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a little fic in honor of my dear friend @chdarlingâ âs birthday.
When Lily jokingly tells her owl to deliver a letter to âthe love of her lifeâ, i.e. Marlene McKinnon, her owl misinterprets the directive and, to her horror, her ode to James Potterâs arms lands squarely in his lap.
Prompt: strong
Summary: The first time Lily kisses James, he doesnât even know.Â
CW: more chats (and arguments) about the non-consensual exploits of one drunken Lily Evans
The unpleasantness heâd swallowed rears its ugly head in his throat, almost coming up all over the maroon carpet as he takes in the sight in front of him.
Lilyâs hunched over â knees on plush carpet, forehead against the curved arm of the couch â small and delicate as she shakes, each tremor tearing through Jamesâ heart with far more vigour than sounds ever could.Â
Itâs rare for James to feel out of depth when someone needs support; he lets his happiness seep out and crawl over Sirius (forced to endure his family), Remus (cursed to withstand the painful effects of an ostracised condition) and Peter (an insecure lad on a good day).Â
Heâs comforted Lily before; he knows how sheâll fight the hug â stubborn even in despair â before slumping into him. Heâs never before wanted to hold her so badly while the crushing force of guilt pushes with equal measure to keep his feet planted where sheâs out of reach.
He starts easy. âIâm sorry for Sirius; he was out of line.â
She starts â unaware of his presence â and the spear of guilt strikes deeper into his heart at the sight of her crumbled spirit.
âAnd most of all, Iâm sorry,â James whispers as his voice escapes him, stuck in his throat as he hangs his head. âI am so so so sorry, Lily.â
âYouâre sorry?â Itâs chocked, but incredulous nonetheless.Â
âYes!â James blurts, moving to kneel before her, hands pausing â outstretched and shaking â before falling to his sides least he breaches the invisible barrier of trust yet again. Heâs never been desperate for anything like he is for Lily to believe heâs sorry.Â
Sheâs shaking her head and James has a moment of terrible ache where he thinks she might tell him she doesnât want to see him ever again â fair of her, but devastating still â before her words escape. âIâm sorry, James. Me.â
As she shakes her head, a terrible ache settles in Jamesâ stomach; sheâs going to tell him to leave, sheâs going to never want to see him, sheâs ââ
â Iâm sorry, James.â
He blinks at her; the surprise is paralysing before a fire ignites his fierce words. âYou donât owe me any apology!â He shakes his head so furiously his glasses slide down his nose. He shoves them back onto his face so he can look Lily in the eyes. She doesnât owe him anything.
âYes, I do!â Lily finds fight in her indignance, eyes sparking alive at his apparent stupidity. âItâs completely the other way around, James! You donât owe me one!â
He gapes, astounded. What world was she living in? âLily, I really, really do.â
âBut you havenât done anything!â Her voice pitches in exasperation before her face falls â quickly covered by her hands â and itâs only because heâs moved closer in their argument that he catches her muffled words. âNot like me.â
âThatâs exactly the point⌠I did nothing !â It escapes quiet and broken â heâs disgusted with himself â as the pool of sorrow thatâs been threatening to overflow since Sirius left makes its first escape, dashing down his cheek.
âNo, James! How can you think that? Iâm the one whoâŚâ She wrings her hands as she alternates between staring him fiercely in the eyes and boring a shame-faced hole in the carpet.Â
âItâs not your fault!â James pleads. Why canât she just listen? âLily, you were ââ
ââ Smashed! Plastered! Yeah, and I came into your room and assaulted â oh MerlinâÂ
âYou didnât assault me!â James insists. He might laugh at the idea if he wasnât in the shadowy depths of guilt. âYou were drunk Lily, you had no idea ââ
âThat doesnât excuse what I did, James!â
âI was sober, itâs my fault Lily!â âIt is not! â She emerges from her vulnerable cocoon like a butterfly in flames as she pokes him in the chest for good measure. Thereâs a tiny part of James thatâs happy she isnât curled in on herself anymore even if sheâs spouting nonsense.Â
â Well, it sure as hell isnât yours! â He does not poke her in the chest, but the urge to shake her until she stops blaming herself is there.
Lily stares at him. A beat of silence passes. âWould you be saying that if the situation was reversed?â Sheâs quiet again, but her voice stays firm. Stubborn witch.
âThatâs different!â His guilt only grows as he wonders if he should ever get truly smashed in her presence.
