Things salvaged.

Every version of you was necessary. Even the ones you’re ashamed of.

This was 6 years ago about someone I had not seen in 5 years. Now it's 2026 and I am still receiving "anonymous" angry messages from the first man who loved me too sharply. I have not seen him since 2014 but his anger about me not wanting him remains... so now I have to take measures I never wanted to to protect myself. Men. Smh.

Just a reminder that Vincent van Gogh did not eat yellow paint to make himself feel happy, he ate paint, and drank different chemicals because he was suicidal and this is why he was not allowed in his studio while having breakdowns. He also did not paint starry night and his other great works because he was depressed, he painted most of them while he was in recovery and demonstrated his hopefulness and love of the world through this. Most of his great works were painted from his room at a hospital. Van Gogh’s depression should not be glorified. His hope and effort toward a better life, as well as his recovery from depression should be glorified.

If I may add, he did not cut off his own ear, he went into a manic depressive state and got into a fight with a friend who cut off part of his ear by accident. It’s unsure if he actually did commit suicide (he was shot in the stomach, and he was seen getting into a fight with some boys earlier that day), but nonetheless, he lived a sad and painful life, not one to admire. He only sold one piece when he was alive, his mother destroyed every painting of his that she had and constantly reminded him he couldn’t replace his older brother Vincent, a baby who died a year before our Vincent came to the world. He admitted himself into asylums on multiple occasions. He traded paintings people considered garbage just for a sandwich or a single beer, paintings that are now worth millions were once traded for a goddamn sandwich. He was disrespected, called weird and insane. He would have had painted 6-7 paintings a week when he was feeling good before going into depressive states and not painting for weeks or even months. He worked hard, trying to get better. His pain shouldn’t be glorified, but his recovery, his desire to keep going should.

Missing my girl, missing the crazy, missing the noise.