About 13 years.. it’s been about 13 years since Ive thought about $h. Tonight they hurt themselves in a break. I feel betrayed.. hurt. I think I’m unintentionally making it personal. Almost like my own smack in the face. “How dare they when I’ve gone this long without hurting myself and you get to and I don’t.”
I had a panic attack tonight. I kept hitting my chest to try and make it stop but I couldn’t stop hitting myself. I just wanted to feel something. To fix my breathing. I was going to pass out. How could I ever tell them?
I remember wanting to cvt so deep that all my problems would go away, and that my parent wouldn’t care. Now that I’m old enough to be a parent and have someone I do love, I realize I was wrong. I care. I care an ungodly amount. My heart hurts so bad knowing what they were feeling to get to that point. I’ve been there too.
I feel sick.
If you are looking for a sign to not do it. This is it.
