so long and goodnight

She chuckled lightly, “Nope. At least not to brunch with my dad. My mom still invites me over for brunch.” Kaley didn’t like the situation she was in with her parents. It felt like every relationship was fragile and with the smallest of wrong moves, everything could shatter into sharp shards of broken glass. Sometimes it was better to just stand still, and now was one of those times. Kaley frowned at his words – his bitch mother was awful too. She couldn’t see how someone so hateful made an angel like Rory. “You know that’s not true. Your mom’s bitter about that and it happened so long ago, she can’t keep blaming you for something that you didn’t cause. And you shouldn’t believe her. You didn’t ruin her life. Only tumblr says you’re a life ruiner, but apparently that’s ,like, a compliment or something? Like, you’re so good looking that you’re a life-ruiner. It’s weird… there’s blogs about you, and I don’t run one but what’s even weirder is that I follow some of them. It’s fucking weird.”

Duncan answered Kaley’s reassurances about his mother with a shrug. Did he know that was a lie? Did he not care? Did he really hold no blame for his father leaving them all those years ago? Unlikely. Sighing, he momentarily lost his train of thought and smiled as Kaley rambled about Tumblr and photos of him and whatever else. It was nice to hear her voice. Duncan realized (surely not for the first time) that he missed her. “What?” he asked laughingly, the soft sound filtering through the enormous empty bus.

Kaley offered a small and soft sigh. “Yeah, briefly. Probably no more than five minutes. I called him but it seemed like after I said hello he had to go take care of some business. It was probably better this way, had we talked longer we might have just gotten into an argument over something stupid.” Nervously, she paused and chewed the inside of her bottom lip for a moment, hesitating to speak. She almost didn’t even want to ask, but she did. “Did you try to get a hold of yours?” She asked, glancing at him briefly. Through everything his father had done to him, Duncan still seemed to be searching for something and Kaley hated that because no matter how good Duncan was, his father would always be cruel.

Duncan felt himself relax slightly as his shoulders rested on the carpeted wall. “So you didn’t get invited to brunch.” he stated dully. It seemed that these days, Kaley didn’t really try with her parents anymore and while he occasionally wondered if he ought to be sympathetic about the situation, Duncan really wasn’t. The conflict didn’t seem to bother Kaley -- in fact, she seemed completely fine unless her parents stopped by for their regularly scheduled unwelcome visit. Sighing, Duncan shook his head at her question. “Nah. I wouldn’t know where to start.” The last time he checked in with his grandmere, she hadn’t heard from him for months. He glanced at his keyboard as a scowl formed on his face, “But my mom called me at like four this morning, drunk as fuck and yelling all the usual shit about how I ruined her life and made him leave. It wouldn’t be that bad if I didn’t already know it was true.” He shook his head, recalling the one-sided conversation for the unpleasant morning it preceded.

“Ooh, nice. I found out today I’m going to LA next month for Beautycon. I’m so excited, but I haven’t told any of my followers or subscribers yet.” Kaley clapped her hands together like she were quietly applauding herself. It was amazing to her that people even watched the things she put on Youtube. Her moment of excitement was cut short because of his answer. Father’s Day, she should have known. “Well, do you wanna talk about it?” 

Duncan managed a small smile as Kaley trilled about her news and even made a mental note to mention it to her again later, but the moment quickly faded away. He was still staring at his hands. “It’s Father’s Day.” he explained shortly. “Did you talk to your dad?” Duncan’s lone pillow crushed beneath his shoulders as he leaned back and offered Kaley a fleeting glance.

Kaley nodded, “Where are y’all stopped anyway?” She asked, propping her chin up on one hand. Kaley noticed his frown and her face fell, brows pinching together. “What’s wrong, darling? Are you sick?“ She asked, concerned and her lips making a little pout.

“Uh...” Duncan thought about it for a moment and shrugged again. “Still in California. Somewhere near the coast cause I can see the ocean.” he explained, eyes flitting to the nearest window. Duncan sighed at Kaley’s question, shoulders slumping as if an enormous weight had been placed on them. “No.” He shook his head, “S’just a shitty day.” Duncan answered vaguely, eyes wandering to his hands tapping the laptop absently.

It took a few rings before he answered and when his face came up on the screen she smiled instantly. “Hi, muffin!” Kaley greeted him excitedly, then cursed herself and covered her mouth like she’d said something taboo. “Shit, your bandmates aren’t around, are they? They probably shouldn’t know I call you muffin… and sometimes snuggle-bear.” The last thing she wanted was for the band to use her pet-names against him. It wasn’t like with the Sin Flakes – they were all friends – but the new guys, Kaley wasn’t close with them, she barely even knew them.

