🌷tulip of the north🌷

I think it’s just unfortunate that, someone who has a decent sized audience, would resort to mocking people’s feelings. When you have a large audience you have leverage, and you should use that leverage to help educate others and spread awareness. 

Instead of scrolling through blogs and mocking them and opening them up to hatred from people outside of the community who don’t understand it, what she could have done was reach out to people in the community to help explain what the community is, and how they feel, and share their beliefs. 

Additionally, she could have used that video as a means of telling minors to be careful and cautious and to not allow adults to take advantage of them. Or, she could have explained how power imbalances may lead to one being taken advantage of. 

She made it seem like people in the tcc support minors engaging in illegal activity and of course that’s not the case. But now, people have been misinformed, and harbor false beliefs and conceptions about the tcc. 

I FRICKIN LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. You guys don’t realize what an emotional rollercoaster I’ve been riding.

I woke up this morning feeling like crap and then the whole email from Specs happened and frustration and WORK.

But then I come back to this community and I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

It’s nice to have a whole community that shares similar tc experiences and to be able to not be frickin judged for what we’re feeling, and have to supress all of these emotions for how much we fucking love our tc’s. And to share opinions about tc dilemmas we’re having and not have people be like “lol why do you care about them so much”.

This might be a cheesy post, but I’m so thankful for this community. It’s so therapeutic to have a blog where you can let your feelings flow free in a more acceptable way.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

we arrive around the same time each day and sometimes he will arrive a few minutes after I’ve parked (I’ll be in my car grabbing my things) and I’ve noticed that (there are two rows per parking lane) he always parks in the opposite row from mine, which is so fucking bizarre only because even if there are like 8 empty spaces next to my car, he will still go to the other row and drive further just to park there. it’s just weird.

I guess it bothers me because i can’t really imagine why he would avoid parking next to me. if he doesn’t know I have a crush on him, I’d suppose it’s bc he doesn’t want to park next to a student. if he does know I have a crush, maybe he doesn’t want to give off the wrong idea and keep his distance, assertion of a boundary. but, even if he does know I have a crush, it’s a bit insulting because I’m very conservative about my feelings toward him and i try my best to make sure I don’t act awkward or make him uncomfortable. so it’s a little insulting in that sense.

Like, “DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware that this crush I have is irrational and shameful. I am fully aware that there is absolutely zero positive outcome of my professor finding out I have a crush on him. I am fully aware that there are absolutely zero chances of him feeling the same way. I am fully aware that there are boundaries between professor and student, to which I have gone through great lengths to respect and maintain in order to have an optimal, beneficial, and positive relationship with my professor. In doing all of these, I have taken it upon myself to channel my feelings of warmth and admiration (my crush) that I have for my professor into actions that serve not only myself, but bring happiness to others through the actions and service I provide for him and the rest of the department. Therefore, before you judge me, you will understand after having read this that I am perfectly sane and understand that the rest of society thinks I am a piece of fucking freakish garbage with some sort of malfunctioning brain and a disturbing ‘kink’ for having a crush on someone who has authority over me. Thanks for reading.”

I’m not hurting anyone, being hateful, or imposing my beliefs on other people, in having this blog. My tumblr is an outlet for me because it makes me feel less alone, and writing helps me process what I’m feeling.

For example:

“I have never had a teacher crush, and I am not attracted to any of my teachers.” is okay.

“I am concerned about teachers who want to have sexual relationships with minors, and I worry about the safety of their students.” is okay.

Like, “DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware that this crush I have is irrational and shameful. I am fully aware that there is absolutely zero positive outcome of my professor finding out I have a crush on him. I am fully aware that there are absolutely zero chances of him feeling the same way. I am fully aware that there are boundaries between professor and student, to which I have gone through great lengths to respect and maintain in order to have an optimal, beneficial, and positive relationship with my professor. In doing all of these, I have taken it upon myself to channel my feelings of warmth and admiration (my crush) that I have for my professor into actions that serve not only myself, but bring happiness to others through the actions and service I provide for him and the rest of the department. Therefore, before you judge me, you will understand after having read this that I am perfectly sane and understand that the rest of society thinks I am a piece of fucking freakish garbage with some sort of malfunctioning brain and a disturbing ‘kink’ for having a crush on someone who has authority over me. Thanks for reading.”

I’m not hurting anyone, being hateful, or imposing my beliefs on other people, in having this blog. My tumblr is an outlet for me because it makes me feel less alone, and writing helps me process what I’m feeling.

My crush on M is... just a crush. I like him, I think he's attractive, I look up to him, I'd like him to push me to success, but he's also my mentor, and I seek approval (in that sense) from him. I'm thankful at least that I'm at a point in my life where I can recognize what sort of feelings I have and the way in which I can separate them from my objectives. I'm not in the same sort of mindset as I was when I was younger when I got obsessive about things and let that obsession control me and my life.

At this point, I've recognized the obsessive tendencies I've had over this crush, I've recognized the unhealthy habits developed, and then I actively worked to change them. I can enjoy the benefits of being attracted to someone while recognizing my limits, and I think that's fair....I'm not interested in anything else. I'd rather preserve the professional relationship I have than pursue something that could potentially dismantle that professional relationship.