âItâs not! Which is why this is my fault! James, I got drunk and came and did all sorts of things you never consented to, I ââ
âAnd youâre saying you consented?â James almost laughs â he seems to be doing that a lot; sheâs making such ridiculous statements. âLily, I was sober, I should have stopped ââ
âI shouldnât even have been there!â
James pauses and looks at her. Sheâs flushed, wide-eyed and tear-stained. âYou donât have to be sorry, Lily,â he murmurs. âAnd it is different.â
âItâs not!â She raises her chin stubbornly. âAre you saying youâd think it my fault if you turned up drunk in my bed?â
âOf course not!â James protests at once. âBut I could have stopped you and I didnât. Thatâs why itâs on me.â
She shakes her head and opens her mouth, but James powers on. âIâm not saying it would be the same the other way around because it is different. Lily, Iâm bigger and stronger than you; you turned up drunk without your wand,â â in his pause, he realises sheâs listening now â âLily, I could have easily just picked you up, carried you back to your room and fetched you a sobering potion â thatâs why itâs on me. I let you keep going, knowing that it wasnât something youâd want to do sober.â He heaves a dry inhale to control the tremble in his throat. âDo you see now? Itâs my faultâ
âNo, James you donât understand!â Sheâs crying again, tears renewed as she reaches for him before drawing her hand back like her fingers touched a flame. âThis is me! Iâm the one who has all these uncontrolled feelings and Iâm the one who has let it spiral out of control! Me, James!â Sheâs laughing now â unhappy and slightly unhinged as she continuous deliriously â âI thought they might pass, but they havenât, I mean the sex dreams should have been a hint I had lost complete control, but on I went, determined to ââ
ââ Feelings and sex dreams?â Can you choke and die on nothing but air?Â
âI know, right?â He really doesnât.
âArhhgggle ââ His world is spinning. Heâs dizzy from a realisation dancing just out of reach. He canât speak. He canât think.
Lily doesnât seem to take his momentary brain malfunction into consideration â or perhaps she thinks heâs suffering a stroke; he certainly feels like it. Words float through his ears as he gapes at her. Entirely pathetic â unfair â hurt you â in love with you â fuck it up.Â
âWait what?â His brain slugs into gear as Iâm in love with you rings in his head like a choir.
âWhat?â Lily frowns at him.
âYouâre in love with me?â James is in disbelief.Â
âYes, donât you see James, this is why itâs all my fault, I ââ
âYouâre in love with me. â The laugh escapes him this time as the choir reaches a joyous song.
She shrinks under his stare as she folds back into herself. âI know I deserve it, but you can stop making fun.âÂ
âMaking fun? Merlin, Lily.â A second delighted laugh escapes his lips until its touch makes her flinch; he stomps on his excitement so he can fucking speak.Â
His calloused fingers brush her soft ones gently. âLily.â
She looks up. James brushes the fresh tears off her skin, thumb dusting her cheek. âIâm so sorry James.â She closes her eyes as she â unconsciously, James thinks â leans into his palm.Â
âI love you too.â Her eyes fly open like his words have reached into the heavens and brought a bolt of lightning through her spine.Â
âWhat?â Itâs a trembling whisper, carried to Jamesâ ears only by the silence of the common room.Â
âI, James Potter love you, Lily Evans.â The first time James kisses Lily, itâs wet and salty, tears of grief turn to relief as he presses into her with the desperation of a man who found water after days in the desert. He drinks in the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her until he cups her cheek â forehead pressed to forehead â and just breathes.
Hey, Iâm looking for Hogwarts Jily (6th or 7th year). Do you have your favourites stories?
Thx for all your worksâĽď¸âĽď¸âĽď¸
hey there. sorry I am very much not in the canon realm these days. But the TLE series by @chdarling is great (the 2nd book is 6th year). And Cliche by @tumbledfreckles is an AMAZING 7th year jily fic. For more, I'd honestly suggest looking at @jilyarchive which breaks fics down by almost any category you can imagine (including years at Hogwarts IIRC)! You'll find some great fics that span across the years! (some fics from 00-10s are to die for!) I also spent a lot of time writing 6th year Jily in my time (I love the pining), but most of those are drabbles/one-shots that you can find in my compilation of they loved.
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I am just starting to get into the Marauders and wanted to ask, do you have any fic recommendations? There are so many and Iâm not sure where to start
hi hello! Welcome! There really is so much out there but considering you're new(ish?), I will rec some fics that play closer to the canon realm:
The Last Enemy series by @chdarling is where you need to start if you haven't already. You won't regret it. Superb characterization! Feels like stepping back into the magic of the original series.