Duncan already knew that his bandmates weren’t around, but glanced beside him and tried peering down the narrow hallway. “Uh, no. It’s only six o’clock here and nobody really turns in ‘til like ten or eleven. I just didn’t feel like being around today.” he explained, the frown returning to his face even as Duncan dragged the laptop into his lap.

Duncan had been on tour for maybe a week now and Kaley had the – their – big house to herself. Being in it alone – well, she had Slash – made it feel so much larger. Currently she was laying on her stomach on the bed, in front of her laptop, trying to Skype Duncan and hoping he’d answer because she missed him.

IDIOT had already played their set for the day. It was only a few days in, but Duncan had already begun a routine after the set of wandering the venue, meeting the occasional fan and buying merch with what few crumpled bills he had in his pocket before retiring to the bus. Today, however, he wasn’t in the mood. When their set was over, Duncan immediately went back to the bus to shower and wallow in his usual Father’s Day slump. (He fucking hated today.) A beeping noise tore him from his daze. He sat up in his narrow bus bed and blinked blearily at his laptop. Kaley was calling him over Skype. Duncan almost declined the call (not in the mood, remember?) but then decided to answer at the last second. It was surprisingly easy for him to muster a small albeit genuine smile when he saw her. “Hey,” he muttered, digging a hand into his unruly hair.

I’d tell you you’re wrong but you’re not… But I can’t help it, that’s how I am. I pout a lot and hope that I get my way. I have this annoying Princess complex that I haven’t shaken just yet. But if I’m bothering you with it or being irritating, just tell me to shut up and maybe I’ll actually listen and just stop talking.

It doesn’t really matter if you’re annoying cause you’re not getting your way this time so whatever.

No? Why would it be? I mean, yeah I want to marry you, but it’s not like it’s required or anything, and it doesn’t change the fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Cause I have a feeling the second you see all the shit Lily’s planning for her wedding you’re gonna stand next to me and cross your arms and sigh about how nice it would be to have a shitty overpriced drink from Starbucks til I stop pretending I can’t hear you and go get your tall caramel macchiato. Except, like, with getting married.

So that’s it? We’re never gonna to get married?

Is that gonna be, like, a problem now?

Just… say that you might consider some of this stuff, okay? You don’t have to change your mind and I wouldn’t expect you to, I just… It’s nice to know where we stand when it comes to that kind of stuff. Y’know, future stuff.

I don’t need to think about it, okay? It’s all bullshit.

Okay but what if it all works out? Not all marriages are like that – sad and miserable. I’m not saying ours would be smooth sailing all of the time but it wouldn’t be awful. At least I don’t think it would. Since I was a little girl I’ve dreamed of getting married and being with the person I love for the rest of my life. I’ve finally found that person and it’s you. Marriage is loving someone so much that you want to share your life with them. It isn’t about money or letting someone treat you a certain way just because you’re bonded by law. 

I...I don’t...I don’t fucking know what you want me to tell you.

Okay, yes, so I did. That’s because I’m sure of you and I want it legally official that I’m your wife and you’re my husband and we are married. Why is that wrong or bad? I mean, at least could you say why you don’t want to get married, ever so that I don’t go to bed thinking that it’s just me and something’s changed your mind and suddenly both of us aren’t all-in?

That’s not what I said. I said I’m never getting married and that’s cause it’s all bullshit. Getting married’s bullshit. My parents were never even married and they fucked each other -- and me -- up so fucking bad that...and my stepdad’s a fucking joke. Mom knows she only married him for his fucking money, he probably knows it, and now they’re both fucking miserable. Getting married is letting the stupid fucking government give you a piece of paper that pretty much legally allows another person to fuck you up as much as they want. And you can’t do shit about it but be miserable or broke for all your fucking life.

Okay, well it doesn’t have to be now, or two months from now, or at the end of the year. I just, I want to marry you some day. And we never talk about this kind of stuff, but, if it weren’t obvious already, I’m here for the long haul, for forever, really. 

You literally wanted to marry me right now two minutes ago. But, whatever. Doesn’t matter. I’m never getting married.

Why? Because you don’t like it or because you don’t want to marry me?

You know that huge fucking party we just had here? You realize it was for my nineteenth birthday, right? As in, I just fucking turned nineteen. As in, I’m a teenager. I’m still in the same fucking age group as people in middle school and hell school. I have no fucking business getting married to anybody whether I fucking want to or not. And I’m not gonna.

Why are you avoiding all of my questions? Duncan, I don’t want to wait anymore. Why can’t we just go to the courthouse and get married?

Hey, chill. I don’t wanna get married, okay?