the good little housecunt you say you fucking are and get the fuck over here i want your god damned heart in my fucking HAND and i will take nothing fucking less than that you little bitch

hubby what did i do please dont shout at me in front of the kids you know how they talk at school im doing my best here what else do you want from me im breaking my back for you okay

whoa wait man slow down are you telling me that you dont care whether or not cake grows up to be a healthy and successful member of this society what is wrong with you you monster dont you know what will happen if cakes not raised right itll take over the world talk about trouble now well be sold into slavery cake slaves do you even know what a cake slave does nothing you teach me now would even compare to a lifetime of pain and humiliation and drudgery that you would have as a cake slave i shit you not man im trying to warn you here okay

hey what are you talking about my cake skills are bomb okay i bet i could bake a circle around you and all of your little friends cmon man lets do this i officially challenge you to a cakeoff right here right now may the last man standing be the best man who wins 

I will admit that i am not much of a baker however if you think that you can bake better than all of us then you are SORELY mistaken glitch. Besides you should not be worrying about cake~.

but i have to worry about cakes im pretty much the master of cakes and if i didnt worry about them well who would they need a home and a family and someone to watch out for them lest they turn to a life of crime youve heard of cat burglars have you heard of cake burglars probably not because theyre so damn light and fluffy that its impossible to detect their entry let alone catch them

the next time i make my fucking way to you itll be to pull out your fucking trachea with my fingers you little fucking cunt~

i know its hard to love and be loved but just give us a chance were meant to be written in the stars and all that jazz music of the soul maybe if you just stopped being so uptight and let the music flow through you youd hear the truth take a deep breath my friend do you smell that thats the fuckin lunch i made for you i put on my housewifes apron and everything just for you dont you scorn me dont you turn away i gave you my heart

A cake would have been something that a good host would have done though i doubt a glitch such as yourself could properly prepare a decent cake. It is a little too late to ask us to leave now is it not. That would be rude after all~. I can assure you that i do not plan on leaving for a while and i am sure i can say the same for my friends ehehehehe.

hey what are you talking about my cake skills are bomb okay i bet i could bake a circle around you and all of your little friends cmon man lets do this i officially challenge you to a cakeoff right here right now may the last man standing be the best man who wins