Here are some other stories that have come to mind. I haven't read them all but I've heard amazing things about them all:
the price we pay by @possessingtheproperspirit
We Can Be Heroes by @blitheringmcgonagall
Cliche by @tumbledfreckles
The Mapmakers by @dizzy--bird
Come Together by @thequibblah
Bond and Free by @clare-with-no-i
They include Jily and most also have some Wolfstar. Combined, these are well over a million words, but if you're still looking for more (lol) I can recommend more Jily-centric stories. Follow @jilyarchive, @jilyawards, @jilymicrofics, and @jilyradar blogs.
Some great Jily recs (broken down by categories such as angst, fluff, multichap, etc.):
Ahh @athenasparrow thank you so much for recommending my fics! For anyone who might be new to my stuff, I'd recommend starting with my smutty one-shots Stolen, Vindicated, and A Night to Remember đŤś
More smutty one/two-shots I *highly* recommend are:
Set Ablaze by @maraudersftw (I cannot scream about this fic enough!!)
Wild Nights! Wild Nights! by @wearingaberetinparis (Hogwarts FWB Jily that is so sweet đĽ˛)
Dive by @elanev91 (such a classic, once you know, you know)
Fusion by @tumbledfreckles (highly recommend reading all of All About the Chemistry, but this chap is đĽ on its own too)
the deep end by @efkgirldetective (everything Emma writes is entrancingâstart here and then read all the rest)
such hot blood by @lilymanaged (poolside jily hits different đ¤)
Coercion and Competition by @bcdaily (it may be an oldie but it's forever a goodie!)
@petalstofishfanfics @startanewdream @chdarling @thejilyship @thequibblah @scriibble-fics @tumbledfreckles (clichĂŠ is a chef-d'Ĺuvre in very classique hogwarts jily)
Fic authors self-rec! ⨠When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that youâve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.
I was tagged for this a couple of times (thank you!) and Iâm super late, but here we go! Iâm going with wizarding world fics for this list!
Words, 2.6k rated T
Lily Evans loves words.
Loves their meaning, their versatility. How they are rhythmic and made into ballads. How they burst out through laughter, can be waspish in a whisper, even low and gravely when breathless. They define and describe the real, the imagined, and every galaxy in between.
James Potter is a thousand words and she wonders how she could ever have thought one word would be enough to capture the essence of who he is.
Potter Exposed, 113k rated M
Lily Evans has been eagerly awaiting a promotion to reporter ever since she began working for the Daily Prophet. Now her first-ever assignment finds her undercover, posing as a seventh year Hogwarts student, set to discover some of the schoolâs most thought-provoking secrets while juggling academia, making friends, staving off admirers, and getting to know her professors.
We Can Still Be Friends, 14.3k rated T
Falling in love? Like most things in life, this came easy to James Potter.
Being in love? That is a different story. (Or: another story where Lily and James break up because of blood supremacist harassment.)
Remarkable, 2.3k rated T
âHe is remarkable,â James says when the house stills around them and they are left for the first time as a family of three.
âYou may be a bit biased, as all Iâve done is clone you it appears.â
James laughsânot for the first time, nor the last, but just one of a number that will dwindle soon to zero. (Warning: Major character death)
The Best Kept Secrets, 8.7k rated M
Teaching at Hogwarts is difficult enough and made all the harder when you are secretly in love with a fellow professor. Some secrets are better left unspoken. Others? Perhaps not.
Tagging @maraudersftw @tumbledfreckles @wearingaberetinparis @mabeltothknows @theresthesnitch sorry if youâve already been tagged, etcetc.
He sets the pad of paper and pencil on the desk behind him, rolling his shoulders in a stretch as if he is deliberating an answer. âAre you hinting at something?â
âMe? What would I be hinting at?â
âHmm,â James says, slipping off of his chair, sights set on his bed. âDunno⌠but Iâm sure youâre trying to have me read between the lines here.â
âDoubtful,â she says, stoically; James slips onto the bed beside her, but she plods on, âIâm very direct. Not subtle at all.â
âVery direct,â he repeats, carding an arm around her waist as he presses his nose to her neck. âMy room is drafty but you donât want to put on more clothing. Guess thatâs where I come in, is it?â
She laughs, curling her fingers through his hair as he settles next to her. âSee. Very direct.â
James pulls her chin up and plants a pair of kisses on her mouth, gentle and slow, before pecking her nose. He closes his eyes after, allowing her to curl into him, face pressed against his sternum. âBetter?â
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Thanks to anons I reread Not Fool Enough and was amazed by how much potential there was! in the backstory, in the present story, maybe even in parallel timelines like in All the Difference. Amazing what a captivating world you created in one short one-shot!
Thank you so much! So glad you enjoyed it! As I said, I've not built a world, have always existed in Canon or modern muggle spaces, so I'm glad it pulls off. I'm definitely thinking about what I could do with it!
Wait wait omg! I'm in full agreement with anon about that pirate au! Please do consider it đ hahaha
I may have gone to sleep night working out where the story would go from there, and if I have the writing chops to make this happen. I've not done a full different world multi chapter before so I'm not going to lie... this would be a **challenge**
I think everything is pretty much the same with the trends. Though maybe things have gotten a bit angstier around here and some lightness and fluff could be good đ¤Ł
(But secretly secretly secretly I'm still hoping that you'd consider doing a full story of that incredible Pirate AU oneshot đđđ I'm still thinking about it!)
Ohhhhh the pirate AU. Oh my goodness I'd forgotten about that jilychallenge. Hmmmm đ¤đ¤ let me think about that.
Also haha omg that angst is more present. I may have written Clichè but I think my angst word count outweighs my fluff at this stage.
Thank you though! It's nice to be back and very nice to know there's some people around who recognise me!
If I was going to write something... what would it be? What's the trends these days? What are the tropes?
Is it AUs for life? Are we still in flower shops and taking over bakeries and owning bookstores? Are we loving enemies or our besties turned to lovers, or just crushing on that bad boy from down the road our dads said not to go near, but our mums kinda looked like they were our age once and had some story of their own to tell if we did?
Or, and let's be real, is it just Canon compliant Jily, seventh year fluff or mid war angst, finding and fighting for each other over and over again? Are we revelling in this love that never dies, that continues until the very end, and taking back Always with our last breath?
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finally getting into the @jilymicrofics game with this lil (~1k) guy! check out the list here
fireworks - beginning - new
Sheâd never had champagne before. The bubbles tickled her nose uncomfortably after a hasty first swig. Fortunately none of her friends or housemates seemed to notice her reactionânot that she would necessarily expect them to in their current states.
The Gryffindor common room was surprisingly lively for ten minutes to midnight during the Christmas hols, although not so surprising in that it was New Yearsâ Eve. Music from someoneâs borrowed wireless bounced between the laughter, settling warmly like fire in the hearths. A larger-than-usual number of students had stayed behind this year, including the entirety of the seventh year.
They were all, perhaps, a bit sentimental about their last Christmas at Hogwarts; Lily suspected she was a touch more than the rest.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, in the place where she could never quite turn off the Head Girl Voice (as her friends liked to call it), she was rather pleased with how everyone was conducting themselves. While very few people were completely sober, no one was tripping over themselves drunk. Lily suspected this was to avoid bringing the ire of the Head of House down on their last night of 1977.
Suddenly Lily felt the gentle touch of fingertips on her shoulder and turned around while nearly upending the rest of her drink.
âAll right, Evans?â came James Potterâs grinning remark.
His cheeks were rosy, pink like his kissable mouth.
Yes, James Potter had a kissable mouth. It paired well with his touchable hair and heart-skip-inducing eyes. Realizing these things werenât a recent discovery by any means, her feelings far from new, but it was starting to become a nuisance.
Because James Potter, her fellow Gryffindor, her co-Head and Potions partner, her friend (of all things!), wasnât interested in her that way. He was at one time, Lily knew, but time was proving again and again that the ship has sailed.
The champagne made it harder to hide her disappointment in this fact.
âAll right. Ready to kiss seventy-seven goodbye?â
Hey I know this is a weird request since you finished writing ClichĂŠ a long time back. But is there any way you could write it's sequel?đ
It's just I love it so much and I want to see a few more fluffy scenes after they starting dating.
Anyways though, I love your work!â¤ď¸
Thank you so much for loving ClichĂŠ enough to want more of it. It honestly means the world that people are still finding and still loving my first baby of a fic.
It's unfortunately not on my radar to write anymore of it, though I did have ideas when I first finished for some clichĂŠ dating scenes. Unfortunately my creative juices moved on, and when I hopefully return to writing this year, my focus will be on finishing the Chemverse trilogy and All the Difference, my cowrite with @mppmaraudergirl (if she'll come back to me of course!)